Engaged, Is it a mortal sin? Advice needed!

JJnewCatholic · #1 Apr 8, '12, 8:02 pm

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

**Bookcat** · #2 Apr 8, '12, 8:05 pm

Yes one ought not send immodest pictures or partially nude pictures of yourself.

Send modest ones..with clothing.

(and while some swim suits can be modest in the right context ..sending a picture of oneself even in such is not something to do....)

ricofall · #3 Apr 8, '12, 9:38 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

Yes because he is not your husband. Plus you are encouraging him to think lustful thoughts and perhaps masturbating which is a sin against the sacrament of marriage.

stephe1987 · #4 Apr 8, '12, 9:39 pm

Sending him pictures of yourself in a swimsuit is a temptation for him to lust.

joanofarc2008 · #5 Apr 8, '12, 9:45 pm

Yes I would not encourage the lust. I do not want to pry but I am going to ask the 800 lb gorilla question in the room. How is your marriage prep going? Have you found that the incarceration has made it more difficult to bond? Have you spoken to your priest about your nuptial plans? Has there been advice to maybe wait until he can adjust to life on the outside first before taking the plunge? Just some random thoughts even though 2 1/2 years does seem a long way off it may go by quickly without getting many of these questions answered. If you have already asked then I apologize I do not want to presume.

Blue Horizon · #6 Apr 8, '12, 10:48 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

Hello JJ
Given that you have had a child by this person, appear to have had an ongoing and unbroken, exclusive and committed relationship and are now formally engaged I find it difficult to believe sending him a swimsuit (not partially nude) pic would send you to hell (the definition of a mortal sin) should you die 1 minute later. How do you feel about his request?

Perhaps, as suggested by your previous respondent, there are "bigger fish to fry" here. For example do you feel able to tell us why your partner is in jail? Other significant things may be why he wants to get married in church (he doesn't appear to have any commitment) and when did you both get engaged?

Answers to these questions will help experienced readers provide you better advice.

onthisrock · #7 Apr 8, '12, 11:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

I have a friend from childhood in a MO state prison and when I called to ask how many pictures are allowed in one envelope they told me 25...but no sexual in nature pictures or pictures of children not fully dressed. many men in prison are sexual predators, and it may also encourage masturbation which is against prison rules...not only is that against prison rules, it's against God's rules...you don't want to contribute to him having an occasion to sin...especially if you are planning to get married in the CC. Prison is tough, just being friends with a prisoner is rough, can't imagine my child's father and the man I'm going to marry being inside. God Bless you!!

Daizies · #8 Apr 8, '12, 11:43 pm

This is not relating to if it is a sin or not, but mail going into prisons is searched, so any photos of you will be seen by at least one, possibly more, guards who may (or may not) be male. From a practical standpoint, if you don't want random strangers seeing the photos (particularly if they are partially nude), you probably shouldn't send them while he is incarcerated.

JJnewCatholic · #9 Apr 9, '12, 1:58 pm

We had first planned on getting married while he was in prison, however I talked to a priest and he said that he thought it would be better for us to wait if we wanted our family to be a part of things. So we changed our mind, but since then we haven't really done anything as far as marriage prep goes. There is this book called T.I.M.E. which is a marriage encounter for inmates and their spouses, and although its more for couples who are already married, we are doing it, only because we find that it makes it easier for us to bond and understand what prison is doing to us both, and our relationship.
Honestly, his request doesn't bother me, I understand why he has the request, and I feel married to him in my heart (I know we aren't). what bothers me is I don't want to fall into sin.

Receiving the Eucharist is the only thing that keeps me strong enough to do this, but I don't like to disappoint him either, because he doesn't quite understand why its so important to me. :/
He wants to get married in the Church, because he was raised a Catholic, and he says that he knows that for our marriage to be true and valid we need to go through the Church. That he is only getting married once, so he wants to do it right. We got engaged about 2 years ago.

Blue Horizon · #10 Apr 9, '12, 8:31 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

We had first planned on getting married while he was in prison, however I talked to a priest and he said that he thought it would be better for us to wait ...

... I understand why he has the request, and I feel married to him in my heart (I know we aren't).

What bothers me is I don't want to fall into sin.

Receiving the Eucharist is the only thing that keeps me strong enough to do this, but I don't like to disappoint him either, because he doesn't quite understand why its so important to me. :/

... he is only getting married once, so he wants to do it right.

Dear JJ
it is hard for you at the moment isn't it? Yet your journey with God at this time looks on track to me.

Jesus asks us to love him with all our soul and heart and mind. Your heart (faith and values) is largely there already. When we are young our minds are inexperienced and we need time (and mistakes) to understand what decisions wisely express and protect the deepest desires and longings of our heart - and which do not. Your mind is still being moulded into that of Jesus by experience and the promptings of your heart under the hidden guidance of God's Spirit.

For this process to happen effectively the age old wisdom applies. Ponder on these things in your heart, do not rush to make life changing decisions simply because your loved ones (or your enemies) or your own fears pressure you. Rather be mindful and recollected, discipline your imagination, your fears, your screaming insecurities by regular prayer and good friends. Look to what Jesus whispers in your heart - he does not shout like others do.

As you love Him more you will be less concerned about falling into sin and more concerned to fall deeper into His love.

Some valuable advice has been offered above to help guide you ... the main one being there is no rush to get married or even engaged and perhaps the wisest course of action is to see how your potential partner copes/behaves after leaving prision. Do not be too innocent as to think that others love you as much as you love them, do not trust honeyed words but rather trust a consistent pattern of overall loving actions over time.

God will not condemn you if, in your growing wisdom under His inspiration, you were to decide that it is in the best interests of your child (and your self) not to marry your child's father. The simple fact of a child outside of marriage, and your desire to "do the right thing", does not by itself mean that God must want you to marry him. God wants you to be very wise (your mind) as well as very loving (your heart).

You will make mistakes despite your best intentions, we all do. May you listen to the advice of those you trust and to God speaking to you in prayer so that they be small mistakes, may they be wisdom-making mistakes, may you pick yourself up and use the regret of these mistakes to love Him even more. Take care.

Leegal · #11 Apr 10, '12, 12:45 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

Yes.

And the prison opens and reads ALL prisoner mail. They would not give the pics to him either, so the only ones to see them will be the Correction Officers. Keep that in mind.

I'm surprised he would not know that.

twoangels · #12 Apr 11, '12, 10:08 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJnewCatholic

Hi, my fiance is in prison and has been for 2 1/2 years, he has 2 1/2 years to go. We have a son together, and are both Catholics. I was baptized a year ago and he hasn't gone to church since he was a young boy, however we both want to get married in the Church when he comes home. Would it be a mortal sin to send him pictures of myself in a swimsuit/partially nude pictures?

Even if he weren't in person, he should not be seeing you in photos or in person in provocative poses, or dressed immodestly.