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-   -   Want to leave the Church for my fiance (http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=752081)

Pedro_1987 Feb 6, '13 11:34 pm

Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Oren Feb 6, '13 11:39 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Jesus said, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple."

It's tough, but following Jesus is tough. God is above everything. If she can't accept that you are Catholic then you must break up with her. You are not destroying her faith in humanity, it's her problem, not yours. You're not the one insisting that she be Catholic or you'll break up with her. She's being unreasonable and if she can't see that then you'll avoid a lot of problems later on down the line in a marriage to a person like that.

LilyM Feb 7, '13 12:08 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Why would your refusal to change shatter her faith in humanity? She knew that you were Catholic when she met you. If she doesn't have faith in you now, she never will no matter how many things about yourself you change to try to reassure her.

Marysann Feb 7, '13 12:43 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Why do you think you will destroy her faith in humanity? The time might come when she may investigate the faith just to see why it was so important to you.

Also please do not consider this patronizing since it is coming from a grandmother, but in my experience, the time came when I thanked the Lord for the heartbreak of being dumped by various "boyfriends." This left me available to marry the wonderful Catholic man that He eventually sent my way almost thirty-eight years ago. You know what the right thing to do is, so do it. Our prayers are with you.

Tietjen Feb 7, '13 1:04 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Why? Did she make that ultimatum? If she did, then the whole thing is her decision. Let her go and be thankful that she has shown her true colors before the relationship went further.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that.

No you're not. When you made that promise did she know you were Catholic? If so, then she is rejecting your promise. IOW, in her eyes, because you are Catholic, you're not good enough to be allowed to keep that promise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

Then tell her to get over it and accept you completely... Catholic and all. If she refuses then the whole situation falls back on her and you shouldn't feel as though you were the cause of the break-up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Destroying? How are you destroying her by being Catholic? This situation is ridiculous. You say that you believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church and yet you sound as though you are seriously considering turning away from it because a girl doesn't like Catholicism. How stupid is that?! "I know something is true, but I will say it isn't true in order to have a girl like me." Give me a break.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh and if I am I apologize. However, I will say this... if you decide to turn your back on the Church that you already know is the true Church, you will never find happiness with this girl and she will never simply be satisfied that you gave up your faith for her. She will continue to insist that you give up or take on other traits that she wants until you wake up one day and have no idea who you are anymore. Rather than go through all that garbage, find yourself a nice Catholic girl to court.

PazzoGrande Feb 7, '13 1:20 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
It's understandably a difficult situation, but remember we've had saints who gave up their own lives rather than give up being Catholic.

Not so long ago, Cardinals Van Thuan and Ignatius Kung were thrown in prison for decades and tortured precisely because they refused to abandon Catholicism.

Romantic love can understandably make you want to change, but we have high standards we have to live by. It isn't easy. But these are our duties.

Maybe a better solution would be to at least expose her to the more beautiful parts of Catholicism. I know it isn't easy if she's an American and this protestant culture has ridiculous biases against Catholics, and it would take a lot of work and study on your part. Apologetics is not an easy topic.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen had a saying: Not 100 people in the United States hate the Catholic Church, but millions hate what they mistakenly believe is the Catholic Church.

I'll keep you and her in my prayers.

coachdennis Feb 7, '13 2:11 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Sorry for the bluntness:


She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love...that is manipulation.

It sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her life. However, that does not give her the right to use her "hard life" to get what she wants. She may not be aware that she is doing this, and could probably benefit from professional help.


Overtime, you will begin to "resent" her for this. That won't help your relationship and eventually poison it.

anruari Feb 7, '13 2:11 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Don't leave the Church. YOu know it to be the True Church, to leave it would be a sin of the most grave type.

Similarly you don't need to make your fiancée convert to Catholicism, for you to marry her sacramentally she only has to accept a truly biblical understanding of Marriage and Family Life. And accept that you will, as a matter of faith, raise your children as Catholics. She will agree that they must be raised as Christians, so you have strong common ground. a properly educated apologist can help you to explain these areas to her.

Most protestants have a strongly developed sense of the importance of Freedom of Religious Practice. Let her see that you are sincere in your beliefs, and:
  • Very much want to marry her
  • Wont abandon *Your* faith
  • are keen to share your faith with Her, but dont plant to force her to change.
  • Are motivated in all thinkgs by Love of God first, and Love of your neighbour second - as commanded by Jesus.

Don't dump her over this. If *she* makes ultimatums then you need to follow your consience and may need to let her push you away... but that will be her decision - You are betrothed to her and must Love her. Love is not a romantic feeling. it is a Verb. An Action. :
Quote:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Love in the English translation, is almost always translated from the Greek / Latin route:
Caritas. from this we get the English word Charity.

Think of the latin hymn :
Ubi Caritas, et Amor
Ubi Caritas Deus ibi est.

where there is Love (charity) and Love (affection), God is there.

Our society has forgotten all meanings of Love other than Amor and Eros (Greek word with same route as erotic. it is sexual desire).
We had reduced the meaning of "Marriage" to be simply an expression of Amor and Eros - this is a that was only made possible by Hollywood. in previous centuries to marry for Amor/Eros would have been very rare. Marriage was too important to pick a mate on feelings. rather you picked a suitable mate and learned to Love them in all meanings of the word.

Zairra Feb 7, '13 2:11 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Just being "against" a faith is not enough for a person to risk losing everything they hold dear.
There may be something serious between her and Catholicism that makes her act this way, and you better find out what exactly it is. Another possibility is that she's very serious about her faith and is trying to save your soul by force, so to say. Yet another is that she wants to make sure that you belong to her completely and have no roam of your own. Even these three options require very different approaches, and there may be much more. So I believe you should first find out what's going on with her, and then act.

SmartBuffy Feb 7, '13 2:17 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don't aspire to sainthood. I don't want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee's point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don't think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So...all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

MrsHappy Feb 7, '13 2:49 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by coachdennis (Post 10327924)
Sorry for the bluntness:


She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love...that is manipulation.

It sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her life. However, that does not give her the right to use her "hard life" to get what she wants. She may not be aware that she is doing this, and could probably benefit from professional help.


Overtime, you will begin to "resent" her for this. That won't help your relationship and eventually poison it.

Sooo true!!

MrsHappy Feb 7, '13 2:54 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SmartBuffy (Post 10327930)
No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don't aspire to sainthood. I don't want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee's point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don't think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So...all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

Don't stop going to mass...it sounds like you are going through desolation, don't lose hope and faith in Our Lord! Cling to him in these times, he is testing you to see your love for him. I know it can be so hard, lonely and tremendously disheartening. But it reminds me of the footprints in the sand story.....
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."

Praying for you
Just never give up on your catholic faith!! It is Gods wonderful gift to us :)

aicirt Feb 7, '13 3:11 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Were you not aware of her devotion to her own church before you put the ring on her finger? Is this something she hid until you became engaged?

Personally, when a Catholic dates someone of another religion, I think it immediately registers that this could be a potential problem down the road. Caution lights go blinking!
Now you are engaged and she's tossed out an ultimatum......me or the Church. If you do chose her, there will be more ultimatums. You know she isn't going to convert and you know she will not allow you to raise your children Catholic. You don't believe in her beliefs. How can you live practicing a lie just to appease her?

GEddie Feb 7, '13 3:33 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
If you genuinely believe the Catholic Church to be true, then by doing as she wants you would be turning your back on our LORD to be with her.

There is no way a life based on such a choice could prosper. Sometimes there is just no way that a relationship can be salvaged, but our LORD must always come first.

Don't break up with her, but make sure she knows that HE comes first and you are sticking to the Church that has HIS body!

If she then says "sayonara", that would be her doing, not yours.

God bless, anyhow. This is certainly a heavy trial.

ICXC NIKA

anruari Feb 7, '13 3:46 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SmartBuffy (Post 10327930)
No one who loves you would give you such an ultimatum. Catholicism is part of who and what you are.

Having said that, I will add that the more I listen to the EWTN radio station where I live, the more I, too, want to run from Catholicism. I have many reasons for this.

I don't aspire to sainthood. I don't want to be mortified and suffer. I kind of see your fiancee's point, but disagree with the ultimatum.

I don't think I am really Catholic any longer anyway. I have posted my questions but they never get answered. No where left to turn.

So...all that is left, then, is to stop going to Mass.

SmartBuffy
You sound like you're hurting. I'd like to address that but don't want to divert this thread.

You say you have posted questions but they have gone unanswered. I see you have previously posted in the "Meet and Greet", and indeed I cannot easily find a direct reply.

Many many people end up feeling hurt by the Church or God. Often it is due to the sins or neglect they have suffered by other people.

I would very much like to address these questions for you. Can you start a new thread in the appropriate forum? Perhaps you could go to the "Spirituality" Forum in "Catholic Living"

that's Here:
http://forums.catholic.com/forumdisplay.php?f=19

Start a new thread, and ask one or 2 specific questions there.
I will reply. but it may not be today.

as I cannot guarantee when to reply, it would help if you could send me a PM with a link to your thread so I can pick it up straight away when I log back in.

I will send you a PM with a link to this answer to help you. but unless questions are of a confidential nature, it's better to keep the discussion in the main forum. that way others can also answer you.

I'm very sorry you feel neglected and unanswered.

Ruairi

Mamanurse Feb 7, '13 3:52 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Being married to a man that despises the CC has been a very challenging road for me. If I could change the past, I would never have married him. You may feel now that you just don't want to hurt her, but if you truly believe in that the CC is Christ's Church, then you would never consider this as an option. If she knew that you were a practicing Catholic when you met, then it is her fault for staying in a relationship when she had every hope and intention of changing you. Once you have children how will they be raised? And believe me, once those children start coming you will have an even greater desire to be in the CC. Please prayerfully consider what you are thinking about. Talk to your priest and ask our Heavenly Father for guidance.

Kal2012 Feb 7, '13 4:11 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Who's to say that she'll stay with you, even if you leave the church?

