Christian Resignation/ Surrender

Spirit -- you are so encouraging of others, and that is a gift we all need! It is through suffering that we understand the importance of those who have reached out to us, so we want to reach out to others however we can. Sometimes it is through offering our sufferings for whoever needs it most at the time; sometimes it is through a phone call or a note. It truly is in giving that we receive and in dying that we are born to eternal life. For some, as the bible says, this is folly; but to those who understand it is priceless.

cacaco, you may not realize it, but in your suffering and your weakness you are very strong. Because this is when God can best work through you. Hold onto Jesus on the cross with all you got. All these storms, God has allowed for a reason. You have MUCH to bear and this tells me that you are a very strong person. I am a strong person too and one thing I need to always remind myself of is to give up control and let go and let God. I do not know if that makes sense to you, but when one suffers so much we tend to want to first control it or run from it. Suicidal thoughts are ....when we really want a death to a situation and NOT that we really want to die. Ask God to show you ways to get unstuck in your emotions. E- motion. You coming here and talking to us is a wonderful step towards healing. As you said, as you write the emotions come up. I was told once,and I never forgot it, once it is up...it is on it's way out! God want you to hand it over to Him. Your DEEP love for your children is truely a beautiful motivation for you. You have such a big loving heart. As we work on surrendering our suffering to God, it is good to ask God to help us forgive ourselves,which is the hardest part for me. I can be too hard on myself and hold onto shame and quilt. But now I know that is the devil wanting to condemn me and NOT God's way at all. God just wants you to forgive yourself and everyone else you need to and be one with Him as you walk through life. Your very brave. I truely believe you will get through this and become an even stronger person with more wisdom and love. Trust God. Come here often. I am so glad you are here.
HUGS, Spirit

Didi, thank you for sharing what happened to you. My story is similar in parts. I was healthy and boom within 3 hours bedridden. 5 yrs. of going to doctors. No doctor knew what I had so they called it anxiety. that really annoyed me. Finally, I went to neurologist who did every test in the book and they discovered what I had,which is a rare illness. This was almost 17yrs ago and more illnesses were added to the list.
I spiritually hang onto Jesus on the cross as you do. Still learning and figure it is a lifetime of learning and it won't end until death.
We are both very blessed to have been given the gift of faith to know that God is using our sufferings for the converson and salvation of others. To be called to hang on the cross with Him in a most intimate way is such a blessing, even though at times it does not feel that way.
Without my suffering I would of never known God's great love for me at all and I am still learning because His love and Mercy is so deep that as a human I barely can get it,yet my suffering,when at it's worst times I get it the best. Often I am in such pain and at the same time crying in complete joy realizing at those times of such pain,God suffered way more then me for me.God did this!WOW! Didi, I know you know all this, but you affirm God's greatness,love and mercy everytime you share with us.And I want to join you in this affirmation of our Loving God. many do not understand why us who suffer are joyful. I never can find the words to explain it either. I think either you get it or you don't and there is nothing like a heavy cross to know God's love and mercy.
God Bless you Didi. You are precious.

Wow Didi, what an example and inspiration you are to us! Prayers for you and yours ...

And cacaco, you are surely a survivor. * nods * Am sure your children greatly appreciate you!

This is something I wrote a few years back, linking what we go through in redemptive suffering with the stages of Jesus’ passion.

When I became seriously ill, I felt like something was attacking my body and no one could find the cause. Even so, I thought surely I would be better in a few days, weeks at the most. As this illness persisted and progressed, I was poked and prodded and tested. No answers. Doctors continued to ask me if I was depressed, had me take depression screenings, and they continued to come back negative. I was not depressed, I was discouraged. And I was wounded.

At the time this happened, things were going relatively smoothly in my life. Things were going well with my family and my own business. I was teaching Sunday school, volunteering in the kids’ classrooms, singing in the church choir and trying to be your basic supermom.

When this illness hit, I was flat on my back in bed for months, barely able to make it to the bathroom, needing help even to bathe myself. Slowly, one by one, I had to make the calls to let go of all I was doing. My volunteer work, my social activities, and eventually the collapse of my home business. All I defined myself by was gone. It was just me, a helpless shell in my bed. And I was stripped.

Months went by without answers, without significant improvement. I went to a naturopathic clinic to seek help and answers. They confirmed our suspicions, that it was chemically-related, but were unable to confirm it at that time. I started on some diet changes and natural remedies to try to strengthen my body. This helped some, and I was on a roller coaster of ups and downs, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This lasted for over a year. And I bore my cross.

