Asking Chaplain to Dinner? (Etiquette?)

Safia · #1 Jul 2, '12, 6:14 pm

This feels like the best place to post this question, so here goes:

Ladies & gents,

Long story made short: I'm a rising junior in college, discerning religious life. There is a new chaplain at my university. He's a 30-year old friar, really charitable and nice and accessible and brilliant and razzle dazzle. In a short time, we've become friends -- so much so that he's also my new spiritual director and Confessor.

There are two brothers from said chaplain's community at my university parish for the summer, on a summer assignment during their formation. They're in their early 30s.

As I'm female . . . and much younger . . . and not a religious . . . and a student at this university, one of the few who remained near campus for the summer . . . could there be anything possibly awkward or weird or wrong or <insert whatever word you want> about buying them dinner one night? I'm fascinated by their lives, etc., and would like to get to know them, but I'm hesitating because it feels a bit off. What if I brought a friend or two?

Opinions needed asap! Thanks!

Deo Gratias42 · #2 Jul 2, '12, 6:27 pm

Given that you are a young woman, coming from another young woman, I think it would be best that your either invite him over to dinner with the other friars, or with other relevant people (ie: good Catholic friends, etc). If your family is within visiting distance, or scheduled for a visit, perhaps you could invite him over to "meet the family".

That's the route I would go if I were in your shoes.

I can't help you with awkwardness. I'm just generally awkward around people.

Safia · #3 Jul 2, '12, 6:38 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deo Gratias42

Given that you are a young woman, coming from another young woman, I think it would be best that your either invite him over to dinner with the other friars, or with other relevant people (ie: good Catholic friends, etc). If your family is within visiting distance, or scheduled for a visit, perhaps you could invite him over to "meet the family".

That's the route I would go if I were in your shoes.

I can't help you with awkwardness. I'm just generally awkward around people.

I was thinking of asking all three + buying all three pizza or something casual . . . Any further thoughts? LOL.

triumphguy · #4 Jul 2, '12, 8:18 pm

They are friars, you are offering food!

Enjoy the conversation!

LoyalViews · #5 Jul 2, '12, 8:53 pm

Go for it! Just explain that you want to know how their life is! I doubt it would be awkward!

jeannetherese · #6 Jul 2, '12, 9:02 pm

I appreciate your concern for making a prudential decision. It might be helpful to go to the pizza place rather than to order in and to do so with several interested friends in order to lessen the possibility of giving rise to scandal. These days, we especially need to consider how best to protect our priests and religous from bearing the burden of mistaken impressions. I am sure that the dinner conversation will be fascinating and it is thoughtful of you to want to treat them to an outing.
May God bless you.

CompSciGuy · #7 Jul 2, '12, 9:11 pm

If you 1. invite multiple people and 2. tell them that you are interested in the religious life and want to talk about it with them, then there is nothing wrong with it. Emphasizing number 1. It's only inappropriate I think if you ask one of them to go with you one on one. It is good that you are concerned about not overstepping boundaries. It is something that is so often overlooked with young people these days.

Gabriel Serafin · #8 Jul 2, '12, 9:44 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Safia

This feels like the best place to post this question, so here goes:

Ladies & gents,

Long story made short: I'm a rising junior in college, discerning religious life. There is a new chaplain at my university. He's a 30-year old friar, really charitable and nice and accessible and brilliant and razzle dazzle. In a short time, we've become friends -- so much so that he's also my new spiritual director and Confessor.

There are two brothers from said chaplain's community at my university parish for the summer, on a summer assignment during their formation. They're in their early 30s.

As I'm female . . . and much younger . . . and not a religious . . . and a student at this university, one of the few who remained near campus for the summer . . . could there be anything possibly awkward or weird or wrong or <insert whatever word you want> about buying them dinner one night? I'm fascinated by their lives, etc., and would like to get to know them, but I'm hesitating because it feels a bit off. What if I brought a friend or two?

Opinions needed asap! Thanks!

If you're feeling a bit off about it then go with your instinct. It seems to me that you should be speaking to other women who are already in the religious life.

Orogeny · #9 Jul 3, '12, 5:16 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabriel Serafin

If you're feeling a bit off about it then go with your instinct.

Best answer. There is a reason you have the feelings you do so don't ignore them.

I think that meeting in a public place would be the way to go.

Peace

Tim

Journey322 · #10 Aug 6, '12, 6:09 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orogeny

Best answer. There is a reason you have the feelings you do so don't ignore them.

I think that meeting in a public place would be the way to go.

Peace

Tim

I agree. Pay attention to your instincts. If you do choose to meet them for dinner, do so in public and as others have suggested...with a group of other people.

Mrs Sally · #11 Aug 7, '12, 11:46 am

Invite them all. Go out to a resturant (pick somewhere relatively quiet so you can actually talk). Invite a few other friends along.

If your school's Catholic student center has a regular dinner program during the year (something like a monthly stump the Chaplain dinner) let him know this dinner will be similar. If your school doesn't do something like that, maybe if the outing goes well you can set up a standing monthly (or so) dinner moving forward into the school year.

Aggies08 · #12 Aug 9, '12, 6:26 pm

If you invite them over, I'd suggest 2-3 other friends of yours, of both sexes. If you think it may be one of those "until 2am" kind of chats, that may be a great option

If you go out, I don't think it would seem as "odd" as it could look to have three older men visiting a young lady's home!

You will probably have more of a time constraint, though, due to turning tables. Unless there is a student center type place at the church you could meet up!

Bob Crowley · #13 Aug 17, '12, 3:45 am

Off topic somewhat, but my old pastor once confessed that he generally declined invitations to dinner.

He usually found, when he got there, the main item on the menu was "Roast Parson!".