You are not a homosexual. You are a person who has homosexual tendencies. I am not being picky here. There is much more to being human than any one aspect of ourselves. You are a Catholic who has same-sex attractions and your Church is not against you.
Like every other human being, you have been blessed with existenceónot because you deserve it, but because God in His generosity has given it to you. It is such a basic gift, that most of us ordinarily donít even think of it as such. But it is. If God wanted to take it back, He would not have to do anything. He would have to STOP doing something. Itís a gift that He keeps giving or we would simply cease to exist. There is no way that we could ever pay Him for this.
So from the start, we owe Him big time. Now besides this we all have many other gifts as well. Some of us can paint portraits or play the piano. None of us has every gift. Some of the greatest gifts He gives us are the individual crosses that He places in our lives that offer us the opportunity to grow in our love for Him.
Some people carry the cross of not being able to hear or see, while others, the cross of not being able to marry for any number of reasons. One could rant and complain that such is not fair. If God has chosen to create us, then He owes us the basics. At least He owes us a healthy body and psyche! But as we have seen, He doesnít owe us anything. We owe Him. Further, He has shown us that He really cares about us and loves us with a love that is infiniteóit has no limit. This is difficult for us to get our minds around since everything we experience has limits. But on that first Good Friday as He hung on the cross, He gave us a glimpse of what unlimited love is. It is there that we can come to an understanding of the value of our own crosses. They give us the opportunity to respond to such love in a concrete way that is as totally unique as the individual crosses He has given us.
Dear Equinox, you have a very special place in the Church. You have been called to have no other partner in life than Him. The world does not understand this. It speaks as if Good Friday never happened. But by the gift of faith that you do have, you know that almighty God chose to favor you with the gift of Himself in a very intimate and unique way. Selfless love is not easy for us, but He is so worth it!
I would suggest that you check out this website: http://couragerc.net/
Check this website out as well--should this cross of yours be only for a temporary period of time: http://www.narth.com/docs/repair.html
You are in my prayers. Feel free to write again ó privately if you wish.
Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.