sad about having to leave

lily20 · #1 Jul 14, '12, 8:21 pm

I would like prayers over having to leave my abusive (marital, if you could call it that) situation. I have absolutely nowhere to go and hardly a way to pay for it.

I am in shock that I have been living "in sin" for so many years without even knowing about it. I read the other day how the pill is a grave sin, and my own mother put me on the pill at age 14. I went off it myself at age 28 after having a feeling of "self-violence." I refused to take it again.

Also, I just discovered I'm in sin now because I'm married outside the church. I didn't even realize that was wrong, as no one told me and both my parents are married outside the church. I can't even tell you how shocked I am.

I guess with this shock comes grief that I will again have to dismantle my life and try to make it work with a young baby and being alone. I don't have supportive parents and I am relatively new to town. Also I have no desire to have sex again with yet again someone else (aka a new husband) so I will have to be alone from now on. This causes me grief.

Please send prayers and hope that I can clean my life up.

Thanks
Lily

Gorgias · #2 Jul 14, '12, 10:28 pm

Lily,

This is a public forum, so there's no need for you to go into great detail about your personal life. Given what you've said, it seems that you're a Catholic woman who has married outside the Church (whether you married a Catholic man or not isn't clear) and who has used contraception in the past.

If these are the only circumstances you're facing, then leaving your husband isn't the only option. There is, on the face of it, the opportunity to regularize your marriage with the Church. And, of course, unless there's more to the story (and trust me, I'm not asking you to divulge whether there is or not), then you could always stop contracepting and go to confession and be just fine. (I'm not really sure whether, when you call your situation 'abusive', you mean that the extent to which it's abusive is the invalid marriage and the contraception, or whether you are suffering physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your husband.) If it's the latter, then looking to the safety of yourself and your baby is critical; if it's the former, then other options are available.

In any case, before you make any significant changes to your state in life, I would recommend that you make an appointment with your parish priest and discuss your situation with him.

I'll keep you in my prayers!

Blessings,

G.

fermat · #3 Jul 14, '12, 10:29 pm

Lily, you are in my prayers. Have faith in the Lord that He is holding you through this and that you are never alone. A path is formed one stone at a time, focus on today and let worries of tomorrow belong to tomorrow.

I'll add you intentions to my rosary.

Shannon46 · #4 Jul 14, '12, 10:31 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by lily20

I would like prayers over having to leave my abusive (marital, if you could call it that) situation. I have absolutely nowhere to go and hardly a way to pay for it.

I am in shock that I have been living "in sin" for so many years without even knowing about it. I read the other day how the pill is a grave sin, and my own mother put me on the pill at age 14. I went off it myself at age 28 after having a feeling of "self-violence." I refused to take it again.

Also, I just discovered I'm in sin now because I'm married outside the church. I didn't even realize that was wrong, as no one told me and both my parents are married outside the church. I can't even tell you how shocked I am.

I guess with this shock comes grief that I will again have to dismantle my life and try to make it work with a young baby and being alone. I don't have supportive parents and I am relatively new to town. Also I have no desire to have sex again with yet again someone else (aka a new husband) so I will have to be alone from now on. This causes me grief.

Please send prayers and hope that I can clean my life up.

Thanks
Lily

From this point on may the Lord guide you down the right path and you find the answers you are looking for.

SaintPatrick333 · #5 Jul 14, '12, 10:52 pm

I don't think you're as bad off (in terms of sinning) as you may think you are. But it is not my place to say. Please speak to your Priest about this. Set up an appointment with him and unburden yourself. He will be able to give you appropriate counsel and sound guidance. You will be happy again. Have faith in the Lord and His servants. They are there for you specifically for times like this when you need them most.

**adrift** · #6 Jul 14, '12, 11:11 pm

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be
done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil. Amen

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end Amen

Nigel7 · #7 Jul 14, '12, 11:40 pm

God bless you, lily.

Remember that God loves you very much, lily, and he is always with you. Always turn to the Lord. He will see you through.

