Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Hi, vtah -

You and your dad have been and are in my prayers.

God loves ya'll,
Don

Hi,everyone-
I'm been going through a very hard time with my dad,and with our living situation.We're in the process of being evicted from our apartment that we currently live in.Also,my dad is very verbally abusive to me;he's always cutting down my self esteem by calling me fat,lazy,stupid,etc.Some days are almost unbearable-it's as if I have the whole world on my shoulders,and the weight of my problems threaten to overtake me.I have survived two attempted suicide attempts,and I can't count how many times I've been close to trying to take my own life again.
Because of the problems with my dad,my friends have deserted me,because he is often mean to them,or that they can't deal with the way that he controls my every move.I don't have much of a life-I spend days cooped up in the apartment trying to cater to his every wish.And,of course,it's never good enough.
Well,there are three things that help to keep me going:1)I'm a musician,and like to play my piano.Dad has been preventing me from practicing so he can always watch television.But yesterday and today,I put my foot down.I went for two+weeks without practicing because he just has to watch tv.My music is a source of joy and comfort for me,so I've been picking times when I know that there are shows on that he doesn't watch.Today,for example,I practiced for 84 minutes,despite the fact that I'm sleep deprived(dad wakes me up somtimes as many as four or five times during the day and/or night).2)-my new found faith in the Catholic Church.I do things like watch Mass on tv,pray the Holy Rosary,pray the Stations of the Cross,etc.I have believed in God for a large portion of my life,but after several bad experiences in protestant churches,and with many questions that they couldn't answer,I began to look into the Catholic Church.I have been told many lies about the faith.In fact,I plan to start RCIA classes soon and become a full member of the Church;and 3)-this web site and all who I've met and who give their support to me.I mean to post more,but dealing with dad takes up much of my time,so I have to usually wait until he's asleep so I can have some time to myself.
Right now,I'm having severe mood swings,which could be triggered by the eviction and my dad's abuse.Yes,I'm on medication,but I'm still dealing with thoughts of suicide at times;right now,I feel real hopeless,and stressed out.I need to find a job so that I'll be less dependent on whatever dad feels like giving me(i.e.money,etc...).Please pray for me that things will get better,and that I'll find a job soon.Also,my dad is against the Catholic Church,the church I want to be a part of.Also please pray that I'll have the strength and courage to pursue my new found faith.

Gee, where is everybody?

God is love,
Don

TO EVERYONE:

Sorry i haven't been around lately. Been feeling a bit scattered with a few things and i'm behind catching up with a lot of these interesting posts. Want to respond to a lot of them. I'll get around to it, but i'm mainly writing everyone cuz i could sure use your collective prayers. I dear friend of mine's mother is dying right now. The friend is really more like my daughter. I used to teach at a Catholic high school and i took this girl "zury" under my wing. She immediately called me mom and i've mentored and mothered her through out the yrs. She's now 23 yrs.old.
When her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, they had to move far from me and so i haven't seen her for a while, but we still keep in touch. I don't have a car and she doesn't drive. Anyway, just yesterday she informed me her mother is finally dying after a long battle with cancer is now an a respirator and will be taken off it on monday to see if she breaths on her own, which the docs don't believe she will. If she doesn't, her mother signed a "do not resuscitate" thing, so if the docs are right, she will probably die on monday when her parents fly in from portugual to say good bye....unless, of course a miracle occurs. Now here's the thing: i need prayers for 3 things:
1. That i find a way to get there this weekend so i could be there for all of them especially zury who is now orphaned since her father also died of cancer and she was very close to her mother. She really has no one else in the world. Zury converted to christianity through many years of me sharing the gospel with her. Her mother was opposed to it, but i don't know where she stands now.

2. most importantly: that even if she dies, that some how, christ will have mercy on her soul, reveal the truth to her and bring her into paradise after she passes.

3. Comfort and strength of faith for zury and her family as they endure this whole thing.

I am, of course, praying for a physical miracle, but more important to me, is her spiritual salvation and reconciliation to God. She is sedated but will be brought out to say her good byes. I was almost triggered into a depression upon hearing all this, but miraculously slipped out immediately and am more concerned with being a support to zury. I need help thought in focusing with my mania so i could do all the things i want to do for her. please pray for me to be used as an instrument of god selflessly, but most of all, for the salvation of zury's mother.
Thank you in advance everyone
love you all and appreciate all the godliness that is in this spirit filled group.
monica/arwen

JMJ

Don,

Thank you for your kind words. Like everyone here, you are a blessing to me! Yes, this is an atmosphere of "healing," I think. The Holy Spirit is definitely with this group.

God's blessings,
Kimberly

Thanks, Kimberly -

Yeah, you're right, there are people with 60 cats or 24 dogs in their homes, and that's too much. I guess the City Council members just decided on an arbitrary low number.
I like animals, too.

I don't know when God may answer your prayer to discern which spirit is which, but I'm sure He will.

Since I joined this group, I, too, have enjoyed the company of good spirits. It's what I call an intangible or a mental atmosphere...attitude.
That's what I've been needing, including the Catholic companionship. Also I have enjoyed really good ideas, too. I like being an instrument of God. So are you.

God loves us all,
Don

JMJ

Don,

I can picture Buffy floating through the air also, like a majestic wild beast. How lovely! I also picture a wild wolf doing the same thing in the snow. (like your name! lol) As you can tell, I really love animals.

