Need Advise, Struggling with 1 Sin that Seems Impossible to Avoid?

kieron123 · #1 May 12, '12, 6:00 am

Hello everyone,

I'm honestly really bothered, because I do not know how to classify the situation I'm in.

This is my best explanation. It is only 1 sin, > I honestly feel sorry about it> I go for a confession> and just hours after confession it happens again > I don't want to do it, but the temptations are so strong that they just happen. I know that prayer stops these temptations, but lately when these situations arise, my mind becomes so clouded, I become confused, and my mind gets so dysfunctional that I cannot even focus on my prayers, making it impossible to pray> which then leads me into temptation and then sin.

HOWEVER: Immediately after this sin, I will be able to concentrate and pray as normal.

It is a cycle that has been repeating itself week after week, month after month. It seems that the harder I try, the more difficult it becomes.

All this is very strange, I am very serious and stern (even more with myself than with others) and all people I know are aware and even comment about this. And it just sickens me to to know that I keep failing this way, that these temptations just weaken my mind to nothing, and then makes me sin (almost as if it's halfway against my will).

I live in a foreign place with nothing to do, no where to go, family isnt good, my health is bad, people I know avoid me for no reason. Basically every area of my life is down, my only happiness is in god, and even that is being obstructed by 1 stupid sin.

I hate saying this, but I honestly feel that the devil is involved, I mean it is no coincidence, I had decided to live my life to god fully (I even visited some monasteries) and it was immediately after this, that everything just suddenly and mysteriously turned to rots, since then these temptations arise and when they do I cannot pray, and just after I confess, I sin again. I have no other logical explanation for anything but that evil is involved in some way, because after I sin, I dont do it again for weeks, unless it's immediately my next confession. Also there is no priest here who speaks english who I could talk with, except for one that I confess to and he already advises me alot.

I'm not very sure what to do, as I said I have been confessing this for weeks and months, and I am barely able to pray, it's like something is pushing me back. Also I'm a convert a few years now, and my family does not understand, In fact they keep me so busy that it is near impossible for me to pray at all. Please advise.

Thanks,
Kieron

Armor of Light · #2 May 12, '12, 6:15 am

Quote:

I live in a foreign place with nothing to do, no where to go, family isnt good, my health is bad, people I know avoid me for no reason. Basically every area of my life is down, my only happiness is in god, and even that is being obstructed by 1 stupid sin.

This really jumped out at me, so please don't think I did not read your whole post my friend.

Since I think I know what sin you are talking about

then all the things you list above are working against your progress. Depending on how much free time you have of course, is it possible for you to volunteer somewhere? I found that getting out of "myself" in this way really helps. Also, you may meet some new friends that won't avoid you. Also...ride a bike. Clears the mind...good for the body...you can even pray while you pedal! I apologize if in fact you are in a place where bicycles are only used by the masses for tranportation.

Work on your definition of prayer also. Prayer is any conversation with God, even complaining. I will pray for you, my friend.

kieron123 · #3 May 12, '12, 6:19 am

Armor of Light,

Thanks for the reply and prayers. Time is limited, but I do go for evening walks + a coffee or beer, this is often my only time to communicate with god in some way, either praying or praying the rosary while I walk, or sitting in a bar reflecting on certain verses etc.

Armor of Light · #4 May 12, '12, 6:29 am

That sounds good. At least you can go for a walk and not get shot! What country are you in?

This too, shall pass. Persevere in prayer. Prayer is more a commitment than a feeling after all.

kieron123 · #5 May 12, '12, 6:32 am

Yeah guess I am lucky for that, especially since I stay out late at times. I'm actually in Europe, half time in Hungary, half in Slovenia (it's complicated to explain why, family business mostly).

constantconvert · #6 May 12, '12, 6:37 am

What does your priest advise about this sin?

kieron123 · #7 May 12, '12, 6:40 am

constantconvert,

He doesn't seem to bother really, often when I say this He just replies "This is why there is a confessional"

edit: He keeps saying that sins are forgiven and that I need to keep in prayer, as it is the only way to eventually overcome everything but he always speaks generally about everything I confess without referring to this particular sin.

J_Peterson · #8 May 12, '12, 6:44 am

I think I know what you're talking about and more people struggle with this than you may think. I also think it's a mistake to say that your happiness in God is being obstructed by it. It sounds to me like the process is bringing you closer to Him. God sees the effort as well as the act so don't lose faith over this, just keep trying. Let the experience teach you humility, keep praying, and remember the story of the prodigal son.

bmullins · #9 May 12, '12, 6:48 am

When I was struggling with a particular sin and couldn't control it, I not only went to confession, I removed the temptations from my life. I looked for what was triggering it, and made sure it was unavailable.

