Protestant vs Catholic Jokes # 5 - Page 47

donsnow · #**691** Apr 2, '12, 6:16 am

Three boy scouts told their Scoutmaster that they had done their good deed for the day.

"What did you do, boy?" he asked.

"We helped an old lady cross the street," they said in unison.

The Scoutmaster was mystified. "It took all three of you to do that?"

"Yes," one boy piped up. "She didn't want to go."

donsnow · #**692** Apr 3, '12, 2:01 pm

A football coach was trying to help some of his less talented players develop their skills.

"Now, listen," he said to one of them. "What would you do if it was a fourth down, with three seconds to play?"

After thinking for a good minute, the player replied, "Slide over to the end of the bench so I could see better."

donsnow · #**693** Apr 4, '12, 1:43 pm

"Sometimes I think when the end times do come Catholics will be the last to know." - beboldfor

nickybr38 · #**694** Apr 4, '12, 2:33 pm

Have you guys heard the joke about a Protestant minister who dies... and heaven is a big house with many rooms. He passes by a room full of Jewish people, a room full of agnostics, a room full of Pentecostals and Baptists and Lutherans... and of course he's surprised to see them all and finally he passes by a room where the door is closed.

He asks St. Peter, "why is that door closed?"

And St. Peter responds, "Shhh. The Catholics are in there. They think they're the only ones here!"

I know I quoted it wrong but that one cracks me up everytime I hear it!

**GEddie** · #**695** Apr 4, '12, 2:54 pm

A man drives up to US Customs at Laredo TX from Mexico.

"What are you bringing back from Mexico?" he is asked.

"Just holy water," he said, "from the Shrine of Guadalupe". He gestured to a huge statue-like water flask.

The customs man unscrews the flask, lowers his nose and takes a sniff.

"This is tequila!!!" he roars.

"Praise the LORD", the tourist exclaimed: "Another miracle!!!!!"

donsnow · #**696** Apr 5, '12, 3:04 pm

A man and his talking burro are traveling through the New Mexico desert. The man tells his burro, "I don't know if I'm going to vote in the election this year."

The burro stops and looks at the man.

The man says, "What?"

The burro asks, "Where is Voteintheelectiohn?"

donsnow · #**697** Apr 7, '12, 3:49 am

The little girl returns home from her Brownie meeting and lets her dad know that some of the other parents are starting a square dancing club. She asked him to join, and he passed as not much a dancer. Then, she replies, "Come on, dad, don't you want to do-si-do and swing your parts?"

**GEddie** · #**698** Apr 8, '12, 11:47 am

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained, "and today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought for a moment and then asked, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

odile53 · #**699** Apr 8, '12, 1:39 pm

Seen on an application for a marriage tribunal annulment:

Reason for divorce: "We divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God. I didn't."

donsnow · #**700** Apr 8, '12, 4:43 pm

The busboy and Maitre de were standing by the Queen Anne (a three shelved bus cart). The Maitre d picked up a half full wine glass, chugged it, put it down and said to the bus boy out of the corner of his mouth, "I have a drinking problem."

The bus boy leans his head sideways to the Maitre de and says, "I used to have a drinking problem, then she divorced me."

Lost_Sheep · #**701** Apr 9, '12, 1:26 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickybr38

Have you guys heard the joke about a Protestant minister who dies... and heaven is a big house with many rooms. He passes by a room full of Jewish people, a room full of agnostics, a room full of Pentecostals and Baptists and Lutherans... and of course he's surprised to see them all and finally he passes by a room where the door is closed.

He asks St. Peter, "why is that door closed?"

And St. Peter responds, "Shhh. The Catholics are in there. They think they're the only ones here!"

I know I quoted it wrong but that one cracks me up everytime I hear it!

True story.

Years ago, the West Virginia Secretary of State was a man by the name of A.J. Manchin. He occasionally remarked that he knew for sure that he was going to Heaven; quoting scripture "In my house there are many Manchins."

donsnow · #**702** Apr 9, '12, 5:49 pm

From a classified ad in an employee newsletter: "For sale - Toddler bed, white metal frame, practically new, but it had monsters under it - $20".

Annabelle Marie · #**703** Apr 9, '12, 7:35 pm

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donsnow · #**704** Apr 10, '12, 6:53 pm

A new employee in a government office listened as a worker went about, taking his co-workers' orders for donuts. There was an order for CCR, another order for GOF and a third order for POF, known to bakery staff as Chocolate Covered Raised, Glazed Old Fashion and Plain Old Fashioned. After watching and hearing all this, the new employee observed, "You know you're working in a government office when even donuts have acronyms."

Annabelle Marie · #**705** Apr 10, '12, 9:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by donsnow

A new employee in a government office listened as a worker went about, taking his co-workers' orders for donuts. There was an order for CCR, another order for GOF and a third order for POF, known to bakery staff as Chocolate Covered Raised, Glazed Old Fashion and Plain Old Fashioned. After watching and hearing all this, the new employee observed, "You know you're working in a government office when even donuts have acronyms."

Sadly this is VERY true!