I almost didn't marry my husband because of faith issues. Still, he never asked me to give up my faith for him. I never asked him to give up his faith for me. I had to learn to accept him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be. I would never ask my spouse to be someone he's not. NEVER! :nope:

If you decide to change for her on this, then plan on changing yourself in other ways for her later.

Relationships are about compromising, but your faith isn't something you compromise. What if she had asked you to give up this whole "Jesus" business? Would you consider that too?

If you believe that the Holy Catholic Church is the real church, then why aren't you asking her to convert for you? You'd never do that, right? You respect her enough to make her own decisions about what she wants to regarding her faith. So, why would you want to be w/someone who doesn't respect you enough to give you the same freedom of choice?

I get that she's a great girl. I get that you love her. Still, if she loves you, then she'd never - ever - ask you to change or leave your faith.

Carolus Martell Feb 7, '13 4:20 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Don't do it ...pentacostal's are fubar and will believe anything.

PatriceA Feb 7, '13 4:34 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

There are so many red flags in your OP. Even if you two were both Catholic, the way you are describing your relationship with this girl sounds very unhealthy. You can't be the one thing that she looks forward to, that's not a good foundation for a marriage, that's being codependent on someone. She needs some professional help, you can't make her pain your responsibility entirely. Marriage doesn't work like that. Your relationship sounds one-sided, and any marriage that one partner is solely responsible for the emotional well being of the other spouse is not a healthy marriage. I think both of you could use some spiritual counseling or in your girlfriend's case, some professional counseling..

CrazyRachel Feb 7, '13 4:36 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Oh man, my heart goes out to you. Hold on to your faith. Dont ever let anyone change that. She knew you were Catholic when she got with you and if she dosnt like it then thats just tough. Sorry to be harsh, but its the truth. And Im sorry for her, it sounds like she's had alot of turmoil and trauma in her life but that does not give her the excuse to be prejudice against anyone's beliefs, least of all the fine man who's been there for her through thick and thin. Its not your fault she's sensitive. Also bare this in mind; if it were the other way around, if it were a man trying to change a woman for his preferences and making her go against her beliefs and who she is just to suit him, it would be called emotional abuse. Think about it. It sounds like you love her for who she is, but she is unwilling to love you for who you are. The Church, Jesus and His Blessed Mother will always be here for you. :thumbsup:

chero23 Feb 7, '13 4:47 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
You cannot let her do that to you. You are the man, that doesn't mean that you have to force into doing something. You mentioned a great point, I know the Catholic Church is the one true church. Don't go against what you believe.

Yes if ya do break up, she's going to cry her eyes out but she will get over that. If you leave the church knowing that the church is the one true church is like turning your back against god.

Pray a lot, start studying the bible theirs a lot of sites out there that can help you to argue against Protestant questions.

Stay in the church in the long run it will be the best decision

mountee Feb 7, '13 5:18 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
No marriage should ever begin in this way and I urge you to take a break and reflect on what is going on. You will always be Catholic and that is a fact. You will find that over time this type of situation turns the relationship into bitterness and resentment, that is a promise. God will lead and guide you to the place you need to be, but you will have to distance yourself from this situation and pray very hard to be able to hear His plan for you.

ProdglArchitect Feb 7, '13 5:23 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by coachdennis (Post 10327924)
She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love...that is manipulation.

I would like to reiterate this point.

I dated a woman who did similar to what your fiance is doing. When the relationship fell apart (because it will, due to the resentment and anger at being forced to chose) I found myself mediocre in my faith, not really practicing, and generally lost. It took many years and the love of a good woman to bring me back.

I hate to say it, because I am a stranger, and because you probably have very strong feelings for this person; but you need to call it off. If she is trying to force you to abandon your faith then she does not respect you as a spouse should, and I guarantee you that this will cause problems later down the line. This was her decision, to make it an ultimatum, and so now you must both suffer the consequences; but you will suffer less, because you know that it was not your choice, but hers that lead to this situation.

Again, I am sorry that this is the advice I must give, but this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. True love does not make demands, it is sacrifice. Sacrificing your soul though (which is essentially what you'd be doing) is not an option.

Always remember: There is absolutely nothing on this earth more important than your relationship with God, because without that relationship we are nothing, and without it, we are damned.


I will pray for you, that you make the proper decision, and that your pains do not last too long. And I will pray that, with time, you will be strengthened by this.

Irishmom2 Feb 7, '13 5:36 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tietjen (Post 10327877)
Why? Did she make that ultimatum? If she did, then the whole thing is her decision. Let her go and be thankful that she has shown her true colors before the relationship went further.



No you're not. When you made that promise did she know you were Catholic? If so, then she is rejecting your promise. IOW, in her eyes, because you are Catholic, you're not good enough to be allowed to keep that promise.



Then tell her to get over it and accept you completely... Catholic and all. If she refuses then the whole situation falls back on her and you shouldn't feel as though you were the cause of the break-up.



