Having children 15 months apart - worried

Anemone1 · #1 Apr 9, '12, 7:54 am

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won't be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven't got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that's been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

TheRealJuliane · #2 Apr 9, '12, 8:09 am

First of all, congratulations on the new family member on the way!

Second, take extra good care of yourself - if you are home with your baby, take naps when he/she does, as often as possible. Get good nutrition and take your vitamins. Enlist the help of your husband to make sure you stay in good health with this pregnancy.

My sons were 23 months apart - not quite as close as yours will be. When I found out I was pregnant, our older son was 15 mos. old and I was enjoying him so much. But when his brother arrived, I loved him just as much. It was a big adjustment for all of us, but the two of them became very close over time. They are best friends now, and the younger brother just adores and looks up to his older brother so much.

My main advice remains to take good care of yourself now. And that includes telling anyone with an opinion, "We are HAPPY about this new little one, thank you very much!" And don't let their comments get to you!

p.s. Having children young is a GOOD THING! Being an older parent is more tiring. I had my 1st when I was 33, 2nd when I was 35. I was fortunate to conceive so easily, at those ages.

FatherOfMany · #3 Apr 9, '12, 8:21 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anemone1

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won't be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven't got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that's been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

Our first three were exactly 12 months apart, April, April and April. My wife just turned 20 (Feb) before we had our first. You will be streched at times, but no pain no gain. They will be your little "Saint Makers". God Bless!

1inICXC · #4 Apr 9, '12, 8:23 am

Dear Anemone,

Many, many hugs to you! I have been in a similar situation with my 3rd, who came much earlier than expected and I wemt through all the same anxieties: what will people say, how will I manage, poor middle child etc...

I was getting so anxious until I realized that if God gave us this child, it is His will and therefore for our good. I tried to spend my whole pregnancy worry-free and just trust God.
Now he's 14 months, and though it hasn't been easy God truly provided for us! We also learned that NFP can be very unreliable during the post-partum period but abstinence is not easy either. In the end, we got to progress in our sacrificial love and the rewards have been amazing.

Jesus loves you and trusts you and a child is always a gift, don't let people who were corrupted by this contreceptive mentality tell you otherwise. If they think it's going to be too hard, then good, they have 9 months to figure out how to help you. Everyone had something to say about each one of my pregnancies, and then the baby is born and they're all over them. Stay close to Jesus and our Mother in this time, they are faithful and all-loving the greatest helpers and consolers!

HelenRose · #5 Apr 9, '12, 8:34 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anemone1

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won't be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven't got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that's been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

My grandsons are 11 months apart. Their mother once told me that the first year was VERY difficult. To be honest those weren't exactly the words she used. After the first year it became easy because they entertained themselves.

I won't go into detail but my life has been filled with many children- my own and others. My experience has been that one child or even two children take up more of your time than five. All you have to do with a herd of kids is love them and feed them and be within hearing distance. I am blessed with a very fine "sit down and behave yourself" voice so I was able to keep some sense of order. But I loved them all and wouldn't change a thing.

Sisters, brothers, cousins, friends - laugher, arguments, events and love. Those are memories that fill a child's life.

EasterJoy · #6 Apr 9, '12, 8:47 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelenRose

My experience has been that one child or even two children take up more of your time than five....

I think that the needs of children expand to fill whatever time their parents (especially Mom) has available!

When kids are close in age, it is essential to enlist them in caring for each other. A friend I know who had several of her own and took in several relatives (for a total of ten or eleven!!), used to say, "Serve someone else first", and if she hadn't, she couldn't possibly have kept up. More importantly, in this way when you are caring for one, you are not ignoring the others, but teaching the others to serve. This will prime them so you can bring them all with you to do service projects when they are older, whether at church or at school or whereever. Let them know that this is what your family does.

As for the next 3-4 years, OP, I'd suggest "bomb-proofing"--I mean, hard-core "baby-proofing", I guess

-- the house. You're going to have to have it set up so that a child who is roaming unsupervised while a sibling is being tended to can only get into so much trouble, just as if you had multiples. We went so far as to get rid of furniture that the two could move by themselves. Also, you learn to do prep work in the kitchen while they're fresh, so that you have as little as possible to do during the "arsenic hour" when everyone is tired and cranky. Otherwise, you can predict that they will get into a spat the minute you get your hands in the raw meat.

It sounds like h*** on a bun, but it is doable, and totally worth it.

As for the people who say you're crazy...you didn't ask them, did you? If you did, stop doing that. If you didn't, well, who asked them? You can just say: "I tell you what, if you'll resolve to keep your mouth closed when you think I'm doing something hare-brained, I promise you that I'll keep doing the same for you."

GRATEFULONEjim · #7 Apr 9, '12, 8:48 am

Yes, my wife and I can relate. Our children are 13 months apart. We wanted them that close so they would play and learn and grow together. They are 9 and 10 years old now and we don't regret the decision at all. One mistake we did make though, was when we celebrated Birthdays, we would always give the other child a gift too. That would be done away with if we had to do it all over again. God Bless your family and enjoy your gifts from God.

