Discerning Marriage - Advice/Good Resources?

KJS · #1 Jun 22, '09, 12:13 am

Hey all:

Need some advice/suggestions from the helpful folks on CAF. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and things are going very well with us. We met at a young adult group meeting at a local parish and things kind of went from there. Having met at a church event, we are very conscious about keeping our faith first - we often pray the Rosary when we spend time together, we go to Mass together when we can (but we both go every Sunday, of course)

, we talk about spiritual things, etc. She even went to some of my RCIA classes to support me during my conversion process.

She is a truly wonderful person - very loving and kind. I truly feel a deep connection with her and she does with me. We both realize that there may be something to our relationship, so we have discussed the idea of shifting gears to focus more on discerning our compatibility for possible engagement/marriage down the line. I've talked briefly about it to a priest at my parish, but definitely need to discuss further. We are both praying about it as well.

With that intro, here is my question/request - do you have any advice for us as we go down this path, from your own experiences? Also, what resources (book/recordings/websites/papyrus scrolls) would you recommend?

God bless!

Ed Montgomery · #2 Jun 22, '09, 12:24 am

Hello there fellow friend,
I have no where near gone down your path, but I shall offer the little advice I have to give. Expect hardship to come, it seems that you have had a perfect relationship so far, and the fact that you are discerning to spend the rest of your life with that person, will indeed come hardship. But stay strong my brother! God knows what is best for you. If you ask God for a strong relationship, He wont just give it to you, but He will give you a strenuous problem that will make you grow stronger. So my advice to you is to just pray and talk about seriously about not only just marriage, but the financial capability you have and if you will be able to support a family. Not to raid on your parade for marriage my friend, because it is a beautiful and wonderful thing! I hope you two do end up getting married and live a long and happy life, I will give a prayer out to you!
God Bless,
Ed

KJS · #3 Jun 22, '09, 12:29 am

Ed:

Appreciate your advice - we've both actually noticed that we haven't had any issues in our relationship thus far, so we def. know they will come. That's why we are trying to keep Christ at the center of our relationship.

Also, as an aside to all others reading - we are very much conscious of protecting each other's chastity, so no funny business has occured nor will it be occuring outside of marriage - not that you all were assuming, but I figured I'd add it

Eucharisted · #4 Jun 22, '09, 3:20 am

Talk about marriage, when you'll both be ready to marry. You'll have to wait six months to get married once you start the process toward marriage, even if you've already been dating six months. Bear it patiently and offer it up for your children and for others who are dating.

JohnMPhilomena · #5 Jun 22, '09, 3:43 am

Don't let a good one get away! They are few and far between in this day and age.

My wife and I had known each other just 9 months when we decided to marry. She was catholic, I was non-practicing methodist. This caused a few problems along the way, but now 24 years and 8 children later, we're still married and now I'm a God-fearing, God-loving, catholic too.

We had some rough patches, but usually just spats over small stuff. Nothing major. I thank God that I picked (or did she pick me?) a gal with some morals and religious beliefs that could withstand the test of time.

Seriously, I don't know what advice to give you, but I didn't give it much thought at the time. It was more like - Wow! A girl that actually likes me!

I think you are doing the right thing by praying, but it sounds to me like she's a keeper!

Good Luck!

kage_ar · #6 Jun 22, '09, 6:15 am

Steve Wood's apostolate has good resources for those discerning marriage http://www.familylifecenter.net/

A book I would suggest is Fulton Sheen's "Three To Get Married".

KJS · #7 Jun 22, '09, 10:20 pm

All good advice - appreciate the pointers/life experiences you have shared. I definitely don't plan on rushing the process.

rpp · #8 Jun 23, '09, 1:09 pm

I highly recommend this book. It is an easy read and it is something you and your girlfriend can review and discuss. It has excellent advice and is solidly Catholic.

The Exclamation: The Wise Choice of a Spuse for Catholic Marriage by Patricia Wrona
http://www.amazon.com/Exclamation-Ch.../dp/1413469353

Jesus_123 · #9 Jun 23, '09, 1:35 pm

+Here's a super Catholic online site . . . they can probably very helpfully answer each of your questions and concerns . . . based on lots of experience with lots of couples . . . They welcome all contacts . . . and they did a super interview with Father Mark on the new . . . Life on the Rock. . . television show . . . on the EWTN cable television network . . . and . . . if I'm remembering correctly . . . all these are on-line for watching if you go to the EWTN.com website . . .

God bless . . .

http://www.marriagepreponline.com/

"Direct me in thy truth, and teach me;
for thou art God my Saviour;
and on thee have I waited all the day long."
Psalm 24:5[25:5]

. . . all for Jesus+

budgie2 · #10 Jun 23, '09, 2:50 pm

I personally can't say I read anything about relationships before I got married apart from a book that was given to us by our priest when we had already decided and as part of marriage preparation classes. I would also rely on experience of marriage in your family if you have it to see whether or not the marriage vocation is right for you. If not then it would be helpful to read up on a Catholic Christian understanding of marriage.

KJS · #11 Jun 23, '09, 3:07 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by budgie2

I personally can't say I read anything about relationships before I got married apart from a book that was given to us by our priest when we had already decided and as part of marriage preparation classes. I would also rely on experience of marriage in your family if you have it to see whether or not the marriage vocation is right for you. If not then it would be helpful to read up on a Catholic Christian understanding of marriage.

I'm a convert with some Catholic roots - my mom's side is Catholic (most aren't practicing, but anyways). Unfortunately, that side of the family hasn't exactly had a stellar record when it comes to marriage. My dad's side of the family is all Protestant (nominally, at least), so not much of a Catholic perspective there.

We're planning on trying to talk to some "successful" Catholic couples, but we mainly know younger married Catholics around here - how would you all suggest to seek out some couples with more "experience" in the vocation of marriage in the parish?

Also, thanks for the book recommendations - will take a look at those!