I need Help to rid of Vile language.

[Maria1993]

I have problem with Cursing. When I get angry and I am thinking, or something, I start to insult myself. Sometimes I feel useless, like I am just Mooching at home because I have yet to find a job,etc.. And when I talk to God, I get angry with myself, and I insulf myself. This WILL stop though. Sometimes when saying something funny, it comes out (profanity), and when it doesnt sometimes I feel like I will explode! As a Kid I didnt cuss, until sometime in school. And old habits die hard. I need to stop, I want to. I told a Priest that I use thay language and he told me to stop.


I also have a BIG issue with Patience. Which I very much Lack.


Anyone have a similiar experience? How did you stop?

[Hokomai]

Well I have a few non-religious ideas. First of all, are you really unable to control your language? Have you sworn at teachers, judges, bosses, police? If you can control your language around these people, you can control it anywhere else. You choose not to do so. So you can choose in other areas also. Second, what do you get from swearing? Why is is pleasurable/helpful/relieves stress etc? Work out the reason. If it is just habit, you can simply decide to do something else when you get the impulse (think of oranges or something). If you get pleasure from it, you have to choose not to have that pleasure any more. My advice (from a non-believer) is not to do so as penance, but rather note it and reward yourself for not doing it. After a week of pretty good non-swearing, buy yourself something small and nice. The words themselves may have some power for you. Think about why? Are they about religion? Bodily functions? Sex? These are culturally determined. In the only other language I can swear properly in, all the words are about food, and suggesting people could be eaten. it does not translate. Come to terms with your feelings about these things, and the urge to swear may go. By the way, I am not a psychologist or a counsellor, - I am just chatting on line. I do not mean to give advice in relation to any serious problems - go to someone who knows something for those! All the best in your quest!

[john78]

Yes cursing while probably not the utmost outrageous of sins is a real problem, it shows a lack of immaturaty.. And growing up I think we are fooled into thinking such language is a sign of being mature or cool plenty of television shows to suggest just that.

It took me some practice and time to be able to control myself from just using vulgar language or words with in every sentence i spoke, switching to words like darn, or shoot.

and i suppose it takes time to not let these words be just another form of the words we are trying to stop using.

Patience is a tough one to master or even get a good grasp on, start with small things, when you feel anger overwhelming you realize your face conscious of it or not can relay that emotion, so you might want to try forcing a smile to help you recognize your emotion of anger and not let it overflow onto someone else by mistake there by giving you extra seconds to be aware of what is going on.

short deep breaths are also something i find helpful, but again be aware of how you do it , if infront of others it might come off as still being impatient. so try and inhale and exhale slowly through the nostrils.

there are other techniques as well, and i am sure others will give a few too, you just have to find what works for you, and keep practicing, even when you fail over and over.

And when you catch yourself using vile language try saying excuse me, afterwards.

it acknowledges to whom ever may have heard you, that you are aware , and did not mean to offend; even if the person took no offense or finds you saying this odd, it now rubs off on that person to be aware of how they speak. and it helps you to be concious of your words as well.

[lerapt78]

Hi OP,

Are you cursing to yourself, in your head, or out loud? Because if you're speaking out and cursing, you can try to curb this tendency by speaking more slowly and actually pausing before you say something to give yourself a chance to formulate your words.

I had to take a communications course a while back in college. I initially resented being forced to take it, as it had nothing to do with my major, but it turned out to be one of the best classes I ever had. We had to give several 10-minute speeches to the class, to help us with public speaking, and the audience was supposed to count how many times the speaker said "Ummm..." and "like" because we're not usually aware of how often we use "filler" words when we lack the proper vocabulary to express what we mean. I couldn't believe it when I was counted to say these words over 30 times because I always thought I was an articulate speaker! So after that, I became so focused on cutting these words out of my speech because I didn't want to sound like a hesitant, immature Valley Girl. (Like, totally, you know? ) It was recommended that I pause before speaking and really give myself a chance to develop my sentences. Also, the teacher stressed that when I was about to say "Ummm" to simply be silent for a moment until I came up with the word I wanted to use. I have to say it took a few months for me to break those habits, but it's worth it as I'm often complimented on my speech.

