Vatican Conference to Examine "Language of the Body" in Marriage

[Dan Grelinger]

Originally Posted by Rich Olszewski

And, what did you learn from him?

I wish I was that good that I could summarize what Pope John Paul II had to teach in just one post! He wrote volumes on the topic! It has been said (maybe it's correct?) that he wrote more on marriage than all other Popes combined.

The best summary that I can provide is that he taught me that marriage is orders of magnitude more important and more good than what the secular world teaches us. Everything else pretty much follows that.

Originally Posted by Rich Olszewski

And, how far into your marriage were you when learned it?.

About 17 years. You know how it is said that if you really want to learn about something, you should teach it? That is true. And it is true about marriage as well. Even after 17 years, I knew little compared with what there was to know. It was only after I studied it in order to assist couples with marriage preparation that I really began to understand it. That is why I KNOW first hand that those who have not been married can still teach volumes about it.

Originally Posted by Rich Olszewski

It seems to me that one learns the most about marriage from being married and interacting with one's spouse.

You'd think it would, wouldn't you?

But, upon further reflection, that obviously can't be true for many reasons.

1. If you can't find out what marriage is before you actually do it, then who can even know enough about it to rationally decide if it is right for them? You really need to know much about it before actually making the lifelong commitment and doing it, right?

2. Experiental wisdom indicates that for a great number of people, the more they get to know their spouses and the more time they spend interacting with them in marriage, the worse they get at marriage, to the point the marriage fails. As a very wise person once said in a conference that I attended: "It is said that practice makes perfect. That's baloney. It is only perfect practice that makes perfect. Practicing the wrong things only ingrains those wrong habits, techniques and procedures into us." You can't figure out marriage by working at being impefect at it. And that is precisely what the secular culture does; it tries to teach us to be imperfect at marriage. Primarily because it beckons us so seductively to be selfish.

3. A true understanding of things that are so rooted in emotions and feelings is very difficult when those emotions and feelings are so much a part of us. Emotions and feelings are fickle, and are very bad teachers. To learn the truth about things that have so much other 'stuff' wrapped up with them is difficult without raising ourselves above that stuff. There ARE some things that are best understood in the trenches, but there are things that can't be seen from the trenches at all. In a war, it isn't the guy in the trenches holding the rifle that is making the most important decisions and calling the shots. It's a group of guys sitting some distance off, with a much different (and total) perspective that are responsible for directing the big picture.

I sincerely hope that answers your questions. Thanks for the opportunity to explain.

[Rich Olszewski]

Originally Posted by Dan Grelinger

I sincerely hope that answers your questions. Thanks for the opportunity to explain.

And, I thank you for explaining.

Had this been taught two or three decades ago, perhaps my own marriage of 45 years (to date), even after five children, would not have failed (we're still married, but haven't lived together since 1988.)

[TarkanAttila]

Originally Posted by Rich Olszewski

Sure. Theologian-talk.

It's a lot simpler than it looks. Check out that video in my signature. It's not my own, but it's a good video.