Catholic FAQ


Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > The Water Cooler > The Clubhouse
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #481  
Old Apr 26, '12, 1:21 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Quote:
Originally Posted by EricFilmer View Post
Student: “Would I get in trouble for something I didn't do?”

Teacher: “Of course not.”

Student: “Good, because I didn't do my homework.”
Reply With Quote
  #482  
Old Apr 26, '12, 1:22 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to
the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he
went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked fabulous,
he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put
his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no
pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell
me you were a banker?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his
own pockets?"
Reply With Quote
  #483  
Old Apr 26, '12, 1:32 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Reply With Quote
  #484  
Old Apr 26, '12, 1:34 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Reply With Quote
  #485  
Old Apr 26, '12, 1:35 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion:

Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Reply With Quote
  #486  
Old Apr 29, '12, 11:06 am
GEddie GEddie is online now
Forum Elder
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: March 18, 2009
Posts: 51,523
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Descartes was in a bar at closing time.

The barkeep asked him if he'd like one for the road.

Descartes said, "I think not"......


.......and at once went POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #487  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:57 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEddie View Post
Descartes was in a bar at closing time.

The barkeep asked him if he'd like one for the road.

Descartes said, "I think not"......


.......and at once went POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #488  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:58 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Alex was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the drivers window and said, "Sir, may I see your drivers license
and registration?" Alex said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI."

The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So Alex replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it."

The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk."

The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup."

The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his drivers license
and registration.

Alex said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?"

Alex laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.

The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. Alex agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.

The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk."

Alex looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."
Reply With Quote
  #489  
Old Apr 30, '12, 11:52 am
EricFilmer's Avatar
EricFilmer EricFilmer is offline
Regular Member
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: May 10, 2010
Posts: 3,209
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

A guy bought a new refrigerator for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it."
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
Being knowledgeable in the ways of human nature,
he decided to deal with this situation by switching the sign to one that stated,
"Fridge for sale, $50."
That night someone stole it.
__________________
(disclaimer)
Reply With Quote
  #490  
Old Apr 30, '12, 12:11 pm
Luigi Daniele's Avatar
Luigi Daniele Luigi Daniele is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: March 17, 2007
Posts: 8,455
Religion: Roman Catholic (Oblate of St Benedict-MotRC)
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Hahahaha
__________________
ORA et LABORA-ut in omnibus glorifectur Deus

<--click
Totus Tuus
Cacciatore/Fungaiolo
Reply With Quote
  #491  
Old May 1, '12, 2:06 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated
exchange during a trial. The judge asked both
lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my
distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the
witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the
Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?
Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says
you can't even tell me the first few words."

Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and
began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from
his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."
Reply With Quote
  #492  
Old May 1, '12, 2:07 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Quote:
Originally Posted by EricFilmer View Post
A guy bought a new refrigerator for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it."
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
Being knowledgeable in the ways of human nature,
he decided to deal with this situation by switching the sign to one that stated,
"Fridge for sale, $50."
That night someone stole it.
Yeah, I know the one about the restaurant who had no clients till he raised the prices!
Reply With Quote
  #493  
Old May 2, '12, 1:33 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a
parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man
driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was
closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook
his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space
and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off,
he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I
parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't
want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you
would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and
take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Reply With Quote
  #494  
Old May 4, '12, 2:04 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

The nouveau-riche real-estate developer splurged on a
Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and couldn't wait to show it off.
So after a meeting with the bank, he offered one of the
senior officers a ride home.

"Whaddaya think?" he couldn't resist asking his passenger
after a mile or two. "Pretty classy, eh? I bet you've never
ridden in one of these before."

"Actually, I have," replied the banker graciously, "but this
is the first time in the front seat."

Received from Joke du Jour.



WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?


Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.
Reply With Quote
  #495  
Old May 4, '12, 2:07 am
Pfaffenhoffen Pfaffenhoffen is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: August 4, 2011
Posts: 4,043
Religion: Roman Catholic Church, Latin Rite
Default Re: Coffee (Clean Joke)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pfaffenhoffen View Post
The nouveau-riche real-estate developer splurged on a
Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and couldn't wait to show it off.
So after a meeting with the bank, he offered one of the
senior officers a ride home.

"Whaddaya think?" he couldn't resist asking his passenger
after a mile or two. "Pretty classy, eh? I bet you've never
ridden in one of these before."

"Actually, I have," replied the banker graciously, "but this
is the first time in the front seat."

Received from Joke du Jour.



WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.


THE SHORTCOMINGS OF FREUD
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > The Water Cooler > The Clubhouse

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8540Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: Kellyreneeomara
5198CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: James_OPL
4433Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: DesertSister62
4037OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: eschator83
3870SOLITUDE
Last by: tuscany
3837Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3396Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: grateful_child
3300Poems and Reflections
Last by: tonyg
3231Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: Rifester
3151For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: Kellyreneeomara



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 8:57 pm.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2014, Catholic Answers.