My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor

bones_IV · #1 Dec 19, '06, 4:14 pm

What's this now? Very interesting article. A must read.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...121501820.html

chicago · #2 Dec 19, '06, 10:10 pm

I've been predicting for about 10 years that the day would soon come when the children of the artificial insemination and in vitro generation came of age and starting voicing in their own identifiable personages what we have long known. All it takes is no longer being able to put it "out of sight, out of mind". And for people to stand in solidaity with strength of numbers. The baby boomers' power and self centered ways won't last forever. One day, they too will die and perhaps the children of this silly season will be able to lead forward from the mistakes made which so many young people have had to pay the price for, though they are the actual victims.

chicago · #3 Dec 19, '06, 10:21 pm

Quote:

As relief about my own situation has come to me, I've talked freely and regularly about being donor-conceived, in public and in private. In the beginning, I also talked about it a lot with my biological father. After a bit, though, I noticed that his enthusiasm for our developing relationship seemed to be waning. When I told him of my suspicion, he confirmed that he was tired of "this whole sperm-donor thing." The irony stings me more each time I think of him saying that. The very thing that brought us together was pushing us in opposite directions.

In other words, "Quit reminding me of what a *&%@$^ I am!"

chicago · #4 Dec 19, '06, 10:50 pm

I wonder how many other little boys and girls he may be "daddy" to. (I wonder if the author of the article has even thought about that).

bones_IV · #5 Dec 20, '06, 9:48 am

This part is particularly painful.

"As relief about my own situation has come to me, I've talked freely and regularly about being donor-conceived, in public and in private. In the beginning, I also talked about it a lot with my biological father. After a bit, though, I noticed that his enthusiasm for our developing relationship seemed to be waning. When I told him of my suspicion, he confirmed that he was tired of "this whole sperm-donor thing." The irony stings me more each time I think of him saying that. The very thing that brought us together was pushing us in opposite directions."

What's really telling about this is this woman is a perfect example of how painful it is to not be able to comprehend the reason why you cannot know your father. How long is it going to be before our nation wakes up and saves itself?! I ask God, "How much longer Lord?"

beckers · #6 Dec 20, '06, 2:28 pm

I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter to the "products" of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.

When I read some of the mothers' thoughts about their choice for conception, it made me feel degraded to nothing more than a vial of frozen sperm. It seemed to me that most of the mothers and donors give little thought to the feelings of the children who would result from their actions. It's not so much that they're coldhearted as that they don't consider what the children might think once they grow up.

Great Quote!

We have a werid society. No baby has a chance to decide if it wants to be born. God has that right.Some babies come out fine and then some are killed by their parents because they are not wanted and some are "bought & sold" by the medically community because one parent does want a child. We have such a sad society when it comes to life. When will the selfishness be defeated?

Gabriel Gale · #7 Dec 23, '06, 7:42 am

Great article!
She really opens our eyes to the hidden but dehumanizing aspect of reproductive medicine and the fertility industry, the separation of the mother and father. The author was not only deprived of a relationship with her biological father but she was deprived of a relationship with any father, no adoptive father, no step-father.

She doesn’t miss the biological connection. She misses a “man picking me up and swinging me around in the front yard, a manly man melting at a touch from his little girl.” The kids can’t even grieve over the loss of a father.

The culture has become so accepting of single motherhood that the absence of fathers is no big deal if you can afford to go with-out. The kids don’t want that deal.

Gabriel Gale · #8 Dec 23, '06, 7:46 am

Speaking of siblings:

Elizabeth Marquardt at the excellent blog about the Brave New Family, Family Scholars Blog as usual makes an interesting observation:

Of course, the fact that all these half-siblings, and who knows how many more, were conceived in and mostly growing up in Colorado, and are now teenagers, and it’s completely up to their parents and the clinics whether to tell them the truth, and they will soon begin dating and might find that cute guy or girl who seems so *familiar* somehow really attractive… that fact alone — that we are intentionally setting up a generation of young people who could unknowingly sleep with a half-sibling — should be setting off alarm bells everywhere.

What about dad? That fun man who’s old enough to be your father may be your father.

didymus · #9 Dec 25, '06, 6:11 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by chicago

I've been predicting for about 10 years that the day would soon come when the children of the artificial insemination and in vitro generation came of age and starting voicing in their own identifiable personages what we have long known. All it takes is no longer being able to put it "out of sight, out of mind". And for people to stand in solidaity with strength of numbers. The baby boomers' power and self centered ways won't last forever. One day, they too will die and perhaps the children of this silly season will be able to lead forward from the mistakes made which so many young people have had to pay the price for, though they are the actual victims.

The young lady mentions her mother being on Food Stamps which made me wonder something. Way back before labs women who wanted a "fatherless" child [oxymoron alert!] would do it the old fashioned way and sign a contract with the donor guaranteeing anonymity, relieving him of child support, &c.

These contracts were found invalid because the right to child support belongs to the child and can't be signed away by the mother. Why has this principle disappeared simply because a lab now stands between the mother and the "donor"?

Maybe someone can correct me but I've read that the US is the only country where sperm is a commercial commodity, i.e. anyone (any woman actually) can walk in and buy it. In the EU & UK at least these labs exist only to treat infertility (yes, I know that's bad in iteslf).

Looking to the future: will couple contemplating marriage have to get DNA scans to make sure they aren't half-sibs or first cousins?

tamccrackine · #10 Dec 25, '06, 10:01 pm

That's a sad article.

It's never about the kids... it's all about the parents and THEIR situation. Just like abortion... never about the kid, but it's all about the parent. Selfish. Bottom line.

chicago · #11 Dec 25, '06, 11:47 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by didymus

Maybe someone can correct me but I've read that the US is the only country where sperm is a commercial commodity, i.e. anyone (any woman actually) can walk in and buy it. In the EU & UK at least these labs exist only to treat infertility (yes, I know that's bad in iteslf).

In all cases (and wherever in the world) what is really being treated by such methods has nothing to do with disease, but everything to do with desire.

beckers · #12 Dec 26, '06, 10:32 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by didymus

The young lady mentions her mother being on Food Stamps which made me wonder something. Way back before labs women who wanted a "fatherless" child [oxymoron alert!] would do it the old fashioned way and sign a contract with the donor guaranteeing anonymity, relieving him of child support, &c.

These contracts were found invalid because the right to child support belongs to the child and can't be signed away by the mother. Why has this principle disappeared simply because a lab now stands between the mother and the "donor"?

Maybe someone can correct me but I've read that the US is the only country where sperm is a commercial commodity, i.e. anyone (any woman actually) can walk in and buy it. In the EU & UK at least these labs exist only to treat infertility (yes, I know that's bad in iteslf).

Looking to the future: will couple contemplating marriage have to get DNA scans to make sure they aren't half-sibs or first cousins?

very good point. i didn't have any clue about the laws being different in the US for Europe.

I guess if you don't know who your father is that you better have a blood test before you get married to make sure you don't marry a sibiling.

kim3260 · #13 Dec 28, '06, 4:45 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by didymus

Looking to the future: will couple contemplating marriage have to get DNA scans to make sure they aren't half-sibs or first cousins?

This is the scariest part of all. A future generation of children with major medical and mental problems due to the fact that their Mom and Dad are sister and brother or at the very least first cousins.
It not just sperm but those donor eggs too.
Also even scarier is where they are supposingly the husband's sperm and wife's eggs there have been "slip ups" that they see right away, (examples) white baby born to black couple, white family with oriental baby and so on. But how many go unnotice because "the slip up" just happens to have blue eyes and blonde hair just like "Dad's"?