God's will - to be single?

ubcgirl · #1 Apr 15, '12, 11:57 pm

I've read other posts on this forum about people who have come to terms with the fact that they're single - a lot of them quite a bit older than I am. I'm only 30, but of course when I was a teen, I saw myself as "old" and married with a family by now. Granted, I fell away from the Church for many years. Now that I'm back - with a much better understanding as an adult, I feel a deep satisfaction with my life with God. I always carried my Catholic values with me, so I felt a tremendous amount of dissatisfaction with the life I had been living before my return to the Church. I am very glad that I did not end up getting married to the men I have dated - none of them practicing Catholics, and most of them atheists. (Wow, that makes it sound like I've dated a lot more men than I have!)

In any case, now I am really not sure how to understand discernment for my future. If it is not God's will for me to have a family and children, how do I know that? I feel a very deep longing - even more so now that I've returned to the Church - for a husband and children. I have prayed for the last few months that if it not God's will for me to settle down with a family, that He remove the longing from my heart. It seems to be getting stronger though, not weaker! I spend time at the Adoration Chapel and am usually in church a few times a week, coming early to pray. And sometimes just kneeling in silence hoping that God gives me some kind of direction.

I do understand that God should be enough for me - as I said, I feel a deep satisfaction with my return to the Church and have enjoyed learning more about the Catholic church in every way possible. I love spending time in prayer. But I wish I could have someone to share this with - and I believe I'd make a great mother who could raise amazing children who could carry on God's work.

I'm not really sure if anyone has any thoughts on this - or is in the same situation?

Paul theApostle · #2 Apr 16, '12, 1:26 am

I wont comment much but i will say a prayer for you.You sound like a lovely person and im sure God will hear your prayers if marriage and motherhood is something you truly desire.

Im 35 ,and always grew up hoping to find a special partner.I found a few but it never worked out,now i feel over it and as you say God can fill our hearts, and even to the point where we feel we dont need or want to get married.

Desiring intimacy gets to me at times ,but many are called to live like earthly Angels also,and the great Apostle Paul encourages the celibate life also/

God bless you

Fr_Bart_SVD · #3 Apr 16, '12, 3:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ubcgirl

In any case, now I am really not sure how to understand discernment for my future. If it is not God's will for me to have a family and children, how do I know that? I feel a very deep longing - even more so now that I've returned to the Church - for a husband and children. I have prayed for the last few months that if it not God's will for me to settle down with a family, that He remove the longing from my heart. It seems to be getting stronger though, not weaker! I spend time at the Adoration Chapel and am usually in church a few times a week, coming early to pray. And sometimes just kneeling in silence hoping that God gives me some kind of direction.

I do understand that God should be enough for me - as I said, I feel a deep satisfaction with my return to the Church and have enjoyed learning more about the Catholic church in every way possible. I love spending time in prayer. But I wish I could have someone to share this with - and I believe I'd make a great mother who could raise amazing children who could carry on God's work.

I'm not really sure if anyone has any thoughts on this - or is in the same situation?

It seems that you came back to the Church relatively not long ago. Am I right?

A proper recognising of the God's will take time. God not always answer immediately (in fact very rarely). My advise is - start to pray for a good husband be faithful to that prayer you will see what God will do in your life. Look at the facts of your life - there will be an answer.

By the way longing for family and children it is present in hearts of many religious and priests - as a natural desire of human heart - but it is not itself a sign that God gave them another vocation.

InLight247 · #4 Apr 16, '12, 4:52 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ubcgirl

I've read other posts on this forum about people who have come to terms with the fact that they're single - a lot of them quite a bit older than I am. I'm only 30, but of course when I was a teen, I saw myself as "old" and married with a family by now. Granted, I fell away from the Church for many years. Now that I'm back - with a much better understanding as an adult, I feel a deep satisfaction with my life with God. I always carried my Catholic values with me, so I felt a tremendous amount of dissatisfaction with the life I had been living before my return to the Church. I am very glad that I did not end up getting married to the men I have dated - none of them practicing Catholics, and most of them atheists. (Wow, that makes it sound like I've dated a lot more men than I have!)