Perhaps you could do the same thing. Cursing sounds unprofessional, not to mention offensive to others, and it gives people the impression that you might be of a lower caliber (educationally and socioeconomically speaking). It seems that you're aware of that, and congratulations on trying to curb this! When you feel like bursting out, simply check yourself and give yourself time to complete the sentence in your head using the right words. Just try to keep the pause under 5 seconds and don't have a vacant look in your eyes or you might give the wrong impression. Good luck!

[LegoGE1947]

Originally Posted by lerapt78

Hi OP,

Are you cursing to yourself, in your head, or out loud? Because if you're speaking out and cursing, you can try to curb this tendency by speaking more slowly and actually pausing before you say something to give yourself a chance to formulate your words.

I had to take a communications course a while back in college. I initially resented being forced to take it, as it had nothing to do with my major, but it turned out to be one of the best classes I ever had. We had to give several 10-minute speeches to the class, to help us with public speaking, and the audience was supposed to count how many times the speaker said "Ummm..." and "like" because we're not usually aware of how often we use "filler" words when we lack the proper vocabulary to express what we mean. I couldn't believe it when I was counted to say these words over 30 times because I always thought I was an articulate speaker! So after that, I became so focused on cutting these words out of my speech because I didn't want to sound like a hesitant, immature Valley Girl. (Like, totally, you know? ) It was recommended that I pause before speaking and really give myself a chance to develop my sentences. Also, the teacher stressed that when I was about to say "Ummm" to simply be silent for a moment until I came up with the word I wanted to use. I have to say it took a few months for me to break those habits, but it's worth it as I'm often complimented on my speech.

Perhaps you could do the same thing. Cursing sounds unprofessional, not to mention offensive to others, and it gives people the impression that you might be of a lower caliber (educationally and socioeconomically speaking). It seems that you're aware of that, and congratulations on trying to curb this! When you feel like bursting out, simply check yourself and give yourself time to complete the sentence in your head using the right words. Just try to keep the pause under 5 seconds and don't have a vacant look in your eyes or you might give the wrong impression. Good luck!

You could drop it in the "Vile File"

[Dorothy]

Prayer and regular confession is the greatest help.

[lerapt78]

Originally Posted by LegoGE1947

You could drop it in the "Vile File"

Is that the one right behind the inappropriately suggestive "Smolder Folder"?

[TheRealJuliane]

Originally Posted by Maria1993

I have problem with Cursing. When I get angry and I am thinking, or something, I start to insult myself. Sometimes I feel useless, like I am just Mooching at home because I have yet to find a job,etc.. And when I talk to God, I get angry with myself, and I insulf myself. This WILL stop though. Sometimes when saying something funny, it comes out (profanity), and when it doesnt sometimes I feel like I will explode! As a Kid I didnt cuss, until sometime in school. And old habits die hard. I need to stop, I want to. I told a Priest that I use thay language and he told me to stop.


I also have a BIG issue with Patience. Which I very much Lack.


Anyone have a similiar experience? How did you stop?

In junior high my best friend and I started cursing too much. We agreed to slug each other HARD on the arm when either of us cursed. After getting pounded quite a few times, we both stopped.

If you can't have a slugging partner, imagine Jesus standing next to you.

[LegoGE1947]

Originally Posted by lerapt78

Is that the one right behind the inappropriately suggestive "Smolder Folder"?

Yeah and next to File 13 and the "Delete" key. By the way I keep pressing the "Escape" key but I'm still here!

[LegoGE1947]

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

In junior high my best friend and I started cursing too much. We agreed to slug each other HARD on the arm when either of us cursed. After getting pounded quite a few times, we both stopped.

If you can't have a slugging partner, imagine Jesus standing next to you.

