I understand, I have been touched by death, parents passing to hearing my wife tell of the passing of her older sister (years ago, before we met). I felt the effect on 9/11 watching the towers fall wondering if my distant family members were on Manhatten island that day.
Yes death can come like a thief in the night a steal you away. But nothing can take me from the love of Jesus, save me. He is my rock, my reason to carry on, on good days and bad. I wish to die one day in peace, when I am ready to meet God and enter heaven. When is that, I do not know. I must trust that God is good and that the good shepherd will lead me to that point when I can he his forevermore.
Peace be with you