Why is it so hard for people to come back to the Church - some ideas - Page 3

soretoe · #31 Oct 7, '11, 3:04 am

I would think that a private meeting between them and your pastor to discuss why they are having a difficult time coming back. Then another discussion with your RCIA leader about class subjects and scripture study. Get them to explain why they stay away or don't want to come at all and go from there. If you don't address their reasons and show them where they can change a little at a time they may never come back.

fide · #32 Oct 7, '11, 3:26 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DL82

I have encountered this with my own family and with people I met while doing apostolic work for the Legion of Mary - people who stop going to Mass for whatever reason, then it just gets harder and harder to go back.

It seems like some people, for whatever reason, miss Mass (either carelessly, or because they can't face being close to God), then they think 'oh, now I'll have to go to Confession, and the priest will read me the riot act, and everyone will judge me. I'll not go back just yet, until I've got myself ready to face that', and so a few weeks go by, then it gets easier to stay in bed and sleep in Sundays. Then a few years go by, and nobody contacts them or asks why they're not at Mass, so they think they are not missed, or that the people they knew have moved on. Then after all those years they either don't feel they belong in the Church at all any more, or worry how they could possibly make a good Confession, or think everyone will judge them (and often, they're right about this last thing).

Some people just find it so hard to come back. I think some people remember the old-school Irish Catholicism of their grandparents, who wouldn't miss Mass for anything, wouldn't even go to another parish in case someone thought they had been absent, and they imagine the Church will judge them that way if they come back after a period away.

In the Protestant tradition I was brought up in, lots of people didn't go to church for years, or only at Christmas and Easter, then came back in their 50's, and nobody batted an eyelid. Even now, I could walk into my old Presbyterian or Episcopalian church and say 'I used to come here, but then I became Catholic for a while', and people would more or less just say, 'no matter, you're back now' and it would be as if nothing had ever happened.

Part of the reason for this, of course, is that some liberal Protestant denominations have lost a sense of sin, and have replaced a Christian understanding of forgiveness with a psychologistic idea of acceptance. Nonetheless, Our Lord, in His ministry and in His Passion, offered both acceptance AND forgiveness. He went to eat with Zaccheus BEFORE he had repented and promised to pay back whatever he had taken, He let the prostitute approach and sit with Him BEFORE she had washed His feet with her tears, and He died for us, WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS. While you can criticise those liberal Protestant denominations for ignoring the forgiveness narrative, it's equally problematic to ignore the acceptance one.

I know some people on this board will take issue with what I'm saying here, but I find a lot of judgment and harshness from Catholics here, and I think that is what so many lost sheep of the Church fear about coming back. How can we learn to be a Church that both accepts AND forgives, each at the right time and in the right way?

All of the reasons that others have listed are common and understandable ones - but I would say they are all in a sense "only" symptoms of the root cause, a lack of faith. We as a Church fail to catechize and form the members with a firmly grounded, comprehensive and growing adult faith. As a result, falling away is too easy. Why can't every one who leaves say with Peter (Jn 6:68-69),
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

It seems that many Catholics have a "loyalty" but not a firm faith. We as a Church are failing in the very reason for Church: "Make disciples, ... teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you." (Mt 28)

We need to make adult catechesis a real priority. As of now, tragically it is not. Today, Catholics can get miffed at the pastor for the most trivial of reasons, and decide to walk.

We need to be a welcoming and forgiving church, and a catechizing one for those who remain and for those who return!

DL82 · #33 Oct 7, '11, 5:52 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by fide

All of the reasons that others have listed are common and understandable ones - but I would say they are all in a sense "only" symptoms of the root cause, a lack of faith. We as a Church fail to catechize and form the members with a firmly grounded, comprehensive and growing adult faith. As a result, falling away is too easy. Why can't every one who leaves say with Peter (Jn 6:68-69),
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

It seems that many Catholics have a "loyalty" but not a firm faith. We as a Church are failing in the very reason for Church: "Make disciples, ... teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you." (Mt 28)

We need to make adult catechesis a real priority. As of now, tragically it is not. Today, Catholics can get miffed at the pastor for the most trivial of reasons, and decide to walk.

We need to be a welcoming and forgiving church, and a catechizing one for those who remain and for those who return!

I agree with you on this. When most people were illiterate it may have been fine to just know a few responses to the catechism. The problem today is there are people in complex professional jobs with graduate degrees who still have a faith that hasn't developed since they were in 3rd grade.

Monica4316 · #34 Oct 9, '11, 10:04 pm

No matter what I have mentioned in Confession, the priests have always been understanding and helpful.

I think that fears about being judged, etc, for being away from the Church, might not be based on truth. I'm sure that if a person mentioned this in Confession, the priest would just be glad that the person came back.

God bless

PJM · #35 Oct 12, '11, 12:13 pm

Quote:

=soretoe;8441194]I would think that a private meeting between them and your pastor to discuss why they are having a difficult time coming back. Then another discussion with your RCIA leader about class subjects and scripture study. Get them to explain why they stay away or don't want to come at all and go from there. If you don't address their reasons and show them where they can change a little at a time they may never come back.

[b]BULLSEYEB]

Always be willing as a priority to "meet them where THEY are at spiritually in the present time." First and formost is to 1. Find out why they seperated. 2. What they believe and accept and choose NOT to believe and accept. Then in charity carefully and fully OPEN A DISCUSSION ON THESE VERY ISSUES FIRST. Always resove these two things before attempting to move on.

God Bless,
Pat

3DOCTORS · #36 Oct 17, '11, 5:33 pm

Sometimes it's just that the momentum, once lost, is hard to regain. As is the motivation to regain it. This applies to those who have drifted away out of laziness, but also in a different way to those who left over an "issue" - I've seen examples of both.

Once they fill the time void on Sunday morning with some other activity, they stop feeling the pull to go to Mass. Once they stop feeling any qualms about not going to Mass, they also feel fewer qualms about not going to Confession, or making an appointment with a priest, or any other measure that would help them find their way back to practicing the Catholic Faith. Inertia is a powerful force.

But God's grace is more powerful, and our prayers can help. So let us not be discouraged. We each know who we need to pray for! Let's get started!

fide · #37 Oct 18, '11, 6:41 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DL82

I agree with you on this. When most people were illiterate it may have been fine to just know a few responses to the catechism. The problem today is there are people in complex professional jobs with graduate degrees who still have a faith that hasn't developed since they were in 3rd grade.

Exactly right. In an adult Catechism class, some years ago, we were all blessed to hear a participant - a medical doctor in his 60's, I'd guess - say exactly that of himself. He had grown in many ways in his life, in his career, in his medical practice and expertise. But he confessed that he had not grown at all in his faith, or his understanding of the Faith, until now in that study of the Catechism. His self-disclosure was not surprising, because very sadly he disclosed a condition that is common - but to hear someone say it "in public" was a surprise and a happy one. He was an encouragement for many.

A related tragedy for our times is this: not only have so few grown in understanding the Faith of the Church in a way appropriate to their chronological age, but equally undeveloped is their growth in their own personal interior life of prayer and relationship with God in Christ. Their prayer life, and their prayer-communion with the Lord, is beaten to near death by busyness and noise and distraction. Catholic adults of working age, and of family responsibilities, are committed up to their ears and over their heads in an almost 24/7 constant schedule of things to do. The many I have talked with seem to believe that to make a place for prayer and quiet is impossible - a fantasy.

No wonder we are so impoverished today.