Is denying sex with my husband a sin?

ForGood · #1 Jun 8, '12, 7:26 pm

So, with my journey lately a lot of my past is haunting me and I'm having flashbacks and all kinds of things going on. It's to the point where I am unable to be with my hubby without mental torture going on inside my head. So I've been avoiding sex all together. Is this a sin? And if it is is it mortal or venial? Thanks for any feedback.

LucyLight · #2 Jun 8, '12, 7:33 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForGood

So, with my journey lately a lot of my past is haunting me and I'm having flashbacks and all kinds of things going on. It's to the point where I am unable to be with my hubby without mental torture going on inside my head. So I've been avoiding sex all together. Is this a sin? And if it is is it mortal or venial? Thanks for any feedback.

It would be a sin if you were not doing anything to resolve your situation. You sound like you need counseling. If you can't afford it talk to your priest he may be able to put you in contact with someone who can help you.

**1ke** · #3 Jun 8, '12, 7:35 pm

Generally speaking, we are not to refrain from the marital embrace with our spouse except by mutual consent and we shouldn't withhold that which we exchanged consent to in our vows.

However, whether or not your situation rises to the level of "sin" is complex and we really aren't in a position here to make such a judgment.

You need to talk to a mental health professional, to your priest, and to your spouse. Clearly you have some serious issues going on.

AdamPeter · #4 Jun 8, '12, 7:38 pm

From the sound of your post, no - it's not a sin. At all.

Though you do probably need to talk over these issues with your husband and possibly a priest or counselor or something.

God Bless

Bezant · #5 Jun 8, '12, 9:46 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForGood

So, with my journey lately a lot of my past is haunting me and I'm having flashbacks and all kinds of things going on. It's to the point where I am unable to be with my hubby without mental torture going on inside my head. So I've been avoiding sex all together. Is this a sin? And if it is is it mortal or venial? Thanks for any feedback.

You're confusing the issue of witholding sex as a punishment--which is wrong--with suffering unwelcome psychological troubles that prevent you from being intimate--another matter entirely, and certainly not your fault. I hope your husband has been supportive of you and sensitive to your needs, and that you're able to find assistance from a capable medical professional. God bless you.

triumphguy · #6 Jun 8, '12, 9:53 pm

When your husband needs a hug and you refuse to give it, that's unkind and ungenerous.

When your husband needs a hug and you have two broken arms both he and God will understand if you can't do it.

Dakota Roberts · #7 Jun 8, '12, 10:34 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by triumphguy

When your husband needs a hug and you refuse to give it, that's unkind and ungenerous.

When your husband needs a hug and you have two broken arms both he and God will understand if you can't do it.

Provided the husband knows

Ma'am, you need make sure he knows what you are going through.

Debora123 · #8 Jun 9, '12, 9:52 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForGood

So, with my journey lately a lot of my past is haunting me and I'm having flashbacks and all kinds of things going on. It's to the point where I am unable to be with my hubby without mental torture going on inside my head. So I've been avoiding sex all together. Is this a sin? And if it is is it mortal or venial? Thanks for any feedback.

It can be a sin. But it sounds like you really need some help. Do you have a priest you can counsel with?

Mary_Margaret · #9 Jun 9, '12, 2:49 pm

Here's a similar question... (maybe I should start a new thread?)

Is it a sin to refuse to have sex with your husband for the reason that you don't want any more children?

ForGood · #10 Jun 9, '12, 3:45 pm

Hubby knows why and all of the reasons for it. I am just still searching for some answers Nd help. Didn't know if anyone else ever dealt with this kind of thing. I have recurrent and intrusive thoughts and memories that kill my libido and effect any kind of intimate time with my husband. Sigh. ... Hopefully I will heal someday.

triumphguy · #11 Jun 9, '12, 4:52 pm

I think there's no sin if you are working towards healing.

If it happened with my wife I might feel hurt and lonely sometimes, but my better self would understand and would seek to find healing somehow.

LucyLight · #12 Jun 9, '12, 8:35 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by triumphguy

When your husband needs a hug and you refuse to give it, that's unkind and ungenerous.

When your husband needs a hug and you have two broken arms both he and God will understand if you can't do it.

Well said!

catholicman2022 · #13 Feb 27, '13, 2:18 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1ke

Generally speaking, we are not to refrain from the marital embrace with our spouse except by mutual consent and we shouldn't withhold that which we exchanged consent to in our vows.

However, whether or not your situation rises to the level of "sin" is complex and we really aren't in a position here to make such a judgment.

You need to talk to a mental health professional, to your priest, and to your spouse. Clearly you have some serious issues going on.

I would have to say it is because god made you for the purpose of producing children and deneying sex to your husband accomplishes none of that

pollynova · #14 Feb 27, '13, 6:47 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by catholicman2022

I would have to say it is because god made you for the purpose of producing children and deneying sex to your husband accomplishes none of that

It sounds like she is having severe mental issues when it comes to sex.

Would you tell a man to have sex after a hernia operation? No, of course not. He might get hurt. The OP is also experiencing pain, but just because it's mental pain doesn't mean it's any less damaging.

carmichael2359 · #15 Feb 27, '13, 7:17 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by catholicman2022

I would have to say it is because god made you for the purpose of producing children and deneying sex to your husband accomplishes none of that

Um, I disagree. I both took, and later was a presenter at, formal, Church-approved courses in Natural Family Planning. Abstaining from sex for the purpose of child spacing is acceptable.
Also, my husband has been impotent for 13 years, due to a physical illness. He also has zero libido. Nada. None. Zilch. He cannot help it. It's an illness. People tend to forget that mental situations are PHYSICAL! Brain neuron pathways are CHANGED after a traumatic event. Therapy (and sometimes meds, and always prayer) can reroute the proper impulses. It will take time. Give yourself a break! Stay open and communicative as you can with your husband (don't assume he understands) and do seek professional help for both your sakes.