Dating in High school

[Silent Notes]

Originally Posted by Julia1996

Understand what? Okay, lah. No problem. I am not worried at all.

Julia

Hi Juila!

I seriously need to start quoting, because people won't know what i'm referring to. I forget as well!
You're informed, well compared to an average Catholic, they don't know "Its a sin to not become a Catholic if I know that the Catholic Church is the one true Church." And then get easily convinced by people who come knocking on the door claiming the 'one true faith'. Good to ask questions so you can be more informed as you are now... not out of vain, but to burn in love for God.

There's so many branches of Protestantism, i get confused. But anyhow, i still can tell differences apart from 'labels'.
Stressed, let me guess? A bundle of burden of homework?

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

Hi Juila!

I seriously need to start quoting, because people won't know what i'm referring to. I forget as well!
I only quote so that I can write on your messages like I am doing now so that you know what I am referring to because I have a tendency to be vague.

You're informed, well compared to an average Catholic, they don't know "Its a sin to not become a Catholic if I know that the Catholic Church is the one true Church." And then get easily convinced by people who come knocking on the door claiming the 'one true faith'. Good to ask questions so you can be more informed as you are now... not out of vain, but to burn in love for God.
I am informed about Catholicism more than the average Catholic but far less informed about my own religion than many people who go to my church. I was researching about my church when I came across an article about them getting a gay marriage blessing together. After that I lost interest in my own church and started to look at other religions. Living in China I see a lot of Buddhism and Chinese ancestor-worship superstition. I just don't see how they can be true. I looked around about Catholicism because one of my very close friends suggested it, and decided that this is what was right. I found CAF and after talking to the people here and asking lots of questions, I want to convert to become Catholic. The only problem here is my parents.
There's so many branches of Protestantism, i get confused. But anyhow, i still can tell differences apart from 'labels'.
2000 over branches. I don't know them all either. I know Baptists, Evangelical, Presbyterian, Anglican, Lutheran and Methodist. And of course, my own Episcopal Church. Sometimes I can't tell the difference.
Stressed, let me guess? A bundle of burden of homework?
Sort of. I took 10 subjects which would have been fine if I went to a local school but going to a private school, it is pretty much suicide. By stressed I was more referring to a test I took. In my school, we had a Chinese and English test on the first day of school to see what we have forgotten over the summer. I did pretty well on the English one, it was meant really for the people who speak Chinese at home. Not surprisingly, I failed the Chinese one. I was stressed out because I got my marks back and I was wondering how I was going to tell my parents I got 18% on a Chinese test.

Julia

[Silent Notes]

Yes, true... China has mixed afflictions. One can be Buddhist, Taoist and Shinto at the same time? One thought i had when i was younger was if Buddhists believe in incarnation so to finally achieve Nirvana (which is in my understanding 'nothingness' and 'desirelessness'. Then why during Hungry Ghost Festival... they burn Hell money and believe in Heaven alike? No one told me the answer yet.

"You have seek, you have found... now apply." But something's in the way.

Protestantism has lots of off-shoots. I read somewhere there were over 30,000 branches or was that an exaggeration?

I know what you're going through sister! I play miney-miney on MCQ in my Chinese tests/exams - i had always been in the 'special class'. And when it comes to comprehension, i find key words and copy the whole paragraph that might have something to do with it. Before i left, i had 49% on my report card... the teacher was generous because i was worse than that, so i can brag about it, "I have al-most passed!" What are the consequences when you tell them? Throw books at you and lock you in the room?

