I'm agnostic and she is catholic - Page 7

tqualey · #91 Dec 25, '11, 8:12 am

Hi, CatholicMom,

Yes, indeed this is a difficult situation - and it looks like all the cards have been put on the table. I do not necessarily think your husband lacked honesty in this matter - most people are doing the best they can. And, it is true that there are many who find someone's efforts less than convincing - but, convincing others isn't really the issue is it?

He knew how you were six years ago and knew what was important to you. By the same token you also knew about his needs and beliefs. It sounds like an honest accommodation was achieved at the time. But, religion is a tricky area - it brings up an entire life-time of experiences. Some make a transition easier than others - and some never really make it at all. Whatever were his real reasons for converting to Catholicism may never be known - even to himself. But, in my opinion is that you both find that spirit of genuine belief in one another and continue down life's road together. It is so important that you may need a marriage counselor - great for both of you to go - but, that may just take some time.

For all of the investments in life you both have made - God bless you.

Merry Christmas!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CatholicMom1907

Wow - I started following this thread today. I wish my husband was as honest as you were. I didn't give an ultimatum before we were married but he knew it was important to me and I think he became Catholic for the wrong reasons. I was so scared of that but he denied it - now after being married 6 years, I feel we are at a crossroads and it's scary to think of what he is going through without God - if that is what he believes.

It's great to see that you will be baptized soon. That is amazing to me. I grew up Catholic so I always had a general understanding and background of the faith. I always had my mom and grandparents to go to with any questions which I took for granted that not everyone has someone to help guide them and answer things that are confusing or demonstrated incorrectly by others etc. But it really is so inspiring to see someone so open to self-discovery and learning about God without any of that background. It really reminds me how powerful the Holy Spirit is in calling us to seek out a greater truth, wisdom and love through our faith and knowing that we were put on this earth with purpose and for a purpose. It is not for our own happiness necessarily (although that is a blessing), but it is to truly be happy with who we are and our relationship with God. It is so we can show God's love and be loved.

I know RCIA was a great program not just to convert, but to really explore and ask the questions that you might be scared to otherwise. I learned a lot going to it with my husband. Don't be shy or scared to ask questions that might be difficult.

Good luck in your studies and I'm sorry for the pain of your break up but it has brought you to this point in your life and that is a great thing.

God bless!
Janet

couponfit · #92 Dec 28, '11, 4:45 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by theagnosticcath

I need help!!
My other half has recently re-affirmed her faith and is truly working towards getting back to where she used to be within catholicism many years ago.
we were having pre-maratial sex and now thats stopped, something by the way that although i do find hard completely support her on and have recently started to understand why this is a HUGE thing within the religion but this is not the problem, far from it.

I've started to attend church on the off occasion, trying to go to mass (which i still can't sit through because it is to intense for me at the moment and scares me a little bit) and i have been reading books about catholicism, the mass and other things, i have also started to attend bible readings (or studies) as a sort of ground floor understanding of the bible and why the bible is the word of god not man (something that i didn't quite grasp until someone explained it to me).
We recently got into a discussion about children and she can't understand why although i believe that there is a higher power, i still might not convert to catholicism.
i dont want to convert to catholicism just to please her or just for marraige, i'd rather if i do in future convert do it on my own terms and because i have been brought round to beleive in the teachings and the word of god, not just because she wants me to but because i want to.
I want my children to be raised catholic as i see nothing wrong with it and i do truly believe that being brought up catholic well benifit their lifes immensly in everything that they do, that the teachings of god and not just their parents, will show them a better life than i had when i was younger
For 24 years i have lived without the word of god and although yes because of it, ive made mistakes, i've learned from my mistakes and it will be good teaching for my children, the right from the wrong because i certainly have done alot of the wrong in my life. I feel i could be a guide if the children sway from the faith

she has issued me with an ultimatum of you acknowledge that Jesus = God or we are through

I do not know what to do, i love her more than anything else in the world and i am trying incredibly hard to grasp everything she believes but at the same time its hard and i do not want to be forced into a belief that i do not understand

please help

I'm concerned by her actions. First I understand that finding Jesus, even after being away from him for quite some time, is powerful. My question would be whether she is finding Jesus to sanctify your relationship and to turn your relationship into something it was not , or whether this is a genuine revelation.

There are many forms of pride and self love, and in one form a woman might decide that in order to be a good marriage the man must meet conditions that he did not meet when they met. He must suddenly be catholic, or wealthy, or have a better job, or be slimmer or stronger or anything. The key is that she is manipulating you to change to keep your relationship because she is grading your love for her on her ability to control you.

I do agree that you have good thought on converting with conviction. I agree that day may come and it should not be coerced. Many women look for good men and can't find them because they keep changing what it means to be a good man. My advice is to break up with her while she completes her spiritual transformation and you weigh your future with God. In any case it sounds very much like you have broken up anyways.

Later on if the love is there you two will find each other in a way you will not expect as God will bring you together.

Try putting your heart into church and you might see things differently, let go and let God guide you.

Best regards, but please don't give up on church

tqualey · #93 Jan 1, '12, 8:46 pm

Hi, Couponfit,

I do not want to be a 'Disciple of the Obvious'...but, there is a real male/female dynamic here that you are overlooking. Women have a real role in trying to change men ... and men have a real role in trying to keep women the same! We can howl at the moon all we want - but, when the howling is done, this is what we find! It really is no more manipulation on the part of the woman to try and get the man to change, as it would be for the man to try to keep the woman in some type of static frame. Both are ultimately doomed to failure for being utterly realistic (men keep a lot of bsic qualities their wives have tried to change ... and women have broken that unrealistic mold and changed on many things!

Just look around and talk to people who have been married for some years (my wife and I just celebrated our 41st anniversary!)

Now, there is an obligation that we all have to spread the Gospel of Christ. It certainly is a good idea to start at home first (not being afraid to speak and live the Gospel Message).

God bless

Quote:

Originally Posted by couponfit

I'm concerned by her actions. First I understand that finding Jesus, even after being away from him for quite some time, is powerful. My question would be whether she is finding Jesus to sanctify your relationship and to turn your relationship into something it was not , or whether this is a genuine revelation.

There are many forms of pride and self love, and in one form a woman might decide that in order to be a good marriage the man must meet conditions that he did not meet when they met. He must suddenly be catholic, or wealthy, or have a better job, or be slimmer or stronger or anything. The key is that she is manipulating you to change to keep your relationship because she is grading your love for her on her ability to control you.

I do agree that you have good thought on converting with conviction. I agree that day may come and it should not be coerced. Many women look for good men and can't find them because they keep changing what it means to be a good man. My advice is to break up with her while she completes her spiritual transformation and you weigh your future with God. In any case it sounds very much like you have broken up anyways.

Later on if the love is there you two will find each other in a way you will not expect as God will bring you together.

Try putting your heart into church and you might see things differently, let go and let God guide you.

Best regards, but please don't give up on church