Co-worker who hates Chuch

ACanthony · #1 Jun 21, '12, 12:38 pm

There is a man "Paul" at work who sits near me. Overall he is a friendly guy and relatively nice. He is a little neurotic and sometimes when I am asking how he is doing he gives me these long diatribes about politics and various things. Lately, we've been talking about religion (granted, it is at work and normally I don't try to talk about these things since I'm here to work but I know talking with Paul cheers him up). He has noted his hatred for the Church. Specifically the Pope and various things about Christians (the idea that they think they are better, and self-righteous, and that there should be more compassion and less judgment). He was raised Catholic and seems to know the ins and outs of our religion but misses the whole point. I'm a little unsure how to approach Paul next time because I felt as though when he said some of these things my answers were not very good. Any suggestions?

PeterJohn · #2 Jun 21, '12, 1:43 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ACanthony

There is a man "Paul" at work who sits near me. Overall he is a friendly guy and relatively nice. He is a little neurotic and sometimes when I am asking how he is doing he gives me these long diatribes about politics and various things. Lately, we've been talking about religion (granted, it is at work and normally I don't try to talk about these things since I'm here to work but I know talking with Paul cheers him up). He has noted his hatred for the Church. Specifically the Pope and various things about Christians (the idea that they think they are better, and self-righteous, and that there should be more compassion and less judgment). He was raised Catholic and seems to know the ins and outs of our religion but misses the whole point. I'm a little unsure how to approach Paul next time because I felt as though when he said some of these things my answers were not very good. Any suggestions?

Firstly. Make sure anything you say is gentle and reverent. If you know of his objections, address them with solid logic and study. Don't be afraid to say you don't know, and that you'll have to look it up. Your first goal should be to dissuade him of his hatred of the Church. DO NOT be judgmental, or righteous If that isnt obvious already lol. Be his friend. Find common ground. Find common ground. Find common ground.

nickybr38 · #3 Jun 21, '12, 1:52 pm

Most importantly remember that YOU do not and cannot convert anyone. All you do is plant seeds. So pray whenever you know you might encounter him (you're supposed to pray always anyway

) and the Holy Spirit will guide you.

Sometimes your mistakes will speak more loudly to him then your 'successes'.

Have faith in the Spirit that lives within you.

losh14 · #4 Jun 21, '12, 1:54 pm

Ideally you'd show him the forest that's been trying to cut down tree-by-tree, but that's hard to do at work.

It really depends - it's good of you to want to right his ship, but sometimes it's best to avoid such confrontation at work. A co-worker of mine is staunchly anti-Christian (he is a Muslim) and won't hestitate to buy you lunch so you'll have to listen to his filth and vinegar. I've learned from that mistake and simply refuse to speak with him any further.

If you do wish to approach Paul, we at least know two things about him:
1) He likes to dish against the Faith
2) He likes to talk

If you can pin him down on something with a question, keep up with questions, then. I have this odd feeling that anything you try to state, he'll refute. But if you can have him answering himself into a corner, that may illuminate some things.

But probably best to do this outside of the workplace. I've known people who express very strong opinions on the faith of others or politics of others, but when the opposite opinion is expressed, they go running to HR and complain of harassment .... and its the one who responds who gets into trouble. Just the way it works.

runningdude · #5 Jun 21, '12, 2:43 pm

Don't talk about religion at work. There will always be enough office drama going on already!

tomarin · #6 Jun 21, '12, 2:44 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by runningdude

Don't talk about religion at work. There will always be enough office drama going on already!

I agree with this. Nothing good can come of it, frankly.

johnnyc176 · #7 Jun 21, '12, 2:58 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ACanthony

I'm a little unsure how to approach Paul next time because I felt as though when he said some of these things my answers were not very good. Any suggestions?

Well the truth is on your side. Now that you know what some of his objections are to the Church, Christians, etc. start brushing up on your responses. Find Scripture and teachings in the Catechism. You can find some great responses right here at Catholic.com. I just typed in 'judging' in the search bar and up came a great article by Jim Blackburn called 'Judge Not?'. Then you can approach him in this manner....'hey remember we were talking about.......' As others have said you are not going to convert anyone but you can give someone something to think about.

sllhouette · #8 Jun 21, '12, 2:59 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ACanthony

There is a man "Paul" at work who sits near me. Overall he is a friendly guy and relatively nice. He is a little neurotic and sometimes when I am asking how he is doing he gives me these long diatribes about politics and various things. Lately, we've been talking about religion (granted, it is at work and normally I don't try to talk about these things since I'm here to work but I know talking with Paul cheers him up). He has noted his hatred for the Church. Specifically the Pope and various things about Christians (the idea that they think they are better, and self-righteous, and that there should be more compassion and less judgment). He was raised Catholic and seems to know the ins and outs of our religion but misses the whole point. I'm a little unsure how to approach Paul next time because I felt as though when he said some of these things my answers were not very good. Any suggestions?

Does he think that all Catholics are self-righteous, uncompassionate, and judgmental? You could give him an example of one who is not (yourself). You are not going to convert him with arguments. Note: he does not hate the Church. He hates what he thinks the Church is.

lerapt78 · #9 Jun 21, '12, 3:05 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ACanthony

He has noted his hatred for the Church. Specifically the Pope and various things about Christians (the idea that they think they are better, and self-righteous, and that there should be more compassion and less judgment).

OP, you might want to consider that people often complain about others' "self-righteousness" and "judgment" for reasons that are not simply objective. For example, there are some people who will tell others not to judge because they want to do whatever they please and don't appreciate having others point out their misbehavior. These people are often biased in favor of themselves and their desires. Others may often rail against "self-righteousness" because they feel guilty about something they've done, and let's face it - who likes to have their mistakes pointed out to them? I know I don't!

I would ask him for specific examples of how he feels Christians have been judgmental of him, and then perhaps (gently) explain why his actions may have incurred the judgment and why the action is deemed wrong by others. Would he accept the judgment of a non-Christian if it were related to the same matter? Ask him if he really feels he can live in a society where there is not a general understanding of right and wrong. Also, remind him (gently) that judgment is not always bad - that it is used to encourage social mores that keep a society glued together.

If he is heavily into politics, (gently) ask him if he has ever been judgmental about the political opinions of others. Ask him if he ever though they were idiots, if he felt their decisions were ruining the country, if he wanted so badly to point out the errors in their thinking, if he thought he was so much more educated and intelligent. Tell him that it may be possible he is correct in his judgment! - just as others may be correct when they "preach" something of a moral nature to him.

Everybody judges. Everybody. Even he does it, though he may not realize it. To not judge is to not have an opinion. Ask him if he feels that his judgment and superior understanding of politics is less accusatory of offensive because he is not a Christian, or does his lack of religion give him a free pass to not be labeled as "self-righteous"? Once he acknowledges that, perhaps then you two can discuss the specifics of the issues that anger him and ask him to openmindedly consider a Catholic position.

Quote:

Originally Posted by losh14

But probably best to do this outside of the workplace. I've known people who express very strong opinions on the faith of others or politics of others, but when the opposite opinion is expressed, they go running to HR and complain of harassment.

Very good advice. We wouldn't want you to get into trouble over this.

kkollwitz · #10 Jun 22, '12, 11:55 am

He may not hate the Church any more than Saul of Tarsus, who became quite the fired-up convert.