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

Yes, true... China has mixed afflictions. One can be Buddhist, Taoist and Shinto at the same time? One thought i had when i was younger was if Buddhists believe in incarnation so to finally achieve Nirvana (which is in my understanding 'nothingness' and 'desirelessness'. Then why during Hungry Ghost Festival... they burn Hell money and believe in Heaven alike? No one told me the answer yet.
They want to be covered on all bases. Technically, the Hungry Ghost Festival is not Buddhist, it was really adopted. The festival comes from ancient Chinese folklore about the afterlife. It occurs in the 7th month (right now) and on the fifteenth day, people go to pay their respects to their ancestor's graves. They sweept the graves, bring flowers, burn incense on the graves etc. Throughout the month, they burn paper stuff for their ancestors, the idea being that the ancestors will get that stuff in the afterlife. During the 7th month, I have seen stores selling paper cars, paper stoves, paper air-conditioning units (where I live it is really hot all year so people tend to assume that the afterlife will be equally hot). They sell paper money all year, because when people are down on their luck, they burn fake money to their ancestors so that their ancestors will be pleased and give them good luck. Something like that. Or when someone has done something wrong to a member of their family, they do that to ask for the ancestor's forgiveness. The fire department really hates this tradition. All of us who have to breathe in the smoke hate it too.
"You have seek, you have found... now apply." But something's in the way.
That is the understatement of the century.
Protestantism has lots of off-shoots. I read somewhere there were over 30,000 branches or was that an exaggeration?
I think there are only 2000 of them that have enough members to consider themselves a denomination. If you count people like my friends mother (she disagrees with every denomination that she has seen so far) then there would be easily 30'000 branches.
I know what you're going through sister! I play miney-miney on MCQ in my Chinese tests/exams - i had always been in the 'special class'. And when it comes to comprehension, i find key words and copy the whole paragraph that might have something to do with it. Before i left, i had 49% on my report card... the teacher was generous because i was worse than that, so i can brag about it, "I have al-most passed!" What are the consequences when you tell them? Throw books at you and lock you in the room?

We don't get MCQ on our tests any more. We only got that in primary school. Now we actually have to write. Some of the questions, they give you the pronunciation and then you write the words. I got all of them wrong. And there are questions where you have to write a sentence with the given word, I treat all of them as nouns and write a really general sentence with them. Sometimes I get them right, most of the time, I get them wrong. The teacher knows I am just guessing what the meaning is.
I can't even say I almost passed because I didn't even come close. There wasn't anything handy for them to throw at me, I made sure of that. And my door locks from the inside, so I don't have to worry about being locked in my room. My parents went through the roof, which isn't all that surprising, 18% is an F, and it being a Chinese test didn't really help matters. My parents must think Chinese is genetic or something. I wish.

Not quite that bad, but you get the idea. My parents have a volatile temper.

[Silent Notes]

I'm aware of the happenings during Hungry Ghost Festival, but not the background nor the relation to Buddhism. So thanks for clearing that up, Julia
I was warned many times from my Chinese friends not to step on the brunt paper money, so i avoided them. It was difficult because they're floating everywhere. And if anyone calls your name at night alone, do not turn where the voice is coming from. And in Chinese Operas, the audience seats at the first row are reserved for the dead. And generally, if there's a Chinese funeral, don't stare.
You know, all these stuff...

Well, i guess people want religions that suit their lifestyle and are a convenience to them.

Yes, that was Primary School, so there's one in four chance to get an MCQ right. It's better to write gibber as answers than to leave it blank.
My door hasn't got locks at all! If languages were genetic, we don't have to prove anything at all... so if we're at fault, blame it on the genes.
If i failed, my mother won't let me watch TV or play the computer unless its Chinese, but i haven't failed anything major.

About dating, is it awkward for a girl to ask a boy out? What's your opinion?

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

I'm aware of the happenings during Hungry Ghost Festival, but not the background nor the relation to Buddhism. So thanks for clearing that up, Julia
Glad to be of help.
I was warned many times from my Chinese friends not to step on the brunt paper money, so i avoided them. It was difficult because they're floating everywhere. And if anyone calls your name at night alone, do not turn where the voice is coming from. And in Chinese Operas, the audience seats at the first row are reserved for the dead. And generally, if there's a Chinese funeral, don't stare.
You know, all these stuff...

Well, i guess people want religions that suit their lifestyle and are a convenience to them.
But I think starting your own church is a bit....how to say?.........over the top.
Yes, that was Primary School, so there's one in four chance to get an MCQ right. It's better to write gibber as answers than to leave it blank.
My door hasn't got locks at all! If languages were genetic, we don't have to prove anything at all... so if we're at fault, blame it on the genes.
I always write stuff on the test. It is just that my answers are so far off. The benefit of just writing stuff is that I have a chance of getting the answer right. The disadvantage is that when I get my parents to sign the test, they can see that I just wrote whatever came to mind. Kind of a no-win situation when you are taking a test on something you don't know.
If i failed, my mother won't let me watch TV or play the computer unless its Chinese, but i haven't failed anything major.
Thankfully my parents can't stop me from going on the computer because I need to use the computer for homework. My parents won't let me watch TV even when I am not in trouble.
About dating, is it awkward for a girl to ask a boy out? What's your opinion?

