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  #31  
Old May 2, '12, 11:12 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by Joe 5859 View Post
Maybe I've just got a stubborn streak in me, but I think if someone actually made a negative comment to me about my children at Mass, I'd make it a point to be there every week and I'd be inclined to sit right next to them whenever possible.
I was thinking about my kids. I don't want church to be a negative memory for them.

You're right though...just to pi** her off!
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  #32  
Old May 2, '12, 11:17 am
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28562 28562 is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by shainski View Post
I have been so grateful over the years for the many people who have come up to us and thanked us for coming and bringing them to church. And it seems on the days that have been most challenging for us, we got the most positive compliments for their behavior.
We have brought our 3 kids (now 5, 3, 2) every Sunday since they were 6 weeks old. This ^^ has been our experience. The older people that sit around us absolutely LOVE our kids. We frequently have people that we don't even know come up to us after Mass and tell us how awesome it is to have our kids there and how much they enjoy seeing us from across the church every week. I really can't imagine it any other way.
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  #33  
Old May 2, '12, 11:22 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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We have brought our 3 kids (now 5, 3, 2) every Sunday since they were 6 weeks old. This ^^ has been our experience. The older people that sit around us absolutely LOVE our kids. We frequently have people that we don't even know come up to us after Mass and tell us how awesome it is to have our kids there and how much they enjoy seeing us from across the church every week. I really can't imagine it any other way.
Maybe I should go to your church?
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  #34  
Old May 2, '12, 11:24 am
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28562 28562 is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by Serap View Post
Maybe I should go to your church?
Might be a heckuva commute, but you are more than welcome! You can even come to breakfast with us afterwards. The old people at Bojangles love our kids too...
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  #35  
Old May 2, '12, 11:30 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Might be a heckuva commute, but you are more than welcome! You can even come to breakfast with us afterwards. The old people at Bojangles love our kids too...
cool...
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  #36  
Old May 2, '12, 1:53 pm
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ryecroft ryecroft is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by Joe 5859 View Post
That could be an option for later down the road, but the OP needs to voice her concerns to the pastor first before going to the bishop. Hopefully it's just a case of the priest being unaware of other viewpoints and it can be resolved without moving it up the chain of command.
I had mentioned doing this because he had said something about it being brought up in Parish Council. I guess (if the Pastor isn't already aware - I have a hard time believing he isn't) - that he needs to be informed of just how 'well' his little tirade about kids being noisy went over.
But you're right he needs a chance (if he hasn't already been given one) to fix it on his own - I just think the Bishop would LOVE to hear about alienating young families especially with what's going on with politics today...the Church population is shrinking...too many more Pastors pull this and it going to shrink much, much faster.
God Bless
Rye
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  #37  
Old May 2, '12, 7:16 pm
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wirespider wirespider is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by waterdog View Post

Some parents suggest to me that we should reserve the last three/four pews on the left side for families who have little children younger than 3 years old.

If you cannot make your children behave in Church, you can stay home. I ask our parishioners to have patience with little children. Please give them those last three pews. We welcome all to this place, but little children should be taught how to fear God and respect others. I ask for your cooperation, Thank you very much.
I think your priest could've worded that better. He speaks of teaching children under the age of 3 to fear god? Children have nothing to fear from God. Respect Gods House might of been a better choice of words. He asks that parents teach their children respect when he is clearly segregating the younger Catholic Families.

I would find out if this is how he truly feels. If so, I would leave that Parish. Especially if your Diocese doesn't rotate priests.

I know some Diocese that struggle and have 'no clue' as to why they cant get younger families and kids interested in Catholicism.

Its because of things like this...

JMHO...

W...
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  #38  
Old Jun 3, '12, 4:50 am
newprestonpete newprestonpete is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

My wife and I have a 4 yo, a 2yo and one on the way. During my oldest's baptism(during Mass) he shrieked the entire time. Our Pastor was great about it and told us not to worry about it. Numerous people tried to calm him down but to no avail. That was the longest mass of my life.

We began taking our kids at 3 weeks old and attend as a family every week. One week our daughter was particularly talkative. She was behaving but would not be quiet. Right before the consecration a woman asked us to move to the back. My wife politely said "NO".

I remember growing up, a priest told the congregation that if they became upset or distracted by children at mass, they should "offer it up to God".
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  #39  
Old Jun 3, '12, 6:13 am
Rita77 Rita77 is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

if it were me I'd write to your bishop and include a copy of the bulletin.

we started out in a parish (large cathedral) were parents mostly stayed and everyone was ok with it but we moved to a tiny parish and didn't know they didn't like noise after a few looks we figured out what to do. I would be offended by the way your priest said it and I think it could have been handled better. sounds like your parish could learn some what to say and not to say to parents.
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  #40  
Old Jun 3, '12, 6:42 am
GraceDK GraceDK is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by waterdog View Post
I am sure that this has been discussed many times here, but I would like to know how many with small children have been made to feel unwelcome at Mass with their little children, by older parishioners and even the pastor. Mine are mostly grown, but we have recently been finally getting some younger people in our retired community. I saw complaints coming because I know my parish family and I cautioned our new priest at pastoral council that we needed to solve a problem before it happened--that is we needed to be proactive about welcoming all the little ones. Lots of Hispanic families, several Anglo families and four pregnant ladies. Please understand this is a retirement community. God has truly blessed us with this new growth. Unfortunately my warning was not heeded.

