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  #16  
Old Aug 8, '09, 12:29 pm
WillieWonka WillieWonka is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaltySirena View Post
Clarification: The Church teaches that homosexual behavior is sinful. Just like any non-marital sexual behavior is sinful. Just having the homosexual orientation is not a sin. Only acting upon it is.

Honestly, if my child came to me and said this, my reaction would be devastation and pain, tears, mourning for the future I thought they would have.

I would tell them that they need to respect me enough to allow me my pain.

I would tell them the Church's position on homosexual behavior being sinful, and that I can't support actively living against the Church. I would probably never be comfortable welcoming any partner into my home, but who knows... that could change.

But I would also tell them that they are an adult (if they are) and that it is their right to live as they see fit, and their relationship with God and the Church is their business to work out.

I would tell them I love them and that as my child, flesh of my flesh, whom I carried for nine months, nursed for years, and nurtured the best I could over the two decades I had to raise them, I will always love them and will never abandon them. That I will pray for them and ask God's grace and love upon them.

And I would beg them not to cut me out of their life or call me hateful because I have my limitations and struggles too.
If your son married a Catholic woman and she and your son acknowledged using artificial birth control, would you welcome them into your home? One? Both?

If that son divorced and remarried, would you welcome the couple into your home? One? Both?
  #17  
Old Aug 8, '09, 1:07 pm
Prodigal_Son Prodigal_Son is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by WillieWonka View Post
If your son married a Catholic woman and she and your son acknowledged using artificial birth control, would you welcome them into your home? One? Both?

If that son divorced and remarried, would you welcome the couple into your home? One? Both?
Why not? You seem to have the idea that other people don't have moral senses, and we need to instill them by force.
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Stumbling toward a loving, Christian response to homosexuality
  #18  
Old Aug 8, '09, 1:13 pm
Seatuck Seatuck is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by CherishNY View Post
Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay?

Do people go as far as disowning their child?

You tell your child that you love them and want the best for them but you cannot encourage that lifestyle. Ask them if they are willing to get help in not living that lifestyle but living a live built around chastity. Would they consider going to a counselor. Call Courage and join the Encourage email list through the website. See if there are local groups around you.

http://couragerc.net/

You also have to become an expert on the subject because once they tap into that lifestyle they pick up all the catch phrases and lose sight of the truth. There is a reading list on the Courage website.
There are a few other places that offer help. Some are Christian but non Catholic. If you read some of their stuff then just sift out the non catholic stuff.
  #19  
Old Aug 8, '09, 1:59 pm
WillieWonka WillieWonka is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by Prodigal_Son View Post
Why not? You seem to have the idea that other people don't have moral senses, and we need to instill them by force.
I have no idea why not, and I said nothing about instilling moral sense by force.
  #20  
Old Aug 8, '09, 2:10 pm
SaltySirena SaltySirena is offline
 
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by WillieWonka View Post
If your son married a Catholic woman and she and your son acknowledged using artificial birth control, would you welcome them into your home? One? Both?

If that son divorced and remarried, would you welcome the couple into your home? One? Both?
I would never pry into my adult, married child's personal sexual life deeply enough to know that they are using contraceptives or not. Talk about NOT my place! However, as I have deep issues and struggles myself on that whole issue, I would have no business shunning anyone else over it. Besides, I don't see that as being on the same level.

As for the divorce question, that would depend on circumstances. Was it mutual, or was there a victim and a perp? I would be disappointed if any of my children got divorced, but the circumstances surrounding it would define how I behaved.
  #21  
Old Aug 8, '09, 2:59 pm
Seatuck Seatuck is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

OH I forgot the most important part. You pray. You pray and pray some more. When you need to sleep you ask your guardian angel and your child's guardian angel to take over until you get up and start praying again.

I should weigh in on the disowning. I don't think that has to happen. You can still love your child and some type of relationship despite them struggling with Same Sex Attraction. It tends to be more up to them whether they want a relationship with you after you express your position.
  #22  
Old Aug 8, '09, 3:10 pm
WillieWonka WillieWonka is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by SaltySirena View Post
I would never pry into my adult, married child's personal sexual life deeply enough to know that they are using contraceptives or not. Talk about NOT my place! However, as I have deep issues and struggles myself on that whole issue, I would have no business shunning anyone else over it. Besides, I don't see that as being on the same level.

As for the divorce question, that would depend on circumstances. Was it mutual, or was there a victim and a perp? I would be disappointed if any of my children got divorced, but the circumstances surrounding it would define how I behaved.
Well, let's say your son and daughter in law tell you they are using ABC. Welcome in your home?

Why is using ABC on a different level than homosexuality? Both are condemned by the Church. ABC opponents even say the pill is an abortifacient.

Might the individual and the circumstances of the same sex relationship to a child also be the guide to welcoming them into your home?
  #23  
Old Aug 8, '09, 3:26 pm
tobbias88 tobbias88 is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

Initially all kids are 'gay' - preferring friends of their own sex. This usually changes in teenage years.

Don't make a big deal of it but ask them can it be really normal & okay for the future of the planet.