I am praying for you.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.
Amen

Christ have mercy

Salvatore123 · #8 Jul 15, '12, 12:11 am

lily,

My heart goes out to you, and I will pray for you and your child.

1. You MUST leave your "marital" situation IMMEDIATELY if it involves mental/physical abuse. Aside from the harm to you, that is NO environment in which to raise a child.

2. I don't see where you have sinned (from an objective point of view) in any way. If you truly did not KNOW what you were doing was "wrong" (from a Catholic teaching point of view), then you are not culpable.

3. You will NOT need to seek a decree of nullity of marriage because you never validly married in the eyes of the Church.

4. Finally, and I am not suggesting you go looking for another man in your life, but if you go to confession (just to be safe and say to the priest what you have said here - it can't hurt), begin going to Mass regularly, say your prayers daily, and live a life based on the Beatitudes and Catholic teaching, I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with trying to find a true partner in life who shares the same Catholic values as you do. Of course, from a secular legal standpoing, you need to obtain a divorce from your current husband. But I believe that finding someone to share your life with who has the same values as you do (and based on what you said, you have an abundance of good values) will be VERY good for you and your child (with the latter depending on how much of a role your husband wants to play in the life of your child).

The only thing I "detect" that concerns me is the danger of you falling into despair. Please don't let that happen.

Look at your situation this way: all by yourself, you were able to figure out that you were living a life incompatible with a Catholic way of life. That, my friend, is a sign that God loves you and that you love God.

May God Bless you.

**JRKH** · #9 Jul 15, '12, 4:36 am

Lily,
You are making a very difficult decision and will undoubtedly need to make even more.
But be of good cheer. Others have done so before you.
Without going into details here, my dear wife had to do the same thing (leave abusive husband) many years ago but she had five little ones at the time. It was very difficult for several years but eventually, with the help and encouragement of family and friends, she got back to school, became a nurse and built a wonderful life for herself. Then she and I met, fell in love and married and we have had a wonderful life together. I tell you this in the hope that it will show you a small light on the other side of this dark and difficult time you are entering.
Keep your faith and keep close to God.

Peace
James

lily20 · #10 Jul 20, '12, 6:35 am

Thanks. Yes, I have boundary problems that's probably why I talk too much.

Thanks for helping me to clear this up. I also found out I have an emotional problem where I harbor grief/low self-esteem and I can tend to use someone and/or something as the "focus" for my "troubles." This forum can help me feed my "addiction." It doesn't mean I don't have significant actual things to resolve, but it means that I can romanticize/feed into the troubles and a resolution is therefore harder to accept, since I fantasize about the "troubles."

Lily

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gorgias

Lily,

This is a public forum, so there's no need for you to go into great detail about your personal life. Given what you've said, it seems that you're a Catholic woman who has married outside the Church (whether you married a Catholic man or not isn't clear) and who has used contraception in the past.

If these are the only circumstances you're facing, then leaving your husband isn't the only option. There is, on the face of it, the opportunity to regularize your marriage with the Church. And, of course, unless there's more to the story (and trust me, I'm not asking you to divulge whether there is or not), then you could always stop contracepting and go to confession and be just fine. (I'm not really sure whether, when you call your situation 'abusive', you mean that the extent to which it's abusive is the invalid marriage and the contraception, or whether you are suffering physical or emotional abuse at the hands of your husband.) If it's the latter, then looking to the safety of yourself and your baby is critical; if it's the former, then other options are available.

In any case, before you make any significant changes to your state in life, I would recommend that you make an appointment with your parish priest and discuss your situation with him.

I'll keep you in my prayers!

Blessings,

G.

lily20 · #11 Jul 20, '12, 6:38 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salvatore123

lily,

The only thing I "detect" that concerns me is the danger of you falling into despair. Please don't let that happen.

Look at your situation this way: all by yourself, you were able to figure out that you were living a life incompatible with a Catholic way of life. That, my friend, is a sign that God loves you and that you love God.

May God Bless you.

Thank you.