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  #1  
Old Mar 19, '13, 3:34 am
Paida Matochi Paida Matochi is offline
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Unhappy Husband has extra marital affairs

I need help, my husband of 10 years continuously has extra marital affairs and now I'm thinking of getting a divorce. We have three kids, 9, 7, 1.5 years. Each time he promises to stop but it's only for a short while then he they cycle starts again. Will it be wrong to divorce? I would not like the kids to grow up seeing that kind of behaviour. I have prayed and I think now I can't pray anymore. Please help!!!!
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  #2  
Old Mar 19, '13, 5:18 am
polki polki is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

Talk to your priest about your situation and see what he suggests. See if there is a Christian counsellor in your area that you can talk to as well. God bless.
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  #3  
Old Mar 19, '13, 5:25 am
jonathan_hili jonathan_hili is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

My heart goes out to you, Paida.

I also suggest speaking with your pastor and getting Catholic counselling. Moreover, finding out what is at the root of the problem. If your husband is genuinely repentant and desires to be faithful but is struggling with it, why is this so?z

I pray God will bless you and help you through this, for your sake, for your husband's and your children.

Jonathan
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  #4  
Old Mar 19, '13, 5:33 am
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mountee mountee is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

You will have my prayers for support and guidance. May your heart open to the will of God for your life and I pray that you will hear loud and clear the path for peace. You simply must discuss this situation with your priest and count on the guidance that he will give you to be of the Holy Spirit. God bless you my sister.
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Old Mar 19, '13, 6:18 am
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Ophelia23 Ophelia23 is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

Oh sweet one, my heart breaks for you. I can not even begin to imagine the burden this has caused in your heart, or the weight that sits upon your shoulders as you hold your family together. Please know that my heart and my prayers go out to you. You are worthy, you are loved, you are a mother; You are a part of this mystical body of Christ. Don't forget your value even if your husband has forgotten it entirely.

Please heed others' advice and speak with your parish priest for guidance. While this is an amazing website and is wonderful for support and prayers, it is also home to a lot of opinion. Visiting your priest will allow you to receive objective Catholic guidance in your situation.

As much as it hurts, pray for your husband. May our gracious and loving God guide, comfort, and protect you as you negotiate these very choppy waters. And don't forget that it is Christ himself who calms the water in the storm.
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  #6  
Old Mar 19, '13, 6:33 am
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Boswell Boswell is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

It may be that your husband struggles with Sexual Addiction. This would NOT excuse the behavior, but it might explain it. Go to www.SA.org and read about it. Look for a meeting in your area, and suggest to your husband that, if he truly wants to change his behavior, he go to a meeting and talk with some of the folks there. You and he could also seek out a counselor who specializes in sexual addiction. If this is truly what his problem is, the concept of sin alone is not enough to break the cycle.

It will be a long and painful journey back to where you are a loving couple again, but it will be worth it.

I will pray for you both.

Boswell
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  #7  
Old Mar 19, '13, 7:01 am
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robwar robwar is online now
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paida Matochi View Post
I need help, my husband of 10 years continuously has extra marital affairs and now I'm thinking of getting a divorce. We have three kids, 9, 7, 1.5 years. Each time he promises to stop but it's only for a short while then he they cycle starts again. Will it be wrong to divorce? I would not like the kids to grow up seeing that kind of behaviour. I have prayed and I think now I can't pray anymore. Please help!!!!
I am so sorry. talk with your priest and get some help. Likewise there is Retrouveau which offers help to those in your situation. Likewise get yourself checked for STDs. Again I am so sorry.
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  #8  
Old Mar 19, '13, 8:51 am
thewanderer thewanderer is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

I'm just going to throw this out there, but infidelity is one of the explicit reasons the Church gives as justifying both seperation and refusing to give the marital debt. Does that mean that you have to seperate? No, but you are certainly entitled to. And, if in seperating the only way to protect your and your children is by getting a divorce then a divorce would be allowed. Again, I am not saying you should go get a divorce and I agree with the above suggestion that you should talk with a priest about this situation.

Above all, you need to be strong for your children. You need to figure out what is best for them, there is unfortunately no good situation here. If you stay they will grow up with a poor example both of marriage and of the behaviour of a father and husband. If you go they will either have no father in their life, or be stuck moving around between you and him which can also cause problems. Now I know its probably really painful to hear that, but also do please realize that the way you behave and react can make a huge difference to them. Don't speak bitterly of your husband in front of them or to them. Don't even think about dating or finding someone else, instead go to Christ and pray to him for the strength to live as you are called to in your situation. I know it is extremely difficult, but I can promise you from experience that the better and more saintly of an example you set for your children, the more you will be able to effect them positively. My parents split because of an abusive situation and my mother's amazing example is what has kept me on track and prevented me from having to deal with nearly as many emotional problems as so many other kids of divorce and seperation. So, while there is no perfect situation here for your kids, the way you react can help them immensely, even if it doesn't seem like it for quite a while. You are in my prayers.
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  #9  
Old Mar 19, '13, 8:59 am
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Gatekeeper Gatekeeper is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

Quote:
Originally Posted by Boswell View Post
It may be that your husband struggles with Sexual Addiction. This would NOT excuse the behavior, but it might explain it. Go to www.SA.org and read about it. Look for a meeting in your area, and suggest to your husband that, if he truly wants to change his behavior, he go to a meeting and talk with some of the folks there. You and he could also seek out a counselor who specializes in sexual addiction. If this is truly what his problem is, the concept of sin alone is not enough to break the cycle.

It will be a long and painful journey back to where you are a loving couple again, but it will be worth it.

I will pray for you both.

Boswell
This and a Priest. Also, do not assume your husband doesn't love you. He is going through some internal struggles. My suggestion to him is to offer it up during Mass, tell God everything.
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  #10  
Old Jun 17, '13, 1:25 pm
Paigeb35 Paigeb35 is offline
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Default Re: Husband has extra marital affairs

I can so relate to you and my heart breaks for you. My husband is a SA and I just found out 6 months ago he cheated on me with 7 hookers in a two year period. To say I am devastated is an understatement. He is working with a SA therapist and is going to 12 step meetings. I am also in counseling for myself, but this is truly the most painful thing I ever imagined going through.
My H had a lifelong history of porn addiction, cyber sex and 900 calls, but 20 years ago no one talked about SA so not only did I not know the severity of his problem, I didnt know about SA, now I know all too much about it.
He is very broken and remorseful and praise God, has turned to God for the first time in his life since his cheating was discovered. I know how broken he is, but my heart, mind and soul are shattered. I would make sure your husband goes to counseling for an evaluation to see if is a SA. It doesn't excuse what they do or ease the pain, but at least it's an answer as to why they did it. Prayers and blessings for peace go out to you.
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