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  #1  
Old May 9, '10, 7:03 pm
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Monica4316 Monica4316 is offline
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Default what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Okay I'm wondering something....

I try to go to Confession regularly. I wasn't able to go yesterday, because Confession was cancelled... and I had to miss Communion today. but I feel very strangely today and I was wondering if this is how it's typically like. By the way, I wanted to clarify: several days ago I committed a mortal sin. I always worry if my sins are mortal or venial, but this time I'm sure it was mortal, and it's been absolute torment living like this for a week. I can't wait to be free of this, and I don't want to sin again!! I constantly feel the sin in me..in my soul. It's affecting my relationship with God.. whenever I think about His mercy and try to come closer to Christ, He doesn't turn me away but eventually I have to turn away because I feel there's something inside of me, very deep inside, that is evil and contrary to Him. I know it's that sin.... this is absolutely horrible to experience. I know in the past, after Confession, I was able to come closer to Christ and to love Him, and I knew I was forgiven and there was nothing between Him and me. Now, I constantly feel this separation - not in feelings, but at a deeper level, spiritually - and I've been worrying a lot about my salvation. Sometimes I see so much sin and weakness in myself that I wonder how I'll ever be able to grow in virtue and persevere. Thinking of God's grace in the Sacraments and our Blessed Mother has been the only comfort.

I want so much to go to Heaven, but I feel like right now I'm not in a state of grace, and even when I'll go to Confession and be reconciled with God, - I'd still be SO imperfect and with so many sinful tendencies in my heart..... I feel that my heart is evil..I am my own greatest enemy! How do I overcome self? Im just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way and does it go away after Confession? and once you do go to Confession, - how do you not get discouraged seeing all your weakness, - how do you grow in virtue when you're constantly being tempted with something and are NOT good at fighting it? Even when I reject temptations, they still affect me....how can anyone become holy in these circumstances? I'm really trying to trust in God's mercy, in HIS strength, and that despite my failings He will transform me into someone who can live in Heaven. I know that He can.. I'm just so bad at cooperating with Him in this, despite all the resolutions I make. I read this is because I rely too much on myself so I'm trying to rely more on Him and on the help of Our Lady. I also know I must not become discouraged or frustrated cause that comes from self love and pride, and it doesn't help anyways. But I'm constantly being tempted to hate God and to turn away from Him and this is very hard to deal with!! Maybe God is permitting this because we can only grow through such difficulties?

Right now, almost everything I feel is against God..sometimes I feel an aversion for Him or even a hatred however in my will I don't want this at all and I'm constantly trying to fight it. But it's like my will and my feelings are totally opposite!! how can this be? and importantly: am I sinning? what do you think? It takes so much effort for me to feel love for God, but in my will, I do love God. Before, it never used to take effort! Maybe He is refining me in some way? I know that feelings don't matter... but still, I sometimes wonder if Im sinning by this. I can't help it and I'm trying to fight it... but where is it coming from?
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Last edited by Monica4316; May 9, '10 at 7:16 pm.
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  #2  
Old May 9, '10, 7:18 pm
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Make an appointment with your priest!!! It does feel like that, I was in mortal sin for a while and it was quite awful But if we weren't sinners, we would not need a Savior. Just make it right as soon as you can, go for a plenary indulgence, and deepen your love for God so there's much less chance of this happening again.
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  #3  
Old May 9, '10, 7:44 pm
Dorothy Dorothy is offline
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

We mustn't let our weaknesses get us down. They help us to think humbly of ourselves and realize that we have to depend on the Lord for all things.

We need to embrace our weaknesses, admit them, and lean on the Lord for all we need.

It was St. Paul who said (and I'm not sure if I am quoting it exactly correct) "When I am weakest, then I am strongest".