Destroying? How are you destroying her by being Catholic? This situation is ridiculous. You say that you believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church and yet you sound as though you are seriously considering turning away from it because a girl doesn't like Catholicism. How stupid is that?! "I know something is true, but I will say it isn't true in order to have a girl like me." Give me a break.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh and if I am I apologize. However, I will say this... if you decide to turn your back on the Church that you already know is the true Church, you will never find happiness with this girl and she will never simply be satisfied that you gave up your faith for her. She will continue to insist that you give up or take on other traits that she wants until you wake up one day and have no idea who you are anymore. Rather than go through all that garbage, find yourself a nice Catholic girl to court.

I agree with this post. You should not have to give up who you are.

The Bucket Feb 7, '13 6:00 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PatriceA (Post 10328110)
There are so many red flags in your OP. Even if you two were both Catholic, the way you are describing your relationship with this girl sounds very unhealthy. You can't be the one thing that she looks forward to, that's not a good foundation for a marriage, that's being codependent on someone. She needs some professional help, you can't make her pain your responsibility entirely. Marriage doesn't work like that. Your relationship sounds one-sided, and any marriage that one partner is solely responsible for the emotional well being of the other spouse is not a healthy marriage. I think both of you could use some spiritual counseling or in your girlfriend's case, some professional counseling..

This, especially the bolded part. I know a little about codependency; my wife has a touch of it. She stayed in what I would call an abusive relationship for quite some time and gave this guy all kinds of excuses for the way he treated her and other people. Bottom line is that he was basically a lunatic and it took some really extreme behavior for her to get away from him. I only ever even heard his voice once and that's when I heard him on the phone with her about a year after they broke up and three months into our relationship. Suffice to say he was NOT PLEASED that she was dating someone else but we were fortunately quite some distance away from him.

Dude ended up becoming such a raving psycho that he drove his own brothers car into a bar. Literally. Why? Because he was mad at the guy who owned the bar. Ended up in jail.

At any rate, my wife is a strong and tough woman but even she got sucked into this guy and fell sorry for him. I know the OP feels for this woman and she's had some really tough breaks, but there are all kinds of codependency issues going on here and it's a terrible foundation for a marriage even if they were both strong Catholics.

twoangels Feb 7, '13 6:04 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Being Catholic should not destroy her faith in humanity. The two of you need to decide what is important in your life. She either needs to accept your Catholic faith or let you go.

Breaking up, especially after an engagement, can be difficult. This shouldn't be personal though.

Joe 5859 Feb 7, '13 6:21 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
The time to make a promise to never leave her is in your vows on your wedding day. That is when it counts.

Do not throw away your identity simply because you're worried it will "destroy this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity." First, if breaking up will destory her faith in humanity, then she has formed a most unhealthy bond with you and cutting it off is actually what will be best for her in the long run. Second, anyone who would give you such an ultimatum is neither poor nor innocent.

If you leave the Church for Pentecostalism, it should be because you are firmly convicted that the Church is in error and Pentecostalism has the truth. Don't make such a drastic decision because you're worried about hurting someone's feelings.

miguel Feb 7, '13 6:23 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

From a tee shirt: "My girlfriend says if I go surfing one more time, she'll leave me. Gosh I'll miss her." Seriously though, sometimes we have to face reality. In this case, she is making you choose her before God. She wants you to make an idol of her. Then when kids come along and you feel the obligation to teach them the truth, which God expects, she won't let you. That won't work for you. That must be made very clear to her. If she can't accept that, run very fast. And I know it's painful. But time heals. And God will help you mature as a true follower. (BTW, I get it when girlfriends want to be more important than surfing. But I also get the tee-shirt. This is one of those things that is part of who we are. If the girlfriend can't budge an inch on that, time to find a girlfriend who likes me and surfing. But no one should ever be allowed to be more important to us than God.)

davidmlamb Feb 7, '13 6:26 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

First let me start out saying that I left the Catholic Church in my youth for the Pentecostal faith (Assemblies of God). I was a Pentecostal for 18 years and the last 12 of those years I was an Evangelist and a Sunday school teacher. However, after 18 years I returned to the Church in November 1998.
There is a compromise to work out with your fiancée, you can go to the Vigil Saturday Mass and then attend Pentecostal services with your fiancée/wife on Sunday. If she does not agree to this than you need to break it off. Marriage is about giving yourself wholly to your spouse as Christ gave himself to the Church. She has given you an unreasonable ultimatum and this is a foreshadow of what the marriage will be like. Once the romance wares off resentment and problems will set it. This is a certainty just as sparks fly upwards.

Secondly, you need to learn to defend your faith against the prejudice she believes against the Church, you are a witness. The bible say’s we are not to be unequally yoked and that is exactly what you are about to do and it will have serious repercussions in the future. I hope you take this advice to heart.

Peace,
David

april32010 Feb 7, '13 6:51 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
:eek:

TheRealJuliane Feb 7, '13 7:24 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
What the heck did you ever think would happen when you started dating, got serious and got engaged to a Pentecostal woman??? What were you thinking?? Why would you ever propose to someone who is ANTI CATHOLIC? If there were only one man on earth left, and he was Pentecostal, I'd RUN, not walk, away and join a convent! Gee whiz.

:rolleyes:

JackieMom Feb 7, '13 7:35 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane (Post 10328521)
What the heck did you ever think would happen when you started dating, got serious and got engaged to a Pentecostal woman??? What were you thinking?? Why would you ever propose to someone who is ANTI CATHOLIC? If there were only one man on earth left, and he was Pentecostal, I'd RUN, not walk, away and join a convent! Gee whiz.

:rolleyes:

Totally. And if breaking off your engagement will "destroy her faith in humanity" then she has a LOT of other problems you want no part of.

Why did you lead a Petecostal girl down this path when ultimately you knew (come on - you knew!) that your disparate faiths would be a problem? Why would you even take a Petecostal girl on a first date???

lovemyjob Feb 7, '13 7:44 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

And what of children you may be blessed with if you marry her? Will you raise them to be anti-Catholic?

sergei Feb 7, '13 7:52 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
If she really loves you, she will accept you for who you are. If she loves, your beliefs should not be an obstacle for her.

Kal2012 Feb 7, '13 7:53 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by The Bucket (Post 10328267)
I know the OP feels for this woman and she's had some really tough breaks, but there are all kinds of codependency issues going on here and it's a terrible foundation for a marriage even if they were both strong Catholics.

OP: I don't know you. You seem like a nice guy, especially since you are willing to bend over backwards to stay with her. However, it doesn't matter how much you bend over for her unless she's willing to look at her behavior and change. It's not helpful for her or you to allow her to treat you badly.

I learned that if someone is going to leave, then they are going to leave regardless if I want them to or not. It's not a reflection on me if someone decides to leave me. It's their choice. Each person in a relationship has the right to be treated well. To even acknowledge that these days is huge, since it always used to be about "me".

(It was habit to think that there must be something wrong w/me, if he wants to leave. I must not be that great of a person...etc....What can I do to make him like me/want me....believe me, I've played that record more than I care to admit)

Relationships aren't about 1 person, but about both of you. You don't give up the important things to be with someone. Your beloved doesn't ask you to give up things like your faith to be w/you. Not if you are convinced that the RCC is the true church. So, will you just lie to your kids when they come along? Come on. Like you said, it's time to be real.

Don't stay w/someone because they will be hurt if you leave. She's a big girl and should be able to put on her big girl panties and deal. That's life. Life's tough and hard sometimes. You don't plan on your spouse getting a stroke or your kid having special needs, but things work out that way sometimes. A lot of times things get harder because you are married, not easier. Do you really want to be w/someone who isn't strong enough to deal w/it if you left or had serious problems in your marriage?

If she's give you ultimatums now, then why would you expect that behavior to change in the future? :tsktsk:

Please read and take our comments to heart and pray about your situation.

styrgwillidar Feb 7, '13 8:02 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sergei (Post 10328644)
If she really loves you, she will accept you for who you are. If she loves, your beliefs should not be an obstacle for her.

Why would, or should she trust you to be faithful to her if you can't be faithful to your God?


I will give you the same advice I gave to a muslim friend of my daughter who's boyfriend was pressuring her to become christian. If similarity of faith was that important to him in a relationship, he never should have started dating you in the first place. It was cruel and selfish to play with someone's feelings and lead them into a relationship with the expectation they will change for you. A person's faith is a fundamental aspect of their identity, it must and can only be truly changed by that individual examining their concience and accepting things for their own reasons. Marriages and relationships of all types fail-- going along to get along guarantees nothing in the future.

It is fair to expose someone you're with to your beliefs, to educate them in the interest of their salvation but it is completely unreasonable to expect or demand they give up their view and beliefs in God for you. God gave us free will to choose or reject Him, even He does not force us. As I said before, it is a very cruel and selfish thing to do, and it shows a complete lack of respect for a person's judgement and sincerity.

Tampa Rays Feb 7, '13 8:28 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Heres a good idea: Only date (true) Catholics. That way you will never end up in a mess like this!

Pedro_1987 Feb 7, '13 11:35 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JackieMom (Post 10328587)
Totally. And if breaking off your engagement will "destroy her faith in humanity" then she has a LOT of other problems you want no part of.

Why did you lead a Petecostal girl down this path when ultimately you knew (come on - you knew!) that your disparate faiths would be a problem? Why would you even take a Petecostal girl on a first date???

To be completely honest, I was in a moment of weakness when I met her. My faith was weak and I wrestling with my own uncertainties of the Catholic faith. I even went to her church several times. But I've grown in my faith and know that I want to be Catholic. Unfortunately, from her point of view, it looks like a sudden rejection for no real reason.

As for her other problems, yes, we know of them. Unfortunately, she can't afford the therapy for them.

TheRealJuliane Feb 7, '13 11:45 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10329412)
To be completely honest, I was in a moment of weakness when I met her. My faith was weak and I wrestling with my own uncertainties of the Catholic faith. I even went to her church several times. But I've grown in my faith and know that I want to be Catholic. Unfortunately, from her point of view, it looks like a sudden rejection for no real reason.

