What does it really mean to forgive one's enemies?

[michaelnrdx]

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it really means to forgive one's enemies, and I don't think I really understand the concept.

I used to be a very spiteful, vindictive person, and I would actively seek revenge against my enemies. I've learned the folly of vengeance, and I've grown past that stage now. But I'm not sure if I've learned to be forgiving yet.

Unfortunately, I still have a lot of negative people in my life. Although I don't seek revenge against my enemies now, I still constantly dwell on the things they've done to me, and sometimes, when my anger flares up, I would curse and wish them destruction in my heart. All of this is internal. I see my enemies in person on a regular basis. I try to be civil and hide my hatred, but the hatred is definitely in my heart.

Obviously, wishing them death and destruction isn't forgiveness, but on a deeper level, what I really want isn't their ruin. Frankly, I don't care if they are dead or alive. I just want them to stop hurting me.

My question is... What exactly is forgiveness? Is it just abstention from vengeance?

I read an article about forgiveness by a psychologist from the Greater Good Science Center in Berkeley, and he defines forgiveness not necessarily as reconciling with one's enemies (which in some cases might not be possible), but rather coming to peace with yourself and moving on. In other words, not letting what they have done in the past bother you anymore.

What do you guys, as Christians, think?

How do your just forget someone else's trespasses, when it has wounded you? What does turning the other cheek mean? Does it mean to let your enemies hurt you?

For me, I've learned not to strike back my enemy's cheek, but I don't really turn the other cheek either. I just try to run.

[nfreak141]

Look at how God forgives. You ask him for forgiveness, and you are given a clean slate.

To say in diluted human terms: He moved on.

Basically, forgiveness is getting over the offense caused to you, not holding anyone in spite.

[michaelnrdx]

Originally Posted by nfreak141

Look at how God forgives. You ask him for forgiveness, and you are given a clean slate.

To say in diluted human terms: He moved on.

Basically, forgiveness is getting over the offense caused to you, not holding anyone in spite.

It's difficult for me to extend the analogy of God's forgiveness to human forgiveness. I think there is a difference between God forgiving me and me forgiving my enemies.

When God forgives, it means He won't punish me for that sin. So in those terms, if I don't enact vengeance, that might be forgiveness.

Also, God's enemies can't harm Him, but my enemies can harm me. There's the difficulty in human forgiveness.

[nfreak141]

Originally Posted by michaelnrdx

It's difficult for me to extend the analogy of God's forgiveness to human forgiveness. I think there is a difference between God forgiving me and me forgiving my enemies.

When God forgives, it means He won't punish me for that sin. So in those terms, if I don't enact vengeance, that might be forgiveness.

Also, God's enemies can't harm Him, but my enemies can harm me. There's the difficulty in human forgiveness.

It's a difficult subject for me as well. "To get over it" was pretty much the only conclusion I could come up with, considering it is nigh impossible to forget any offenses done to you.

[Robert Sock]

For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.

On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us -- for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our hatred, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!

[michaelnrdx]

Thank you, Robert. That was a very insightful response.

I used to believe that forgiveness was merely abstaining from vengeance, but it seems there is more to it. I'm somewhat obsessive with my thoughts, and for some of my enemies, even when I do not harbor hateful thoughts towards them, I still dwell on the things they have done and how it has damaged my quality of life. It is difficult to just forget.

I always hesitate during the Lord's Prayer at "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," because I haven't really forgiven my enemies. But yes, I do understand that we wouldn't be worthy of God's forgiveness if we are just petty, ungenerous people who need to exact vengeance on every little thing.

But yet, I think there is a difference between God's forgiveness and human forgiveness. Human forgiveness requires not only the absence of hate and resentment, but also forgetting--the freedom of the mind from dwelling on the damage done. That seems to require a sort of immunity against wounding. As God is all-powerful, of course He can forget offenses that do no harm to Him anyway. But for humans, we can try to forget the damage, but we always wake up in the morning to have it stare us in the face.

Originally Posted by Robert Sock

For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.

On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us -- for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our hatred, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!

[Paul theApostle]

I heard or read that when we have trouble forgiving someone,it is mainly us with the problem,who are not able to show love in that particualr area

Christ of course had the Love to forgive even his tormentors

If we cant forgive ,then it shows we are lacking love to forgive that person and trespass

If you cherished your car and someone damaged it ,you may find it harded to forgive the person than someone who isnt as much attached to their car..