For instance, if it were alcohol, I'd remove all of it from my home, and stay out of places that serve it.

If it were masturbation, I'd remove the sexual temptations. I'd put a block on my TV for anything over rated G, and then have someone else set the four digit code. I'd put a filter like K9 web protection on and have someone else set that password as well. I'd also not spend time alone when I could help it, being with other people tends to make us 'honest'.

If it were gluttony, I'd start a food journal and get someone to hold me accountable. I'd remove the junk food from my home, and put in only whole grains, whole natural fruits and veggies, and make it to where I have to 'cook' everything I put in my mouth.

Find out what is triggering your particular vice, and begin to remove those things from your life in as much as you can. Then, when you fall, confess, dust yourself off, and keep walking again. Do your best, and make progress.

constantconvert · #10 May 12, '12, 7:05 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by kieron123

constantconvert,

He doesn't seem to bother really, often when I say this He just replies "This is why there is a confessional"

edit: He keeps saying that sins are forgiven and that I need to keep in prayer, as it is the only way to eventually overcome everything but he always speaks generally about everything I confess without referring to this particular sin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kieron123

It is a cycle that has been repeating itself week after week, month after month. It seems that the harder I try, the more difficult it becomes.

All this is very strange, I am very serious and stern (even more with myself than with others) and all people I know are aware and even comment about this. And it just sickens me to to know that I keep failing this way, that these temptations just weaken my mind to nothing, and then makes me sin (almost as if it's halfway against my will).

Based on these two quotes, i would try to lighten up a bit. Yes, we should take even venial sin seriously, but not agonize and obsess over it. Obviously this sin is not mortal if you don't want to do it. The desire/consent has to be there for the sin to be mortal. Sometimes when we agonize over a sin, it gives it more fuel and power. I would try to find something else to invest your time and energy in. There must be something to do in Slovenia and Hungary. Lots of churches, maybe you can take a walking tour and just go to visit different churches. Or hang out in the pubs and people watch. That could be fascinating.

englishredrose · #11 May 12, '12, 7:20 am

Have you told the priest in confession what you have said here, the whole of it?

But, what I think, what I really think is that you are probably too focused on the one sin. The more focused we become on something the harder it is to break and the harder we try to break it the harder and harder it becomes to break it as in obessions.

Your only happiness is in God. Stop. Think instead that your happiness IS in God. You are happy when you are with God. That is very understandable. People and what is around us can help or hinder but basically we are happy when we are with God.

Would it make it easier for you if you didn't think about the sin as a sin? Challenge yourself and for a trial period if you prefer of a month, think, what the heck you will do as you please for this one month. Don't anaylse it or anything, just do as you please. Mark a red line or something at the end of that month to give yourself permission to look back over the month and think whether you are still sinning that sin or not? By thinking about it as a sin is perhaps the thing that is causing you to want to repeat it. By thinking about it as something quite ordinary boring process of life. It may come out in the clear in the long run. What have you got to loose for trying this technique for one month? It may seem like you are sinning freerly but you are not. You're playing the devil at his trump card. Reverse Psychology. You are showing the devil you are not bothered by it any more. The priest is trying to show you he isn't bothered by it so you shouldn't be bothered by it. If for one month you end up sinning worse with that sin, then its not through greed but through trying to deal with it. You are bothered because it a sin. Well its not a sin for this month so you can forget about it - literally. You seem too focused on the sin. It is giving you a focus.

as for the rest of the post - concentrate on simply being with God and that is prayer too. Easy free prayer. Don't try too hard and relax. With God you are happy. Be with God all the time you can with what ever you are doing. That way you are happy. The sin that is bothering you, be with God instead because you are happy with God and that is prayer.

**JRKH** · #12 May 12, '12, 7:29 am

Kieron,
So sorry that you are struggling so. Like "armor of Light" I have read you post and s couple of things sort of "jumped out at me"....
First let me say that this is not an uncommon thing. It just seems like everyone has one sin that seems impossible to overcome...no matter how much progress they make in other areas.
now to the points...

Quote:

Originally Posted by kieron123

All this is very strange, I am very serious and stern (even more with myself than with others) and all people I know are aware and even comment about this. And it just sickens me to to know that I keep failing this way, that these temptations just weaken my mind to nothing, and then makes me sin (almost as if it's halfway against my will).

I live in a foreign place with nothing to do, no where to go, family isn't good, my health is bad, people I know avoid me for no reason.

Without knowing you personally, I can't say that there is a real connection between the bolded sections above...but I have to wonder...
It sounds as though you are lonely and this is not a good thing, especially when you are struggling. Perhaps you should shift your focus for a while from struggling to overcome this one sin, to perhaps assessing and adjusting some other things in your life.
Being serious is one thing...being "Stern" is another - especially where it involves other people. Just something to think about.