It is every bit as awkward for a girl to ask a boy out than for a boy to ask a girl out. Usually the guy asks the girl out but it has been done the other way round too. My dad's cousin was dating this girl and he wasn't making any move to marry her, so she proposed to him. If a girl can propose to a guy, why can't she ask a guy out?

[Redratfish]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

About dating, is it awkward for a girl to ask a boy out? What's your opinion?

Depends. The girl will feel awkward, the boy wont. But in the same way, when a guy asks a girl out, he feels awkward, and she doesnt. The only difference is the chance of success.

If a guy asks a girl out, she can say no if she doesn't like him, and no one says anything. if a girl asks a guy out, and the guy says no, all of his friends will give him **** about it :P

[Silent Notes]

About tests, its unacceptable to my teachers leave a question blank. Its better if you try and there's evidence you wrote something even if you make a fool of yourself.

HAHA! I sin every time i lie to my parents when asked to shut down the computer, telling them i'm doing my homework when in fact i was doing anything but homework.

In regards asking a guy out, i ask not like i'm going to. But i guess its more 'traditional' and usual for the guy to ask.

Originally Posted by Redratfish

If a guy asks a girl out, she can say no if she doesn't like him, and no one says anything. if a girl asks a guy out, and the guy says no, all of his friends will give him **** about it :P

Is that true, Redratfish? Its likewise when the guy says no to the girl, the girl's friends will 'hunt' that boy down. Just my observation.

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

About tests, its unacceptable to my teachers leave a question blank. Its better if you try and there's evidence you wrote something even if you make a fool of yourself.
My teachers don't like us writing nonsense answers because it takes them time to grade each question and they feel that we are wasting their time.
HAHA! I sin every time i lie to my parents when asked to shut down the computer, telling them i'm doing my homework when in fact i was doing anything but homework.
I sin every time I post because I told my parents I would go to bed before 9, I would only use the computer for homework, I would not post on forums etc. And I have to stay up late to post so that my parents won't know, this is obviously not homework and CAF is a forum.
In regards asking a guy out, i ask not like i'm going to. But i guess its more 'traditional' and usual for the guy to ask.
Why not? It is more traditional to let the guy ask you out, but why not ask a guy if he would mind helping you with some homework? Then he can make the next move if he is interested. Then you are still following tradition and you let the guy know that you have interest.


Is that true, Redratfish? Its likewise when the guy says no to the girl, the girl's friends will 'hunt' that boy down. Just my observation.

What do you mean by "hunt down"? At my school, the rejected girl's friends will all ask the guy out.

[Silent Notes]

So true, i forgot to tell you and then again the teacher says, especially in maths if you write extra information down or nonsense you can lose marks.
So you have to indicate the working out as "Do not mark this".

I multipurpose, play and work on the computer. So i'm light-heartened and then concentrating at the same time. How does that work?

You got a point, so i guess it doesn't really matter. I have homework buddies but i'm glad this topic never comes up. We'll just be distracted.

Originally Posted by Julia1996

What do you mean by "hunt down"? At my school, the rejected girl's friends will all ask the guy out.

That could be the case. What i'm saying is the rejected girl's clique comes over and bugs the guy. They're doing that on behalf of their friend. Sometimes it turns nasty.

God Bless

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by Silent Notes

So true, i forgot to tell you and then again the teacher says, especially in maths if you write extra information down or nonsense you can lose marks.
So you have to indicate the working out as "Do not mark this".
We have to cross out or erase anything we don't want the teacher to mark.
I multipurpose, play and work on the computer. So i'm light-heartened and then concentrating at the same time. How does that work?
People are capable of feeling happy and sad at the same time, so feeling light-hearted and concentrating at the same time shouldn't be too hard.
You got a point, so i guess it doesn't really matter. I have homework buddies but i'm glad this topic never comes up. We'll just be distracted.
What topic never comes up?


That could be the case. What i'm saying is the rejected girl's clique comes over and bugs the guy. They're doing that on behalf of their friend. Sometimes it turns nasty.
Yikes. That is scary for the guy. But it is better for the rejected girl. The alternative is worse. It seems really mean to me that a girl's friends will ask out the guy that rejected their friend.
God Bless

[LittleWay92]

Originally Posted by Redratfish

I've seen countless posts on the actual forum about Catholics dating in High school. The general feeling on the forum, is that a Catholic should only date another Catholic, and that you should only date if you think you can get married. I personally think both are a load of ****. My parents were mixed religions when they got married, and just celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary last month.