Christ wants us to grow in His love and of course we may suffer persecution and crosses in this life and unfair treatment

Well then,what do we do?,do we try to become more Christlike, mercyful,loving and forgiving,or do we become wrathful ,unmerciful and unforgiving

"Pray for those who curse you and persecute you"
"Love your enemies"

[fms]

One day it dawned on me that 'the Lion lying down with the lamb' meant that in heaven those who hurt and those who were hurt, victim and victimizer, will be side by side.

God has said it, and he will do it.

Another evidence of his Might.

[Robert Sock]

Originally Posted by michaelnrdx

Thank you, Robert. That was a very insightful response.

I used to believe that forgiveness was merely abstaining from vengeance, but it seems there is more to it. I'm somewhat obsessive with my thoughts, and for some of my enemies, even when I do not harbor hateful thoughts towards them, I still dwell on the things they have done and how it has damaged my quality of life. It is difficult to just forget.

I always hesitate during the Lord's Prayer at "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," because I haven't really forgiven my enemies. But yes, I do understand that we wouldn't be worthy of God's forgiveness if we are just petty, ungenerous people who need to exact vengeance on every little thing.

But yet, I think there is a difference between God's forgiveness and human forgiveness. Human forgiveness requires not only the absence of hate and resentment, but also forgetting--the freedom of the mind from dwelling on the damage done. That seems to require a sort of immunity against wounding. As God is all-powerful, of course He can forget offenses that do no harm to Him anyway. But for humans, we can try to forget the damage, but we always wake up in the morning to have it stare us in the face.

I sometimes think of it as no celebrating in Heaven until every soul is saved and completely forgiven. In Hasidim, it is believed that every soul will eventually be saved. We are to have high esteem for all the souls of the faithfully departed.

[fms]

Originally Posted by Robert Sock

I sometimes think of it as no celebrating in Heaven until every soul is saved and completely forgiven. In Hasidim, it is believed that every soul will eventually be saved. We are to have high esteem for all the souls of the faithfully departed.

A Catholic quoting a Hasidim belief?? And the devil and his angels, they get saved too?

[Robert Sock]

Originally Posted by fms

A Catholic quoting a Hasidim belief?? And the devil and his angels, they get saved too?

There's a lot that Christians can learn from our Jewish brothers and sisters if we only break down the barriers that separate us.

I said nothing about Satan and his angels!

[fms]

Mt. 25: 41-42 Our Lord's own words:

Next he will say to those on his left hand, "Go away from me, with your curse upon you, to the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ..."

The objection here is your post is presented as if all souls will be saved in the end and it is given with typical spurious reasoning presented to elicit sympathy: 'heaven will not rejoice until...", "we are learning from our brothers...". "for the sake of unity..."

Learning but not refuting a falsehood??

PS recall: it's a woman's choice, it is not fair that they are not priests or are not allowed to marry, etc.

[AlanFromWichita]

Originally Posted by fms

A Catholic quoting a Hasidim belief?? And the devil and his angels, they get saved too?

If they are not "enemies," then why not?

If they are "enemies," then why didn't Jesus say to love and forgive some enemies?

[fms]

I have come to the knowledge that it pains the most when those who you love hurt/offend/betray you.

Judas' Betrayal:

Ps41:9

Even my closest and most trusted friend, who shared my table, rebels against me.

And Jesus reaction and response after being betrayed by a kiss?

Mt26:50

Friend, why are you here?

For me, it is sometime OK to ask the one who hurt you why they did what they did and point to them what the did. All for the purpose of making them realize the evil they did and hope that they turn away.

Forgiveness is also compatible with Justice e.g. seeking restitution from a business partner who defrauded you.

But above all, no matter how painful, it is including those who hurt you in your prayers - praying for their salvation (e.g. the one who raped and killed your child; your spouse' lover, etc.) thus identifying oneself to the will of the Father who wishes all men to be saved and come to the fullness of the truth.

"Lord, although my neighbor may not improve, although over and over again he/she might commit the same offence or do something that offends me, I should avoid all bitterness. My heart should be pure and kept clean of all enmity."

[Little Mary]

How do you forgive someone who does not seek your forgiveness? Your forgiveness and how you feel is simply not important to them, yet they continue to hurt you.

That is true in my life right now, and it is difficult not to harbor bitterness.