1. If mum & dad had beeen gay you wouldn't be here.

2. You'll miss out on kids

3 You'll miss out on grandkids ( I want some g'kids!! .....even great g'kids)

4 Does anyone really know his mind & final destination at your age?

5. If all the animals & planets decided to be 'gay' what would happen to the world?

6 Do you really think that is God's Plan for you?

7 Aren't you just a little more than usually screwed-up?

Don't get mad, hysterical, laugh or shout. Talk in a non-threatening but grown-up manner.

Most gays I know would really prefer that they weren't; life would be so much simpler. So think long & hard 'cos you'll be cutting the other 50% out of your life.
  #24  
Old Aug 8, '09, 4:58 pm
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estesbob estesbob is online now
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CherishNY View Post
Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay?

Do people go as far as disowning their child?
You love them unconditionally, pray for them unceaseingly while making it clear you will never condone of affirm the lifestyle they have embraced.
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  #25  
Old Aug 8, '09, 5:04 pm
Timbothefiveth Timbothefiveth is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

Rejecting your child is bad according to the USCCB. The USCCB also says you may want to enroll them in therapy and certainly you will want to help them find a priest or other spiritual director to helt them live chastely.
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  #26  
Old Aug 8, '09, 5:10 pm
whatevergirl whatevergirl is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by estesbob View Post
You love them unconditionally, pray for them unceaseingly while making it clear you will never condone of affirm the lifestyle they have embraced.

as always, bob is succinct, but gives a perfect reply. I agree. Never ever disown your children...
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  #27  
Old Aug 8, '09, 5:16 pm
Christ Imitator Christ Imitator is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

If they have feelings for people of the same-sex, that is typically something you can not change. Sure, there are "treatments"...majority of the time they don't work.

-You could pray for them
-Don't treat them differently
-If they have chosen to be a "Christian", then help explain to them that the Lord says it's wrong.
-If they choose not to follow the Lord...then you should accept that they are gay, and leave them alone.
-They could abstain from any sexual intercourse with people of the same-sex if they have chosen to follow the Lord.
-It is very possible that as they grow closer in their relationship with God, that they will have less feelings for the same-sex & maybe even start developing feelings for the opposite sex.

This is something that we really can not control on our own... no matter how much we tell ourselves that we can. The best advice I can give is to continue praying to God about it, and ask that he works in the childs life, and gives you the words to say to your child about it. If anyone here knows someone who's struggling with homosexuality,
good-luck.
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Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 1Corinthians 3:16
  #28  
Old Aug 8, '09, 5:40 pm
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JohnMPhilomena JohnMPhilomena is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

You pray - a lot. No you do not disown your child. They did not chose these feelings. You love the sinner, but hate the sin.

These same sex attractions have roots in needs that were unfulfilled. Distant fathers, brothers who paid little attention to their sibling, not being affirmed athletically, etc. Studies have shown that these same threads run in many cases. It can happen in VERY normal families.

These attractions can be changed, but it is an uphill battle since the psychological association does not accept this position (even though almost a third of the time it can be changed). How much higher would that number be if people believed it was changeable! Satan wants people to believe that they cannot change and that it would be dangerous to try.

Consider joining the following group:
Prayers & Support for Christians with SSA (Same Sex Attraction)
http://forums.catholic.com/group.php?groupid=205

Check out:
http://www.couragerc.net/
and http://www.exodus-international.org/
http://www.narth.com/

Good Luck. Please pray the St Michael prayer daily for those afflicted with SSA.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen..
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St John Marie Vianney - Cure d'Ars, pray for us.

Have you read THE GLEN? http://www.carlacoon.com/theglen.html
  #29  
Old Aug 8, '09, 5:49 pm
RosaryCrusader RosaryCrusader is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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Originally Posted by NoWings View Post
Please define the difference between a "boy toy" and a "girl toy". I thought toys were toys.
GI Joe = Boy Toy
Barbie = Girl Toy

Don't tell me you go into wal-mart and have never noticed that the toy aisles are broken down into pretty pink aisles filled with the dolls and my little ponies for the girls and the other side consisting of blues & blacks with trucks, action figures and the likes for boys with a third section mostly consisting of gender neutral toys such as tops, slinkies, board games etc??


Quote:
Originally Posted by NoWings View Post
Please define "healthy masculinity".
Why are you asking me to define a term I didn't use?



Quote:
Originally Posted by NoWings View Post
For the record, I played with girl toys when I was young because I didn't see much of a difference and I'm not gay. I'm also not an over-the-top alpha male, either, so I don't see what this has to do with homosexuality. Please define.
You'll have to read the book I mentioned above. There's a variety of factors involved; the most predominant for boys is the lack of, or a disorderly, male role model.
  #30  
Old Aug 8, '09, 6:12 pm
Christ Imitator Christ Imitator is offline
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Default Re: What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

You do know that
Quote:
love the sinner, but hate the sin.
was a quote by
Mahatma Gandhi.? Not a Biblical quote.
Just letting you know, although, I do agree with you.
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Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 1Corinthians 3:16
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