Husband's anxiety over parent conferences

[SummerSmiles]

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

Yay! Another creative soul who will have all the creativity beaten out of him by the school system! [/sarcasm]

Sorry, it just breaks my heart how lovely little people like your son get told "No, we want your writing to look just like everyone else's, so you can fit into the little slot society gives you. And oh, by the way, do it in the time frame we tell you to as well."

I don't think shainski was saying that her child's creativity is being "beaten out of him by the school system." She clearly said that she takes time to tell her child that she values his creativity. Some creative kids will spend 15 minutes just writing their name because they want it to look fancy. Practically speaking, that's just not feasible. Kids need to learn how to just get things done sometimes--there is a time and place for everything. It's great to be creative when you can be, but it's not always appropriate to do so.

[SummerSmiles]

Originally Posted by Monicad

Even if I were to agree with you that your husband is being unreasonable, minimizing his anxieites (however silly they may seem) is probably not going to get you anywhere. Every one of us has anxieties or have an extreme dislike over certain situations that to others may seem silly.

I know families where one spouse is "in charge" when the children are throwing up because the other one can't handle it. Another family where one parent takes care of bloody situations and doctor visits because the other parent can't handle it. Other families where one parent is "in charge" of sports activities because the other parent is not athletically-inclined or even interested. I can actually see your husband' side of things, he hates conferences they make him nervous and anxious...he sees you as the educational expert since you work at the school so he wants you to handle it.

My question to you would be this: does your husband often relegate parenting duties to you? Are you always the one to take care of things? If so there may be other problems here in your marriage and family that need to be addressed. However if your husband is primarily a good father and otherwise involved in family life but he just hates conferences I would maybe give him a break and tell him you will handle it.

Monica makes some very good points. It's one thing if this is a specific area where your husband just doesn't feel comfortable, but he is still willing to take charge in other areas. It's completely another if he consistently passes off all the "dirty work" on to you.

If he just doesn't feel comfortable in the conferences, then it might not be a bad idea for you to go ahead and take over in that area. Let him take on something where he feels he has the skills necessary to help your son. That's part of the beauty of having two parents--we can help each other out if we don't feel comfortable in certain situations.

[SamH]

My wife has been an educator for 17 years. As she puts it, if the teacher is doing their job the parent-teacher conference should never have any surprises.

[shainski]

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

Yay! Another creative soul who will have all the creativity beaten out of him by the school system! [/sarcasm]

Sorry, it just breaks my heart how lovely little people like your son get told "No, we want your writing to look just like everyone else's, so you can fit into the little slot society gives you. And oh, by the way, do it in the time frame we tell you to as well."

No, i probably worded that incorrectly. As Summersmiles points out - he can spend half the time writing his name. Making the "M" into a dinosaur or something. He's somehow figured out how to write his name in cursive - because it looks cool. He makes big "bubble" letters (as he calls them).

He really is quite the artist - but he does need to learn how to read and write other words as well. (He's only in K5, so i don't expect him to be reading novels. So it's good for us to hear that we need to emphasize reading and writing with him (without squelching the artist in him). He'll have plenty of time in his life to be both the illustrator as well as the writer.

[TheRealJuliane]

Originally Posted by shainski

No, i probably worded that incorrectly. As Summersmiles points out - he can spend half the time writing his name. Making the "M" into a dinosaur or something. He's somehow figured out how to write his name in cursive - because it looks cool. He makes big "bubble" letters (as he calls them).

He really is quite the artist - but he does need to learn how to read and write other words as well. (He's only in K5, so i don't expect him to be reading novels. So it's good for us to hear that we need to emphasize reading and writing with him (without squelching the artist in him). He'll have plenty of time in his life to be both the illustrator as well as the writer.

Well, I won't keep taking this thread off-topic, but I still think the "do it one way" classroom kills a lot of initiative and creativity in young children, especially ones like your son. I support homeschooling for this reason and others. If your son wants to write in cursive, good for him! But not in institutional school, because it takes too long and the others can't do it yet.

[Irishmom2]

I just don't think it is that big of a deal that the dad is not there. I agree with the poster that said sometimes each parent has a thing they can or cannot do, and that they balance each other out. What is important is that one parent is there and that they are on the same page when it comes to whatever was relayed to them by the teacher. My husband works all day and parent conferences were always at night. I was home all day so I went to the conferences. My children were not affected by their father never attending a conference, believe me.

[ThyKingdomCome]

Originally Posted by Irishmom2

I just don't think it is that big of a deal that the dad is not there. I agree with the poster that said sometimes each parent has a thing they can or cannot do, and that they balance each other out. What is important is that one parent is there and that they are on the same page when it comes to whatever was relayed to them by the teacher. My husband works all day and parent conferences were always at night. I was home all day so I went to the conferences. My children were not affected by their father never attending a conference, believe me.

I should've said, that I agree with this as well. It is not necessary for the child, to have Dad at the conference.

But if there is a large amount of anxiety about the conference, the anxiety shouldn't go unaddressed. Because the issue could very well be deeper than "I don't like conferences," and could have an affect on other areas of parenting.

[Irishmom2]

Originally Posted by ThyKingdomCome

But if there is a large amount of anxiety about the conference, the anxiety shouldn't go unaddressed. Because the issue could very well be deeper than "I don't like conferences," and could have an affect on other areas of parenting.

And I agree with this too. If the dad isn't going because of some kind of anxiety, that is a separate issue that he might want to seek help with for the good of his entire family.