MaryHelene · #8 Apr 9, '12, 8:49 am

Wow - that is very close together and I understand why you're worried. Having said that, you will be okay. Do not turn down offers of help out of pride or embarrassment. Take care of yourself and rely on your husband. Decide what duties and chores can be let go for the time being (for a while after our third was born, we switched to mostly frozen vegetables instead of fresh, I changed bed linens less often, the floor was Swiffered every other day instead of mopped, and the cat went outside full-time so that I didn't have to keep up with the fur or litter.) If you have the money, hire some of the housework out. This will be a tough season for you and your baby, but you will get through it. I will pray for you!

IsabelG · #9 Apr 9, '12, 8:50 am

Congratulations! My children are all 17 or 18 mths apart. And I had miscarriages in between, too. So, I know what it's like to be looked at like a crazy by my coworkers (i kept teaching for a while) and my family. Don't pay them any mind.

My God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus - Phil 4:19

They are truly a blessing. EAT WELL!!!! (and by that I mean quality calories) Rest as much as possible. (i know i know) After my 5th pregnancy, my body really did start shutting down since I didn't give it any time to really recover and I was working the whole time. Natural Family Planning works. Do y'all use this method? I highly recommend it.

God bless! Shalom!

IsabelG · #10 Apr 9, '12, 8:54 am

My MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group has been a GREAT source of support. Every weekly meeting, I am treated to breakfast and about two hours of adult time, with kids being watched by childcare. At meetings, we chat, listen to speakers, do crafts, participate in service projects, depending on the day. Perhaps you can look for a group in your area? Ours meets at a Baptist church. It is a TREMENDOUS BLESSING!!!! God bless!

Hecares · #11 Apr 9, '12, 8:50 am

My first two sons were 14 months apart. I'm looking back from a distance of many years, so I'm sure my glasses are making those days look rosier. I do remember frustration when they wouldn't sleep at the same time. However they were on similar schedules before long. I had to put the younger one in a playpen when I couldn't be right there to watch - to protect him from the older one stepping on him or trying to carry him or such. He used to stand in the playpen and watch his older brother play. His first word was"pow," which he learned from playing with his older brother. Dad was in the military, so we couldn't ban pretend guns altogether. They both grew up to be fine adults, and very different too.I found the third child to be the biggest adjustment because then I didn't have a hand for each one.

triumphguy · #12 Apr 9, '12, 8:52 am

I'm 14 months older than my brother, who is 11 months older than the next one

There were 2 more after that.

We all survived - as did my mum and dad

Rita77 · #13 Apr 9, '12, 9:11 am

my first two are 16 months apart, number 2 and 3 are 12 months apart, number 3 and 4 are 26 months apart. number 4 is 18 months old so our spacing of number 5 would be greater than 27 months apart at this point. it took us a while (and some kids) to learn postpartum nfp. normal cycles seem easy now.
best advice for worrying about what other people think is ignore them. if they ask a personal question don't answer and ask a personal question right back at them.
going to a catholic moms group has really helped me. if you don't have one in your parish try to start one and if that’s not possible join one online or talk with us nfp mothers here on CAF.
find a great babysitter go on dates and have girls day out etc.
if you want to talk postpartum nfp you found the right forum. in the parenting thread there is a group call "pregnant or not" we talk nfp all day every day. also just start a thread with question(s) is helpful too. there are many different methods of nfp and all work differently we can try to help you find the one that works best for you or try some tips that help the method you already use. all nfp methods have postpartum info. it is the hardest time to use nfp.
I have struggled with postpartum depression and worry about it each time it really helps to talk to your doctor, husband and other moms that understand.
its hard to trust God with our fertility but its good for our souls.

SonCatcher · #14 Apr 9, '12, 9:25 am

I am 14 months older than my brother. It was great growing up with a sibling so close to my age. We literally did everything together. The next brother came 5 years later - that was a huge adjustment.

chris138 · #15 Apr 9, '12, 9:32 am

Congratulations!!! What a blessing.

I had two--5 months apart--how did I do this you ask--fostermom here. I had little hannah arrive on the scene at almost 2 months old with her 3yo sister, then 3 months later another call it's a boy 1 week old and crazy me said yes, what was I thinking??? I have to say that the first year is a blur, I had formula everywhere since nursing was not an option. We made it, though it was tough(this is where your youth will be a good thing!!). After they started moving around and playing it was great they kept each other busy!! They played really well together and with the exception of a few fights here and there over toys it was great. Little Hannah(and her sister) left us about two months ago(she was 3years 7months

). We adopted the little guy and he is keeping us busier than ever now that he is alone!!

As far as what others think, just let them know you're just getting started.....

. It is really none of thier business. It is between God, you, and your husband. Fertiltiy is a gift.