When we admit our weaknesses and do not let them get us feeling "down", just surrender to the Lord and He will be our strength.
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  #4  
Old May 9, '10, 7:45 pm
LauraDymphna LauraDymphna is offline
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Smile Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

First, I want to say, yes, go to confession. make an appointment with your priest. Or find another parish to go and confess your sins. Secondly, you are stating somethings that concern me, as a catholic. Guilt is what draws us in to repentance, however, to torment ourselves, with our own sin, comes from the enemy. Remember two things, #1, you committed a mortal sin, #2 you have the full intent to go to confession. These are things God recognizes and understands. While this is not an excuse not to go, there is no need to torment your own soul, or tell yourself how horrible of a person you are for committing this sin. Mortal sin is a heavy burden. The fact that you do feel guilty, says a great deal about your character as a Christian. Secondly, until you get to confession, pray a daily rosary, and pray for a good confession. and do not forget that you are Loved by the Great I AM. Also, pray for the daily spiritual communion. One other thing. Try attending a daily mass, grab your priest afterward, and say, "hey Father, I need to confess something." Any good priest will take time to help.
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  #5  
Old May 9, '10, 8:37 pm
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Monica4316 Monica4316 is offline
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ljubim View Post
Make an appointment with your priest!!! It does feel like that, I was in mortal sin for a while and it was quite awful But if we weren't sinners, we would not need a Savior. Just make it right as soon as you can, go for a plenary indulgence, and deepen your love for God so there's much less chance of this happening again.
thanks! I'll try to do that. What concerns me is that even after Confession, the effects of this sin still tend to remain in my mind.... I find it difficult to love God, and then I get afraid of receiving Communion, though this is what I need most. Two weeks ago God revealed His mercy to me and healed me, but sadly since then I fell back into the same state!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
We mustn't let our weaknesses get us down. They help us to think humbly of ourselves and realize that we have to depend on the Lord for all things.

We need to embrace our weaknesses, admit them, and lean on the Lord for all we need.

It was St. Paul who said (and I'm not sure if I am quoting it exactly correct) "When I am weakest, then I am strongest".

When we admit our weaknesses and do not let them get us feeling "down", just surrender to the Lord and He will be our strength.
that is VERY true! I was thinking a while ago, how all this is teaching me more about my need to depend on God, and to trust Him and distrust myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraDymphna View Post
First, I want to say, yes, go to confession. make an appointment with your priest. Or find another parish to go and confess your sins. Secondly, you are stating somethings that concern me, as a catholic. Guilt is what draws us in to repentance, however, to torment ourselves, with our own sin, comes from the enemy. Remember two things, #1, you committed a mortal sin, #2 you have the full intent to go to confession. These are things God recognizes and understands. While this is not an excuse not to go, there is no need to torment your own soul, or tell yourself how horrible of a person you are for committing this sin. Mortal sin is a heavy burden. The fact that you do feel guilty, says a great deal about your character as a Christian. Secondly, until you get to confession, pray a daily rosary, and pray for a good confession. and do not forget that you are Loved by the Great I AM. Also, pray for the daily spiritual communion. One other thing. Try attending a daily mass, grab your priest afterward, and say, "hey Father, I need to confess something." Any good priest will take time to help.
I know what you mean about guilt, and what I've been experiencing today has been drawing me to repentance, but sometimes I do fall back into what you described. I think it's knowledge of my overall sinfulness that is discouraging me but I no longer feel discouraged when I think of God's power and grace, and how this is only proving to me why I can't save my own soul. It's incredible how merciful Jesus is and that He is able to save us from such misery.. from any misery! I really need to trust Him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making this up because it's so good, almost too good to be true that God would be so loving to us. But - then I remember the Church teaching and "Divine Mercy in My Soul" and I can see that yes, this is our Savior! I feel like lately God has been trying to get me to rely on His grace more and to trust in Him alone, and to want to do His will alone. It's been several months of purification... and I've only progressed around 1 percent I think, lol! It would take a whole lifetime and more to purify the soul.
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  #6  
Old May 9, '10, 9:25 pm
DavidKays DavidKays is offline
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Monica I am Greek Orthodox and I came about your post and I hope you don't mind I will like to make some comments. First of all by reading your post I see that you are trying to be a devout and good Catholic. You seem to have a good grasp of the Faith so I do not think you are irresponsible to your duties. You haven't mentioned what sin you are referring to that makes you think is mortal. You can address this to your priest and allow him to be the judge. From what I read in your post I really do not see any problem with any serious sin on your part even though you did mentioned that possibility. Usually when people commit any serious sin they do not repent in the manner you described. People committing serious sins probably do not think about it at all. In your post you seem to if I can be permitted to say dwell too much on punishment when you sin at anytime and if I can say too much guilt that leads you to doubt your own spiritual life. Anyone who can recognize their own sins right away can't be that displeasing to God. Heck I will say that it pleases Him the more when you can recognize immediately you have sinned. So try not to punish yourself. OK. That my friend does not come from your sins but it may come from the devil. God certainly does not do that so rest assure it does not come from Him. Even if you have committed a mortal sin and really let your priest know as soon as possible ( let him be the judge OK ), the fact that you are concern and want to change is good enough for Jesus. All the sacrament does is to cap it off, that is give you peace and so on. But the real change occurs when you are thinking about it. That is when the mortal sin starts to lose its power. Even if you have not gone to Confession the Lord sees your motives and will grant you His Mercy. Again forgiveness starts with you and then it finally ends with the Sacrament. So do not begrudge yourself, I got to see the Priest now or I will not receive forgiveness. Your need and motive to go is all that is necessary for Jesus to have for the present. Then at a convenient time you go to your priest. Now it depends what you did. If you have killed someone or you committed an abortion or if you have committed adultery than go as soon as possible. Now I like to relate a story to you from the Diary of St.Maria Faustina. It may help it may not but I will tell it anyway. From your posts though I think you might need it. There was an elderly sister who when she confronted Maria complained she has no peace and felt she was not forgiven even at Confession. Maria told her to relate this to her priest which she did and they all said be at peace sister. But the elderly sister still doubted and grabbed Maria's hands and said but you see Jesus everyday. That night Jesus came to Maria and said that the elderly sister's disbelief wounds His Heart more than her own sins. Maria then related the words of Jesus the next day to the sister and the sister broke down and wept finally receiving peace through Maria's intercession. So be at peace. God is Love and Mercy. Try to remember that. You are trying to be a good person from what I have read. God Bless!
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  #7  
Old May 9, '10, 10:02 pm
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Claire from DE Claire from DE is offline
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

