I would be more "open to life" if I could get my tubes tied!

LaSainte · #1 May 11, '12, 7:42 pm

Ironically, this is true. I have 2 boys under 3. I am 35. I would like to try for a girl, but I know myself, and 3 is my absolute MAX. As it is, I am utterly exhausted. The thing is, if I try for a girl and get pregnant, then what if NFP fails after that? I can't risk it. The only thing I can do is practice NFP from now until I am no longer fertile. That way, if I get pregnant, it won't be a disaster. So assuming NFP works as well as the people on here claim, I will have only 2 kids, whereas if I could just have one more and then have my tunes tied, I would probably do that. I just cannot risk having 4, so I will probably end up with only 2 instead of the 3 I would actually like. Ironic isn't it?

LucyLight · #2 May 11, '12, 8:15 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaSainte

Ironically, this is true. I have 2 boys under 3. I am 35. I would like to try for a girl, but I know myself, and 3 is my absolute MAX. As it is, I am utterly exhausted. The thing is, if I try for a girl and get pregnant, then what if NFP fails after that? I can't risk it. The only thing I can do is practice NFP from now until I am no longer fertile. That way, if I get pregnant, it won't be a disaster. So assuming NFP works as well as the people on here claim, I will have only 2 kids, whereas if I could just have one more and then have my tunes tied, I would probably do that. I just cannot risk having 4, so I will probably end up with only 2 instead of the 3 I would actually like. Ironic isn't it?

Just go for the girl

NFP really does work some of the methods are "safer" than others. If you stick to phase 3 only its almost impossible to get pregnant. You also might have to abstain more postpartum to be safe. I know its stressful it took me a while to trust the method.

Ancient1 · #3 May 11, '12, 8:46 pm

I'm wondering what is this magic number 3 and you "just cannot risk" having 4. By the time you had #4, most likely the little guys now would be in school every day and outside playing every afternoon. You have decided 3 is OK but 4 is...?....what? Too stressful? A health risk? You're too old? I just don't get the logic of your entire post.

Rence · #4 May 11, '12, 9:01 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ancient1

I'm wondering what is this magic number 3 and you "just cannot risk" having 4. By the time you had #4, most likely the little guys now would be in school every day and outside playing every afternoon. You have decided 3 is OK but 4 is...?....what? Too stressful? A health risk? You're too old? I just don't get the logic of your entire post.

I do. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Everyone is different.

LaSainte · #5 May 12, '12, 5:09 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rence

I do. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Everyone is different.

Gosh thank you! I was starting to feel like a freak!

Sillara · #6 May 12, '12, 5:53 am

I used to be a Protestant. I, too, thought I was "done" after three children.

But then I came to the Church. Actually, much of what drew me to Her was Her least popular teachings, the indissolubility of marriage and the intrinsic evil of contraception. I knew that until fairly recently (Lambeth Conference) the teaching on the evil of contraception had been universal among all Christians. When we converted, we knew what it would mean.

I was in your boat in that I was tired, exhausted, wanting to do other things, not wanting to be "too old" when my children were grown. But I acknowledged that the Church knew better than I did. We did not have, at that time, sufficiently "grave" reasons not to have children.

We now have six children. It's easier now than it was back when I had two or three. My others are bigger, older, and able to help.

We are not likely to have any more, but if we do, then we do. If it becomes too dangerous for us to have any more (which is possible, given my medical history, which I won't go into here), then we will deal with it as it comes.

What I can deal with now is not what I could have dealt with back when I had only 2-3 children. As the children come, my ability to handle them comes, too.

Armor of Light · #7 May 12, '12, 7:59 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaSainte

Gosh thank you! I was starting to feel like a freak!

LaSainte- You are not a freak! Nor are you alone..Your expression of being overwhelmed and at your limit is perfectly understandable and I thank you for being honest.

I have 4 kids..15, 13, 5, and 1 more on the way any day now. I'm saying goodbye to my '40's pretty soon. I get it.

