Stay-at-Home Parents (SAHMs and More)

Dear forum members,

I’m new here and seeking for an advice on overcoming fears of having/losing children. I need good reasons to help myself to work on this issue to find courage finally having children. Well, I am a total control freak, even though I know that human can not plan every second of his life, ‘cause God will change any plan anyway. I just want to arrange some things right in my life, in order not to blame myself later for an unthoughtfull, irresponsible deeds. I really want to have children, I’m not afraid of birth/complications (I overcame it already). Sometimes I dream of having a child and experience that unbelievable maternal, universal love to a child, but then I wake up and start to cry, from being unable to have children because of all my 5 fears and of suffering from certain situation caused by having children. I feel mostly sad, frustrated and depressed. Here are my fears, the numbers 3 to 5 are the WORST:

1. Fear of having not enough power physically/mentally to care for a child. I've always been quite weak physically and if I sleep an hour less then usual, I feel horrible the whole day.

2. Fear to loose peace of mind (not being able to retreat and take time for myself when I need it). I’m an extremely sensitive person who really needs a lot of personal space/rest from others.

3. Fear of loosing the child/children through divorce. Every now and then you can watch in the news all the bloody custody battles between two selebs, who used to love each other forever the other day. Here I must admit I’m very “greedy” – I want my children only for myself! I want to teach them what I think is right and don’t want any new spouse of my ex or his parents to suggest some **** to my child or simply things that don’t match my philosophy/religion. It's ok that my child be tought by the partner I love, but unforch someday he would become an ex anyways and his participation in my child's education is not wanted any more, for I would like to remove him from my life completely in order to find strength to start mine over. Sorry, yes, I am also selfish.

4. Fear to be connected for the rest of my life to my ex/the father of my child due to custody rights. I’m in my thirties in my 3rd marriage which is breaking in pieces, so there's an evidence that I can't stay with anyone "forever". God knows how we all don’t want to see our exes any more, willing to axe them forever from our lives. If there are people that makes us sick, these are our exes. Just to imagine that I have to deal with any of them on a daily basis drives me wakadoodle cerrazzy.

5. Fear of not being able to move to other country for living (fear of loosing freedom), for any ex wouldn’t give permission to take the children so far away from him, even with regular visitation rights.

All that I can summ to a general fear of loosing myself, my freedom, fear of suffering through all above consequences. If I would have or adopt a child as a single mother without husband, there would be a fear of not being able to finance a child/children, to care for them properly without partner, for I don’t have anyone to help. Also a fear that there is no one to care for my children in case anything bad happens to me.

I know there is so much wrong with me and that's why I'm here. Please share your thoughts, opinions and experiences. Thanks for your attention to my issue!
Seeking Answers

Hello,

My name is Jack. My first son is due in October and I plan to be a SAHD next May. My wife's a med student and I plan to homeschool. I'm very excited to be a dad; it's what I've always felt called to be.

Hello,

My name is Jack and I work full time right now, but my first son is due in October and my wife and I plan to have me becoming a Househusband (SAHD is just too much of a mouthful; I prefer Househusband) next May. She's a med student now and will be an MD then. I'm planning to homeschool as well. Um... not sure what else to put here, but... Here I am!

Oh, I struggle with the same problem. I come from a family of yellers and always said I wouldn't do it, but find myself falling in to the same pattern with my kids. I've been getting better at keeping my cool by taking a time-out when I feel my blood rising and I will start praying out loud the Hail Mary, almost in a whisper, so that my kids have to be quiet to hear what I'm saying. As I'm praying it, I imagine myself running to Mary and wrapping my arms around her and asking for her help since she is the greatest of mothers. It does help, but there are still days when I'm not patient enough to do that and rush right to the yelling. I'm just a sinner trying to work it all out!