I agree with what David said. You sinned. God gave you the grace to repent. You want not to sin again. Trust Him to forgive you. Trust Him to help you. If you sin again, you will more and more find out how impossible it is to do this on your own so you will try to draw closer to Him more and more. I hope you will never do a mortal sin again. But even if you do, God still loves you. He doesn't want you to sin but He can bring good out of this for you. Trust that He loves you. When you leave the confessional, trust that what the priest said is true, God has wiped out that sin from His mind and from your soul. Trust that He wants you to keep trying and is pleased when you do. He is please with every little step you take toward Him. Try to realize that your guardian angel wants to help you with this and that the angels cheer every time you resist temptation or repent and turn back to God.

About taking a long time to purify your soul, sometimes God will surprise you and you will make much progress in a very short time (It sounds like you're experiencing this). But then you see how much farther you have to go. And yet you will trust God that He will do this in you.

No, you're not making this up. It really is this good! And my spiritual director tells me it gets much better.
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Old May 10, '10, 2:26 am
John Russell Jr John Russell Jr is offline
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Smile Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Dear Monica

A couple of things may help? First is from St Gemma-

This spoke straight to the depths of my heart and soul when I read it. Hope you like it.

Jesus once said to me: "Do you know, daughter, for what reason I send crosses to souls dear to me? I desire to possess their souls, entirely, and for this I surround them with crosses, and I enclose them in sufferings and tribulation, that they may not escape from my hands; and for this I scatter thorns, that souls may fasten their affections upon no one, but find all con*tent in Me alone. My daughter, if you do not feel the cross it cannot be called a cross. Be sure that under the cross you will not be lost. The demon has no strength against those souls who for My love groan under the cross. 0 My daughter, how many would have abandoned Me if they had not been crucified. The cross is a gift too precious, and from it come many virtues."
I prayed then to Jesus that He would not concede to me any grace except that of loving Him very much, and Jesus said: "Oh soul dear to me, if you truly love Me, behold My chalice; you can drink it to the last drop. On this chalice I have placed My lips, and I want you to drink it." I told Jesus to do with me as He would. And then He said to me: "I have sent this cross to you, you do not appreciate it; rather it is contrary to your desire, but the more it is contrary, the more it is like Mine. Would it not seem to you a dreadful thing to see a father in the midst of sorrow and the children enjoying them*selves? When I shall be your Spouse of blood, I will come to you, but crucified; show your love to me as I have shown it toward you, and do you know how? By suffering, pains, and crosses without number. You ought, therefore, to consider yourself honored, if I lead you on paths hard and painful; if I permit that you be tor*mented by the demon, that the world despise you, that persons most dear to you afflict you, and with daily martyrdom, I permit your soul to be purified and tested. And you, daughter, think only of practicing great virtue; run in the path of the Divine Will, humbled, assured, that if I hold you to the cross, I love you."


