What Are We Looking For In Our Future Spouse

[trinichiqn]

We are all here praying for our future spouse, do we know what we are looking for/. Are there specific personality traits, physical characteristics? Are there things that are deals breakers as well as things you are willing to lay aside for the right person?

[trinichiqn]

I'll go first.

I am seeking a devout Catholic man who has a pure heart and understands the vocation of marriage from the eyes of the Church. The last part is definitely a deal breaker.

I am seeking someone who is free to marry in the church and truly believes in and wants to use NFP as oppose to artificial birth control.

This person should be responsible, outgoing, patient, kind, passionate (about me and about what he does), reverent, loves kids, wants kids, strong in his faith. Prayerful, honest and trustworthy.

I used to think I would only marry someone who lives locally but I have since opened my mind and my heart to be flexible about location and to open if I have to move after marriage (he may be the one who decides to move).

[fin]

In all things, God's will be done.

I've tried to think about the qualities I want in a husband. I'm looking for a Catholic man who is faithful, kind, respectful, God fearing, loves his family, trustworthy, willing to practice NFP and is opposed to artificial methods of family planning.

[clab]

Hi All,

As I mentioned before, I have been praying for my future spouse for some time. When I was a teenager, I heard that it was good to make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a spouse, and pray over it. Well, I made a comprehensive list when I was about 18, with character and personality traits, not physical traits, even though I did have an idea of the kind of guy I found attractive. I felt however that character traits were more important. Some years later, I moved and lost the list and created a new one that included things like skills eg. business skills. I included this, because as I grew as a Christian, and understood certain principles, I wanted someone who understood finances from God's perspective and who wanted to give financially into God's kingdom. It is very important to pray for your future spouse and that God brings the person He has for you into your life, as you do not want to end up with the wrong person.

At one time I signed up for an online dating site which at the end of the questionnaire gave you a personality profile and a compatibility profile showing the type of person you would be most compatible with. I have found this helpful as it helps me to keep my focus on praying for the right person.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask for any clarification.

[sheilakathy]

I appreciate a man who can cook as well as be handy around the house. Being active is important too, no sitting in front of the TV whenever he has some spare time! And I HATE being ignored while he buries his mood in his TV. Marriage was not invented for escaping into TVs, it was meant to be lived, loved and enjoyed!!! If TV is more interesting than your life, MAN! Your life is in a sorry state and I won't want to share it with you. 'nuff said. sk

[chevalier]

I tend to be attracted to a tall, lanky lass with copper or brown wavy or curled hair, sharp facial features, noticeable eyes, nice palms, elegant of bearing. I've been attracted to others but this is the prevalent pattern.

As far as personality goes, I look for someone good and warm and at the same time with some nobility of character, and a big heart. Someone who can be intense and serious but also cheerful and light. Not an airhead unless capable of deeper moments. Rather not a person who is in a habit of being negative unless there were some exceptional circumstances.

Faith matters, as in not just morals. Morals matter. It matters what she thinks about abortion, contraception, premarital sex. I need to be sure she's on the same page. I would refuse to share the bed if a potentially abortifacient drug were at play. I just couldn't get myself to do it.

Then, someone who won't dismiss my interests or values or some kind of personal focal points as irrelevant (e.g. "dead languages are silly and nobody needs them," "only nerds need to know how to code," etc.), and will understand a guy who knows both Latin and PHP (never mind law degree). More on this below.

I was brought up on history and chivalric legends (which not even holding republican and democratic views has been able to remove from me). I guess it would be hard to relate so closely to someone who didn't share it. I've also swallowed a lot of history, mastered a foreign language and learnt a couple of others, witnessed the early evolution of the IBM PC (desktop computers) and programmed since I was a kid, played a lot of computer games, love fantasy and science-fiction and enjoy travelling. And jazz music (and classical, and ethnic, and reconstructed mediaeval). Oh, and I've studied the law for 9 years (and no, this isn't the most central thing to my life). I don't expect to share all of this with someone specific but things need to click somehow. It's damn hard to relate to someone on a level that would make me want her to be my chosen lady without reservation. Reservations matter less or don't matter at all when I'm in love, which does happen from time to time, in most cases inexplicably. I suppose I would like someone able to understand me. The guy with a law degree who can make a website in notepad but can't drive a car.

Finally, the written language matters. Grammary, syntax, spelling. I don't expect anybody to be flawless and I don't hold it against people who actually have a real case of dyslexia but it would be hard to enjoy correspondence with someone who hated the shift button or always spelt words phonetically or always messed up the tenses. This is not a matter of disdain, I just feel pain when I see it.