In any case, now I am really not sure how to understand discernment for my future. If it is not God's will for me to have a family and children, how do I know that? I feel a very deep longing - even more so now that I've returned to the Church - for a husband and children. I have prayed for the last few months that if it not God's will for me to settle down with a family, that He remove the longing from my heart. It seems to be getting stronger though, not weaker! I spend time at the Adoration Chapel and am usually in church a few times a week, coming early to pray. And sometimes just kneeling in silence hoping that God gives me some kind of direction.

I do understand that God should be enough for me - as I said, I feel a deep satisfaction with my return to the Church and have enjoyed learning more about the Catholic church in every way possible. I love spending time in prayer. But I wish I could have someone to share this with - and I believe I'd make a great mother who could raise amazing children who could carry on God's work.

I'm not really sure if anyone has any thoughts on this - or is in the same situation?

Dear ubcgirl,
Like Father's response above, pray for a good husband and see. At the same time, keep on meeting people so you may have a choice.

As a mother, I have gone through with my daughter in her process of seeking for a good husband. I understand what you are talking about. There are billions of people in the world, yet it is extremely hard to find the right one, and know that person is God's will. As a young attractive Catholic girl who has a good prayer life, multiple young men have chased after my daughter, none of them was Catholic. I have been praying for a good husband for her daily as soon as she entered college. She is now your age. She has been happily married since last year. My son in law is not a believer, though he attends Mass with her weekly since day one. I have prayed for God's will be done in this critical matter until her wedding. My daughter and I both discerned and believe this is God's will, and we are praying for her husband's conversion, believing God has his time.

Pray for a good husband, be as specific as you can and keep on meeting people, see how God works in your life. God bless!

Steady Eddy · #5 Apr 16, '12, 5:34 am

Hello there,

Wow! This is quite a heartrending letter. Even though I’m a single male myself, and exactly twice your age, I can feel your every word. I realize of course it’s probably even more difficult for you being a female with your desire for kids etc. If this is God’s will for you I hope you find that wonderful relationship soon, but don’t be too hasty in your decisions.

There seems to be quite a lot of heartache on this site, young, old, and middle aged alike are all really hurting in so many ways. Anyway, I’ve always loved praying for others. Indeed, I hardly ever pray for things for myself, except the one precious gift/grace of very early rising, meditation/prayer that I love very much. It takes me an hour to meditate on one full Rosary of just 5 decades. I am going to add a 3rd Rosary this evening and your needs will be entwined throughout. I will also present your needs before the altar at daily Mass with others I’ve already promised to pray for. I’m so glad you pray regularly yourself, and though I’m not one for dishing out advice to anyone I will say this much, whatever else is happening in your life, always maintain that warm, private, and prayerful little centre.

2 Cor 13:13
Eddy Barry

ubcgirl · #6 Apr 16, '12, 11:38 am

Thank you everyone for your replies! And Father Bart is right - I am fairly "new" in my return to the church, though I've certainly jumped in feet first. I had been going to a Protestant church for three years prior to my return to Church, mostly due to my misunderstanding of Catholic teachings. Reading through the Catechism has been a hefty, but worthwhile, read. I did find that I found the Protestant church I was attending to be more like... Christianity Lite - not enough substance, and it seemed too easy. I have been through some trying times in the last few months and have found that the Church's teachings on suffering to be what ultimately drew me back. I do believe that God can use evil/tragedy for good, and if that is what it took to make me return to the Catholic church, I am okay with what happened.

I do know that after more time has passed, I would like to get more involved in my church. I have certainly known of and talked to many Catholic men who claim to be Catholic, but do not have the will or desire to do anything more than attend Church on Sunday, if they even do that.

Anyways, I have a few more childbearing years, so I certainly have a few more years to keep praying about it! I am not sure I have what it takes to become a nun/sister, but someday I might have to accept God will be able to see me do more work as a single person, at least for now.