As for her other problems, yes, we know of them. Unfortunately, she can't afford the therapy for them.

OK, a "moment" of weakness would maybe include ONE date. NOT getting engaged!! Again, what were you thinking when you asked her to marry you!?! You really have no one to blame for this one but yourself.

I'd refer her to Catholic Charities counseling. They operate on a sliding income scale. Oh, but that's right, she HATES the Catholic Church so probably wouldn't accept our counseling either, although you don't need to be Catholic to receive the benefits.

If she thinks wanting to be Catholic is "no real reason" for the split-up, then you would be in for a world of trouble if you went forward with the relationship. I hope you learn your lesson from this, and you never toy with someone outside our Church again.

monicabay Feb 7, '13 11:52 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Please dont do this. You will regret it for the rest of your life. If she really loves you, she will accept your faith.

My husband felt the same way. He has softened, but it was hard for a while. He wanted to take an important part of my life from me. Its not right.

Please, you need to be true to yourself. If you change this, you will have to change other things.

Think hard before you change who you are.

Rence Feb 7, '13 11:57 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Why is it you who has to break up with her? It's pretty plain and simple to me: she'll be marrying a Catholic, and that's her choice. That doesn't mean she has to be Catholic. That just means you have to be Catholic. You can keep all your promises to her and be Catholic. So it seems, the decision is up to her. It's out of your hands.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

You can't possibly believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church, otherwise you wouldn't have followed up with the next statement. And anyways, what happened to accountability? Nothing is destroying this 'poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity' but her refusal to believe...and evidently having to get her way.

Immacolata Feb 7, '13 12:15 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Why is she making her views on Catholicism apparent now? She must have been aware you were Catholic when you started dating (and when you proposed to her), but you both have not had this discussion before? Your faith being weak when you met her, I can understand; however, when you still stayed with the Church, you both never had this discussion? It seems strange to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

I agree with PatriceA when they say this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatriceA (Post 10328110)
[...] the way you are describing your relationship with this girl sounds very unhealthy. You can't be the one thing that she looks forward to, that's not a good foundation for a marriage, that's being codependent on someone. She needs some professional help, you can't make her pain your responsibility entirely.

You cannot have her emotional problems be your responsibility. She cannot be dependent upon you for everything. Your relationship, sadly, does sound unhealthy for both involved.

You said that when you stayed true to the Church, she felt it was a rejection. That is another problem — she wants you to choose between her and your religion, which you seem to imply means much to you. That is not good, and if she truly cared for you, she would not make you choose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

How would ending an engagement over her inability to accept your religion destroy her faith in humanity? She is making you choose between her and God. Again, this seems like an unhealthy relationship. I agree with Rence:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rence (Post 10329509)
Why is it you who has to break up with her? It's pretty plain and simple to me: she'll be marrying a Catholic, and that's her choice. That doesn't mean she has to be Catholic. That just means you have to be Catholic. You can keep all your promises to her and be Catholic. So it seems, the decision is up to her. It's out of your hands.

You can't possibly believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church, otherwise you wouldn't have followed up with the next statement. And anyways, what happened to accountability? Nothing is destroying this 'poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity' but her refusal to believe...and evidently having to get her way.

I will pray for you. Hopefully you will find the answers you are searching for.

Bezant Feb 7, '13 12:46 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Pedro

Relationships should not be allowed to develop where they reach an "all-or-nothing" situation. On the other hand, life is never perfect, so it's best to look forward and do what you can with what you have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
Breaking up with her is getting very messy.

Break-ups are never nice, but divorce is downright miserable, especially where property and children are invovled.

I'm not saying it will happen, but it's a possibility you should consider.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

Religion is a major issue, and it only becomes harder during marriage when you negotiate sexual practices, children, contraception, etc. You say that you believe in the Church "on every intellectual level" and I assume you renew your baptismal promises during the Easter season. Since marriage is a sacramentally binding promise, leaving the Church for her sake amounts not only to intellectual dishonesty, but it limits your ability to keep your marital vows as well. That's fair to neither you nor her.

It's difficult watching her suffer, but you don't need to be her husband/boyfriend to support her. You may have to change the nature of your relationship, but not necessarily cut off ties.

miguel Feb 9, '13 8:20 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10329412)
To be completely honest, I was in a moment of weakness when I met her...

This is a very old story. You have to be wiser than Solomon when it comes to the ladies. Good luck Pedro. God will help you if you put him first. Otherwise, dogmeat.

chevalier Feb 9, '13 8:38 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10327800)
My fiance is a Pentacostal and is against the Catholic faith. Push has finally come to shove, and it's either leave the Church or break up with her.

Breaking up with her is getting very messy. I promised her that I would never leave her, and I'm effectively doing precisely that. This is an amazing girl that means pretty much the world to me. Both her parents are dead, and I was the one thing she looked forward to. She's extremely sensitive, and it's tearing me apart seeing her pain.

