Lending money to friends - Page 2

Jeanne_dArc · #16 May 24, '08, 10:59 am

I usually don't lend money to friends. (Aside from the occasional normal things that come up, like if my friends needs a few more quarters for laundry or if they are a few bucks short at the store.) I'm a college student as well, and I've learned it's best not to lend an amount you don't mind giving away. Because someday someone is not going to pay you back and you can end up losing a friend. (And any real friend will understand you not lending a large sum of money.)

Now, if you don't really need the money and wouldn't mind losing $400, then it would be very nice to lend it. But, it does seem a bit strange that he wouldn't want other people to know your lending him the money. If he's starving or has no place to stay or something the situation might be different, but if he's just in a tight spot I would recommend at least making a written contract before lending the money.

CountryMom27 · #17 May 24, '08, 11:13 am

One word - don't. We have, and it taints the relationship. We have thousands of dollars that WE NEED and our family/friends have not repaid a dime. It makes me feel like an idiot for agreeing to it, and it impacts how I feel about the people in question.

**whatevergirl** · #18 May 24, '08, 2:32 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by CountryMom27

One word - don't. We have, and it taints the relationship. We have thousands of dollars that WE NEED and our family/friends have not repaid a dime. It makes me feel like an idiot for agreeing to it, and it impacts how I feel about the people in question.

They just never paid it back? Did they say they would in a certain timeframe? I'm sorry that happened.

whiteknite · #19 May 24, '08, 2:40 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just wondering

Yes, I know, it's a very bad idea!

My friends and I, though, regularly help each other out financially. I've borrowed money three or four times in the last few months when my paycheque was late or when my tuition was due a few days before payday. Friends have borrowed money from me when their financial obligations exceeded their paycheques.

Now, a friend of my boyfriend (let's call him Adam) approached me and asked to borrow $400. He called me about 20 minutes after I'd been offered a great job that pays a much higher salary than my current job, so I figured God was giving me an opportunity to share my good fortune. The money is to pay Adam's brother's hospital bills after a motorcycle accident, so I figure if I don't get it back it's a worthy charitable donation.

Adam is not just my boyfriend's friend, but also a friend of mine - we chat on the phone fairly often, and I've gone out with him without my boyfriend sometimes. However, usually Adam calls my boyfriend to tell him that we're going out, so he hears it from us and not from some gossip.

The problem is that Adam doesn't want to tell my boyfriend he's borrowing money from me, because he figures my boyfriend will think he's taking advantage. It's my money, so I don't feel that I have to inform my boyfriend that I'm doing it, but the secrecy makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure what to do. Would you lend the money?

Personaly i think:-
1. Tell your boyfriend, Dont purposly keep this stuff of financial deals to yourself. Use your Bf as your witness to the loan..
2. Get everything in writing, So its very clear its a loan and not a gift.
3. Once he has paid you back get reciepts to show everything of value and stuff example:- Time and dates and witnesses

You never know a person till there is money involved

CountryMom27 · #20 May 24, '08, 2:43 pm

Nope, they never paid it back, and yes they said they would within a certain timeframe. One loan, we were on vacation and my BIL called, desperate for $4000 (or maybe $5000, not sure now what it was), to tide him over for TWO WEEKS until his tax return came in or something. We sold some stock, wired him the money, and zippo. He's broke, still (he's a musician), but when we go to visit him and his partner, why is it he has full cable with HBO and a big flat screen TV and we have basic on a tiny 15 year old TV?

To BIL's credit, he says he will repay us as soon as something hits - but the loan was 6 years ago.

The other friend was our best man - yes, can you believe it - and he makes a huge salary, more than we do, but he has lots of kids and pays a lot of child support and they (he & his current wife & kids) live a much higher standard of living than we do. He has never said a word about it. DH won't mention it to him because money is tight for him, but again, we're talking $$$ that we need. It's humiliating for me. I can't even look at our friend without getting incensed about it. But he is DH's friend and it isn't my place to go behind his back and talk about it.

When we lent money to my brother and his wife (twice), they immediately started a repayment plan and sent us a check every month like clockwork. I don't understand why his brother can't do the same. I mean, get rid of the cable and send us $100 a month. Right?

It's bad news all around.

newf · #21 May 24, '08, 5:12 pm

Do NOT lend what you cannot afford to give away.

**whatevergirl** · #22 May 24, '08, 5:28 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by CountryMom27

Nope, they never paid it back, and yes they said they would within a certain timeframe. One loan, we were on vacation and my BIL called, desperate for $4000 (or maybe $5000, not sure now what it was), to tide him over for TWO WEEKS until his tax return came in or something. We sold some stock, wired him the money, and zippo. He's broke, still (he's a musician), but when we go to visit him and his partner, why is it he has full cable with HBO and a big flat screen TV and we have basic on a tiny 15 year old TV?

To BIL's credit, he says he will repay us as soon as something hits - but the loan was 6 years ago.

The other friend was our best man - yes, can you believe it - and he makes a huge salary, more than we do, but he has lots of kids and pays a lot of child support and they (he & his current wife & kids) live a much higher standard of living than we do. He has never said a word about it. DH won't mention it to him because money is tight for him, but again, we're talking $$$ that we need. It's humiliating for me. I can't even look at our friend without getting incensed about it. But he is DH's friend and it isn't my place to go behind his back and talk about it.

When we lent money to my brother and his wife (twice), they immediately started a repayment plan and sent us a check every month like clockwork. I don't understand why his brother can't do the same. I mean, get rid of the cable and send us $100 a month. Right?

It's bad news all around.

I have to believe that you and your dh are earning your wings in heaven.

I am sorry this happened..it stinks when you give to others, and they don't follow through with their word. I think that lending money can taint relationships...if the other party falls short on its word, absolutely. I remember lending money to one of my best friends back in college...and instead of paying me back, she sported a new pair of boots. Hmmm...she eventually paid me back, but I remember feeling 'stupid' for doing so. But don't be too hard on yourself...next time, now you know--to say no. But know that you felt a call to help another, and God always rewards that. ((((hugs))))

Just wondering · #23 May 24, '08, 8:09 pm

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Thanks for the prayers, WG. I have lent Adam the money, despite the risks. I can afford to lose $400, and I don't think he's a user. I will tell my boyfriend, but not right away, mostly because he's much too busy dealing with personal issues. $400 isn't going to break the bank, so I hope this won't result in a destroyed friendship if Adam can't pay it back.