How to deal with feeling upset in confession

simmie · #1 Mar 3, '12, 10:33 am

I haven't been to confession for a while, I think over 2 years. I would rather go to another priest because my priest knows me quite well. But there is something I find it very hard to talk about because I get very upset/ashamed/embarrassed. Should I let the priest know beforehand and could I write some of it down and take it with me to show the priest if I get too upset?

Thanks
simmie

CatholicZ09 · #2 Mar 3, '12, 10:50 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by simmie

I haven't been to confession for a while, I think over 2 years. I would rather go to another priest because my priest knows me quite well. But there is something I find it very hard to talk about because I get very upset/ashamed/embarrassed. Should I let the priest know beforehand and could I write some of it down and take it with me to show the priest if I get too upset?

Thanks
simmie

Telling the priest that confession can be very difficult for you would be a good thing in this case because it may help him to be more consoling and patient with you, and it would make you feel better because he knows how difficult this is for you.

I'm not sure if writing it down and showing it to him would work. I believe that all sins must be confessed verbally to receive full absolution, so writing it down and showing him it would not work. I would pray beforehand that God would give me the grace and courage to make a good confession. The priest has heard everything you will say to him, and he won't be ashamed or disappointed.

Good luck.

triumphguy · #3 Mar 3, '12, 11:37 am

You can write down a cheat sheet and take it in with you, or just ask the priest if you can read it to him.

Carolus Martell · #4 Mar 3, '12, 11:42 am

Well if he's an older priest he's probably heard everything anyway. I wouldn't worry about him thinking any differently of you and just go...you'll feel so much better. No I wouldn't write it down either.

TheRealJuliane · #5 Mar 3, '12, 11:47 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by simmie

I haven't been to confession for a while, I think over 2 years. I would rather go to another priest because my priest knows me quite well. But there is something I find it very hard to talk about because I get very upset/ashamed/embarrassed. Should I let the priest know beforehand and could I write some of it down and take it with me to show the priest if I get too upset?

Thanks
simmie

You are not alone, no matter how often I go to confession, I always want to throw up when it's my turn. It doesn't matter if I have mortal sins to confess or just venials - I am always upset/ashamed/embarrassed. It's going before God and telling Him (in the person of the priest) what I have done to separate myself from His love. It's never going to be pleasant. If you think you will forget something in your distress, then yes, write it down, but even if you have to pause to compose yourself, YOU need to confess your sins aloud. Even saying them out loud will reinforce the sin so that you will be even more motivated not to repeat them.

You will feel a mixture of relief, joy, and sadness afterward. The sadness is from knowing that you could have confessed before 2 years had gone past.

PattiDay · #6 Mar 3, '12, 12:20 pm

Shame and embarrassment may be a blessing in disguise. It may be the awareness of the pain sin causes, and the indication of true remorse for sin. Don't make the choice of confessors your higher priority. The higher priority is reconciling with Our Lord, and knowing you are forgiven.

triumphguy · #7 Mar 3, '12, 1:03 pm

Why would you not write something down?

If I was afraid that because I was nervous or upset, or just terrified, and so might forget some sins that have been bugging me for years then I'd write down the sins I want to confess.

I'd use the sheet to remind myself if I stumble or forget.

It helps make a good confession, and it means that you don't all of a sudden remember half an hour after leaving the Church that you've forgotten to confess something that's bugged you.

Deo Gratias42 · #8 Mar 3, '12, 8:06 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by triumphguy

Why would you not write something down?

If I was afraid that because I was nervous or upset, or just terrified, and so might forget some sins that have been bugging me for years then I'd write down the sins I want to confess.

I'd use the sheet to remind myself if I stumble or forget.

It helps make a good confession, and it means that you don't all of a sudden remember half an hour after leaving the Church that you've forgotten to confess something that's bugged you.

I literally writing everything down, read it verbatim, and then let the priest do his thing. It keeps me from babbling and going on and on.

While my confessor isn't old, he isn't exactly young either. Between what he's heard in the confessional, and I've heard from my clientele at work, I'm sure there is nothing we haven't heard before.

englishredrose · #9 Mar 4, '12, 4:16 am

Write it down on some paper before hand and try and practice it so it becomes easier for you to say.
Though I would say its perfectly okay to feel upset in confession. Though for your own personal dignit try to book an appointment though with the priest rather than turn up to one because that way you both have time to handle it all and you don' t feel pressure by any queue.

Joannm · #10 Mar 5, '12, 3:50 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by englishredrose

Write it down on some paper before hand and try and practice it so it becomes easier for you to say.
Though I would say its perfectly okay to feel upset in confession. Though for your own personal dignit try to book an appointment though with the priest rather than turn up to one because that way you both have time to handle it all and you don' t feel pressure by any queue.

This is a good idea. I once had a particularly difficult sin to confess and it was very upsetting. I made an appointment and the priest was so kind and just let me sit there trying to say what I needed to say. He even told me to take my time. It took abut 10 minutes before I finally got it out and he was so reassuring. For my penance he only gave me one Our Father because he said I already had beat myself up enough over this.

simmie · #11 Jun 2, '12, 3:49 pm

Hi

Thanks to everyone who has replied to this thread and my previous one a while ago concerning confession.

I have been to confession twice in a few weeks. I spoke to my best friend and she was going to take me to her Parish. But I was at a retreat, they were offering confessions and it felt right. Although I was nervous and did panic a bit, I said what I needed to and the priest was very understanding. I have decided to try to go more regularly and also went the other day as I had the opportunity. Although I was again nervous, this too went OK. I am hoping to make this a more regular thing so I don't wind myself up too much about it next time!

Thanks very much everyone for your support, I really did feel much happier.

jennstall · #12 Jun 11, '12, 11:16 pm

I frequently end up bursting into tears at confession and so far I haven't had a priest react poorly to it yet. So I think it is okay to be upset during confession. They are used to it. I keep my emotions pretty pent up, so Confession is practically the only time I'm truly unleashed. I always feel much better and calmer for days afterwords even though I feel sick to my stomach before I go into the confessional and often come out of it with my face covered in snot