Catholic PTSD / Trauma Survivor group

Thanks Justicia and Don,

Am trying to bring myself to go to confession,because after my neighbor died in the fire,I kept thinking there was more I could have done to save her life,like yank her off that chair.Her own family no longer speaks to me and my neighbors have done nothing but gossip about what they think happened.I have been accused of letting her die and have received many glares.
And what you went through was absolutely horrible Dan,but through your pain God planned for you to comfort others.God Bless!

Thank you, Don. I find it hard to take my PTSD seriously, since those around me were not able to for quite a while. It's so difficult to get people to understand that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as sexual or physical abuse, when one is being overpowered by someone incredibly manipulative. Especially when you're in the middle of a full-blown psychotic episode

Thank you, Justicia,

Your cross is not trivial to you nor to Our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm also sure His Sorrowful Mother cares about you, too.

I try to remember it's not so much what happens to us, as how we handle what happens to us.

God loves you,
Don

My heart goes out to you, donsnow. In fact, to all of you. My trauma seems so trivial compared with all of yours. But I guess we shouldn't compare. It's HOW it affects us rather than WHAT affects us that matters.

I'm glad you find great help in the Church and through your twin brother, donsnow. It's always helpful to have someone to confide in

Good afternoon, all,

All of you are in my prayers.

God loves all of you, lurkers, too,
Don

Good afternoon, Chris,

Thank you for posting. I can commiserate with some of your feelings, although your male rape was much worse than mine.
I've been in male survivors' groups and have learned that most other male survivors have worse stories than mine.
Although my Military Sexual Trauma (MST) was a double whammy. I had gotten over my older half-brother's molestations when I was little. The MST was a very deep, despairing, "oh, no, not again".
But, with no sarcasm nor satire intended, I think myself blessed to have had only the one rapist.
That MST screwed up my life for over twenty years. And, in a sense, cost me a life I could have had. The Catholic Church is my mainstay, and Jesus Christ my savior when I wandered, through all the years before I got professional help and medication. Even now, Jesus and His Holy Roman Catholic Church remain my mainstay, and the VA medical help attendant to that.

I've also had sexuality issues and for almost a year after my MST let gays hit on me, me passive, to see if that was where it was at. By the grace of God in Jesus Christ, I did not go gay. So, that was taken care of.
My family is a good help, but Mother and Father have passed on, now. Roy (half-brother) died in '62 and that was rough. Lot's of feeling I hadn't sorted out, before.
But my twin brother is a big help, and we talk every Saturday on the phone (we live over 1,000 miles apart).
I have good friends, too. All the different kinds of help add up.

My time during in-person attendance of male survivor groups was very beneficial and a good education. I'd recommend you try to find one in your area.

God loves you,
Don

Good afternoon, Franna,

I am so sorry. You did what you could do, and did right to flee death by fire.
And, that's all you could do.

God loves you,
Don

Good afternoon, Justicia,

Oh, bodily flash backs. I've heard and tried that it helps to yawn, during bodily flash backs. Sometimes it worked for me.

God loves you,
Don

Finding the right medical and psychological staff to help you can indeed be very trying. I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful psychologist... but then her training finished and she moved elsewhere Then my community psychiatric nurse left about a month later. Her replacement is nice enough but I don't trust her yet.

I can't imagine the magnitude of what you've been through and how that must have impacted upon you. I can well believe that it might be difficult to impart your experiences and pain to your family, even though they are very loving. I'm glad at least that you can feel that warmth that emanates from them

Wrestling with sexual identity as a result of abuse is a terrible burden to bear. I too have sexuality issues, since my abuser was female and the nature of our dealing very hazy and unclear. It wasn't a romantic or sexual relationship... but she was almost certainly having an emotional affair with me (she's married). The sexuality confusion came into the equation as my then-counsellor (an awful psychodynamic one. You're not meant to use psychodynamic therapy on people like me, who have psychosis) told me I'm sexually attracted to mother figures :S

I will pray for you, Chris, and hope you will pray for me too

Hello Justicia; I'm happy that you have a trusting psychiatrist to relate to and that its helping you on your road to healing. Finding the ("right") psychiatrist, psychologist can be an arduous task. My heart commiserates with the difficulty you went through. Its been a long 33 year road for me. The painful memories never leave but I continue to persevere in the Hope, Prayer, Faith and Love of God. I suppose the worst part for me personally clinging the remote aspects of my heterosexuality being a man. Its not easy embracing vulnerabilities and fears when I feel I have no sexual identity left. But I deal with it not because I like it but because it helps me maintain some kind of sanity not so much importance of how others see me but more importantly taking comfort how God cares for me.

I'm blessed to have a close loving family but I am still excessively uncomfortable speaking about details of my horrifying past. I guess it feels different when one can sit behind a computer screen faceless and open up and share vulnerable things about oneself that one wouldn't risk sharing with others in person.

For every door that shuts on your face in life they say God opens a window of hope.
I believe that with every fiber of my being as part of God blessing me with Faith.
Being a man who was gang-raped and tortured in the past has robbed me of many things in life. But it has also blessed me as being more Empathetic and Compassionate towards others far more than I would have realized with anybody who has fallen victim to traumatic rape, incest and hardships.

If we are what we eat in humbly following the Life of Jesus our Savior in our lives, we will prevail in God's favor at the end of life.
In the Peace and Love of Jesus
Chris