Struggling with Purity

Darran · #1 May 9, '12, 8:44 am

I am at a constant struggle with sins against the flesh. I have fallen now again and I don't understand how. It takes a good confession and I have nothing tempting me much if at all for quite some time. I don't even think about it and I'm happy at not being ruled by it! Then all it takes is ONE dream, whether I remember it or not, and it is on my mind against my will, constantly. At this stage I become more and more stupid until I stop hearing meaning behind any words -even my own- leading to my strength failing and then my will.

Guys, what can I do? Prayer takes away the temptation temporarily, but as I become stupider prayer becomes more and more laborious until it is practically/if not in actuality, painful.

I've found that the only thing that gets rid of the increasing stupidity is mentioning it to the priest at weekly confession, but if I'm caught during the week there is nothing I can do. An hour in direct temptation like that can feel like a whole day. Should I maybe find a priest immediately as soon as this happens? I just don't understand how I can do something that I simply don't want to do.

**AlanFromWichita** · #2 May 9, '12, 9:14 am

How familiar are you with John Paul II's, "Theology of the Body?"

Alan

ricofall · #3 May 9, '12, 10:01 am

Everyone has their cross to bear. People struggle all the time so you are not alone. Also know that we are sinners and sometimes we fall. Personally I found that my struggles makes me a better christian. Struggling keep the faith alive in my as I try to overcome it.

Pat Payne · #4 May 9, '12, 1:21 pm

:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darran

I am at a constant struggle with sins against the flesh. I have fallen now again and I don't understand how. It takes a good confession and I have nothing tempting me much if at all for quite some time. I don't even think about it and I'm happy at not being ruled by it! Then all it takes is ONE dream, whether I remember it or not, and it is on my mind against my will, constantly. At this stage I become more and more stupid until I stop hearing meaning behind any words -even my own- leading to my strength failing and then my will.

Guys, what can I do? Prayer takes away the temptation temporarily, but as I become stupider prayer becomes more and more laborious until it is practically/if not in actuality, painful.

I've found that the only thing that gets rid of the increasing stupidity is mentioning it to the priest at weekly confession, but if I'm caught during the week there is nothing I can do. An hour in direct temptation like that can feel like a whole day. Should I maybe find a priest immediately as soon as this happens? I just don't understand how I can do something that I simply don't want to do.

This may sound unintentionally harsh, but: The first thing I would suggest strongly is to remove the bolded word from your vocabulary. You are not "stupid." You are weak and fallible, but also redeemable, forgivable, and beloved by God. "Stupid" is both an excuse and a means of self-flagellation, just another link in the chains that will bind you to this addiction. It WANTS you to feel low and stupid, all the better to despair of your condition. In 12 Step, the addiction is called "cunning and baffling", and not without reason.

Do you have anyone trusted you can call when the temptations start to hit? Good friends with a strong moral compass? Parents? Anyone whom you can call at a moment's notice (I hesitate to suggest a priest, only as many priests cannot drop what they're doing at a moment's notice to take your call if they have a packed day). Try that, and see if thart helps short-circuit the addictive patterns.

You're in my prayers. I'm in the same boat.

Darran · #5 May 9, '12, 3:52 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pat Payne

:

This may sound unintentionally harsh, but: The first thing I would suggest strongly is to remove the bolded word from your vocabulary. You are not "stupid." You are weak and fallible, but also redeemable, forgivable, and beloved by God. "Stupid" is both an excuse and a means of self-flagellation, just another link in the chains that will bind you to this addiction. It WANTS you to feel low and stupid, all the better to despair of your condition. In 12 Step, the addiction is called "cunning and baffling", and not without reason.

Do you have anyone trusted you can call when the temptations start to hit? Good friends with a strong moral compass? Parents? Anyone whom you can call at a moment's notice (I hesitate to suggest a priest, only as many priests cannot drop what they're doing at a moment's notice to take your call if they have a packed day). Try that, and see if thart helps short-circuit the addictive patterns.

You're in my prayers. I'm in the same boat.

Thanks very much Pat, you're in my prayers as well.

Unfortunately I have nobody I can call, I see what you mean about the priests, I just don't know who else could help.

When I mean stupid though, I mean at time of temptation (which begins from a certain point and gradually ends up in temptation) I become duller and duller and less able to think or reason. It tends to come down entirely to a heavy weight balancing on my will and my will only because I'm not able to see sense in logic or reasoning. I've read that it can be because the reaction in the brain (now badly wired) is based off the same reaction to fight for life. But it only happens from the first dream whether or not I remember it, or the first unpure glance (although God's gradually succeeding in working that out of me atlast). Almost entire Lent I was fine, I prayed against it each night and had NONE untill the final week. A miracle in itself really. Perhaps I'm just getting too common in the prayer lately.

ndeparis88 · #6 May 9, '12, 4:12 pm

I have the same Cross as you Darran. Plus it's those dreams that get me. Today was a hard day in that regards. The times I fail the most I remember is when I'll think of a person, usually a pornstar and usually bounce back to an image or a scene that I have seen before playing in my head. Even though I can handle it that day, the next day I'm thinking of it more. Now I'll get to the point where I'll want to see a photo of her not completely naked but almost, then before I know it I'm going on to the most popular free porn sites out there. I thankfully have not done that for at least several months I stopped trying to count because if and when I fail I have to start all over again anyway, I just go for not doing it at all and I once and a while notice how long it's been . What's hard is once your mind knows the feeling of sex, and you know the feeling of well putting A in B, I think you go through these "withdrawls" because your mind can actually portray a reel feeling, like the dreams where you feel like a tooth is loose.

You know I can't cease to talk about this subject because this is way down in the boiler room of Men's issues and it's something that single men and even those married guys using NFP with their wives have to toil over. We know prayer of course is backbone, but a little more is needed because when we go out in the world we are bombarded with images that make us want to dive into temptation. Will I never again look at porn, well I honestly don't know, know that you only can try as hard as you can . I recommend "Taking Down Goliath" my Matt Fradd. Plus as mentioned above TOB, and Heavens Song by Christopher West. Also pray for women who you may see in your dreams, as well as those Women in the porn industry, they are people not just sex objects.

Fragile · #7 May 9, '12, 8:50 pm

"Can a leopard change it's spots, or an Ethiopian the color of his skin? If so, then you too can do good who are accustomed to doing evil."

I am soooooooooo the leopard!

Fragile · #8 May 9, '12, 8:54 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ndeparis88

I recommend "Taking Down Goliath" my Matt Fradd. .

I have that somewhere, but I can't find it!

I do have "Pure of Heart" by Jason Garrett, as well as some good Protestant resources on the issue...more info is not what I need though, I need grace, badly!!!!!!!!

Darran · #9 May 10, '12, 12:53 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ndeparis88

I have the same Cross as you Darran. Plus it's those dreams that get me. Today was a hard day in that regards. The times I fail the most I remember is when I'll think of a person,

Yes I've found saying a good prayer for the person and moving on is a great approach. Get into a strong habit of doing that and the devil will see that you are turning him on his head when he tries to tempt you. He'll stop fast.

I have "Pure of Heart" also. It's very good. I somtimes think that for me in particular it might be bringing too much attention to the sin by the daily meditations, but that could be just me. In any case it has a lot of very good information.

I'll keep you all in my Rosary.

ndeparis88 · #10 May 10, '12, 9:25 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darran

Yes I've found saying a good prayer for the person and moving on is a great approach. Get into a strong habit of doing that and the devil will see that you are turning him on his head when he tries to tempt you. He'll stop fast.

I have "Pure of Heart" also. It's very good. I somtimes think that for me in particular it might be bringing too much attention to the sin by the daily meditations, but that could be just me. In any case it has a lot of very good information.

I'll keep you all in my Rosary.

Thanks Darran.

CompSciGuy · #11 May 10, '12, 2:14 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fragile

I have that somewhere, but I can't find it!

Here you go:

http://www.theporneffect.com/images/audio/tdg1.mp3
http://www.theporneffect.com/images/audio/tdg2.mp3

feed me · #12 May 10, '12, 5:12 pm

Reading your post, op, makes it seem that all you are dealing with is just the wet dream. That is common with all people, we all have them. Just keep praying to God, and don't think about lustful thoughts before bed.

timotheos · #13 May 10, '12, 6:34 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darran

Guys, what can I do? Prayer takes away the temptation temporarily, but as I become stupider prayer becomes more and more laborious until it is practically/if not in actuality, painful.

One reflection I had recently, is that when such an image pops into my head, I think, "Is this the way I want to treat the mother of my son or daughter -- flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood?" Because that is exactly who she would become after pulses return to normal. The pornographic image is not just some random woman to have a passionate good time with and then discard, but represents a real person with (perhaps repressed) dreams of becoming a mother, a wife, a woman with dignity.

You wanna ruin that?

fred conty · #14 May 10, '12, 6:50 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darran

I am at a constant struggle with sins against the flesh. I have fallen now again and I don't understand how. It takes a good confession and I have nothing tempting me much if at all for quite some time. I don't even think about it and I'm happy at not being ruled by it! Then all it takes is ONE dream, whether I remember it or not, and it is on my mind against my will, constantly. At this stage I become more and more stupid until I stop hearing meaning behind any words -even my own- leading to my strength failing and then my will.

Guys, what can I do? Prayer takes away the temptation temporarily, but as I become stupider prayer becomes more and more laborious until it is practically/if not in actuality, painful.

I've found that the only thing that gets rid of the increasing stupidity is mentioning it to the priest at weekly confession, but if I'm caught during the week there is nothing I can do. An hour in direct temptation like that can feel like a whole day. Should I maybe find a priest immediately as soon as this happens? I just don't understand how I can do something that I simply don't want to do.

Pray more. Make time. Remember what Jesus PROMISED, "knock and it WILL be opened."
He promised this.

Blood and water gushing forth from the heart of Jesus as a font of mercy for us,
I trust in you.

Remember, I trust in you. Remind Jesus of his promise.

But your prayers are your sincere belief and sign to Jesus that you do depend on him and not on yourself. That you are trusting him. A lack of prayer is saying that you are strong enough to do it by yourself. When you pray a lot, you are knocking hard, you are telling Jesus that you do not trust yourself, that you need his strength just as David did when he won his fight against Golliath. David won not by his own might, but because God stood by him and David knew this.

If you truely want to win this struggle, then pray a lot more and the trust in the heart of Jesus to win that battle for you. We as weak humans are never able to conquor any sin unless we know and trust Jesus to be there for us. Anytime someone has had success for a long period of time and begins to think that they have it conquored will fall. Because they don't. Jesus has been there by their side and protecting them and saving them. Once that is forgotten, the fall is inevitable. We can never stop praying and praying intensely always.

You and I will never conquor any sin permenantly. We have no power, and Jesus has it all which he wants to use if we acknowledge that he, and he alone, is truely our savior, in all our conflicts. This demands our permanent understanding of the importance of our trust in him thru prayer. The more prayer, the greater the knock, and the more ardent the trust in him alone and then the success comes.

This is why we must pray everyday, and intently.

Blood and water gushing forth from the heart of Jesus as a font of mercy for us,
I trust in you.

Keep this thought, the fight is Jesus' not yours.

DevotedChild · #15 May 10, '12, 9:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by fred conty

Pray more. Make time. Remember what Jesus PROMISED, "knock and it WILL be opened."
He promised this.

Blood and water gushing forth from the heart of Jesus as a font of mercy for us,
I trust in you.

Remember, I trust in you. Remind Jesus of his promise.

But your prayers are your sincere belief and sign to Jesus that you do depend on him and not on yourself. That you are trusting him. A lack of prayer is saying that you are strong enough to do it by yourself. When you pray a lot, you are knocking hard, you are telling Jesus that you do not trust yourself, that you need his strength just as David did when he won his fight against Golliath. David won not by his own might, but because God stood by him and David knew this.

If you truely want to win this struggle, then pray a lot more and the trust in the heart of Jesus to win that battle for you. We as weak humans are never able to conquor any sin unless we know and trust Jesus to be there for us. Anytime someone has had success for a long period of time and begins to think that they have it conquored will fall. Because they don't. Jesus has been there by their side and protecting them and saving them. Once that is forgotten, the fall is inevitable. We can never stop praying and praying intensely always.

You and I will never conquor any sin permenantly. We have no power, and Jesus has it all which he wants to use if we acknowledge that he, and he alone, is truely our savior, in all our conflicts. This demands our permanent understanding of the importance of our trust in him thru prayer. The more prayer, the greater the knock, and the more ardent the trust in him alone and then the success comes.

This is why we must pray everyday, and intently.

Blood and water gushing forth from the heart of Jesus as a font of mercy for us,
I trust in you.

Keep this thought, the fight is Jesus' not yours.

ditto, listen to fred. Even though this a more popular topic among the guys, girls have the same problem. I have to deal with it all the time and prayer to Jesus, my Beloved Savior, is my protector.

Even though it only temporarily calms me I find that the more I do it when I need to, the less often it happens, I do a simple meditation where I hand Jesus my thoughts, feelings and emotions of that moment of struggle against impurity and He burns it in the fire of his passionate love for me personally. I hand it to him as a sign of my love for him.

I hope this helps.
God Bless.