Then I was finally able to get in to see a naturopathic specialist who confirmed the presence of pesticides in my system that attacked my liver, digestive, immune and nervous systems. At my first appointment, he tested all 40 of my major body systems and none of them were working properly. Over the next year, we continued to treat various systems and conditions in my body. I would have periods of time where I felt a little better, and others where the symptoms and “reactions” were almost unbearable. It is like going through detox in trying to rid the body of unwanted chemicals and can be very painful. And I suffered.

As I gaze upon my Lord Jesus Christ on the cross and in the Blessed Sacrament, I see that He was wounded, stripped, bore His cross and suffered and died for me. He knew everything I was experiencing, only to a much greater degree. I continue to have ongoing health problems and I am still learning to join my sufferings with His in hopes that all souls will come to know His great love and sacrifice for us.

While there are days when I still wish I was “normal” and “healthy,” I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything, because it has helped me understand a little better the great love our God has for us, and the joy in joining in His redemptive act by offering my sufferings and pain to Him for the benefit of others. This is Love.

Didi, what you wrote is so wonderful. Mark's Gospel really shows us humans as we are. I feel the same way too at times when I tell others to offer it up and I am in self pity at the time. That condratiction fits what you wrote in the rest of your post though. St.Paul's writings are full of dualities and I think that is why he is my favorite Apostle to read.
Didi, you came up with a beautiful,honest, litany.............

Lord, I trust; help my distrust.
Lord, I have faith; help my lack of faith.
Lord, I hope; help my despair.
Lord, I have strength; help my weariness.
Lord, I have peace; help my anxiousness.
Lord, I am filled with joy; help my sadness.
Lord, I have fortitude; help my weakness.
Lord, I have friends; help my loneliness.
Lord, I have love; help my lack of charity.
Without You, Lord, I am nothing. I need You for every thought, every breath, every prayer, every movement, everything! I need You. Be with me. Amen.
Thank you,Spirit

Thank you Cacaco and Didi for being brave and letting us know about your sufferings. It is not easy as you said Didi.
I have been getting more then usual,reguest to join this group.I hope that is a good thing.
Didi, I have one rare illness out of my handful of chronic illnesses,that has the same syptoms as you put down in your post here. I was told it was in my head too. It took 5 yrs of doctors to finally stamps a label on it. It is called, POTS. postural Orthostatic Tycharida Syndrome. It has many odd symptoms. Doctors do not understand it,unless I find a pots specialist. Where I live there are none. I take in copies about POTS when I go to ER so doctors can get some info about it. But still it is so frustrating because they do not see all it can cause,which I do not get.
My many heart failures is getting more and more often. 30%blood circulation from tummy down to toes,lung deseases, bleeding in intestines, growths that are huge in tummy,but I cannot have another operation I am told. My back is deteriorating and barely any feeling in legs and feet. But alot alot alot of pain even with pain meds.I think my family abandoning me twice and lossing everything twice is a bigger stab in my heart then any health problems.
I need prayers thaat my social worker will get me a powerchair. SHe is very mean this way...she doesn't like giving anyone disabled anything because she thinks everyone is out to rip off the gov.
My tooth is dieing and causing infection right now,but I think the infection is under control from anti biotics. Do not have enough money to get tooth pulled yet.
So that sums it up for me as far as suffering goes. Alot more I could say,but no need to I think you get the idea.
I hug Jesus on the cross when i am feeling really ill. I saw a pic once of st.anthony doing that and it touched me alot so now I do it too. Holding onto Jesus is the only way I get through some things.

I was thinking about how hard it still is some days, in spite of all we know and understand about Our Lord and the value of redemptive suffering. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I encourage others to offer their sufferings and yet on hard days I sometimes wallow in my self-pity for quite awhile before I really offer it all to God.

This got me to thinking about Mark’s gospel, chapter 9, verses 17-29, as they tell the story of a man who brings his son to be healed by Jesus. Jesus tells the man that all things are possible to him who believes, to which the man replies: “I believe; help my unbelief!”

This may seem like a strange reply, yet it is altogether our human nature. We want to believe, but those doubts keep creeping in. We want to have a strong faith, yet we know we cannot have a faith at all without it being a gift from God. So that father’s reply of “I believe; help my unbelief” is a perfect one. Stating his faith, yet realizing he still needs God’s help to believe and trust.

To what else can we apply this same formula?