All I can say is: The graces needed for the NFP lifestyle come when you need them!! Often times not before you need them. Stay open to life. It is WAY easier now that I'm older, and My older kids (boys) don't even help out. Piece-o-cake

LaSainte · #8 May 12, '12, 9:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armor of Light

LaSainte- You are not a freak! Nor are you alone..Your expression of being overwhelmed and at your limit is perfectly understandable and I thank you for being honest.

I have 4 kids..15, 13, 5, and 1 more on the way any day now. I'm saying goodbye to my '40's pretty soon. I get it.

All I can say is: The graces needed for the NFP lifestyle come when you need them!! Often times not before you need them. Stay open to life. It is WAY easier now that I'm older, and My older kids (boys) don't even help out. Piece-o-cake

Wow! You're my hero

. Keep up the good work!

Armor of Light · #9 May 14, '12, 7:14 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaSainte

Wow! You're my hero

. Keep up the good work!

Aww..Thanks

My first marriage was I think seriously damaged by this issue, and ABC in general.

I am re-married now..my wife was not catholic when we met, and was fully supportive of ABC. She wasn't sure if God even existed. She leaned towards pro-abortion. I'll never forget asking the Holy Spirit for the courage and right words to suggest NFP to her. I did not know ANYTHING about it...just that it really is the ONLY approved option for catholics. By the grace of God...our eyes were opened, her eyes were opened!! She converted and was confirmed 2 years ago, understands the damage that ABC can cause in a marriage and sees abortion for the evil that it is. NFP has brought us SO much closer together. Kid #4 was not 'planned', but NFP really works. We totally knew what most likely would happen last September 5th (yes...it works that well) and, well, there y'go. We are open to life and I sure never thought after 2 older boys and a failed marriage that I'd be a father to 2 MORE kids and have a wonderful marriage to boot.

Honestly, I'm sorry that you are getting a bunch of guff from some of the people on here. I'm a little wary of people with like 10 bazillion postings anyways because...well y'know. They are not all PhD's. Some I think are bitter and unhappy and spend too much time on the internet.

LaSainte... I will continue to pray for you and your family. Especially your husband. NFP really has worked for us. Learn about it and pray and maybe (more than maybe) the Holy Spirit will guide you and your family along and give you the graces and peace of mind necessary to persevere. It CAN happen! Sins and regret are more damaging to the family than kids after all!!

LaSainte · #10 May 14, '12, 7:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armor of Light

Aww..Thanks

My first marriage was I think seriously damaged by this issue, and ABC in general.

I am re-married now..my wife was not catholic when we met, and was fully supportive of ABC. She wasn't sure if God even existed. She leaned towards pro-abortion. I'll never forget asking the Holy Spirit for the courage and right words to suggest NFP to her. I did not know ANYTHING about it...just that it really is the ONLY approved option for catholics. By the grace of God...our eyes were opened, her eyes were opened!! She converted and was confirmed 2 years ago, understands the damage that ABC can cause in a marriage and sees abortion for the evil that it is. NFP has brought us SO much closer together. Kid #4 was not 'planned', but NFP really works. We totally knew what most likely would happen last September 5th (yes...it works that well) and, well, there y'go. We are open to life and I sure never thought after 2 older boys and a failed marriage that I'd be a father to 2 MORE kids and have a wonderful marriage to boot.

Honestly, I'm sorry that you are getting a bunch of guff from some of the people on here. I'm a little wary of people with like 10 bazillion postings anyways because...well y'know. They are not all PhD's. Some I think are bitter and unhappy and spend too much time on the internet.

LaSainte... I will continue to pray for you and your family. Especially your husband. NFP really has worked for us. Learn about it and pray and maybe (more than maybe) the Holy Spirit will guide you and your family along and give you the graces and peace of mind necessary to persevere. It CAN happen! Sins and regret are more damaging to the family than kids after all!!

Wonderful post! Congratulations to you on your beautiful family and your wonderful marriage! God is good! Thank you so much for the kind words and believe me, I will be praying and I so appreciate your prayers

TheRealJuliane · #11 May 14, '12, 7:33 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armor of Light

Aww..Thanks

My first marriage was I think seriously damaged by this issue, and ABC in general.

