At what month was the Honeymoon over?

joandarc2008 · #1 Aug 30, '09, 11:59 am

I must admit my hubby and I have been going through it lately. The honeymoon ended around month six. What month did the honeymoon end for you and how did you fix it?

LovesTheFather · #2 Oct 20, '09, 1:26 pm

Hey, I don't think my honeymoon has ever really began..ever since my husband and I got married we have been bickering fighting...but there is a greater connection under all of that...our wants of life are the same so we work hard to keep together.
We dated for three months before we were engaged....married 2 months before I was pregnant....and when she was nine months I got pregnant again....he is now nine months and I think I pregnant again but time will tell...
I have learned that to stay together you both have to work hard...don't fight about everything and you can't control your spouse...and don't judge their imperfections but pray and have mercy.....
I had the problem that I felt I had to fix everything wrong with my husband...but it didn't work and I would be left sad...One day I was praying and God said It wasn't my job to fix him...but to love him and leave my husbands sins to God....
My husband and I have been married for 3 years going on our 4th and from the beginning it has been very stressful with alot of pain...but SO MUCH JOY and Blessings....We grow and learn together.....
And maybe one day I will get a honeymoon faze but I don't see it comeing soon...hehe...
Take care and work hard
I believe marriage is a choice and you have to chose to be married everyday......Love is choice and you have to chose to love everyday....

joandarc2008 · #3 Oct 22, '09, 6:08 am

Ours has been extremely rough- he snapped and there is a clinical psychological issue underlying there but we are in counseling and I do love him and that is what matters. God has been there through it all. Thank you for your reply.

LovesTheFather · #4 Nov 6, '09, 9:53 am

My prayers will be with you and your husband in this time of trial...

joandarc2008 · #5 Nov 10, '09, 6:38 am

We are doing much better - actually better than ever.

Rach620 · #6 Nov 13, '09, 11:16 am

I am glad to hear that your marriage is doing well now, joandarc.

As for us, I think the honeymoon was over by the second month we were married. There was still a lot of new stuff we were dealing with, but really once we got back from the *actual* one-week honeymoon, we had tons of stuff to do (including moving to a different state together, starting school again, returning to many responsibilities, and my getting a job). All of that stress really 'seasoned' our marriage early on.

I think it was really healthy growth for us, though. There wasn't anything for us to "fix," but just the realization that building a stable life together required growth and change and that it wasn't all fun and games or warm fuzzies.

I worked in a job where I encountered customers on a daily basis and talked to them about all sorts of things (bank teller) and was sometimes told that we were still "newlyweds" up until the one year anniversary. I guess that's true when you've been married for decades, but for us we didn't feel like newlyweds any more after probably 4-6 months. It's a paradox in that you can't believe time has gone by so quickly, but then you can't remember what it was like before you were married, and that wedding day feels SO long ago...

TinaG · #7 Dec 5, '09, 7:14 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by joandarc2008

I must admit my hubby and I have been going through it lately. The honeymoon ended around month six. What month did the honeymoon end for you and how did you fix it?

We were engaged for six months before marriage. I would say the honeymoon ended when health problems arose, about two months into the engagement, but both of us were willing to struggle and overcome the problems together (which have actually only gotten worse).

We have been married thirty years plus. I would not trade it for the world.

Keys:
1) Prayer
2) Professional counseling
3) supportive church community
4) see one
5) The conviction that God desires to, and will, see you through ANY difficulty.

It's been hard, but I believe we are closer than ever, to each other and to God. Adversity has its uses.

I am crying as I write this!

-Tina

TinaG · #8 Dec 6, '09, 12:08 pm

In church this morning I thought about this for a minute. I would like to add to the list:

Tons of forgiveness on both sides
Hard work
The grace of God

But I see that you posted that things are better. Terrific! I will post this anyway!

-Tina

Helen2009 · #9 Dec 16, '09, 8:54 pm

Sadly, I don't feel like we had a honeymoon period at all. If we did, it ended in week one. We have many happy moments, but it has been a very hard adjustment, especially for my husband. As of late, we argue all the time and divorce has already been brought up...

I spoke to our Deacon today and I want to fix this so badly. I just fear he will not go with me to speak to the deacon. May view it as an attack or as weakness or that I am airing dirty laundry.

Recently we were arguing because he wanted to move somewhere without discussing it with me... And now this morning he is misinterpreting Ephesians 5:2a, 21-33. Apparently he feels he is my ruler now...

This is so frustrating. Thank-you for listening. I hope everyone else is doing better than we are.

joandarc2008 · #10 Dec 17, '09, 4:58 am

Oh Helen, I am so sorry and you are in my prayers. The best advice I received when things got bad with my dh and I was to not look at what he was doing and look towards the kingdom of Heaven. I was reminded that marriage is the hardest of vocations because it involves two imperfect human beings trying to live in harmony and eventually raise one or more imperfect human beings. By design it sets itself up for disagreement. It is through the sacrament that we draw our strength to get through these times. The only advice I have is to make a list of pros and cons for this decision and bring them to your dh. If that does not work get your deacon involved. Pray - alot. Seek counseling. Feel free to PM if you need but this is a great community of believers that are very supportive. Also does he have any male friends that are more contextual in their views that could help set him straight by bringing it up in casual conversation?

Take care and God bless.

Stella Matutina · #11 Dec 24, '09, 7:07 pm

I have never felt that the honeymoon was over. We have been married for 16 and 1/2 months and the wedding feels like it was yesterday.

I'm starting to panic because the other posts on this forum indicate that this is abnormal. I'm wondering if I feel this way because we do not yet have any children which is atypical of a good-Catholic couple. We are open to life but I only have 8 cycles per year. We aren't exactly trying to have children and I believe God has a plan for when we will. I wonder though if having children affects the honeymoon status or if this question is simply an intrusion from the world that promotes anti-life messages. Help! I want children now and want to believe that children bless marriages.

TinaG · #12 Dec 26, '09, 3:07 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stella Matutina

I have never felt that the honeymoon was over. We have been married for 16 and 1/2 months and the wedding feels like it was yesterday.

I'm starting to panic because the other posts on this forum indicate that this is abnormal. I'm wondering if I feel this way because we do not yet have any children which is atypical of a good-Catholic couple. We are open to life but I only have 8 cycles per year. We aren't exactly trying to have children and I believe God has a plan for when we will. I wonder though if having children affects the honeymoon status or if this question is simply an intrusion from the world that promotes anti-life messages. Help! I want children now and want to believe that children bless marriages.

IMHO you should enjoy your extended honeymoon and give thanks to God for such a great blessing! Children come when God deems the time is right. He DOES know what He is doing.

-Tina

joandarc2008 · #13 Dec 27, '09, 4:39 pm

It is interesting that you ask that about children. I think children do have a lot to do with the honeymoon period. I think it is harder to have spontaneous intimacy if there are children around. We have a stepchild that lives with his parents and we have done some discussing that used to be bickering over that but things are better now. It caused rifts early on. Just one of those things.