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  #16  
Old Feb 25, '12, 10:28 am
hannajomar hannajomar is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by Zundrah View Post
There is good news, I found her.

The bad news; she wasn't happy about it.
Well, I'm sorry to see the second part. God bless you, and your family.
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  #17  
Old Feb 25, '12, 10:29 am
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by joanofarc2008 View Post
Why? What did she have to say?
She was furious. She shouted at me through the phone right from start to finish. She was also extremely drunk.

She lied by saying that she called me 100+ times on my phone and left me messages. Which is a blatant lie since obviously the messages and missed calls would be there.

When I asked her why she just got up and left us without any form of contact she simply went back to the missed calls excuse, which never happened.

She complained that I asked her partner (who she says she isn't with anymore) for her address and he gave it to me. She said that she can only try contacting me for so long and then she will just stop bothering, start retracting and living for herself. but she never called me, she's lying.

She left just before Christmas, it's been this long. She never asked about my sister or her 2 kids. I think she just doesn't care or even want to know how we are.
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  #18  
Old Feb 25, '12, 10:33 am
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

I went to the partners house and left a letter there saying that if he doesn't call me on this number and give me her address I will go to the local police station and express my concerns for my mothers disappearance because of his violent nature and drug addiction.

He called me trying to start a massive argument but I told him straight to just text the address of her house to me. So he hung up and did it.

Next day was when my mum called me on my phone screaming and shouting.
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  #19  
Old Feb 25, '12, 10:35 am
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by hannajomar View Post
Well, I'm sorry to see the second part. God bless you, and your family.
Thank you. Even though I was worried about her, part of me wished I never got in contact with her now. Her response to it was hurtful.
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  #20  
Old Feb 25, '12, 1:33 pm
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by Zundrah View Post
Thank you. Even though I was worried about her, part of me wished I never got in contact with her now. Her response to it was hurtful.
I am sorry to hear of her response, but at the very least, you know she's alive. The man may have beaten her after he had to give you her location.

What a mess.

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  #21  
Old Feb 25, '12, 1:36 pm
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Luna Lovecraft Luna Lovecraft is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by joanofarc2008 View Post
Starting with the police is a good idea. Do you have a copies of the hospital records? Were their police reports filed - those will be helpful. Find a private investigator as well. Contact Catholic Charities for more help as well.
This.

And if you have a general idea of where she is or might be, have the police do a welfare check on her.

Luna
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  #22  
Old Feb 25, '12, 2:05 pm
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane View Post
I am sorry to hear of her response, but at the very least, you know she's alive. The man may have beaten her after he had to give you her location.

What a mess.

It's okay and thanks for caring.

I suppose all I can do is let her get on with it.
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  #23  
Old Feb 25, '12, 2:43 pm
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joanofarc2008 joanofarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

Just keep praying. Do not contact this man again. But at this point it may be good to do little nice things for your mother like bring her meals or take her out to eat. This will allow you to check up on her without it being a check up.
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  #24  
Old Feb 25, '12, 4:23 pm
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by Zundrah View Post
It's okay and thanks for caring.

I suppose all I can do is let her get on with it.
I prayed for her and you during Mass tonight.

You might consider going to an Al-Anon meeting. It's for friends and family of alcoholics. Teaches how to detach with love and take care of yourself. I know there are meetings in the UK.

Al-Anon UK/Eire
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  #25  
Old Feb 25, '12, 5:18 pm
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane View Post
I prayed for her and you during Mass tonight.
Thank you.

Quote:
You might consider going to an Al-Anon meeting. It's for friends and family of alcoholics. Teaches how to detach with love and take care of yourself. I know there are meetings in the UK.

Al-Anon UK/Eire
I'm reading that site now. I wonder if she'd even bother coming with us. It will be worth getting in contact with them though even if just me and my sister go there.
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  #26  
Old Feb 25, '12, 5:48 pm
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joanofarc2008 joanofarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by Zundrah View Post
Thank you.



I'm reading that site now. I wonder if she'd even bother coming with us. It will be worth getting in contact with them though even if just me and my sister go there.
No Al-Anon is for the family. It is not for the alcoholic. Your Mom would be looking to go to AA.
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  #27  
Old Feb 25, '12, 6:08 pm
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Zundrah Zundrah is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by joanofarc2008 View Post
No Al-Anon is for the family. It is not for the alcoholic. Your Mom would be looking to go to AA.
Okay thanks, it's me and my sister then.
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  #28  
Old Feb 26, '12, 8:31 am
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
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Default Re: Major worries for my mother

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Originally Posted by Zundrah View Post
Okay thanks, it's me and my sister then.
Yes, AA is for the alcoholic. Also, you don't even have to know if your mum is or is not an actual alcoholic. If someone's drinking is bothering you, you qualify for Al-Anon. It will help you to go on with your life and be happy whether your mother is drinking or not. Many people I know are in similar situations to you, but many times they are parents and have no idea where their children are. The dynamics are slightly different but the underlying principles are the same.

Step 1: We admitted we are powerless against alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity.

Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

These are the same 3 steps that the alcoholic in AA works, but of course our focus is not on the alcohol as much as it is the alcoholic. Some groups say "We admitted we are powerless against the alcoholic..." but in the end, it means the same. If the alcoholic is powerless against alcohol, so are we.
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