[MidnightSun12]

I'm praying for a spouse who:

- Loves God first, even before loving me
- Dedicates her life to her salvation and the salvation of her husband (as I would do for her)
- Desires a large, catholic family and who would place the spiritual development of our children as the keystone of the family household
- Agrees with catholic views on contraception and embraces the teaching that natural family planning should be reserved for serious reasons
- Has a healthy body type (not significantly overweight) and values healthy eating and a reasonably active lifestyle
- Willing to embrace tithing, days of abstinence and fasting
- Believes in the virtues of the traditional family and would value the parent's role in the home as being of equal importance as the parent's role as a bread winner
- is both responsible and charitable with money (avoids incurring unnecessary debt and spends money on good causes rather then selfish causes)
- Values a reasonably clean household and understands that all family members need to contribute to a tidy, organized homefront.
- As Christ has forgiven me, is forgiving of my past inequities
(as I would be of her's)
- If necessary, is willing to consider relocation for her future spouse (as I would be willing to do in return)
- Is willing to carry the cross of having non-practicing Catholic In-Laws and who would support me in my prayers and work for the spiritual salvation of my immediate family.

[JoeofCupertino]

Is it ok to desire someone that simply likes me? Instead of a list of qualilties, I just want a girl that likes me and can live with me. Instead of trying to have all tese different qualilties, I think it is better to have someone I cn live with and work with. Often, the people that the qualities on your wish list either dont like you that much or they have other quirks that make them hard to work and live with.

[chevalier]

Originally Posted by JoeofCupertino

Is it ok to desire someone that simply likes me? Instead of a list of qualilties, I just want a girl that likes me and can live with me. Instead of trying to have all tese different qualilties, I think it is better to have someone I cn live with and work with. Often, the people that the qualities on your wish list either dont like you that much or they have other quirks that make them hard to work and live with.

Why would that not be okay? There's nothing wrong not having a list. In fact, a list requires a stretch of imagination and is always either a speculation (because in real life things will be a lot different) or a problematic restriction (as in overblowing the importance of minor bad things, failing to appreciate unlisted good things etc.).

It really comes down to, "someone who likes me and whom I like." Which is basically the problem with many single people. Certainly so in my case.

[johnsmith2025]

Hello! And thanks for making this group.

Well, what I'm praying for in a Catholic wife is a woman who has a nice personality, likes to stay fit ( as I myself do ), is attractive, will speak up for her Catholic belief if it's questioned by anyone, wants to put trust in her husband to fully provide for her financially so she doesn't need to work, has friends, will promt her husband to go to church with her 2 or 3 days a week, and insists that her husband make love to her very very frequently.

I have a posting on the regular board, if you'd like to read it:

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=658738

I pray that everyone can afind the spouse they want. :-)

[hopeful01]

I want a husband who earns enough to support a household... Is prayerful and can be my "prayer partner"... Someone who would not object to me being a housewife who volunteers to church activities... Someone who practices his Catholic faith-- regular mass, 3 o'clock prayer, morning prayers, bedtime prayers, abstinence, fasting etc.... Also someone who enjoys watching The Big Bang Theory.

I would be willing to move across the globe for a man like that.

[Crescentinus]

Should I put in categories? It's because I tend to be very specific on certain criterion.

[LotusCarsLtd]

For me, the following:

*A musician, or at least someone who likes music;
*Not older than I am (24) but exceptions can always be made;
*Absolutely committed to chastity, and marriage for life;
*Great sense of humor, funny, pretty, laughs a lot.
*Affectionate, as I'm a huge cuddler, kisser, and general romantic.

I don't have any major deal breakers except that they must be devout practicing Catholics. There are certainly many wonderful secular women, but I don't think at this time that I'd be willing to date a non-Catholic.

One thing I'm okay with are women with sexual pasts who have since returned to chastity. I realize a great many Americans, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, are sexually wounded and I know they hurt. I wouldn't hold that against them. Regardless of their past, I wanna do the best I can to love them and treat them as they deserve to be treated.

[JoyfulAlpaca]

I am looking for a man no younger than 23 or older than 32 (as I am 25) who is Catholic or at least willing to convert.
I want someone who can be my best friend.
It would be nice if they liked music, movies, and books a lot, as well as nerdy Sci-Fi/Fantasy things.
No pre-marital sex and be open to a large family with NFP, as I feel like my vocation is definitively marriage and motherhood.
I want to also be able to financially support my children well.


Must be okay with:
me being in the process of an annulment (should be covered under the Pauline Privilege)
Okay with one of my siblings being gay
Me going through RCIA
Non-religious in laws

Perfectly ok with previous marriages that can or have been annulled, previous pre martial affairs (obviously I'm ok with it), and children.

[jojos_faith]

I am looking for a man who is 30-37 years old and catholic.