Quote:

Basically every area of my life is down, my only happiness is in God, and even that is being obstructed by 1 stupid sin.

This can easily happen when you become so focused on one thing to the exclusion of all else.
I think that it is time to start counting blessings...Yes blessings that exist even within your troubled life, family and friends. God gives you a beautiful day - every day - for even rain and snow gives life. Each day is the opportunity to serve Him...to see Him in others; to bask in the smile of a child, the calming effect of a walk, the taste of a good beer. Ask God for strength through recognizing His many blessings to you.
You can even thank Him for this struggle which you know will ultimately bring you closer to Him.

Quote:

I hate saying this, but I honestly feel that the devil is involved, I mean it is no coincidence, I had decided to live my life to god fully (I even visited some monasteries) and it was immediately after this, that everything just suddenly and mysteriously turned to rots, since then these temptations arise and when they do I cannot pray, and just after I confess, I sin again. I have no other logical explanation for anything but that evil is involved in some way, because after I sin, I don't do it again for weeks, unless it's immediately my next confession. Also there is no priest here who speaks English who I could talk with, except for one that I confess to and he already advises me a lot.

I have no doubt that the devil is involved. He hates losing and is very adept at the use of subtle ploys to pull you away from God. right now he has you so focused on this one problem that you are probably missing a lot of really good things in your life...Look into this so that you can reopen the avenues of God's Loving grace...Things that you can mediate on

One other thing that I will offer as a resistance to sin...When I was struggling with such a persistent temptation I developed a little prayer and mediation.
The prayer was - "Lord take me to the foot of the cross." Then, with His help, I set my mind to visualizing that image. Not the whole cross, but the foot of it, rough hewn and sunk into the ground. The ground dark and a little muddy from the sweat and blood dripping from the wounds of our Lord. I could raise my eyes some and see His feet, likewise stained with dirt and sweat and blood. I could even feel and smell the air...heavy and oppressive...
All of this - happened because of sin is what God would tell me.
this helped me a lot and I was ultimately able to break the habit of that sin.

Hope some of this helps.

Peace
James

kieron123 · #13 May 12, '12, 8:00 am

Thanks for replies everyone. I will keep what you all said in mind, hopefully ill also do another confession this evening (I barely know the language but I managed to make phrases from the dictionary) which should be enough for just confessing 1 thing.

JRKH > I do think that people avoid me because I'm too serious, but I can't be any other way. I'll think of that prayer next time.

The Holy War 11 · #14 May 12, '12, 8:12 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by constantconvert

Based on these two quotes, i would try to lighten up a bit. Yes, we should take even venial sin seriously, but not agonize and obsess over it. Obviously this sin is not mortal if you don't want to do it. The desire/consent has to be there for the sin to be mortal. Sometimes when we agonize over a sin, it gives it more fuel and power. I would try to find something else to invest your time and energy in. There must be something to do in Slovenia and Hungary. Lots of churches, maybe you can take a walking tour and just go to visit different churches. Or hang out in the pubs and people watch. That could be fascinating.

If this is what I think it is, this is a mortal sin. Even if kieron123 doesn't want to do it. If kieron123 didn't want to but did it anyway, it's still a mortal sin. If somebody forced kieron123 physically then it wouldn't be a mortal sin. It's still mortal because kieron123 knows it's grave matter and under her/his own consent, is committing a mortal sin.

There are ways to get through I think your talking about. This is how I God helps me to overcome it. If I begin to feel the urges to commit this sin, I literally slap myself in the face. I just hammer my face. I'm not joking. It works though, St. Dominic of Savio would jump into thorns and stuff. And it can kill any sexual arousal almost instantly. I used to get these kind of "urges" and it was almost like Satan could talk to me. This sin is one of the most controlling sins out there. It begins to control the way you think, walk, and react to things. The worst part is that people know when you've committed it. It's very visible if the act was done only a few hours prior to going in public. So think of how Mary feels. She is probably tormented by it. Just hold out for as long as you can, and when you do commit this sin go to confession. Then go to Mass. Maybe you should wear like gloves or something when you are at home. Wear a Rosary. Get a stick and whittle it, as something to do when you're alone plus it's kind of addicting and harmless to your state of Grace.

St Francis · #15 May 12, '12, 9:01 am

I wanted to strengthen the advice to go easier on yourself when you fall. Look up a book online called Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli--St Francis de Sales used to carry a copy in his pocket--and read it. He talks better than I could and much more compreheensively about dealing with sin. If you can't find it, let me know--I just can't link it right on this.

Let me add that he really stresses relying on God. You are doing the right thing by praying, but it sounds like because you feel very distracted during that prayer that you give up praying. Try moving from where you are and praying to God as you walk or something.