Help!! My husband wants a divorce - Page 2

Junebug1867 · #16 Feb 26, '12, 2:40 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by RosaryCancer

I prayed 54 day rosary novena for my father who had kidney cancer spread to his lungs.he had surgery in october. His results in feb.were good, it did not spread any further. I also prayed from 8.sept. - (nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary) till 17.sept. 9 Hail Marys a day for one intention, two days later my prayer was answered, I was at peace.Just to give you some strenght.. God will not let you down. Pray to him with all your heart and have trust in him.

Thank you for these words of hope! I will pray for your father as well. I am realizing that I must see this trial as an opportunity to strengthen my prayer life and learn to trust in the Lord more. The more I read on these forums, the more the answer comes to me for my dilemma: prayer, prayer, and more prayer.

joanofarc2008 · #17 Feb 26, '12, 3:45 pm

Please start maritial counseling even if it is only you. If he won't go - he won't go but at least it will help you with your healing through this. I am so sorry and will pray for you.

kbachler · #18 Feb 27, '12, 1:09 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by joanofarc2008

Please start maritial counseling even if it is only you. If he won't go - he won't go but at least it will help you with your healing through this. I am so sorry and will pray for you.

I agree with Joan. You need to take action for yourself in addition to prayer.

In addition to looking into counseling for yourself, and setting an example by going, sit down and ask him if he can better express his issues. So far, it sounds very vague. If he is just "not happy" then something to suggest is this: If his unhappiness isn't clear then can he be certain that he is clearly unhappy with his marriage? And if not, then isn't the unhappiness "in him" so that no matter where he goes, and what he does, it will still be with him. If so, leaving the marriage may cause a change that may distract him from it for awhile, but eventually it will be back. He will have covered up a symptom, not treated the problem.

Given that, encourage him to try counseling with you or without you so that he can take an opportunity to better discern the problem, before he decides on such a drastic course of action.

kbachler · #19 Mar 12, '12, 10:01 am

Hope some positive things have happened for you.

Smugleaf · #20 Mar 13, '12, 6:42 am

I am so sorry you're going through this, and that he treats you so badly. My thoughts are with you.

twoangels · #21 Mar 13, '12, 8:23 am

Pray. Treat him with kindness. Love him though he doesn't love you. Cling to Christ. Offer your suffering up. All you can do is stay faithful to your vows and pray for him. If he leaves you, find support. If he divorces you, I would look into inquiring whether the marriage was valid. The fact that he doesn't seem to take marriage seriously would seem to put it into question. That would be how I'd feel. I'd want to know so that I would know whether to love him day by day while divorced from a distance or whether I could seek to meet other people and eventually marry. But until you're divorced (if it does happen), don't entertain that path. Love him and pray for him. You want to make this love you're giving him be about your valuing of him. He feels loved. As opposed to him feeling you are desperate to have his love. You may be desperate but instead of loving him you try to coerce love out of him, he will distance himself from you. If you love him sincerely and purely...well he'd be a fool to leave you. He may still be a fool, but you'd be on the higher ground.

Cashew · #22 Mar 13, '12, 9:04 am

If I could offer two book suggestions, I know they've really had an impact on how my wife and I view our marriage:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's a very quick read, but basically it says that every person experiences love through some combination of acts of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. And to make people feel loved, you have to learn their language (even if its different from yours). It's been very powerful in rethinking my own approach to my marriage.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Langu...1654350&sr=8-1

For Better Forever: A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Greg Popcak has been a big eye opener as well. It's much more broad than the Chapman book, but really lets you look at your marriage from a Christian perspective and from a psychological perspective of how exceptional marriages work. He also has a radio show on Ave Marie Radio called More2Life, which you can listen in on at 12 pm eastern at http://avemariaradio.net.

http://www.amazon.com/For-Better-For...1654489&sr=1-1

crenfro · #23 Mar 13, '12, 9:22 am

Hello.

Have you tried the EWTN call-in show "The Doctor Is In?" They have a lot of helpful information for situations such as yours.

Placing you in the enclosed garden of the most Sacred Heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

whm · #24 Mar 13, '12, 10:16 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junebug1867

Of course this breaks my heart. I reminded him of our wedding vows, and I told him we could work through it, but he refuses. He won't get therapy. He won't try anything.
For the past few months he has been pushing me away. He refuses to spend time with me or sleep in the same bed. He won't have sex with me, and chooses to look at porn instead of being with me. He is rude and treats me like he hates me. It's like he is trying so hard to treat me badly so that I will agree to this divorce.

A porn addiction could potentially be a big part of the problem. It is intertwined with depression. It can in some cases lead to sexual dysfunction or a lack of interest in real people. Has he been using porn for very long? Was he religious when you got married?

I will say a prayer for you and your husband.

Brightest_Star · #25 Mar 13, '12, 11:10 am

I can only think of two things.

One, he is with another woman and hopes to free himself from you so he can go and be with her. This is usually the reason for a 'sudden' declaration of unsatisfaction. Probably he's been cheating for 6 months or longer and the more he enjoys that other life the less satisfied he becomes with the first one.

Two, he is just bored and numb from routine and sameness, and maybe panicking a bit over time going by and his dreams not being realized. This is another really common reason for wanting to break from a marriage.

In the first case, if you keep your kindness but make the process he desires take a loooong time the passion for this woman could die out before he is able to go through with the divorce. Your strategy here is to delay delay but not let him make you into a shrew. If he hates you he won't come back to you even if the other woman and him fizzle out.

In the second case, finding out what those dreams are that he used to have, and encouraging him to 'go for it', might work. It may mean anything though, so be prepared. For example; maybe he wanted to backpack Europe or go mineral excavating in Peru. Be willing to pack a bag and sell your assets to make this happen, because if this is the case then he is most likely thinking that it would be kinder to divorce you and leave you with the house and your family than to drag you all around on some adventure he may not even have properly planned out.

These are just possibilities I'm throwing out there because I've seen them in my life, but of course I don't know him, or you, so I could be very wrong.
It's really sad that you have to going through this, I hope you and him are able to work it out and repair your marriage. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless.