Cheating With Another Man's Girlfriend? - Page 2

jen fla · #16 Jun 3, '12, 5:39 pm

i really can't believe the responses that seem to think this isn't cheating because they are not married. incredible!

i think the right thing to do is tell your friend. the woman should have told him as couples need to be honest with each other. if she hasn't by now, you as a friend need to let him know. what if he ends up marrying her and soon finds out this is a pattern of hers? unless they were in an open relationship, he has every right to know. please don't be an accomplice to a lie of omission.

minkymurph · #17 Jun 3, '12, 5:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainaldo

Part of it is because I have no control over her version if she tells him.

No matter what you tell him, you have no control over what she tells him but more significantly, you have no control over what, or who he chooses to believe.

What you tell him will not control what she believes, or whether or not he will believe you or her.

That being the case, what purpose does telling him serve?

AdamPeter · #18 Jun 3, '12, 5:50 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jen fla

i really can't believe the responses that seem to think this isn't cheating because they are not married. incredible!

i think the right thing to do is tell your friend. the woman should have told him as couples need to be honest with each other. if she hasn't by now, you as a friend need to let him know. what if he ends up marrying her and soon finds out this is a pattern of hers? unless they were in an open relationship, he has every right to know. please don't be an accomplice to a lie of omission.

They are not married - that is quite significant. If they were engaged that would be significant. But still - until a person is actually married there is no sacred obligation on them to be faithful for life to any one person.
Dating is a time of discernment and growth toward marriage...even people who are married fall in their lives. But that would be more serious than this.

Also - why do you assume this is a pattern of hers??

jen fla · #19 Jun 3, '12, 5:52 pm

this isn't about how it will affect rainaldo, but about withholding the truth from his friend. his friend has every right to know what happened.

jen fla · #20 Jun 3, '12, 5:57 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

They are not married - that is quite significant. If they were engaged that would be significant. But still - until a person is actually married there is no sacred obligation on them to be faithful for life to any one person.
Dating is a time of discernment and growth toward marriage...even people who are married fall in their lives. But that would be more serious than this.

Also - why do you assume this is a pattern of hers??

if they were free to date other people then, i would agree with you, but i don't get the feeling they are. dating is one thing, but couples who are in love do not want anyone touching that person that they love. it's not like their love doesn't become real until they are married or engaged.

even if they were in an open relationship, it is still significant news in that a friend was involved. friends are off limits. everyone knows this unless the friends have an open and frank discussion about having feelings for the same person.

AdamPeter · #21 Jun 3, '12, 5:58 pm

There is a difference between withholding vital truth and omitting something that could affect three friendships.

Rainaldo...I am bowing out of this one as have no more advice to offer...

I think the best thing you can do is confess this to your spiritual director or priest (leaving nothing out)...and basically seek his advice.

God Bless

AdamPeter · #22 Jun 3, '12, 6:00 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by jen fla

if they were free to date other people then, i would agree with you, but i don't get the feeling they are. dating is one thing, but couples who are in love do not want anyone touching that person that they love. it's not like their love doesn't become real until they are married or engaged.

even if they were in an open relationship, it is still significant news in that a friend was involved. friends are off limits. everyone knows this unless the friends have an open and frank discussion about having feelings for the same person.

I would be happy to discuss that topic but I think that's getting into a different topic & I've said what I'm gonna say on this...

jen fla · #23 Jun 3, '12, 6:08 pm

the action that happened is what has affected the friendships.

rainaldo, the truth has a way of coming out. if he marries her and finds out too late that this is a pattern, your withdrawal of the truth will be most grave. what if the Church won't grant him an annulment and he is now stuck with a woman who can't control herself when she drinks?

i am not saying everyone is perfect, but he alone is the one that has the right to decide what he will or won't put up in a relationship.

i feel for you as i know how hard this must be.

jen fla · #24 Jun 3, '12, 6:09 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

I would be happy to discuss that topic but I think that's getting into a different topic & I've said what I'm gonna say on this...

ok. have a good night.

peace.

PatriceA · #25 Jun 3, '12, 6:31 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

Guys,
We are talking about a kiss here. Firstly, the couple are not actually married - which means nobody has really cheated on anyone in the first place.
More like an indiscretion...

Also - even if it was a bit more than a kiss...the best option is to confess it and put it behind you. There is no point bringing it up with your friend if that was the end of it.

If this was a situation between a married couple it would be different as the actual marriage would be a consideration...but that is not the case.

God Bless

Adam

I don't know about you, but when I was single and discerning potential mates, truthfulness and faithfulness were important and deceit (deliberately withholding the truth) was a deal breaker. If any man I dated couldn't refrain from kissing my friends, even if they said the kiss meant nothing, I would be rethinking why I was dating that person and if neither he nor my friend had the guts to tell me about their indiscretion and I found out about it at a much later date, I'd be finding a new boyfriend AND a new best friend. Anything you want in your spouse, especially being faithful, better be demostrated BEFORE getting married, not just after the wedding day.

jen fla · #26 Jun 3, '12, 6:43 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatriceA

I don't know about you, but when I was single and discerning potential mates, truthfulness and faithfulness were important and deceit (deliberately withholding the truth) was a deal breaker. If any man I dated couldn't refrain from kissing my friends, even if they said the kiss meant nothing, I would be rethinking why I was dating that person and if neither he nor my friend had the guts to tell me about their indiscretion and I found out about it at a much later date, I'd be finding a new boyfriend AND a new best friend. Anything you want in your spouse, especially being faithful, better be demostrated BEFORE getting married, not just after the wedding day.

amen to that!

jen fla · #27 Jun 3, '12, 6:46 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

Also - why do you assume this is a pattern of hers??

sorry, i didn't see that part.

i never said i assumed it was a pattern.

bzkoss236 · #28 Jul 24, '12, 11:03 pm

I don't know if this has any weight, but it came up recently in my bible reading:

Quote:

Matthew 5
23 Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you,
24 leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
25 Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him.q Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison.
26 Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.

I'm not sure if my context is completely right, but I'd say that this suggest that you might want to tell him. If you don't tell him, you might feel guilty when you are around him, or feel like you've betrayed him, and it will weigh you down.

If you do decide to tell him, tell him the whole truth about what happened. And make sure you apologize (a lot if necessary) and ask for his forgiveness.

Good luck, and God bless!

Marc Anthony · #29 Jul 24, '12, 11:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatriceA

I don't know about you, but when I was single and discerning potential mates, truthfulness and faithfulness were important and deceit (deliberately withholding the truth) was a deal breaker. If any man I dated couldn't refrain from kissing my friends, even if they said the kiss meant nothing, I would be rethinking why I was dating that person and if neither he nor my friend had the guts to tell me about their indiscretion and I found out about it at a much later date, I'd be finding a new boyfriend AND a new best friend. Anything you want in your spouse, especially being faithful, better be demostrated BEFORE getting married, not just after the wedding day.

I'm a guy and I couldn't agree more.