Venting, Hoping my head is on straight

[john78]

I do not see myself being called to a life of marrage, on one side it saddens me a bit, that at 33 yrs old i do not either have the social skills to meet the right woman , or that a woman has not taken serious interest in me at any point in my life up till now kind of bothers me as well and makes me question things...... I would have enjoyed a loving marrage and being a dad, and i know i would have been an excellent one..and husband.

but the up side is i have an opprotunity ahead of me if i can just work out the kinks, to really live a life of love through selfless sacrifice for our Lord.

I am sure I will get there , and i am sure i will become more socialized, and learn public speaking skills ...

I worry about taking up a serious vocation because I have read stories here in threads about men who take up a vocation / enter a seminary and all of a sudden women are coming out of the wood works !

I dont want that, I dont need any more temptations in my life, and i am certain i would be strong enough and smart enough to tell anyone; that i have been called to make a decision and that i am accepting this call to what ever vocation may be presented down the road.


I worry about speaking in public, I have not had much practice at it, and i notice that some priests have their homilies typed out, and some shoot by the hip and it just flows ...

I would love to be able to just get up infront of people and speak with out notes, i just hope that if i enter into more education in a seminary that i will learn better techniques at speaking in public... I had one such class in college thus far but it wasnt very helpful. it felt more like being back in grade school trying to give a report on why drugs are bad.

I know i could talk about some of this with my Spiritual Director, but with only an hour at a time to talk with him, i really want to learn as much as possible and relay as much info as he needs about me as possible and leave my worries else where like here where others can drop by and leave some input for me to think on at a later time.

I think one thing that worried me about getting married is being in an unjust marrage, I dont think anyone gets married with the intent of oh i am going to make this persons life miserable and he or she is just gona have to deal with it when the time comes....

or well if the marrage goes bad i can just get a divorce later...

I cant live like that, I couldnt live with myself if i knew that the marrage was a mistake or i was some how inadvertenly making a womans life miserable, I think i just want to much out of a woman to be with a woman, i cant go days on end fighting, or end a day on an arguement, some call it being too emotional or too needy, and then that turns women off too. but i dont want someone either who is so independant that i am just a side note or commodity. And in turn..

I would rather spend a life time miserable and alone than break a womans heart let alone one in marrage.

So on one hand why be miserable and alone for ever when i can live a life of selfless service, and make a commitment to our Lord and use this energy I have to leave this world in a better place. And hopefully help someone in the process.

I get great sastifaction out of helping others, the military could have been for me had i been older and wiser when i went in.... other civil services like law enforcement or emt/firefighter i have all considered but i am not suited for.

So if I do not find my " soul mate " soon, I feel like I cant keep wasting time hoping, that I need to start being productive and doing something with my life and living a religious life is becoming the only real means where i can do something great with my life.


I would tell this to a Spiritual Director, but feel it might be too time consuming as we only have an hour to meet.... if anyone thinks i should contemplate bringing something i said here to his attention, please feel free to suggest....

and i just needed to vent this.... I dont have many people to talk to, so if you want to respond , pick it apart, throw in your two cents, feel free to do so, i wont take anything as being critical or offensive, but merely constructive critisim.

I feel as if my life has been built on a rocky foundation and that the Lord has come in my life, taken everything down and is starting to build a new , strong and smooth foundation for something much better......

[TheRealJuliane]

My husband and I got married when we were both 31. We had our first son 2 years later, and our next one 28 mos. after him. They are now almost 21 and 18. We are 55. I feel like a granny some days, but I am still glad we had them.

It can still happen, and she doesn't have to be your "soul mate," a concept I really dislike. A good fit is one thing, the "one and only person God created you to marry" is totally different.

If you are called to be a priest or whatever, don't get worried about what kind of homilist you will/would be! Just take it one day at a time. I personally do not see Holy Orders as what one does if one cannot find a wife, but what do I know?

I would bring this up with your spiritual director, even if you only have an hour at a time. This is what is going on with you, what is more important? That person is supposed to direct your spirituality - so how can he do that if you aren't being forthcoming?

[john78]

my thoughts do tend get sparatic when I try and explain myself, so i do apologize if i come off as seeming that i am in a discernment or considering a vocation based upon a lack of relationships with women, or losing hope that i wont get married one day.

That isnt the case at all, i tend to worry a lot, another thing which i am working on,

I can see myself in either way, serving through marrage or a religious life,

i look at my life and see how i have had this need to wanting to help others as being more so than wanting to be married.

not this idea of well, looks like im not gona get married mine as well join a religious order of some sort....

and the first time i talked to a priest about a religious life i presented myself in the wrong way, i was still a bit immature and needed time to think about why I am having these feelings of wanting a religious life, and i will most certaintly be honest and open with my spiritual director, it would be foolish not to be as i need all the help i can get and this is what a spiritual director is for, to help one make sure they have their heart and mind in the right place and to make sure it isnt some misguided feeling and is actually a real calling.