I never cursed as a kid until I joined the Navy That has been since 1966-1970 so I know about old habits dying hard. But I keep working on it with the help of Jesus (by the way that name has been used as a curse word by a lot of people in my life, sorry to say) and Mary and Michael the Angel. You talk about some slugging partners!!!:thumbsup:

[TheRealJuliane]

Originally Posted by LegoGE1947

I never cursed as a kid until I joined the Navy That has been since 1966-1970 so I know about old habits dying hard. But I keep working on it with the help of Jesus (by the way that name has been used as a curse word by a lot of people in my life, sorry to say) and Mary and Michael the Angel. You talk about some slugging partners!!!:

No kidding. I hate it when I curse, but I hate it more when my son takes the Lord's name in vain! GD is the worst but I also hate it when people say "Jesus Christ!" in shock or anger.

The devil loves it when our words don't glorify God.

Luke 6:45

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth that which is evil. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

[HonoraDominum]

There's a few small behavior modification techniques that I've found that have helped me change my language patterns. Hopefully one of these will help:

The Painful Negative Reinforcement technique:

When I told my priest I had a problem cussing, he pushed a little rubber band undereath the screen in the confessional. He said, "Any time you say a bad word, pop your wrist. Wear it all the time. Trust me, you'll break the habit fast." And he wasn't kidding.

The "Change the auto response" technique:

In a homily once, this same priest said that the difference between someone with holy virtues and someone without them can be seen when they stub their toe. A person without virtue will cuss, a person with virtue will offer it up for the Holy Souls in Pergatory. So if you stub your toe, or slam your finger in the door, or twist your knee just right, if you catch yourself cussing, say a prayer instead, simply pray, "For the Holy Souls, o Lord" or "For the conversion of souls, my Jesus, mercy" or in reparation for sin or whatever short devotion you want. But turn it away from your pain and turn it towards God.

The "Lord, make them happy" technique:

This is similar to the behavioral auto response technique above. If someone cuts you off, or someone makes a tacky comment about you, or something does not go your way and you really just want to cuss like crazy about someone, instead simply bow your head and quietly pray, "Lord, make them happy in this life and the next." Another simple prayer is, "Convert their soul, Lord, and may they die a holy death." Something simple. Again, it's taking away the vice of anger for you and converting it to charity for another.

(Parenthetical sidenote: This particular prayer is great for those of us who are extremely used to saying snarky and tacky things about others, either in our heads or to another.)

The "Why yes, I'm a traditional Catholic, why do you ask?" technique:

Back in the olden days (and something you'll see if you go to most EF parishes), when the holy name of Jesus is said, people do a quick bow of their head in respect. Get used to bowing your head when you hear the name of Jesus, even in passing, even in a prayer, even in a homily. When you get in the habit of paying that respect to that name, you will find that you will not want to use it in vain, or if you do, you will quickly pray an act of contrition. There's a great homily on the holy name of Jesus (okay, maybe two or three great homilies) on Audio Sancto - go listen to that and bow your head every time the priest says the name of Jesus or if they mention the holy name of God. That would be the Karate Kid wax on-wax off training method for this technique.

Another way to contradict blasphemy against using the Lord's name in vain or the name of the good God, when you hear something like "Oh, my God, can you believe that blah blah ...." pause for a moment and turn the blasphemy in the statement to a prayer. For example, when someone says, "Oh my God blah blah", I quickly bow my head and pray, "Have mercy on us", thereby turning the vain use of the name of God into the start of a prayer for the mercy of the one just offended.

[Veronica97]

Honora Dominium, those are AWESOME tips!! I don't swear out loud anymore---but I have OCD and I get blasphemous thoughts and swearing in my head often. I really hate it but I've started to say when the words come into my mind, "Jesus, I love you--save souls." I just offer up my mental suffering to save souls. Turn it around on the devil, so to speak. I think I'll try the rubber band method too!

[HonoraDominum]

Originally Posted by Veronica97

Honora Dominium, those are AWESOME tips!! I don't swear out loud anymore---but I have OCD and I get blasphemous thoughts and swearing in my head often. I really hate it but I've started to say when the words come into my mind, "Jesus, I love you--save souls." I just offer up my mental suffering to save souls. Turn it around on the devil, so to speak. I think I'll try the rubber band method too!

For me, this is the only way I can bear these types of thoughts - to accept the cross and offer them to God. I think this is a good path. I think a lot of people on the path to holiness find themselves lost to these kinds of thoughts. As long as I turn to prayer, though, I find the strength to persevere.