OCD/Scrupulosity Group

Thank you for the welcome, guys. I too am glad to be here and know I'm not alone.

I can tell by reading some of the other posts though that the way my OCD manifests seems to be a little different. If a priestw were to tell me, "Shondrea, this event was not a sin" I would believe him. But then I'd go home, pause, and wonder, 'Yeah, but...what about if that event happened during THIS time? Or in THIS place?"

Instead of a constant worry of little things, I harbor one thought intensly for weeks, maybe months. I will twist it to fit into every scenario, find a dozen ways t ask "is this a sin?" wording it different every time. I feel as though if I'm told, "no, this isn't a sin" or "No, just be careful," they must be saying that because I did a poor job explaining. So I ask again, and again, thinking, "If you REALLY knew, you'd know it was a sin!"

And in fact I fell like I haven't explained my explanation well enough

Hi my name is Kerri. I also suffer from scrupulosity. I have a very good parish priest and he understands what I am going through.

I suffer from thoughts I do not want to have yet I feel like I did something wrong for having them. I realize that we can't control what comes into our mind and I will tell the Lord I am sorry for having the thought, but I feel bad that I have it in the first place. I can't believe some of the thoughts that actually come into my mind. They are horrible and that is certainly not something I would ever want to think about. I also find it hard to even have a conversation without thinking I sinned. I will say something then think did I just lie because I didnt say it exactly right or something like that. I hope this makes sense to those reading this post. I know that God is merciful and I don't want to doubt his mercy, but I long to feel true peace inside, but I always worry about my sins. I too worry that I may be receiving our Lord unworthily and I know that He would not want me to always feel that way.

I also get distracted during prayer and find myself saying extra hail marys in the rosary or reciting prayers over because I was distracted while saying them. I want to say my prayers, but I feel bad for having these distracations. I have heard that sometimes if you are having trouble praying it could be a unresolved sin in your life, but being scrupulous I know that it could be because of my condition as well.

I want to be a good and holy person. I am glad that there is a group here and I hope that it continues for a long time. It is nice to know that I am not alone. Please pray for me as I will pray for you as well.

By Marian Tascio (Mar 8, 2010)
Last fall, I undertook a 40-day preparation for total consecration to Jesus through Mary after the teachings of St. Louis de Montfort. In True Devotion to Mary, the book that outlines this consecration, de Montfort advises devotees of the Blessed Mother to ask her, before the reception of Holy Communion, to lend them her heart. That way, when Jesus enters the communicant, He will find not a sinner's heart to welcome Him, but His own Mother's. What a humbling idea. It had been my habit to ask Jesus, as I made my way up the aisle to the altar, to "take away my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh" — His flesh. I still do, but now I do add a request to Mary that while Jesus is working on my heart, she will lend me hers during each communion so that He will find a worthy welcome.

Welcome new members shondrea & katesmom! I feel so blessed to have this group....while I'm not happy others have this condition, I selfishly am glad that there are others with the same struggle, all of us with different details, but at the core the same condition. We all get anxious about different things, but it's all our friend OCD.

Shondrea--I also was a cradle Catholic, led a VERY secular, selfish, and sinful life, and have become devout in the last few years. My past is probably more sinful than yours but our stories sound similar. I was in my 30s (now 36) before I woke up, what a blessing to be there at 19.

I will tell you to find a confessor and STICK with their advice, even when your anxiety tells you otherwise. It has helped me, even though I still struggle and fail at times. Also if available you may want to seek professional help, but that's a personal decision obviously.

katesmom--sounds like OCD to me. Although we know demons are real and do try to attack us. I would talk to your priest about this. As far as your journey, obviously I would encourage you to further your Catholic journey, but that is a personal choice. Pray and let the Lord lead you to where you are supposed to go. Be open to His will, not yours.

God Bless you all, look we have 41 members!!

Kevin

Hi. My OCD resurfaced yesterday while I was driving to work. I was listening to a christian evangelical pastor on the radio He was talking about demons & out of the blue I had crushing anxiety & immediatly felt as if a demon was near me, since then I have not been able to stop obsessing about demons & worried they are near me?

Ive been dealing with OCD for almost 30 years & I feel like I have the tools to cope with it, as it sneaks back into my life. Ive read every book on the subject & went to counseling. Even so, it still sneaks back into my life from time to time.

Ive recently been trying to decide if I want to go to RCIA & further my Catholic journey. Im baptized Catholic & was married in the Catholic church. I have a strong desire to attend a local protestant church!. So this brings on my OCD as well. I worry if God will love me if Im not catholic. I dont have issues with any of the Catholic churches teachings, I just feel that I have a stronger relationship with God when Im not trying to be a catholic. Weird I know, but these are my thoughts!

Thanks for reading.

So guys, since I'm the newbie, I guess I should give a short hello?

I'm Shondrea, I'm 19 from Kansas. I'm a crdle Catholic, but newly devout.

I have been obsessive and anxious my entire life. I will get a thought, a "what if" in my head, and I think about it so strongly, intensely, I can't do anything else. I get physically ill, running the idea in my head non stop 24/7. And now that I'm religious, this has crossed over into y catholic life as well.

I think my main problem is evolving my secular life into a religiously devout one.

shorty42223, Thank You! I could not agree with you more. I thought about what you wrote and I think I too was looking for acceptance and validation. I needed to feel that I was important, that I mattered. I like what you say about examining our motives. I guess I was afraid that I would offend someone or they would not like me if I said no. I sometimes felt that I would be falling short as a Christian, by not helping others. If I said no even once, then I failed as a Christian, how could I turn someone away, would go the thinking.

Lately I have gotten much better at finding a balance between myself and others. I try to take time out for myself. I have been happier and really desire to help others. It is when I neglect myself and my prayer life that things go down hill.

-Mark

Ah, my dear friends. I'm glad to have found this group

Because I'm OCD scrupulous

I think

Unless I'm not.

Cause I could just be trying to convince myself that I'm scrupulous to make myself feel better.

Maybe. Maybe?

welcome humble! OCD is tough and I can relate to your feelings of stumbling through the darkness. Keep the faith, remember that He knows all, and understands our OCD better than we do. Have you sought professional help? Counseling and/or medication may be helpful for you. Also speak to your priest about it, remember how much the Lord loves you. Let us know what we can do to help, we all can relate.

God Bless
Kevin

Hello everyone, I think I have ocd/scrup and I feel that I am in total darkness. My thoughts are trying to convince me to have doubts about gods existence most of teh time. I have had massive panic attacks for the past 3 months and every time I feel like I have made a breakthrough the thoughts drag me back into the darkness stronger then ever. Right Now im believing on nothing but pure faith even though the ocd is making itself seem so real.

It feels like there is no end in sight to my battle with these thoughts. I'm going to try hypnosis but only with a catholic or protestant therapist. I have been having massive pains in my stomach, sides and lower chest and its getting hard to breath.
I had some kind of nervous episode during heated debates with unbelievers. I have had panic attacks and other type of ocd related thoughts but I never thought that they would attacks me this intensely, especially about what I love the most in this whole world (god).

I do not know if these thoughts will ever subside. All I know is that I would rather die then to give in to them.