The second is some thoughts I had that may be of interest-

I've just been thinking as follows and would like your opinions and contribution on this subject too.
In order for God to create a perfect world and beings He had to create beings ( us ) who would rebel. The reason for this is that God is infinite Love and the greatest expression of love is sacrifice. The greatest sacrifice is infinite sacrifice. If we never rebeled God would not have been able to show us His infinite love for us by His infinite sacrifice on the cross.
God loves us with an infinite love and knew we would rebel and this would cause an automatic reaction from God where He would respond with an expression of infinite sacrifice. In order for our world and us to be perfect we had to rebel. The whole thing is really a mystery though. This is just some thoughts on the perfection of God and how that relates to us. I think I'll tie this in to my refutation of evolution too.



God bless you dear friends

John
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Old May 10, '10, 2:48 am
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Monica, when in mortal sin I feel as though I have been cut loose from God, it's a shocking empty feeling and faith seems to melt away.

The last time the priest told me I did the right thing by going to confession and to remember that if I commit a mortal sin again to just get back to confession as soon as possible, and always to do that. I still felt mostly cut adrift until I got to Holy Communion and within a week after that I felt mostly back to normal.

There is so much good advice above that I won't add to it.
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  #10  
Old May 10, '10, 7:00 am
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

When in mortal sin, I feel a hardness of heart against everybody and everything. I feel upset and obstinate. I feel a negative energy coming out of me furiously trying to consume everything with anger and hatred.

But once I make a conscious decision to say I'm sorry, all that negative energy leaves me, even before I actually go to confession or say sorry to whoever I have offended. All it takes is my willingness to recognize I'm wrong and I need forgiveness.

Saying a prayer for you right now, Monica. Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen!
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Old May 10, '10, 9:38 am
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
...
It was St. Paul who said (and I'm not sure if I am quoting it exactly correct) "When I am weakest, then I am strongest".
...
Quote:
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10
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Old May 10, '10, 9:48 am
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Monica4316
I might see a counsellor though if the thoughts come back
Remember when you said this? Maybe it's time.

Betsy
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Old May 11, '10, 9:04 pm
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

You said, "Sometimes I see so much sin and weakness in myself that I wonder how I'll ever be able to grow in virtue and persevere." If you could do it yourself, Jesus wouldn't have had to die on the cross. He knew that there's no way we could do it without His abundant grace. And He loves us so much He wanted us to have that grace. So have hope. Trust that His will for you is to become a saint and He will help you get there.

And I agree with Betsy, God doesn't require us to suffer with a problem if help from someone else (doctor or therapist) is available. You may be able to find a Catholic therapist through your local Catholic Charities.

And it occurs to me that you may be eligible for the sacrament of anointing. It may be worth looking into that too since it's possible you need some healing as well as forgiveness. Perhaps you or someone who knows you well could ask a priest about this.

God bless you.
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Old May 11, '10, 9:21 pm
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

For me, the scariest thing about being in mortal sin is that I can't tell.
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Old May 11, '10, 10:00 pm
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Default Re: what does it feel like to be in mortal sin?

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For me, the scariest thing about being in mortal sin is that I can't tell.
Usually you can tell! But if you're not sure if some particular thing is a mortal sin, get over being embarrassed and ask a good faithful priest in confession. Or borrow a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and look up what you're not sure about. Or ask a deacon or a friend who you think is close to God. It's your responsibility to form your conscience and this is important.

If you can't tell because you tend to be scrupulous, put yourself under the guidance of a priest you trust and do exactly what he tells you to do. God will protect you if you do that.
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