The wonderful morning welcomed joyfully awhile back as I woke up. I realized that this day is another day God gives me to enjoy with and live my life with. Suddenly, I was struck by this question - "What would be the driving force of my life today and days onwards?"
I kept on thinking; however I can't find the answer. I remembered my High School years when I spent my life of simply studying and discussing things with the youth during seminars. The spirit of youth ministry gave me LIFE or rather it was my life. I found it as my stairway to Heaven; that through it soon I'll be able to face Jesus smiling at me. Everything was good despite the many hindrances my family and my schedule kept on conferring me. Now that I am in college, I can say that I'm really faced by the real world and its works. It is inviting too much. I have no more enough time for the ministry and eventually its spirit begins to fade(but it's not yet lost of course). I'm now again in the verge of search of what would drive my present.
I usually feel that INSATIABLE THIRST of man. When I finally find things that somehow would complete me, they eventually begin to wither. I don't know if that were wrong that I attach myself deeply to those things- ambitions, relationships etc.
It also came to the point that everyday of my life, I dreamed of nunnery. I dreamed of it because I sought consolation and happiness of that thought. I really love to become one of those sisters someday because I love their act of charity and I also want to make other people happy but it seems it would take several years more before it would be realized. I'm just 17 years old and I also have my responsibility to my family to fulfill after I graduate and eventually would have my own work. I also dreamed of raising my own family someday but it's just the same, it would take several years more before the realization. I just end up dreaming of Heaven for there I know I shall be satisfied but again I guess it would take long time before I shall reach its gates- I must fulfill my mission here on earth first so that I would have the confidence to look upon Jesus in that day.
Trully, LIFE IS A CONTINUOUS STRUGGLE- a struggle for search for happiness, satisfaction and JOY.
Only to God my heart and my soul would find its rest.