Modesty for a beginner? Modesty lite?

[miss_myrmidon]

Thank you so much! You've all been very helpful
Another question: what's your view on makeup? I personally don't wear a ton, in fact I rarely ever wear foundation and when I do it's a mineral one with SPF (gotta protect the skin!), but I really do enjoy playing with different looks with makeup. I'm of the "go with bold lip or eye, never both" school of makeup (thanks, mom!), and right now I'm in love with a dark colored eyeliner with a dash of bright eyeliner above it, and when I don't have time to pull myself together it's messy bun and bold pink lip. This is the kind of makeup I would normally wear to mass...but what are the rules of modesty regarding makeup? by the way, I don't wear mascara (don't see the point--my lashes are long as it is and mascara just makes me look cartoonish).
thanks!
Also, are there modesty guidelines for hair? I'm just thinking of all the possibilities here...

[fabricdragon]

well the usual guidelines are very general "for Mass do not dress or attire yourself in a way to distract others"

generally i find the "natural face" make up look.. (you know, the "honest my skin is just REALLY much better today" look) is the simplest.
but unless you are piling on the rave make up, or trying out the latest evening looks, most make up wont cause a raised eyebrow. eye liner? as long as it isnt getting all Goth its not an issue. and i have seen way way more make up at Mass than what you describe, although i dont suggest it...

and SPF is a MUST. i wish i had paid more attention when i was young

hair? same thing... dont pile it up so high you block vision, dont wear a style that distracts at Mass..neat, clean, presentable...i usually wear a slightly messy bun, mostly because my hair is "messy" looking unless its wet or i use hair spray, and i HATE hair spray.

but i will say i also do head covering or veiling at Mass (usually scarves) so my hair is...irrelevant. it could be purple for all anyone should know.
(nah, its just brown.. but i use Henna on it to cover the grey and touch up the red highlights)

and seriously? a nice head covering scarf is a very stylish answer to both the modest clothing issues and the "what do i do with my hair" question

[Crafty Catholic]

Originally Posted by 3DOCTORS

Hi, I'm new to this group, and I'm wanting to learn about modesty and discern what things I can do that would work for me where I am right now.

Backstory: I grew up during the seventies, wore my share of bikinis and halter tops and so on back when I was a skinny teen. I was a geek and outcast so I figured guys probably weren't looking at me anyhow, they were looking at the cheerleaders, etc.

For a long time I held the view that if a guy did look at me with lust, for example during one of my skinny periods when I dressed more sexy (though never trashy), that was his problem. I didn't know the information about guys and visual temptation. Now I understand about that.

I am coming more and more to see that modesty is a good thing, but there are some things I would have a really hard time giving up -- jeans and shorts, for starters. I like to wear long, "artsy" dresses and I'm learning to sew.

I also live in the midwest where the summers can be very hot, and I'm moderately overweight (hoping to correct that in time), and menopausal and extremely heat sensitive. So I also rely on sleeveless tops/dresses to stay cool. But I don't like the ones with too big an armhole or anything like that.

After fearing it for years I rediscovered sewing for myself, since 100% natural fibers are a must in keeping cool. I can't tolerate pantyhose or anything like that, but if my skirt's long enough it doesn't show that much or in cooler weather I can wear knee highs with no one the wiser.

I guess what I'm wondering in posting this is, are there some like me, am I still welcome to be a part of this group even if I'm not as able to wear things like long sleeves or always wear dresses? I still think I am learning to become more modest and that that's a good thing.!

Finally, I wonder about one other thing -- why is the arm considered erotically tempting? To me it is simply a utilitarian body part like, say, the foot. This has always puzzled me. I can see about the armpit, but if one is careful about that, what's so bad about shoulders?

Hoping for patience and understanding

Hi, I think you can still be in the modesty group. I think the main thing is that we are all trying to be modest and that is what counts. You could try some longer, tunic style shirts made of cotton.

I don't think you have to give up shorts and jeans altogether, but over time I have found skirts and dresses to be way more comfortable than jeans and pants. Tiered cotton skirts are also really great for dealing with the heat. Hope some of this helps.

[suziech]

Hi everyone. I am new here as well as being new to modest dress. I have been wearing skirts and tees off and on for a year now. Only recently I have gone completely skirts, threw away the last of my pants and shorts yesterday, now what? I only have one long skirt for the summer and two tops, one of the tops is short sleeved, the other is long sleeve, both are tees and are somewhat loose fitting. I wear flats with my clothes. I am really struggling with this, because part of me just wants to throw it all in and go back to wearing pants, shorts and tees. I live on a very low income and not able to afford the skirts and tops that would be more modest, I am also blind as well as being six feet tall, yes I am a tall girl. Most of my height is in the upper torso, so finding tops that fit me are really difficult, especially in the thrift stores. I went to a thrift store today and there was nothing there that fit me. It really amazed me though at how many pants and jeans they had for sale though. There was only one small section that had some skirts and even most of those were short skirts. I just do not know what to do, I have been praying to God every day about this and his will for me as what to wear. My behavior is very modest and I have a meek quiet spirit about me all the time. What I have also noticed when out in public is that I tend to stand out from the rest for wearing a skirt and modes top. I live in Southern California where hardly anyone woman wears a skirt, it is either short shorts or pants and jeans and a tee. This goes for all ages too. The temptation to going back to jeans and a tee is really strong. What do you wear in the summer too? The skirt I mentioned is a white cotton skirt that I bought last year at Walmart. I do wear a slip under it since someone told me it is see through without one. I do wear nylons with my skirt due to really bad skin discoloration on my shins. The nylons do not seem to bother me, even in the heat. I did have a couple other skirts that were knee length but believe it or not I felt naked in public with them on.

So I am at a crossroad right now as to what to do. Go back to wearing shorts, pants and jeans or continue wearing long skirts and modest tops and not fit in with society. That is what it seems like to me, that I do not fit with the norm of society because I wear skirts and tops when every other woman is wearing pants or jeans.

Susan

[Palomas]

Hi Suzie,

Welcome to the forum and to modest dressing! The road to modesty can be different for everyone, I was in the same boat as you in wanting to ditch pants and wear skirts full time (and I did, for at least a year). But during that time my husband expressed that while he likes skirts, he doesn't like them ALL the time. He'd rather I wear a little of both. So that's what I do now, to please him. If I weren't married, I would still be wearing skirts probably. But how we came to a compromise is that when I wear pants, I wear tops that are tunic tops, that come down a little longer than shirts so as to cover my backside, or wear those cardigans that also come down that long. Admittedly it's been a little challenging in the summer trying to wear things that aren't too hot but are modest at the same time. I do wear capris that come just below my knees (there are cuffed styles this length that are in right now) but only have a few tops that are short-sleeved, tunic types for the summer. It's challenging in the summer coming up with modest outfits that don't require three layers of clothing on top (!!) but I'm working on sewing some more things.

Speaking of sewing, do you have a family member or friend that knows how to sew? Maybe you could enlist her help in trying to alter some things that you buy to make them more suitable. An example would be to buy a short dress and take off a few inches from the hem to make it a tunic. Or since you said you're very tall in the torso, you may be able to get away with just wearing it as is.

How do you know that no women are wearing dresses and skirts? (Please don't take offense, just asking!) This may well be the case in your area, but the parts I know of are very trendy, and many many women are wearing skirts and dresses (thank you, St. Ann!) and flowy tops, too, so doing something like I mentioned might work. You'd just have to find the right style of dress so that it doesn't look too dress-like.

Anyways, hope these suggestions come in handy. If you want, feel free to bounce some ideas back and forth, I always love helping women on a tight budget come up with outfit ideas that are modest!