Feeling so sad/lonely - please help me

NguyenKimPhat · #1 Jul 16, '12, 3:54 pm

Feeling so sad/lonely - please help me

I am so sorry if I have posted this thread in the wrong forum, but I am wondering if you would please give me some advice.

I am currently a pre-med student, studying biology at the University of California, Irvine. Everyday, I pray that God will one day give me the grace to get accepted into medical school so that I can pursue my vocation as a doctor. I am trying so hard to build good relationships with my professors so that I can one day ask them for letters of recommendations - which are so important in the application toward medical school.

One of the most important professors in the life of a pre-med student is the research professor. After praying for so long, and emailing so many different professors, God helped me finally to find a good professor. He has accepted me into his laboratory to study cancer, and he has been so kind to me. I hope one day that he would write for me an extremely strong letter of recommendation into medical school. Everyday I thank God for what He has blessed me with.

However, over the past few weeks, I have had this horrible feeling in my stomach that my research professor is beginning to treat me badly. The way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me, ... sends me this horrible signal that he hates me. The **three** most painful things about this is (1) I don't know for SURE if I am reading him wrong / misinterpreting him. His words are completely normal, and he never raises his voice with me or anything like that, and he speaks so kindly to me, but I can't ignore these horrible feelings that I have. Sometimes, after talking with my research professor, I want to cry inside. (2) The second horrible thing about this situation is that I am so obedient and respectful toward him. I have never disrespected him or done anything to deserve hate from him. He says Jump and I say how high. I don't know why he would hate me so much. From the moment I wake, I try so hard to please others. All throughout high school, all throughout grade school, I have been trying so hard to please my teachers. I feel as if I don't deserve to be hurt like this.

(3) Perhaps the most scary and horrible feeling about this whole situation is the fact that this man is my research professor, and he will be writing my letter of recommendation into medical school. If he says something negative about me in that letter there is NO CHANCE that I will ever be accepted into any school. I need his help and support so much. I don't have another research professor. I don't have another research professor whom I can turn to for a letter/help.

So many people in my life have hurt me in the past, and sometimes, the only comfort that I feel is when I go to church. I have been hurt so many times, all I want to do is crawl into a corner at church alone and pray to the Eucharist. I feel so broken and sad right now.

I don't know if I am MIS-INTERPRETING my research professor. Is it possible that this is the normal way that he looks at people and talks to people? AM I BEING TOO OVER-SENSITIVE? am I thinking too much? If I am really reading into nothing and thinking too much, then why do I feel so hurt? Throughout this ENTIRE letter, I was never once able to state one thing that this professor has done me wrong. He has always been so kind to me, but there is something wrong - I can feel it in my stomach. I feel that he hates me, but he has never been cold to me before. I feel that he hates me, but I don't have any reason to think this. Why am I feeling this way?

I discovered that is a Messianic Jew, and before becoming a research profesor, he was a Christian Pastor for 12 years. How could someone with this much faith in God treat me badly? I'm worried and scared and frustrated because I don't know if I am mis-interpreting him or not.

I feel as if I deserve to be treated badly. I have sinned against my mom and dad, I myself have disrespected my father and mother so many times. I have sinned against my sisters, I have disrespected my brother. I have committed so many sin in the area of chastity and purity. I rarely ever pray the Rosary anymore, and I only pray when I feel scared about an exam. I am so far from God right now, and I am scared.

If you can please pray for me and give me some advice. Please help me.

MS_SURVEYOR · #2 Jul 16, '12, 4:06 pm

Pray, and pray some more. Pickup your Rosary.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen

Dorothy · #3 Jul 16, '12, 4:55 pm

"Fear is useless, what is needed is trust."

We have all sinned, and there is no need to look back and stress about it. Start to pray again and go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The Lord loves you with an infinite love, and in turning to Him you will find peace.

O Mary conceived without sin pray for us who have recourse to thee!

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!

chipeto · #4 Jul 16, '12, 4:58 pm

I really think that you should speak to a counselor. See if your school offers counseling services, or contact Catholic Charities.

jenwha · #5 Jul 16, '12, 4:58 pm

I feel like you may be overthinking this...but IMO just try to perform your work diligently and continue to be kind and respectful to him.

It may be nothing more than a personality conflict if there is one that exists at all. But either way that wouldn't be a reason for him not to rate you favorably. If down the road you do see a definite problem if you feel comfortable doing so you could always wait for an opportune time and just ask him if there is a problem.

I will pray for you in the meantime remember it is in God's hands and he will not forsake you. He also told us not to worry. Easier said than done I know.

Take all your troubles to God, and pour out your heart to him. I'm the worst sinner ever and God still helps me. Love in Christ.

3DOCTORS · #6 Jul 16, '12, 5:08 pm

Remember that we have all sinned, we have all fallen short of the Glory of God, some of us many a time.

Remember that God puts the remembrance of our sins as far as the East is from the West! So we don't need to drag them back up and beat ourselves up with them anymore! So please, stop doing that.

It's so normal in a time of pressure over one's career and future to have loads of free-floating anxiety that can attach itself to something in our everyday life. Or maybe there's a social skill of "reading people" that God is giving you a heads-up on so that you can educate yourself - which will make you a better doctor someday! See it as an opportunity to learn.

Read Philippians 4:6-7 in the Bible and entrust those anxieties to God, and if need be a compassionate priest and/or counselor if you feel that would also help.

