What is my purpose?

[sparkielee]

I'm a 50-year-old single woman who thought she was called to be a Sister, but I think some "emotional problems" I've had since I was a kid kept me out of the convent. I never got "cured" of them-even with therapy and becoming more mature as I grew older.

I was engaged once, but feel like the call is more to a life of celibacy. The idea of living in community and devoting my life to prayer and service to the Lord and others still appeals to me, The priests who says the Mass that I've been frequenting lately says that it seems that from what I've told him that my calling is to the single state. I have been asked by one of the men in our congregation to pray for him and his wife.

Despite the problems I've been having in holding a job-which include being tired all the time, too much stress, being so disorganized that I feel that I always need time off to go home and clean my room, and some trouble either doing or learning the job quickly enough or doing a good enough job-I feel as if I'm needed to do something.

I was given some assistance by a fellow cat lover in getting a volunteer job at an animal shelter doing something I love to do (for pleasure) and that's petting cats. I sometimes volunteer at the Catholic Worker. It seems as though every week I don't make it to either job for some reason-too tired, my room looks like a trash can, or something else comes up.

I also have a variety of talents, such as artistic, singing, or writing that I'm not using a whole lot of. I can use prayers for my health and that I gain the self-discipline and energy needed to get up long enough to make some progress in my room as well as time to pray, volunteer, and use my talents.

I still think I need to know how to live my life as a single Christian. I'm thinking of praying the Little Office and the Rosary daily as well as attending Mass more frequently.

I've also looked on the Internet at "lay" communities such as the secular Franciscans.

I meant this post as one about discerning my vocation, but I've been sharing with you some problems that get in the way.

Another member of this site writes letters to prisoners and asked me to write to them-which I said yes to. A friend of mine who wants to be a writer is encouraging me to write and send her the first chapter of a novel I've been thinking of writing (I trust her enough to let her see it before it's published.) I have a book checked out of the library on writing a thriller and plan on ordering my own copy from Amazon.