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  #16  
Old May 2, '12, 8:44 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

I would not be concerned about this personally. Pre-teen advocacy against unwanted pregnancy and STD's is a big need in our society.

The reality is that 25% of kids are losing their virginity before age 15. Untreated STD's can leave a teenager infertile or worse, kill them.

How many teens do you know will say, "Hey mom, I'm having sex now." Most mothers find out that their teenager is having sex by chance, if at all.
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  #17  
Old May 2, '12, 8:47 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AthenaC View Post
I can see why you would feel that way, given the glimpse of your personal history that you shared. But one thing to remember is that as long as you are all living in the world, there is a limit to how much you can isolate yourself from different values. When your son leaves the house, he will be bombarded; this little mailing will be like a drop in the ocean.

I think what's important is how your son reacted to this. You said he was offended, which is a good sign that you have successfully passed on your values to him. If you continue to keep the dialogue open as his experiences, thoughts and feelings change, you should continue to be successful.
good point, but teens can also be very deceiving. Many parents have no idea the things their teens are doing behind their backs. I can speak for myself when I was a teenager. I was a good girl, but I took some risks that would have freaked out my parents.
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  #18  
Old May 2, '12, 6:47 pm
knotanes knotanes is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serap View Post
I would not be concerned about this personally. Pre-teen advocacy against unwanted pregnancy and STD's is a big need in our society.

The reality is that 25% of kids are losing their virginity before age 15. Untreated STD's can leave a teenager infertile or worse, kill them.

How many teens do you know will say, "Hey mom, I'm having sex now." Most mothers find out that their teenager is having sex by chance, if at all.
I just don't see how encouraging the behavior with a shrug and an "oh, since you're going to do it anyway...here's a condom and a pack of pills..."

The message really should be that the only 100% way to avoid pregnancy and STD is through abstinence. I'd rather see more advocacy going in the direction of pushing this into the "non-option" territory. Abstinence and monogamous relationships thereafter really are the cure to what ails us on a lot of this. I'm not sure what good it does to give up the fight with kids before they've even so much as said boo to us as adults.

Hormones may be hormones, but I'm a believer in teaching self-control. Kids shouldn't be taught to be slaves to their own bodily functions. We should give them the tools and help them see they have the power to make up their own hearts and minds.

That's not puritanical, I don't think. That's empowering. After all, I want my kids to have very healthy relationships and sex lives (I want tons of grandkids, afterall )
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  #19  
Old May 3, '12, 7:08 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

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Originally Posted by knotanes View Post
I just don't see how encouraging the behavior with a shrug and an "oh, since you're going to do it anyway...here's a condom and a pack of pills..."

The message really should be that the only 100% way to avoid pregnancy and STD is through abstinence. I'd rather see more advocacy going in the direction of pushing this into the "non-option" territory. Abstinence and monogamous relationships thereafter really are the cure to what ails us on a lot of this. I'm not sure what good it does to give up the fight with kids before they've even so much as said boo to us as adults.

Hormones may be hormones, but I'm a believer in teaching self-control. Kids shouldn't be taught to be slaves to their own bodily functions. We should give them the tools and help them see they have the power to make up their own hearts and minds.

That's not puritanical, I don't think. That's empowering. After all, I want my kids to have very healthy relationships and sex lives (I want tons of grandkids, afterall )
I agree with you 100%. It's just that when kids are out in the harsh world, they are faced with society's realities. Hopefully the values you instill, will stick.

Pray for them and thank God that they are good kids.
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  #20  
Old May 3, '12, 2:29 pm
knotanes knotanes is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

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Originally Posted by Serap View Post
I agree with you 100%. It's just that when kids are out in the harsh world, they are faced with society's realities. Hopefully the values you instill, will stick.

Pray for them and thank God that they are good kids.
I'm definitely thankful. You never know what the future holds. I do think the world is full of harsh realities. I'm just trying really hard to keep them from giving in on the important parts. It's really not very authoritarian over here... more authoritative. I try to get the kids involved in a lot of volunteering and we read literature/discuss the outcomes of certain behaviors and/or morality. If it sounds like I'm sheltering, I'm really not--just want to note. I just don't like the assumption on the part of UHC, that they can sneak in on the family discussion.

My biggest issue was the dishonesty of the mailing... i.e. it was addressed directly to my son, but the inside of the mailing said "Dear Parents".... kind of under handed.
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  #21  
Old May 3, '12, 2:34 pm
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by knotanes View Post
I'm definitely thankful. You never know what the future holds. I do think the world is full of harsh realities. I'm just trying really hard to keep them from giving in on the important parts. It's really not very authoritarian over here... more authoritative. I try to get the kids involved in a lot of volunteering and we read literature/discuss the outcomes of certain behaviors and/or morality. If it sounds like I'm sheltering, I'm really not--just want to note. I just don't like the assumption on the part of UHC, that they can sneak in on the family discussion.

My biggest issue was the dishonesty of the mailing... i.e. it was addressed directly to my son, but the inside of the mailing said "Dear Parents".... kind of under handed.
I agree with you that busy kids have a much harder time getting into "trouble". It's worth the parents' investment of money and taxi service
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  #22  
Old May 3, '12, 9:21 pm
knotanes knotanes is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

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Originally Posted by Serap View Post
I agree with you that busy kids have a much harder time getting into "trouble". It's worth the parents' investment of money and taxi service
Not a lot of money, really...at least not for volunteer work ...so they can see how good it feels to help others and also how much needs to be done in the world. It doesn't take a lot of money to keep kids thinking and active in the community. Although, it does take giving up money to have an adult home more often and available.
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  #23  
Old May 4, '12, 6:53 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

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Originally Posted by knotanes View Post
Not a lot of money, really...at least not for volunteer work ...so they can see how good it feels to help others and also how much needs to be done in the world. It doesn't take a lot of money to keep kids thinking and active in the community. Although, it does take giving up money to have an adult home more often and available.
Good for you for being available to your children. Volunteer work is a great way to teach children empathy. I love that idea.

My kids are still really young, so there are no issues beyond silbling fights and toilet training. I have yet to wreap what I am sowing. I hope for the best also.
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  #24  
Old May 5, '12, 2:41 pm
knotanes knotanes is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serap View Post
Good for you for being available to your children. Volunteer work is a great way to teach children empathy. I love that idea.

My kids are still really young, so there are no issues beyond silbling fights and toilet training. I have yet to wreap what I am sowing. I hope for the best also.
I don't know where you live, but there are service projects for little ones, too. Volunteermatch is a good one to check out online. That's how we've found a lot of service opportunities for groups we've been with... I started the kids when they were about 5-ish, doing at-home projects that were little-kid-size. We've tried to make it just a regular part of everyday life from the beginning (you know, when they're still thrilled about helping and doing chores). Just mentioning in case you're interested.

We just took some friends to volunteer with us this morning and they're hooked now, too

Not trying to sound like a know-it-all, because I certainly don't.... but I *think* it's helping my older ones recognize how much need is out there and keep them focused in a culture that's very "me" centered.

I wish more parents had more time with their kids. I hope jobs move more to flex-work and shared-jobs. I really can't see these 60-80 hour weeks for people. You want better kids/society... corporations need to start giving their parents back to them and supporting family.

UHC pamphlets are like a bandaid on a bleeding artery in comparison to what would really help people.
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  #25  
Old May 7, '12, 6:55 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Healthcare company sent my 12 year old birth control/STD pamphlet...?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by knotanes View Post
I don't know where you live, but there are service projects for little ones, too. Volunteermatch is a good one to check out online. That's how we've found a lot of service opportunities for groups we've been with... I started the kids when they were about 5-ish, doing at-home projects that were little-kid-size. We've tried to make it just a regular part of everyday life from the beginning (you know, when they're still thrilled about helping and doing chores). Just mentioning in case you're interested.

We just took some friends to volunteer with us this morning and they're hooked now, too

Not trying to sound like a know-it-all, because I certainly don't.... but I *think* it's helping my older ones recognize how much need is out there and keep them focused in a culture that's very "me" centered.

I wish more parents had more time with their kids. I hope jobs move more to flex-work and shared-jobs. I really can't see these 60-80 hour weeks for people. You want better kids/society... corporations need to start giving their parents back to them and supporting family.

UHC pamphlets are like a bandaid on a bleeding artery in comparison to what would really help people.
You've written some great things here. Thanks for the tips also.
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