101% faithful non active RC priests

Robin10,

if you ask for the dispensation of clerical duties, this will not change the status of your priestly ordination. You have no faculties to the Sacrament. The dispensation is not the declaration of the nullity of your ordination, Theoretically it even can be reversed, although with more difficulty than the excommunication for attempted marriage. It happened with a Chicago priest, who after 10 years as his wife died, was received back to the priestly service. Such dispensation, and the ability to receive sacrament can give peace of your mind.

I am a non-laicized priest who left the active ministry about 20 years ago. I do NOT want to be laicized as I believe fully that having left was a big mistake.
I too suffered from debilitating depression. During many bouts I thought the worst of myself, and did things almost to prove my lack of worth.
Looking back, I see how helpers were sent (people who just pitched up to help me), and I would basically ignore them, though listening to what they said. Strange, each one, I never saw again. I also see how Satan tempted me most effectively.
I basically just decided to leave, and offered the most spurious reasons which I knew were untrue. I appealed to the bishop, but found him quite cold and unhelpful. He basically dared me to leave. It all had to do with my parents who needed financial help from me, and made me feel I was well off while they were destitute.
Out and working quite successfully as a journalist (trying to support my parents), my depression got worse, as did my behaviour. I took a job in an academy, teaching journalism. I earned a Ph.D. and went from there to a university.
After 10 years out I just didn't want to be single, although I also wanted to go back to the priesthood. "Your will be done," I prayed. I got married (11 years now). I remember wanting to run away from the church in which I married; praying for her to get cold feet or something; and not arrive. Well, it all went as expected. Deep inside me, it was the most aweful experience, irrevocably ending any possibility of returning to the priesthood.
I spend more than five years in counselling with a psychologist employed by the diocese where I live. She tried unsuccessfully to convince me that so many priests are desparately unhappy, etc. etc., but to no avail.
I still go to Mass, though not as often as I would like. The experience each time is very painful, and I'm usually brought to tears. I'm usually seen with my face buried in my hands as if in deep prayer (and I suppose I am), but I'm hiding the tears.
I deal with depression a lot better nowadays; but not a single day goes by when I do not regret having left the priesthood.
It's an aweful state to be in, but I would never for one moment consider laicization.
I do have a wonderful and very loving wife. I couldn't wish for better. God has blessed me in my employment. I still support my parents. But I must say, if I knew then what I know now, I definitely would not have left.

What are your thoughts? please talk to us! we are listening. Love

How interesting RomanPL,

I too am a former Priest who left the ministry because of deep depression. I discovered that after 7 years and great pain, that it was better for me to move on. Being a Priest and dealing with all the things that Priests deal with, was like being an alcoholic with free access to alcohol. It just didn't work!

I too know that pain that you feel and that internal calling which always sits camped next to your heart. After many years I was laicized by Benedict XVI.

Still knowing many Priests in my old Archdiocese and in my current Diocese I am struck by how many of them deal with depression. I fear that if someone was able to do a statistical study of American Priests, one would find the majority of them deal with some sort of depression...I often wonder why God called me and why so many who are called seem to have the same problem! All I do now is pray for all in active ministry and hope that they will be supported by their parishoners.

God's blessing to all Priests in this "Year of the Priest!"

I also am not a priest but have often wondered if I could have been one.

Anyway I join this group to offer any help I can in any way I can ( of course prayers included ).

Hi everybody,
I am not a priest but I believe that our priests ( and in this case ex-priests) do need our support. I have always held priests in awe. RomanPL, I joined this group to support you and any person in a similar situation as yours. let us know what we can do to support you..Peace and love.
odopa

RomanPL, depression is a major thing to overcome, I've had my own bouts with that for many years, and through the grace of our Lord, I came out victorious, my heartfelt prayers go out to you and those that have suffered it, it's so debilitating, people cannot possibly understand unless they have felt it's dark lingering presence.

I'm in kind of a crossroads of sorts, not throwing out the possibility of joining the religious order of priests, yet at the same time, I'm such a free spirit, I don't know if I could handle the church muffling what I have to say or do, and where I'd go as well.

For now, as a laymen, I'm leading through example, showing reverence, sticking out like a sore thumb in all of the parishes I visit, especially my own local one due to that, and I guess, the fact I do not have any special rank, position, or roll in the church on an official front, I am able to show through example, this lowly laymen parishioner has something to offer, regardless of it all. I'm very much there for all things Catholic, and it's a calling within this roll itself I'm drawn to, and not of my own accord, but working with union of the HS. You, yourself with all that you know and understand can make a huge impact, within the ranks of the parishoners, as a strong member of the community that has clear leadership, wisdom, and skills which are a huge asset.

God bless you, Brian

I wanted to join to tell you that my heart goes out to you about the depression. I too have carried this cross most of my life and I understand how crippling it is. My God bless you abundantly and hold you close...remember the old Footprints in the Sand--that's always helped me during my hardest times.

God is not bound by the sacraments and he can bestow sanctifying grace outside of the sacraments to those who are innocently incapable of receiving it in any other way.

Im not a priest but i did read your post as I was interested in what you had to say and I would like to share with you what I got from reading it.... Initially on reading I was like wow how blessed are you. You were a priest in the catholic church and now you are a parishioner, wow you got to witness the church from both sides... now to someone like me you are truly Blessed and if God guided you through what must have been complete confusion and he you are. Wow your Blessed.. Im not joining the group but i was just so overwhelmed by your story I had to reply.. And finally I at last realise God really does work in mysterious ways.. Sure?