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  #16  
Old Apr 23, '12, 2:16 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by dixieagle View Post
Men can be a little dense like that. (Especially good, married men who wouldn't think of flirting with anyone.) I have one of those.
I'm about as dense as it gets when it comes to that. In high school way back when I had a very forward girl approach me and I still didn't get it until my friends pointed out what whe meant about "hanging out". Probably beter that I didn't get it anyway.
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  #17  
Old Apr 23, '12, 8:20 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

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Originally Posted by DeniseNY View Post
I guess it's not really a "problem"; more of a disappointment, maybe.

I've kind of been doing a smiling, saying "hi" thing with someone at the Mass I attend each weekday. On Friday, I noticed that he was really looking at me a lot duirng Mass. I can tell because we made eye contact several times. We'd kind of make eye contact, smile a little, then look away again. I wasn't sure of how appropiate it is because well, first of all it's Mass; and secondly he's an assistant at Mass! Friday was actually kind of uncomfortable because I was thinking "are we just going to keep looking at each other ,or are our minds really on Mass"?

Well, today was even more uncomfortable because... wait for it...

He was wearing a ring!

I KNOW I would have noticed this before. Maybe he got married over the weekend? I'd like to think that I hadn't been (for lack of a better word) "flirting" with a married man in Church!

Like I said, it's not so much a problem. He's married, so the flirting and little smiles are over. It's just disappointing.

Sigh.
Denise, the kind of eye contact and other benevelent interest that you describe does normally tend to be associated with a man being interested in a woman (or vice versa) but it needn't necessarily be romantic. It may well be friendly.

Also, you can't really tell the exact nature of a ring from distance. Rarely, but sometimes men wear other rings than wedding rings (family heirlooms, class graduation rings, military rings, ring-form rosaries).

For the record, there's been a metric ton of such behaviours from women that I've interpreted as signs of interest in me and been wrong about it.

While you can read people to some extent in terms of romantic interest (and their momentary impulses are easier to read than their more permanent attitudes), it's safer not to make any conclusions before you get it in writing after properly mirandising the perp. Okay, scratch that last part. It's safer not to make any conclusions before the other person actually says it openly.
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  #18  
Old Apr 23, '12, 9:14 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

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Originally Posted by nickybr38 View Post
Girls aren't ALWAYS flirting seriously though, sometimes it's just for fun.

There was a fellow who used to come through my line at work all the time. He and I would tease each other (non-romantic flirting is teasing, to me. ). I knew he was with a woman. I had no intentions of things going ANY farther... and we never crossed the line from innocent flirting to more serious flirting...

but one day his girlfriend came through with him and he started our usual banter and she. flipped. out. It was horrible.

But I can say for certain I had NO intentions of trying to 'steal her man' and I'm 100% certain he was just having fun with me, nothing serious.

*sigh*
Individual boundaries are different. It's like there's a cultural difference between everybody and everybody else. Plus, people are prone to double-standards in this regard. For example, I can certainly tell you that I suspect the kind of flirting I'd end up allowing myself to engage in might not exactly find so much appreciation in me when performed by someone else, and I doubt I'm the sole hypocrite in the world in this regard. For example, your first sentence initially provoked me to make a particularly world-weary remark but then the realisation struck me, 'chev, whom are you kidding, man.' And I suddenly found a whole new load of empathy in me.

Just need to remember those kind of things are really sensitive and people tend to and will misread them, especially when they're in a particularly insecure or otherwise emotionally tricky situation, and, of course, everybody (mis)understands those things at least slightly differently from anybody else.
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  #19  
Old Apr 23, '12, 11:24 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

It's a decoder ring. If you want to get to know him, you'll need the password known only to us men.
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  #20  
Old Apr 23, '12, 11:26 pm
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

OK everyone, so when a girl passes you a note in middle school, do you think she just likes you or does that mean she probably likes you, likes you?
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  #21  
Old Apr 24, '12, 3:43 am
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

She only likes you likes you if she passes it through her best friend
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  #22  
Old Apr 24, '12, 11:21 am
LucyLight LucyLight is offline
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

The OP might find this article interesting its a study that found that men tend to overestimate women's interest in them and women tend to underestimate interest. Also the more attractive the woman the more likely the man is to interpret the womans interest in him.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...1213132001.htm


btw, i think from what you described he was flirting with you
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  #23  
Old Apr 24, '12, 1:09 pm
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeniseNY View Post
She only likes you likes you if she passes it through her best friend
Funny background story: my (now) wife and I were in one middle school class together in 6th grade before I transferred to Catholic school, meanwhile she stayed in public school.

We didn't really meet each other until about ten years later.

However, we both remembered that she used to pass me notes in 6th grade, before we really knew each other too well.

I insist that this means she liked me, liked me as early as 6th grade, while she claims she only liked me at the time, not liked, liked. This has been a source of constant disagreement in our relationship...

To answer your question though, she passed them directly. So you're saying she's right... she only liked me X1 not liked, liked?
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  #24  
Old Apr 24, '12, 5:06 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeritasLuxMea View Post
OK everyone, so when a girl passes you a note in middle school, do you think she just likes you or does that mean she probably likes you, likes you?
Most likely interested but don't promise yourself too much, she's still finding out. When you ask a girl out openly, you're still at the stage of finding out if she's nice or not (to you). So don't go in with too big expectations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyLight View Post
The OP might find this article interesting its a study that found that men tend to overestimate women's interest in them and women tend to underestimate interest.
Consistent with my life experience. BUT you need to realise that men aren't dumb when it comes to reading people, including women. For example, some men are quite good at it, e.g. I tend to read women better than they read themselves. And interest in another person is about the easiest thing ever to read in someone's body language. It's actually awfully easy if you have any knowledge of biology (e.g. it affects blood flow, which affects what skin looks like, but there are more signs). I suspect women think men can't have read something (something which they are denying ever happened) while those same men actually really have read it. Half a year later that same woman can actually phone you and say okay, I do think I was silly to lose my chance with you, do you still want to meet up? Just so you know.