Unfortunately for me, there are not many Catholics at my school (I live in the Bible belt), let alone ones I would like to date. Most of the Catholics at my school disagree more with the Catholic Church than most protestants do. About a third don't believe the True Presence, and a lot of people don't believe (or understand) how the Pope is infallible.

There is one girl who I want to ask, but I am cautious because she is Baptist. I have visited her church (and went to their mother's day out program when I was younger), and have not seen anything specifically anti Catholic. Before I ask her out, I will of course talk to her about my faith, but I will not try to convert her. We're in high school, and I found that trying to convert someone only points them away from your goal.

Do you think I should pursue this relationship, or not?
I am especially curious about your response Julia, you are Protestant right? What would happen if you dated a Catholic?

I used to think along the same lines as you, until I finally realized why adults were telling me that. I would recommend that every young Catholic read Theology of the Body, because it explains why we believe those things.

Obviously, we are able to marry non-Catholics. That does not, however, mean that that is the preferred situation. The main reason that that can be a bad idea is that it sends mixed signals to your kids. You need the support of your spouse when raising kids in the faith, and even if you have that support, you kids will be having to subconsciously choose which parent is correct in regards to faith. Also, a good relationship should make you stronger in your faith, and a big part of that is sharing the same faith. I'm not saying you can't have a good marriage unless you are both Catholic, but I am saying that it is a very important factor in choosing a spouse.

Also, you may want to reconsider "dating" in high school. The purpose of dating is not for fun or to get to know someone better. By the time you enter a relationship with someone, you should already know them well. This is why you should become close friends first. The purpose of dating is marriage, and let's face it-most of us aren't getting married right out of high school. High school and college are excellent times to make friends and meet people that you are potentially interested in marrying. If you get to know someone you are attracted to, you should become good friends. Rushing into relationships because you are attracted to someone is what leads to sin and issues with chastity.

I'm 17, and I have the same feelings for the opposite sex as anyone else, but we need to realize the purpose of these feelings. Adults are wiser than we give them credit for.

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by LittleWay92

I used to think along the same lines as you, until I finally realized why adults were telling me that. I would recommend that every young Catholic read Theology of the Body, because it explains why we believe those things.

Obviously, we are able to marry non-Catholics. That does not, however, mean that that is the preferred situation. The main reason that that can be a bad idea is that it sends mixed signals to your kids. You need the support of your spouse when raising kids in the faith, and even if you have that support, you kids will be having to subconsciously choose which parent is correct in regards to faith. Also, a good relationship should make you stronger in your faith, and a big part of that is sharing the same faith. I'm not saying you can't have a good marriage unless you are both Catholic, but I am saying that it is a very important factor in choosing a spouse.

If you marry someone who has a very similar religion to yours it shouldn't be a big deal (if I am not wrong, there are some Anglicans who are very, very similar to Catholics). And if you marry someone who is not extremely religious, then there is always the possibility that after you get married, they might be influenced by your way of living and decide to convert.

As for sending mixed messages to your kids, marrying someone who doesn't share your religion is on par with sending your kid to a religious school that isn't Catholic or whatever else you may be.

Also, you may want to reconsider "dating" in high school. The purpose of dating is not for fun or to get to know someone better. By the time you enter a relationship with someone, you should already know them well. This is why you should become close friends first. The purpose of dating is marriage, and let's face it-most of us aren't getting married right out of high school. High school and college are excellent times to make friends and meet people that you are potentially interested in marrying. If you get to know someone you are attracted to, you should become good friends. Rushing into relationships because you are attracted to someone is what leads to sin and issues with chastity.

There are two types of dating. Serious dating where you actually have some intention of marrying that person later on in life and casual dating where you are just dating because everyone else is and you found someone nice to date. With serious dating, you probably have some romantic interest in someone and this would lead to sin and chastity issues. That is not to say that seriously-dating people always get ahead of themselves. There are those that stay pure until marriage. The thing here though is (as pointed out by LittleWay) that adults are less likely to make that kind of mistake. During your teenage years there are raging hormones and teenagers are more likely to act on impulse and regret things later. There is also a peer pressure factor if he\she is asking you to do something that you don't want to. Adults are less likely to ask you to do those things, and adults find it easier to say no.