Today I ask for answers to some issues going on in my life. I turn towards forums because I look for non bias opinions that can help clear up some of my confusion. My husband and I and our two small children currently life with my parents. We had to close our business a little over a year ago and lost our house b/c of person guarantees on our home. My father has agreed to help us out by investing on a property that we will pay on till we qualify for a mortgage. At that time we will buy the home from my father (basically rent to own). My husband since has a new business that is thankfully growing daily. We are looking for a house and have made several offers (on bank owned properties) but none of our offers have been accepted yet. So as we wait and continue living here I feel increasingly more guilty because of the severe negativity that I have towards my father. He is 65 years old and very difficult to get along with. Here is is willing to help us and offer this amazing opportunity that will keep us from throwing our money away on rent but I can't look past all the nit picky things that make me crazy about him. He is a very intense individual that has the tendency to make those around him very uncomfortable. I'm not a Dr. but I would venture to guess he definitely has moderate OCD. Everything in his environment must be a certain way and as a result he has a very difficult time relaxing. I try my best to keep things up to par b/c this is his home but he is never satisfied. He always has to comment on what we are doing wrong. That is just scratching the surface. He pretty much doesn't know me at all because he is always interrupting me or changing the subject when I talk and un-intentionally not listening to really anything that I say. Its like our only interaction is him complaining about stuff we do or giving us "hints" and me defending us/myself. I do really well for a month or so at just taking it one day at a time and not arguing but then I just lose it and tell him everything that bothers me about him. He then goes and sulks for a few days and wont talk to me. I of course feel so guilty that I just end up kissing his butt till he gets over it. I know we are working towards finding a home but I don't know if its the best decision. Maybe we shouldn't accept this generous offer. I'm afraid of what it will do to our already tainted relationship. I don't know why I can't just ignore the things that annoy me. Most of my husbands conversations that we have in private (which are very few and far between these days) are about my father and how crazy he is. Its not right. And I can't talk w/ anyone else about this on my side because I think I will be viewed as ungrateful......any advice?

Has anyone experienced their kids telling others lies about the family?
For example, my son told everyone we made him do football when it was the opposite. We asked him to consider NOT doing it because it was dangerous! But when he became upset about something at practice, he told this whopper. Then I have to deal with adults thinking we're awful parents!

Thank you so much for the kind words. I really have thought about this alot, but your words mean alot to me coming from an obviously experienced mom. Thanks again, and keep taking care of your wonderful family. My youngest son just came down with the flu Please keep us in your prayers. Congratulations on your 5th. It's always exciting awaiting a new life!
God Bless

I'm not sure what the situation is with him regarding your emotions. If you can tell from the get go he's not your type, I'd cut my losses. I'm sure you will find a very nice Christian man who shares your views if you give yourself some time and space away from this guy. After all, I don't think many guys are drawn to women who are dating someone else, no matter what they say. But that's just my opinion.

Well I see its been a while someone wrote on this post but I would like to give my answer if I could... I became a SAHM 3 years ago before I was a VERY busy business working mom and I would think all the time oh my I couldn't even image myself having to stay home just take care of the boys (at that time my relationship w/God was so different as well as I only had 2 boys) during my pregnancy of my oldest DD I actually had to stop working as I had a tougher pregnancy then I did with my boys but never the less just as I did after having the boys I thought I would be returning to work... After our Anjelique was born I was blessed to spend 2 1/2 mths with her a week before I was suppose to go back to go work our Anjie passed to SIDS and EVERYTHING changed as you could image... this was when our Lord stepped in 2 weeks after our Anjie had passed we found out that I was already expecting and as per my Midwife she said we must of concieved 2 days before Anjie passed.. I of course was afraid but knew indeed it was God's will and I never returned to work outside and since have been blessed to be with my children.. for me it has been a blessing it INDEED a 360 of what I was once use to from suits and hussle and bussle coming home bathing my boys and sending them to bed.. Now I have been blessed to wake up get the boys ready and spead my day with my Gabi and do my daily things and learn from her and myself and NOW really have been learning about our Lord and am able to share with my kids. Don't get me wrong its not all a bed of roses and there are times I felt/feel like a maid! lol and I have been know to say M is for Mom not Maid lol... but I think of how I am so blessed that my husband is working hard for us at 2 jobs so that I will be able to enjoy this time because what I have learned is time is precious oh so precious and goes by quickly. I feel very blessed..Hard work and all its so worth it There is nothing like seeing those smiling faces when they know I am waiting for them and ready to get my "rush hr" started! lol...

Thanks Kristen
I left the conversation feeling liked I had missed an opportunity to share the faith. I know this will come up again so its something i need to prepare for and not be caught off guard again. I think saying that we are open to life might suprise people...but oh well