On the surface that 3 pet limit seems like an unjust law, but when I think about it, some people have more animals than they can support. The animals suffer. That may be the reason for the law, I don't know. But it is torture for people like us.

I will certainly pray for the discernment of spirits. I always thought that it was for the ability to tell the difference between good and evil spirits. it didn'f occur to me that it would also help to tell the good spirits apart.

You know, for some reason, I have been inspired so much lately by one good spirit or another. At least I have been able to tell that I am being used as an instrument. How wonderful! I have been given really good ideas to help people that I would never think of myself. isn't that cool?

Thank you so much for your help. You are also an instrument of God.

God loves us!
Kimberly

Hi, Kimberly -

You're right, it's better to know the difference. You can pray for the gift of discernment of spirits, to learn to tell the difference. The Holy Spirit does indwell a lot of us, He is the breath of life. It's just learning to tell the difference between Him and the angels.
I've just accepted that God can tell us things by His Holy spirit or by guardian angel(s) or by sending another human to inform us. I figure He has His reasons as to why He sends which one.

They're not all PTSD flash-backs about the dog fights. Yesterday, unbidden, the memory of how Buffy could run, leap and just float through the air...then lightly land and do it again...so beautiful. Then, there's another memory, when I put Spike on a chain so he would stay away from Buffy while I fed her. I put her food in her pan and she started eating. Spike cried piteously...Buffy stopped eating, looked at him and looked at me... OK, I took him off the chain and Buffy started eating, again. I held Spike while she ate, he likes that. Buffy had so many good traits...that's why I kept her for so long, all her faults notwithstanding her good traits, broken windows and all. The city won't allow four pets on one property, we can only have three. Some laws are so cruel.

God loves ya'll,
Don

JMJ

Don,

Thank you so much for your post. It is helpful. Just like you, I thought,"What difference does it make whether it's my guardian angel or the Holy Spirit, as long as I pay attention and do what the voice "from God" tells me what to do?", but then I thought, "I don't want to disrespect either the Holy Spirit or my guardian angel by not being able to tell them apart." I know that guardian angels oftentimes pass along messages to us from God. That is a mystery to me because I wonder why doesn't the Holy Spirit just tell me directly? I know that's just me being human. Why does God do things one way and not the other? We usually have no clue. I figure when God wants me to know why He does something, He'll let me know. Until that time, I guess I'll just have to be patient and trusting. I will study the Gospels more. That was a great suggestion.

Don, I am sorry you have those PTSD thoughts come into your head! That must be horrible. I will pray that those decrease, or that at least, by the grace of God, your coping skills will increase. God bless you!

Kimberly

Hi, Kimberly -

Sorry I'm so late today...I had troublesome and unholy thoughts this morning, and one sent me back to bed about 0815 this morning. I got up about 1115 and finally started my daily prayers.

How I know that the Holy Spirit speaks to me in a quiet and soft voice is by the process of elimination.

I know most of the thoughts which I generate, myself. So, it's not me. I'm familiar with the mental attitudes of people I associate with, and what those attitudes produce (I used to hang out on the Bad Astronomy and Universe Today [BAUT] forums, which are predominantly, I found out, skeptics. I no longer hang out on that web site, because of the skeptic attitudes implanted in my mind by associating with them); that s why I love it here, I'm picking up on Catholic teaching and attitudes and the benefits they produce. Which, because of my solitude and poor church attendance I am much in need of. Months after I left BAUT, I am still parrying skeptic attitudes and words in my mind. I know from experience, times of known and unknown dangers while cab driving, what my guardian angel sounds like...learned from hard experience to not ignore him.

To cut to the chase, by the process of elimination, for examples:
A. Thought - "There is no God"
Counter thought which I generate - "Yes there is and He answers prayer."
B. Thought - "God is just a concept"
counter thought which I initiate - "That's from college and Jesus says 'God is spirit' so God's more than a concept."
C. Thought "Why do you shower?"
counter thought - "I have no idea where this thought comes from...but to answer it, I shower to cleanse myself."
D. PTSD visual thought of Buffy and She-She in their dogfight, snarling, snapping, slashing with teeth and growling, in front of me.
Counter - visualization - impose my memory of having separated the dogs, them dowsed with water, standing apart and trembling after I put a water hose down the throat of each one, to break it up. (I got bit by both dogs that time...I had to surrender Buffy to Animal Control because I found out from officer we can only have three pets and we had four dogs. Buffy had been the most troublesome [wouldn't stay in yard; went through a window pane to chase a squirrel; was coming into house to kill She-She's puppies.] Although, Buffy had a beautiful good side and was always contrite after wrong doing and was very safe for people to be around.)

Anyway, there's four samples of identifying and countering invasive thoughts.

Your example reads like the Holy Spirit does speak to you clearly....that's a good thought which leads you. Actually, I can't tell if it's the Spirit of God or your guardian angel. Nevertheless, since that good thought guides you into godly behavior, don't worry which it is of Holy Spirit or guardian angel, just do what it says.

Studying the Bible, especially the four Gospels of Jesus Christ, really helps in having spiritual information, with which to counter unwanted thoughts about our religion or our God.

OK, that's how I learn the difference between the various thoughts that are in my head or that come and go through my head. I hope this helps.

In closing, staying on my medications helps me maintain the balance with which to handle my thoughts; having a therapist and psychiatrist who respect my Christian faith is a huge help; and being able to visualize fleeing to the cross is an enduring help. This support group is a wonderful help ... I'm not alone.

God loves all of us, is the biggest help.
Don