On every intellectual level, I believe the Catholic Church to be the one true church. But on an emotional level, I'm not seeing how destroying this poor, innocent girl's faith in humanity can possibly be the right answer.

You cannot choose a different faith than the one you know to be the true one.

Also, you don't owe it to budge and cave to someone's request for you to do something which the other person isn't ready to do for you. Is that girl ready to convert for you? Apparently not. So by what right should you have to convert to her?

And no, you wouldn't be destroying her. And faith in humanity has nothing to do with someone not wanting to convert to your specific denomination.

In short, you're tempted and excuses are thrown at you to grasp at them like straws, but you've got to be strong. Don't allow emotions and false empathy to sway you to adopt a reasoning that you don't believe in.

Yes, it may be hard to deal with the situation and with the girl's feelings in an appropriately delicate way. You may need to ask a psychologist or counsellor for tips on how to broach the subject, how to deal with her potential emotional reactions (but don't presume she'll be unable or unwilling to understand--give her some credit). You will need to be a warm, loving and charitable person, not one that just communicates a dry, intellectual decision. But this is no way means you should consider it justified to leave the Church.

Also, God always comes first. One just has to love God more than any mortal being, including those closest to you, such as parents, children, spouse.

mary bobo Feb 9, '13 8:45 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by coachdennis (Post 10327924)
Sorry for the bluntness:


She is giving you an ultimatum. That is not love...that is manipulation.

It sounds like she has had some bad experiences in her life. However, that does not give her the right to use her "hard life" to get what she wants. She may not be aware that she is doing this, and could probably benefit from professional help.


Overtime, you will begin to "resent" her for this. That won't help your relationship and eventually poison it.

My thought exactly. Further, she may only dislike the Catholicism that she knows about and I bet that is all wrong information. Find out exactly what she dislikes about the Church and set her straight. I bet most of it is wrong.

chevalier Feb 9, '13 8:49 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Also, note the similarity to the typical premarital sex ultimatum. The person who wants to start having sexual relations will claim that you're forcing your beliefs on him or her by refusing but doesn't see it as forcing his or her own beliefs on you by demanding you comply with that request. Erroneous logic, simply put. But people frequently make this type of error.

Pedro_1987 Feb 9, '13 10:44 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mary bobo (Post 10336328)
My thought exactly. Further, she may only dislike the Catholicism that she knows about and I bet that is all wrong information. Find out exactly what she dislikes about the Church and set her straight. I bet most of it is wrong.

I've tried. She's so thoroughly brainwashed, that she won't listen to a word I say in favor of Catholicism.

Quote:

Also, note the similarity to the typical premarital sex ultimatum. The person who wants to start having sexual relations will claim that you're forcing your beliefs on him or her by refusing but doesn't see it as forcing his or her own beliefs on you by demanding you comply with that request. Erroneous logic, simply put. But people frequently make this type of error.
Well, another reason she sees it as betrayal is due to her Protestant mindset. She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it.

For those wondering why I would get involved with someone like this, your judgement is quite tiring. She's a person underneath all those beliefs, and a pretty good person too, except for aforementioned traits. She has actually succeeded in bringing people to Christ in her own way. She just doesn't know better about the Catholic Church because of brainwashing that probably goes back several generations, and not her fault. She's also been through a lot of trauma.

TheRealJuliane Feb 9, '13 7:36 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10336764)
I've tried. She's so thoroughly brainwashed, that she won't listen to a word I say in favor of Catholicism.



Well, another reason she sees it as betrayal is due to her Protestant mindset. She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it.

For those wondering why I would get involved with someone like this, your judgement is quite tiring. She's a person underneath all those beliefs, and a pretty good person too, except for aforementioned traits. She has actually succeeded in bringing people to Christ in her own way. She just doesn't know better about the Catholic Church because of brainwashing that probably goes back several generations, and not her fault. She's also been through a lot of trauma.

A person very experienced in these types of matters says about this: "What do you get when you rescue a damsel in distress? A distressed damsel!"

10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives

LilyM Feb 9, '13 7:47 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10336764)
I've tried. She's so thoroughly brainwashed, that she won't listen to a word I say in favor of Catholicism.



Well, another reason she sees it as betrayal is due to her Protestant mindset. She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it.

For those wondering why I would get involved with someone like this, your judgement is quite tiring. She's a person underneath all those beliefs, and a pretty good person too, except for aforementioned traits. She has actually succeeded in bringing people to Christ in her own way. She just doesn't know better about the Catholic Church because of brainwashing that probably goes back several generations, and not her fault. She's also been through a lot of trauma.

Hmm ... 'All animals are equal but some are more equal than others'.

If she truly believed all denominations were equal she would be just fine with you staying as you are. :shrug:

She's a good person? She may have lots of good points and redeeming features, but that doesn't make her a good prospect for marriage for you, or you for her. And I don't mean that as any putdown to either of you. Both of you deserve life partners who are more compatible - or at least understanding - in matters of faith, since the issue seems so important to each of you.

lifeisbeautiful Feb 9, '13 7:50 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10336764)
I've tried. She's so thoroughly brainwashed, that she won't listen to a word I say in favor of Catholicism.