I really hope that i can present myself intelligently enough to convey what is becoming a real flame in me, to my spiritual director this week, and i am really nervous about it,

i might need to start writting some of this down just in case..

i hope i have clarified my thoughts a bit, i know i didnt have too, but incase anyone wants to drop a line, it might help them a bit to in turn help me understand myself just a little bit more and what is going on in my heart.

[Julia Mae]

If you want to learn public speaking, look up "Toastmasters International" and join a local club.

It took me less than 3 minutes to read your post, print it out and hand it to your SD. I feel like he needs to see this more than whatever else you are talking about.

[anonymous in fl]

Why not just dive in and speak to your Diocesan Vocations Director and ask him/her about the courses in seminary that prepare you for giving homilies? And currently while you are single and not in a relationship is the perfect time to apply to seminary.

The process of attending seminary is to help you continue discerning if you are truly called to the priestly vocation; you don't have to know that 100% for certain in order to attend. The process will help you discern if this is truly your vocation or not.

[Lochias]

My dad didn't marry my mom until he was well into his 40s.

My advice is: Talk to your spiritual director.

Stop all that worryin'. God has you right where you are for a reason, and you can take joy and peace in doing what you can, where you can, knowing that it is for the glory and love of God.

God won't hand us a scorpion when we ask for an egg...your egg just isn't ready to serve yet.

Whichever you are called to do, do it with peace. I'd love to be married and raise a family, having just turned 30, it just hasn't happened yet. That's ok...God knows timing a lot better than I do.

Relax. Keep prayin'. Focus on what you're doing each day it terms of your service to God...He'll make sure to keep you busy, don't worry.

[ACCT]

Originally Posted by john78

I do not see myself being called to a life of marrage, on one side it saddens me a bit, that at 33 yrs old i do not either have the social skills to meet the right woman , or that a woman has not taken serious interest in me at any point in my life up till now kind of bothers me as well and makes me question things...... I would have enjoyed a loving marrage and being a dad, and i know i would have been an excellent one..and husband.

but the up side is i have an opprotunity ahead of me if i can just work out the kinks, to really live a life of love through selfless sacrifice for our Lord.

I am sure I will get there , and i am sure i will become more socialized, and learn public speaking skills ...

I worry about taking up a serious vocation because I have read stories here in threads about men who take up a vocation / enter a seminary and all of a sudden women are coming out of the wood works !

I dont want that, I dont need any more temptations in my life, and i am certain i would be strong enough and smart enough to tell anyone; that i have been called to make a decision and that i am accepting this call to what ever vocation may be presented down the road.


I worry about speaking in public, I have not had much practice at it, and i notice that some priests have their homilies typed out, and some shoot by the hip and it just flows ...

I would love to be able to just get up infront of people and speak with out notes, i just hope that if i enter into more education in a seminary that i will learn better techniques at speaking in public... I had one such class in college thus far but it wasnt very helpful. it felt more like being back in grade school trying to give a report on why drugs are bad.

I know i could talk about some of this with my Spiritual Director, but with only an hour at a time to talk with him, i really want to learn as much as possible and relay as much info as he needs about me as possible and leave my worries else where like here where others can drop by and leave some input for me to think on at a later time.

I think one thing that worried me about getting married is being in an unjust marrage, I dont think anyone gets married with the intent of oh i am going to make this persons life miserable and he or she is just gona have to deal with it when the time comes....

or well if the marrage goes bad i can just get a divorce later...

I cant live like that, I couldnt live with myself if i knew that the marrage was a mistake or i was some how inadvertenly making a womans life miserable, I think i just want to much out of a woman to be with a woman, i cant go days on end fighting, or end a day on an arguement, some call it being too emotional or too needy, and then that turns women off too. but i dont want someone either who is so independant that i am just a side note or commodity. And in turn..

I would rather spend a life time miserable and alone than break a womans heart let alone one in marrage.

So on one hand why be miserable and alone for ever when i can live a life of selfless service, and make a commitment to our Lord and use this energy I have to leave this world in a better place. And hopefully help someone in the process.

I get great sastifaction out of helping others, the military could have been for me had i been older and wiser when i went in.... other civil services like law enforcement or emt/firefighter i have all considered but i am not suited for.

So if I do not find my " soul mate " soon, I feel like I cant keep wasting time hoping, that I need to start being productive and doing something with my life and living a religious life is becoming the only real means where i can do something great with my life.


I would tell this to a Spiritual Director, but feel it might be too time consuming as we only have an hour to meet.... if anyone thinks i should contemplate bringing something i said here to his attention, please feel free to suggest....

and i just needed to vent this.... I dont have many people to talk to, so if you want to respond , pick it apart, throw in your two cents, feel free to do so, i wont take anything as being critical or offensive, but merely constructive critisim.

I feel as if my life has been built on a rocky foundation and that the Lord has come in my life, taken everything down and is starting to build a new , strong and smooth foundation for something much better......

Sign up for CatholicMatch.com It cost $70 for six months. Find women who are 7/7 Catholics, go to Adoration and pray the rosary.

http://www.catholicmatch.com/?referr...FRJR7Aodu02fLw

[Charlotte408]

I love vents/rants, they are so honest - thank you

Take heart, and know that I am in a very similar situation. Discernment is motherfather.