Lord, I trust; help my distrust.
Lord, I have faith; help my lack of faith.
Lord, I hope; help my despair.
Lord, I have strength; help my weariness.
Lord, I have peace; help my anxiousness.
Lord, I am filled with joy; help my sadness.
Lord, I have fortitude; help my weakness.
Lord, I have friends; help my loneliness.
Lord, I have love; help my lack of charity.
Without You, Lord, I am nothing. I need You for every thought, every breath, every prayer, every movement, everything! I need You. Be with me. Amen.

It is sort of difficult to post your sufferings. Makes you relive it all, even though you are also living it in the present moment, if that makes sense.

Almost 10 years ago I became seriously ill and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. I was so fatigued I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow, yet I couldn't sleep. I had numbness, involuntary muscle spasms, horrible headaches, burning sensations, tics, extreme joint aches, short term memory loss, brain fog, inability to think of correct word, severe muscle cramping, hyperventilating, and probably some others I have forgotten. The mainstream doctors continued to test me, and most things came back "normal" but I was wasting away and lost 40 pounds in 2 months. Many told me it was all in my head, had me take depression screenings, etc. I had never had anything like this in my life and always bounced back from illnesses pretty quickly. I tried numerous medications, but reactly terribly to them all. The MDs finally gave up on me and told me there wasn't anything they could do.

I turned to naturopathic doctors, who eventaully diagnosed my with a build-up of chemicals in my system that was topped off by using a pesticide on our lawn the previous summer that was since banned by the EPA. None of my organ systems were working correctly, but my nervous system and liver and digestive system were seriously affected.

Nearly 10 years later, I still struggle with the numbness, aches, twitches, memory issues, fatigue, chemical sensitivities, digestive problems and other issues. It has gotten a lot better, but my life is still far from "normal." I really have to pace myself and I can't drive long distances. I'm unable to work, but can't qualify for disability since they don't accept naturopathic physician testimony and I have no official MD diagnosis.

On top of this, my husband has struggled with holding down a steady job for over 10 years, through no fault of his own. He has had some terrible job experiences and was let go of his job of almost a year just last month. Because of this and of all the expenses for my health, none of which are covered by insurance, we struggle financially and have 2 teenage children at home.

In spite of all this, God has continued to bless us in many ways. Because of being bedridden for nearly 2 years, I listened to a lot of Catholic radio, tapes & CDs and watched EWTN (cable supplied by my parents!). All of these things helped me grow in my faith and kept me in the Catholic Church at a time when I was doubting and struggling.

We have witnessed the generosity of so many who helped us by providing groceries, watching the kids, bringing us meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc. We truly experienced the Body of Christ in action.

I have learned of the value of redemptive suffering. By being stripped of everything I thought was important -- my job, my volunteer efforts, my quick wit and bright mind -- I joined Jesus on the cross and offered my suffering for others. Never have I felt closer to my Lord.

I still don't understand why we continue to struggle, especially my poor husband who has endured so much and yet stuck by my side through it. I know God has a plan, and I just have to trust in Him.

More in the next post on this....

Mother and Father Separated while mom pregnant divorce was final a month after I was born. People say that shouldn't effect any one that young but while growing up it is always in the back of your head that it was your fault which torments you. My mom married my step-father who for some reason was very mean and not loving to me physically emotionally, or spiritually, while my two oldest siblings he was perfectly fine with. Made me feel like something was wrong with me and this lasted into my 20's so lack of love from him that long caused me to have depression from an early age. It has caused a bunch of other issues to long too mention. Lost a very close friend actually was a girlfriend whom I loved and thought would marry this happened over 20 years ago and I still haven't fully got past her tragic death. My first fiance cheated on me and left me for the other guy which made me distraught. My first marriage thankfully annulled by the church was a coke ho and adulteress, cheated on me after first week of marriage while I was in AIT (Army) with one of my supposed best friends. My present marriage looks as if is heading for civil divorce which has destroyed me we have 3 young children 5 and under. Part of 3 abortions which I could not stop I didn't want them murdered but had no say in the matter. This caused 24 years of mental anguish, depression and felt as if I could never be forgiven. Luckily just this year I finally got help for the emotional damage it caused me and I know I am forgiven and I am free from the guilt I carried all those years. I have agoraphobia, am Bi-polar 2, major depression, anxiety which leads to panic attacks at any time and suicide thoughts on a regular basis. Only by God's grace do I continue to live. Luckily I am primary care giver for my children they give me motivation to keep living. I could add a lot more but this is depressing me as I type it.