And now something truly awful. Our pastor heeded the complaints of some older people and has written in the bulletin, please all families in the back. Be sure to leave if your kids are acting up. And don't come to Mass if you can't make them behave. He said some other nicer things, but these negative things are there. Who tells people not to come to Mass? I am deeply offended. How to deal with this?
Well Im not old, but I have experienced that some parents really don't handle it and everyone in the parish, including the Priest who is trying to give a homily, is extremely disturbed. Sometimes children shout and make a lot of noise and the parents just don't get it.
Its clear that they see their kids like princes and princesses and they don't wanna upset the little gem in any way..
Its sometimes like with dog owners , they think their dogs are the most wonderful creatures, and if you don't like to play with him when he comes drooling and running towards you, well you get a mean look from the dog owner, because you don't understand how fantastic their dog is.

I know a parish where the priest also had to say something unpleasant to the parents of that congregation after a while of everyone else suffering this chaos. Of course some parents get offended.. but sometimes they have to wonder why the problem has become so big that even the otherwise very diplomatic priests say these things.
I think the "Dont come to Mass if..." is not very well formulated.. of course, but I wonder, what has been going on for a priest to take such measures. Everything else he wrote seems totally acceptable and should be natural for parents anyway.
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  #41  
Old Jun 3, '12, 6:54 am
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Allegra Allegra is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

It seems to me that making families feel unwelcome is about the dumbest thing a parish can do. A parish with no young families has a major problem when suddenly all of its parishoners are living at "the home" and there's an average of twenty people at each Mass. Guess which parish is going to be first on the chopping block when the money gets tight? When my fiance was looking for a job as a music liturgist, I strong discouraged him from taking one of the jobs he was offered because the church was failing. The school building was being rented out to a charter school. They hadn't had a Baptism in months. Plenty of funerals though. I was pretty sure the job wasn't going to be around long.
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  #42  
Old Jun 3, '12, 7:29 am
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RedSoxWife RedSoxWife is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

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Originally Posted by waterdog View Post
I am sure that this has been discussed many times here, but I would like to know how many with small children have been made to feel unwelcome at Mass with their little children, by older parishioners and even the pastor. Mine are mostly grown, but we have recently been finally getting some younger people in our retired community. I saw complaints coming because I know my parish family and I cautioned our new priest at pastoral council that we needed to solve a problem before it happened--that is we needed to be proactive about welcoming all the little ones. Lots of Hispanic families, several Anglo families and four pregnant ladies. Please understand this is a retirement community. God has truly blessed us with this new growth. Unfortunately my warning was not heeded.

And now something truly awful. Our pastor heeded the complaints of some older people and has written in the bulletin, please all families in the back. Be sure to leave if your kids are acting up. And don't come to Mass if you can't make them behave. He said some other nicer things, but these negative things are there. Who tells people not to come to Mass? I am deeply offended. How to deal with this?
That is horrible... and I imagine it will be quickly reflected in Mass attendance (particularly if you live somewhere with more than one parish!).

Since I converted we've gone to parishes where small children have been treated and welcomed in a variety of different ways. In the first our baby was the only baby and was the "parish baby" where anything she did was cute and I was discouraged from taking her out when she was noisy (I still did! And everyone was really kind). In the second I had an infant and a two year old. My husband would hold the infant at the back when she was rowdy and take her out when she was loud. At that parish the priest was always pleasant but some of the retirees were incredibly rude and would be unpleasant just upon seeing a baby enter the Church. I once was sitting in a rocking chair with a door cracked so I could at least hear Mass, holding my little one and one of the glaring women came in and slammed the door. I asked her if she could leave it cracked so I could at least hear the homily and she glared and said: "No!" I opened it myself and she and her husband and friends spent the rest of Mass glaring at me when we came out before communion.

In our new parish there are plenty of babies. You can hear the soft babble of at least a half dozen (and usually more) at any given time (it's very quite, just the sounds of sighs, the occasional giggle or squeal or cry of a baby on their way out or a toddler being hushed by a parent). The priest says Mass over the occasional soft sounds and is never thrown off. Babies are joyously welcomed and the priest teaches clearly on contraception and abortion and doesn't sugar coat topics others would gladly avoid.

...as a parent I would very likely seek another alternative if a parish was hostile to my children... I'm afraid your pastor will see that in coming months...
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  #43  
Old Jun 3, '12, 8:53 am
bonvivantHermit bonvivantHermit is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

We should start complaining about the mean old bitties. Tell the priests they need to watch Mass on TV from their nursing homes. Sorry, so tired of evil old people. Cynical me thinks it's the fact they will be gone" soon and may be leaving the Church an endowment.

Happens everywhere- I stand up to them, tell them they lack charity and look in horror at their boorish behavior.
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  #44  
Old Jun 3, '12, 2:21 pm
ilovemary90 ilovemary90 is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

That makes me very,very sad.
Not very pro-family if you ask me...
Didn't Jesus say "Let the little children come to me...?"

This is a good reminder for me to pray for all parishes in reference to these kinds of things...so sad

I agree with another persons suggestion of writing the Bishop!!
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  #45  
Old Jun 3, '12, 2:32 pm
mschrank mschrank is offline
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Default Re: children at Mass

I think there is a difference between fussing and crying. If a kid is fussing a little and/or playing noisily, it doesn't bother me.

At my parish we have this old lady usher who, if your kid makes the slightest peep, you are forcefully reminded there is a "crying room" and basically she tries to kick you out. I generally avoid the side of the church she is ushering that Sunday. She's gotten on my nerves so many times I am happy I never said anything to her I'd feel ashamed of later.

That being said, kids that are crying, i.e., sustained loud noises of displeasure need to be removed from the church building. It's rude to the other parishoners. I have two small children and I would never dream of letting my child cry in church and have removed my kids many times. When I am at mass, it's pretty much one of my only moments to reflect and meditate on God. A kid having a temper tantrum at Mass can really throw you off.
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