I was trying to pray a rosary but noises kept breaking my concentration and by the fifth mystery I just lost control, threw my rosary and muttered "I can't even f*****g pray"
Now I'm pretty much feeling alone and dead inside:/
BOY, can I EVER relate to YOU !!!
It seems like, at home, EVERY TIME I try to pray, something or someone, usually people I love and adore, interrupt my prayers, seeing me praying, with questions or chit chat,
and if I say, PLEASE, hon, I'm trying to pray! they act all hurt and upset.
They are not Catholic and don't realize that to interrupt a person's prayers (unless the house is on fire and we're all gonna die) is really kind of sacrilegious.
They don't realize what they are doing.
It frustrates me no end, and like you, I end up getting very upset sometimes and losing my temper (though I don't commit a sexual sin afterwards, haven't done THAT after getting upset in several years, but don't be hard on yourself: I'm 51, and I USED to do that VERY thing quite a bit).
Another time I frequently get interrupted when praying is at the Bus Stop waiting to go to work. Very frequently, a Jehovah's Witness in a car passing by will see me there with my Rosary. They will pull into the parking lot behind the Bus Bench and walk right up to me, SEEING ME TRYING TO PRAY, and start jabbering and trying to get me to take their Watchtower literature ((usually with titles like "IS GOD GOING TO PUT UP WITH FALSE RELIGION FOREVER?" or something similarly inane)). I am very nice to them (( and I don't tell them that I am an EX JW myself)) but they want to do the talking and questioning, and when I tell them I am familiar with both their doctrines AND the writings of the early Christians and that, in the beginning of Christianity, nobody believed in the doctrines of the JWs, they get frustrated. One psychoanalyzed me on the spot, declaring : " I detect some hostility!" and I told him, Sir, you interrupted my prayers when you saw that I was praying, and start trying to feed me these teachings. I reply that I am familiar with Christian history. That is not hostility.!!
Anyway, friend, don't despair over your sin. Make an act of contrition right now, and an appointment to see a priest as soon as you can.
As for the bipolar, I have many mental/emotional problems (most caused by the paranoia induced by believing in Watchtower/JW theology for over 30 years).
My doc now suspects bi-polar in me also, and has me on LITHIUM OROTRATE.
Check your family's insurance and find (if possible a CATHOLIC) psychiatrist to evaluate whether you are actually bi-polar.
And keep on praying.
God bless you,