Well, another reason she sees it as betrayal is due to her Protestant mindset. She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it.

For those wondering why I would get involved with someone like this, your judgement is quite tiring. She's a person underneath all those beliefs, and a pretty good person too, except for aforementioned traits. She has actually succeeded in bringing people to Christ in her own way. She just doesn't know better about the Catholic Church because of brainwashing that probably goes back several generations, and not her fault. She's also been through a lot of trauma.

Hi Pedro,

If you truly care about her, you will not cave in to this demand. You sound like a very caring person; I believe she probably knows this as well. You are being given an opportunity to show that God, and His Bride, the Church, is #1 in your life. Putting God as #2 would not help her or anyone in any way. On the other hand, if she knows how much you care about her, yet you are not willing to leave the Church because of her demands, then it will help her see how important the Church really is to you.

miguel Feb 10, '13 9:55 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10336764)
She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it..

Maybe you could explain to her that Jesus told us that he came to testify to the truth, and the truth would make us free. The truth is the way things really are, not the way things are in any person's head. Most protestants think the Holy Spirit guides individual believers to the truth. But if that is the way God really works, why do they have so many different versions of the truth? The real God doesn't contradict himself. The real God gave us a real Church to guide to the way things really are. Is it selfish to want to live in reality? Maybe. Otherwise you have to subject yourself to all kinds of mental gymnastics (illogic) to understand reality. Who needs that?

thequeen Feb 10, '13 1:15 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
With that kind of ultimatum she is not the one for you please stop dating her and find a nice Catholic girl who will share your faith.

mary bobo Feb 10, '13 1:55 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Pedro, at this time you are "in love" with this young woman and it sounds like you would do anything for her. But is giving up your immortal soul worth this? Right now you, and she, are in the throws of romantic love and the future cannot be fathomed without you two being together. But, as time goes on, the newness and excitement of those first years, dwindles and real life hits you right in the face. That does not mean that you would love her any less, hopefully you would love her more. But when the newness wears off, one begins to see the little flaws in the other and I fear you will come to resent the pressure she put on you to leave the one true faith. It will gnaw at you and it will cause problems in the end. Think long and hard. May God be with you.

Friday child Feb 11, '13 3:56 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
I'm afraid I would leave her. My sister was told by her then fiancé that he would leave her if she did not convert to his faith. My sister has never been a particularly devout or even practising Catholic but there was something about this demand that was just so wrong. In her eyes he was trying to control her and she could not bring herself to leave the faith she had loved for so long as a child.

Your fiancee is trying to control you, she wants you to leave your faith and for what reason? You respect her faith why cant she accept yours? I am Catholic my husband is agnostic but we had a full mass and our children will be raised Catholic. she is not offering you love, she is offering you a life of slavery to her whim.

Joe 5859 Feb 11, '13 8:40 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedro_1987 (Post 10336764)
I've tried. She's so thoroughly brainwashed, that she won't listen to a word I say in favor of Catholicism.



Well, another reason she sees it as betrayal is due to her Protestant mindset. She sees all denominations as equal, and is willing to leave her Pentacostal church for another denomination, except for Catholicism. She sees the fact that I see Catholocism as the one true way as selfish. She just doesn't understand any of it.

For those wondering why I would get involved with someone like this, your judgement is quite tiring. She's a person underneath all those beliefs, and a pretty good person too, except for aforementioned traits. She has actually succeeded in bringing people to Christ in her own way. She just doesn't know better about the Catholic Church because of brainwashing that probably goes back several generations, and not her fault. She's also been through a lot of trauma.

I'm sure she's a lovely person. Anti-Catholic prejudice definitely runs deep in certain sectors. But starting out a marriage with such an ultimatum is not a good sign. You shouldn't have to abandon your faith to make a relationship work.

Just because you can see where she's coing from and why she thinks this way does not mean this will not cause problems down the road. And just because there is this issue does not make her or you a "bad person".

Of course, we're all just random internet people. If it were me, I'm sure I would try over and over again to explain the importantance of my faith and try to get her to back down from the ultimatum.

Chantal25 Feb 12, '13 6:54 am

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Dear Pedro, you need to pray. Choose, loyalty to God or Ego. If she truly loves you, she wouldn't put you in such turmoil.

I pray for you, to make the right decision for your own sake and mainly to remember the huge sacrifice that Jesus did and his apostles for the church to be founded. Many were tortured beyond word in the beginning of Christianity. Church got split by evil only. If i was you, i would stand my ground with my faith no matter the cost, but this is me. You will have to pray to have courage and light in your situation. God will never force you, you must want him.

Blessings!

catholicanne Feb 12, '13 6:59 pm

Re: Want to leave the Church for my fiance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane (Post 10338495)
A person very experienced in these types of matters says about this: "What do you get when you rescue a damsel in distress? A distressed damsel!"

10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives

Awesome book. :thumbsup:


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