I am re-married now..my wife was not catholic when we met, and was fully supportive of ABC. She wasn't sure if God even existed. She leaned towards pro-abortion. I'll never forget asking the Holy Spirit for the courage and right words to suggest NFP to her. I did not know ANYTHING about it...just that it really is the ONLY approved option for catholics. By the grace of God...our eyes were opened, her eyes were opened!! She converted and was confirmed 2 years ago, understands the damage that ABC can cause in a marriage and sees abortion for the evil that it is. NFP has brought us SO much closer together. Kid #4 was not 'planned', but NFP really works. We totally knew what most likely would happen last September 5th (yes...it works that well) and, well, there y'go. We are open to life and I sure never thought after 2 older boys and a failed marriage that I'd be a father to 2 MORE kids and have a wonderful marriage to boot.

Honestly, I'm sorry that you are getting a bunch of guff from some of the people on here. I'm a little wary of people with like 10 bazillion postings anyways because...well y'know. They are not all PhD's. Some I think are bitter and unhappy and spend too much time on the internet.

LaSainte... I will continue to pray for you and your family. Especially your husband. NFP really has worked for us. Learn about it and pray and maybe (more than maybe) the Holy Spirit will guide you and your family along and give you the graces and peace of mind necessary to persevere. It CAN happen! Sins and regret are more damaging to the family than kids after all!!

Would you like to make that distinction to our virtual faces? Or just make a snide insult without quantifying it?

Armor of Light · #12 May 14, '12, 7:57 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

Would you like to make that distinction to our virtual faces? Or just make a snide insult without quantifying it?

1) my opinion...clearly stated as such.
2) Most people do not have a PhD so I'm safe in that assumption.
3) 10 bazillion is not even close to your number, so relax

PM if you want and I'll tell you the backstory behind all of this..

jilly4ski · #13 May 14, '12, 8:01 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

Would you like to make that distinction to our virtual faces? Or just make a snide insult without quantifying it?

lol, that actually kind of funny. I joined CAF (specifically the pregnant mamas thread) because I was lonely and scared, pregnant with my first child, a honeymoon baby, 1000 miles away from family, and going to school. I don't have a PHD, but I do have a doctorate.

Again I don't think we are all reading the same posts. I have not read (or there was only one or two) which suggested that the OP should have as many kids as possible or more than she thinks she can handle. We have questioned her absolute number, because it seems based on a false understanding of large families. We are trying to show the OP that she is operating based on a false understanding, both about what NFP is (that having 3 children will somehow equal having 4 children) and what large families consist of (normal people living normal lives). We have been advocating active discernment instead of deciding now and forever.

LaSainte, your terminology was insulting. You equated improper motives ("bigger is better" and "bandwagon") of having children to people you have never met and don't know why they have large families. Indeed most people posting on this thread don't even have a large family by any stretch of the imagination. RJ has 2, I have 2 with one on the way.

Not to mention no one has suggested that you must have a large family. indeed your age alone would probably inhibit you from having a large family even if you desired it. My mother always wanted a large family and ended up having 6 children. But she only had 3 live children in her thirties and none in her forties. The only reason she got 3 was because my little brother and sister were twins. (She also lost 3 children, 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic, in her thirties).

LaSainte · #14 May 12, '12, 4:52 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ancient1

I'm wondering what is this magic number 3 and you "just cannot risk" having 4. By the time you had #4, most likely the little guys now would be in school every day and outside playing every afternoon. You have decided 3 is OK but 4 is...?....what? Too stressful? A health risk? You're too old? I just don't get the logic of your entire post.

Too stressful, WAY too expensive, getting too old, don't want to be in a walker when my kids are finally out of the house, want to be able to send my kids to college...

Melchior_ · #15 May 11, '12, 8:50 pm

So you get your tubes tied. What happens if you get pregnant then? It happened to my mother, actually. And if she waited another five minutes to go to the hospital, she would have died on the table due to her tube breaking.

Ectopic pregnancy.

You can still get knocked up after your tubes getting tied. What do you do after that if you conceive a child?