Sometimes the most sincere and eager to please of us are the most sensitive to nuances but sometimes we can misread them in a negative way - it's like we're trying so hard that we just tense up and everything seems overwhelming.

May God bless you with peace of mind and heart and may your studies be successful. I don't know all about medical school admissions, but I would think that even if the worst did happen with this professor there would be some way to get a second chance. If God means for you to be a doctor, He will make it possible. Trust in Him.

St Francis · #7 Jul 16, '12, 5:21 pm

There are a lot of people who, when they are working, get really focused on their work, and seem cold to people, but it is just because they are concentrating so hard. Are there others in your lab who work with you two? You might try just watching how he is with them.

If he has not given you any sign that he has negative feelings about you, then I would say that you are possibly misreading him. It could be that he has some mannerism of something which is subconsciously reminding you of someone who has hurt you, or something like that, which has nothing to do with the way he feels about you!

And it would be so good for you to get back to paying more attention to God--that will help you feel more secure. Just start with saying your morning prayers and offering your day up to Him. Then add in evening prayers, and then some spiritual reading. There is a lot of information available online or you may have some books already (if you have trouble finding anything, just ask!).

As you grow closer to God, you will find it easier to pray the Rosary. One of the best things i ever did was to pray a Rosary Novena of 54 days--then I felt it was very important to pray the Rosary every day, and i did, and I realized that prayer takes effort, it's not something you wait til you feel like doing it! And that it takes practice--you get better over time

jpjd · #8 Jul 16, '12, 5:44 pm

NguyenKimPhat, I will keep you in my prayers.

You are saying that because you feel that so much is riding on your relationship with this one professor, you are frightened to your core that he will dislike you, leading to a poor recommendation, leading to not getting into med school, leading to not fulfilling your vocation as a doctor.

But look at what you told us:
"The way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me, ... sends me this horrible signal that he hates me."

"His words are completely normal, and he never raises his voice with me or anything like that, and he speaks so kindly to me,..."

These are conflicting messages. On the one hand he speaks kindly and with normal words; and on the other hand the way he speaks to you signals that he hates you. And yet you have said that the way he speaks to you is "kindly," which is not a signal of hate. And so I think that you are detecting signals of hate that aren't actually there. It's like your fear of being rejected is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

May I suggest a course of action? Get to know your professor. Let him get to know you. Become colleagues.

I am a bit wary of these statements: "I am so obedient and respectful toward him. I have never disrespected him or done anything to deserve hate from him. He says Jump and I say how high." It is one thing to respect your professor's authority; it's another thing to be his servile follower. You must be highly qualified to have gotten this far. Have confidence in yourself, and work with your professor, as well as for him. Be his colleague and even his friend, if a true friendship develops between you...but at least be his colleague. And...display a sense of humor. Humor always helps draw people together.

Good luck, and again, I will keep you in my prayers.

**Trishie** · #9 Jul 16, '12, 6:25 pm

Even if the professor isn't comfortable with you, he sounds like a good man, and so what he writes about you will be based on merit, not on whether he likes you or not.
You clearly don't trust him, and that isn't really fair.
The relationship is based on what you want from him.
You hardly see him as a good and moral man who would do the right thing even if he may not feel comfortable with fearful and timid persons who anxiously watch his reactions like a mouse before a cat.

If it isn't mostly in your imagination based on your fear,
you are so extremely nervous that you possibly make him uncomfortable.
Instead of being respectful but natural, you are respectful but anxious and fearful.

Are you ever natural enough to smile warmly and say thank you, and not just because of what you want out of him but because he is a fellow human trying to help you towards a good future.

My prayers for you that you will develop the ability to actually respect others and yourself, not in a subservient way, but a genuine, wholesome and cheerful way.

All the very best in your studies, relationships, and future.

May God's loving will be fulfilled in your life and may your life be a blessing for others.

hsav · #10 Jul 16, '12, 6:54 pm

You sound super stressed

And I do not believe you deserve to be treated badly

Try to relax. Have faith in God, He will not abandon you -

I wish you the best

Dear Lord Jesus Christ, please have mercy and help this person

Pray3x · #11 Jul 17, '12, 4:29 am

I can honestly say I have been in a similar position and totally understand where you're coming from. I go to UCLA and I too am hoping and praying so faithfully and respectfully to God that I will be accepted into a Doctor of Physical Therapy program and that I will be able to attend as soon as I graduate. Like you, I feel comfort, relief, and calmness everytime I pray alone to God and everytime I go to Church. I pray to St. Padre Pio as well as Mother Mary. I also pray to other saints. Each time I end my prayer I end it with "I put my trust in thee God". Ask God to relieve you of your burdens and stresses, because God believes in you and has confidence in you and you yourself should also have confidence. If this professor has not done you wrong, you should not worry. I pray that God bless you that you may have faith in him and that you are relieved of your stresses and worries. It would be nice if you would have the time to update any statuses on your situation since I too am in a similar situation Thanks and God Bless

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and
Blessed is the Fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary Mother of God,
Pray for us Sinners, now and at the our of death. Amen

Keep your head up, Believe Miracles do happen, God Bless you

UpUpAndAway · #12 Jul 17, '12, 4:05 pm

Remembering you in my daily prayers

I recently had a similar experience, although not in an academic setting. I, too, had a feeling something wasn't right, that someone I depend upon hated me even though he never did or said anything that would indicate that. And guess what? I was completely wrong. I had worried myself sick over absolutely nothing. He does not hate me at all.

Pray, hope, and don't worry. - St. Pio of Pietrelcina

God bless!