Quote:
Also the more attractive the woman the more likely the man is to interpret the womans interest in him.
Or rather if a man's more attracted he's obviously going to pay more attention to signs than when he's less attracted. This probably accounts for a lot of things that an egghead or two may be missing. Trust a criminal lawyer on this. As a criminal lawyer I'm an expert on human nature by definition, aren't I.
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  #25  
Old Apr 25, '12, 8:33 am
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevalier View Post
Most likely interested but don't promise yourself too much, she's still finding out. When you ask a girl out openly, you're still at the stage of finding out if she's nice or not (to you). So don't go in with too big expectations.



Consistent with my life experience. BUT you need to realise that men aren't dumb when it comes to reading people, including women. For example, some men are quite good at it, e.g. I tend to read women better than they read themselves. And interest in another person is about the easiest thing ever to read in someone's body language. It's actually awfully easy if you have any knowledge of biology (e.g. it affects blood flow, which affects what skin looks like, but there are more signs). I suspect women think men can't have read something (something which they are denying ever happened) while those same men actually really have read it. Half a year later that same woman can actually phone you and say okay, I do think I was silly to lose my chance with you, do you still want to meet up? Just so you know.



Or rather if a man's more attracted he's obviously going to pay more attention to signs than when he's less attracted. This probably accounts for a lot of things that an egghead or two may be missing. Trust a criminal lawyer on this. As a criminal lawyer I'm an expert on human nature by definition, aren't I.
Honestly I think you give yourself a lot of credit.

I highly suspect there's more then one sign you've misread in your lifetime. That said, I tend to think I'm fairly good at judging if a guy is interested in me or not. And I can usually spot when a guy is interested in another girl or not as well. I've been wrong but there ARE signs, you're right.

However, there are also exceptions to every rule. We are not just biology. We are not just behavior. There's a lot more involved.

For example, I might find a man physically attractive and respond biologically to his presence but I might also find his personality completely repugnant. So while I enjoy having him around - eye candy! - I'm not actually interested in anything more then just enjoying the view.
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  #26  
Old Apr 25, '12, 3:02 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Your last sentence is more or less what I was talking about, at least part of what I was addressing. Women may be somewhat better at reading people than men, on average, but men aren't necessarily clueless, contrary to what women tend to think. A woman of a mixed mind will likely send mixed signals the man will likely pick up.
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  #27  
Old Apr 25, '12, 3:08 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevalier View Post
Your last sentence is more or less what I was talking about, at least part of what I was addressing. Women may be somewhat better at reading people than men, on average, but men aren't necessarily clueless, contrary to what women tend to think. A woman of a mixed mind will likely send mixed signals the man will likely pick up.


And sometimes women are just being nice and the guys misread and/or a guy is just being nice and the girls misread. It's a really complicated business being kind to people...
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  #28  
Old Apr 25, '12, 3:29 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

If the ring wasn't there and it is now, he could be sending you the message that he isn't available. Within Mass isn't the time or place to share smiles (or to flirt) to indicate you are interested.

Possibly he initially found your attention flattering, it may also have disturbed his mind, enough to make him feel he needed to take a stand and wear his ring.
Unless you wish to potentially cause him temptation that may weigh on his conscience,
and also to avoid making Mass an uncomfortable experience
as well as to avoid making it about personal feelings, you might be wise to avoid looking at him.
Let him start to think it was nothing really...and that perhaps he imagined something that wasn't there.
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JESUS who died once for all persons
who gives Yourself wholly in Communion to billions throughout time
please pray in me for every person
as if each person is the only loved one.
JESUS please welcome each person with love, healing, and great joy!
Thank You JESUS


Mother Mary at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-12)
though JESUS protested it was not yet time for miracles
you successfully interceded with Him for a family's temporal need
please now intercede with your divine Son
for each person's temporal and spiritual needs.
Thank you Mother


JESUS please grant our prayer for this person


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  #29  
Old Apr 26, '12, 2:22 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trishie View Post
If the ring wasn't there and it is now, he could be sending you the message that he isn't available. Within Mass isn't the time or place to share smiles (or to flirt) to indicate you are interested.

Possibly he initially found your attention flattering, it may also have disturbed his mind, enough to make him feel he needed to take a stand and wear his ring.
Unless you wish to potentially cause him temptation that may weigh on his conscience,
and also to avoid making Mass an uncomfortable experience
as well as to avoid making it about personal feelings, you might be wise to avoid looking at him.
Let him start to think it was nothing really...and that perhaps he imagined something that wasn't there.
Trishie, I agree. I don't wish to cause any temptation or distraction. The last couple of days, I've been very aware of not looking in his direction and focusing on Mass, and only Mass.
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  #30  
Old Apr 26, '12, 11:54 pm
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Default Re: {sigh} Man problem

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Originally Posted by chevalier View Post
...it's safer not to make any conclusions before you get it in writing after properly mirandising the perp.
Haha...sound advice
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