I don't think there is much issue with casual dating. It does look really sad for someone to be going to a dance by themselves or going out as a single with a bunch of friends who are going as couples. If you ask a girl\guy out because they are nice enough and so that you both don't feel awkward around the other couples, that's fine. People who are dating without romantic interest in each other rarely have chastity issues.

I'm 17, and I have the same feelings for the opposite sex as anyone else, but we need to realize the purpose of these feelings. Adults are wiser than we give them credit for.

Sorry if I sound nosy but are you male or female?
And I forgot to mention above, sometimes these feelings that we have towards members of the opposite sex are because of raging hormones and are not the result of true love. If you want to get to know that Baptist girl better, then by all means ask her out but don't expect it to become something big and lasting.

[LittleWay92]

Don't worry about feeling nosy. I am female.

I know that there are some faiths very similar to us, such as Greek Orthodox and Anglicans, and I hope you don't think I'm saying that interfaith marriages are wrong, because I'm not. My own father was Lutheran until he married my mother, and he converted from his own heart and not my mother's wish. I know that they can work out. However, the mixed signals are stronger than the signals sent by a kid attending a school of a different faith. The differences between your parents are more influential on a child than differences with peers. There is going to be the question of "Who is right, mommy or daddy?". And it could be difficult for a mother to persuade her kids to go to Catholic mass if dad doesn't. There are many difficulties.

As for dating, I don't mean that you shouldn't go to a dance with a guy, or even to a movie or something. I went to prom with a guy, and I don't see anything wrong with that. It's when teens start to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" and spend all their time together, including time alone, that we start to blur the lines on some things. It's just as hard for teenagers as it is for adults to say no, even harder because we are so hormone riddled. These kinds of relationships should wait until you are an adult looking for a spouse, and even then you will have to battle temptation. I suggest making friends, maybe going to dances or even to the movies. Group stuff is always good, and even if you go out alone sometime, be very careful and think about what your intentions are.

I hope you don't think I'm trying to lecture anyone. I just care a lot about helping kids my age realize how serious this "fun" stuff can turn, even unintentionally. Until you've been in some of these situations, you really can't understand exactly how difficult it is to stay pure. I want us to all live a holy and happy life.

[Julia1996]

Originally Posted by LittleWay92

Don't worry about feeling nosy. I am female.
Okay. I thought so. Just checking.
I know that there are some faiths very similar to us, such as Greek Orthodox and Anglicans, and I hope you don't think I'm saying that interfaith marriages are wrong, because I'm not. My own father was Lutheran until he married my mother, and he converted from his own heart and not my mother's wish. I know that they can work out. However, the mixed signals are stronger than the signals sent by a kid attending a school of a different faith. The differences between your parents are more influential on a child than differences with peers. There is going to be the question of "Who is right, mommy or daddy?". And it could be difficult for a mother to persuade her kids to go to Catholic mass if dad doesn't. There are many difficulties.
My two closest friends are Catholic and both their dads are Buddhist. I found that they are actually more strongly Catholic than some of my peers with two Catholic parents.
And I should have mentioned that friends play a big role in spiritual development. My family is Protestant, but my friends are mostly Catholic. When I realized that some of the things my church was saying didn't really make sense, the first religion I looked at was Catholicism, just because my friends had been telling me about how great it was.
As for dating, I don't mean that you shouldn't go to a dance with a guy, or even to a movie or something. I went to prom with a guy, and I don't see anything wrong with that. It's when teens start to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" and spend all their time together, including time alone, that we start to blur the lines on some things. It's just as hard for teenagers as it is for adults to say no, even harder because we are so hormone riddled. These kinds of relationships should wait until you are an adult looking for a spouse, and even then you will have to battle temptation. I suggest making friends, maybe going to dances or even to the movies. Group stuff is always good, and even if you go out alone sometime, be very careful and think about what your intentions are.
Okay. I totally agree with you on this one.
I hope you don't think I'm trying to lecture anyone. I just care a lot about helping kids my age realize how serious this "fun" stuff can turn, even unintentionally. Until you've been in some of these situations, you really can't understand exactly how difficult it is to stay pure. I want us to all live a holy and happy life.

Don't worry, you aren't really lecturing, just sharing your point of view. Nobody is going to fault you for that. I tell my friends the exact same things when they are getting into serious relationships with guys. Its normal to want to help people and stop them from making big mistakes.