LONGING FOR INTIMACY?

misericordie · #1 Jun 28, '04, 6:25 pm

I would like your thoughts on the issue of intimacy.
I am a young adult who has been discerning the posibility of religious life (priesthood) for a while now. However, I find myself at times wishing I had a girlfriend, and eventually a wife and family. Sometimes, I feel torn between these TWO things. When I mention intimacy, I don't mean just the sex in marriage thing, but even now single as I am, I find myself longing for the loving COMPANIONSHIP of a person of the oposite sex who has high values, loves God and the Church, and is decent. However, she does not seem to appear, secondly, If I had a relationship for some WEIRD reason I would feel as if I were betraying something?
Has anyone felt the same way? OR, what thoughts do you have on this.
Thank you all so much.

Bruised Reed · #2 Jun 28, '04, 6:44 pm

I remember reading something in about this in Theology of the Body Explained by Christopher West that could help you discern things. I also remember hearing or reading something about priests fearing intimacy with God (I think this was in reference to priest leaving the preisthood or being unhappy). I think these are all connected. What do you think? Are you desiring intimacy or conpanionship?

BR

Galandriel · #3 Jun 28, '04, 6:46 pm

First of all, I don't understand how you said "If I had a relationship for some WEIRD reason I would feel as if I were betraying something?" What do you mean by that?

However, as a single person discerning, (23) I have found peace waiting for my future spouse. Do I long for intimacy? Sometimes, yeah, (I wouldn't call it "longing for intimacy", just plain impatient waiting for my future spouse and for God to send him to me....lol) but when I feel like that, I just spend time with my family and friends, and most importantly before the Blessed Sacrament praying for him. After reading on the saints, (especially those who were married) and constant praying, the hardest part is trusting in Him and being patient. He's probably teaching me the virture of .......suprise! Patience! And probably to be okay with where I am now. Single and using the time now to prepare for my vocation later by much prayer and sacrifice. Pray, pray and pray. I'm sure God will reveal our plans to us sooner or later. But in case he forgets.....I ask the intercession of Our Blessed Mother and my saints.

Are you a seminarian? That too may result in the conflicting feelings. Discern one apart from the other. From listening to other semmies talk, it's not wise to date and go to the seminary at the same time.

Praying for you!
+JMJ

Galandriel · #4 Jun 28, '04, 6:48 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blood Rain

I remember reading something in about this in Theology of the Body Explained by Christopher West that could help you discern things. I also remember hearing or reading something about priests fearing intimacy with God (I think this was in reference to priest leaving the preisthood or being unhappy). I think these are all connected. What do you think? Are you desiring intimacy or conpanionship?

BR

that's a good book! So is Love and Responsibility by Karol Wvotja (Pope John Paul II) How do you spell his last name?

hasikelee · #5 Jun 28, '04, 8:26 pm

I know this is an old post (at least in the internet time zone) but it struck a chord with me in many deep ways. I have been struggling with everything you mentioned for several years now. The only difference is, I'm a girl. On the one hand, I want to give my entire life to God, and on the other hand, I want to love and cherish a husband, and raise and love children of our own. You brought up many important things in a short post, so I'll try the numbering system:

1. Have you pondered that priesthood IS fatherhood? I remember a priest talking to me about his personal struggles and how he helps young adults discover their calling. The most poignant part of his story was when he stressed that a priest (or nun) MUST want to be a father (or mother) and MUST want to have children. The priesthood is fatherhood; men seeking to 'get away' from family life, children and relationships will only find a higher, supernatural form of what they are running from. So, for you to WANT a companion, a family, and marital love is GOOD.

2. In regards to intimacy, have you tried to build an intimate relationship with God? From experience, I can tell you that 'dating God' can get very intimate, and it can DEFINITELY fulfill your desire for deep, lasting love and intimacy with another person. Not only that, but if you do happen to find that God wants you to marry, you will have formed a close, loving relationship with Him, so building a close, loving relationship with her will be blessedly joyful and (mostly) easy. Just as experts believe forming a close relationship with Mom is essential for loving your wife.

3. Do you mean by [“however, she does not seem to appear”] that you have been praying/waiting for a suitable girl to begin a relationship with, and it’s not happenin’? This might be a BIG sign. If God wants you to marry, He would make it happen. (Of course, on His own time, but if it’s just not happenin’….). What about for the priesthood or religious life? Have you found a good spiritual director? Do you come across many priests interested in encouraging your discernment for the religious vocation? Any visits to seminaries?

4. The last question: [“For some weird reason I would feel as if I were betraying something?”] really sounds as if you are already on your way to a life of loving self-sacrifice entirely for God. When I contemplate a relationship/boyfriend, I find myself seeing that I can serve God by loving a human. In other words, I can give my life to God through the act of marital love. If you truly feel that loving a girl will betray your devotion and love for God, then perhaps you have a very special and deeper love that will prosper in the religious life.

misericordie · #6 Jun 28, '04, 9:20 pm

Thanks guys. For all your well taken advice, that's so kind of you all.

As per someone's question, no, I am NOT a seminarian, but the idea of religious life has been on my mind for a while.
Does anyone else have thoughts on this thread? Thanks. May God bless you all.

Bruised Reed · #7 Jun 29, '04, 6:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by hasikelee

1. Have you pondered that priesthood IS fatherhood? I remember a priest talking to me about his personal struggles and how he helps young adults discover their calling. The most poignant part of his story was when he stressed that a priest (or nun) MUST want to be a father (or mother) and MUST want to have children. The priesthood is fatherhood; men seeking to 'get away' from family life, children and relationships will only find a higher, supernatural form of what they are running from. So, for you to WANT a companion, a family, and marital love is GOOD.

This is right on. I can't add to it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hasikelee

2. In regards to intimacy, have you tried to build an intimate relationship with God? From experience, I can tell you that 'dating God' can get very intimate, and it can DEFINITELY fulfill your desire for deep, lasting love and intimacy with another person. Not only that, but if you do happen to find that God wants you to marry, you will have formed a close, loving relationship with Him, so building a close, loving relationship with her will be blessedly joyful and (mostly) easy. Just as experts believe forming a close relationship with Mom is essential for loving your wife.[/color]

I will add that the deepest intimacy each of us craves can only be met through God and married people who try to get this from their spouse end up being kind of needy. It's hard on the other person because they can't possibly live up to that.